7-I Didn’t Do It

I did not have the abortion.

Was it because I came to my senses? No. There is nothing heroic in this story. Time proved that I was not pregnant.

The fact that I was set to turn my back on my baby showed me (years later) the depravity in my heart. At the time I just breathed a sigh of selfish relief, disappointed that I would not be sending my parents a post card from Mexico. It was rebellion at its height—that I wanted to prove my independence from them by this act. My conscience was seared. And I didn’t even know it.

Because in my heart I was going to abort my baby, I have concluded that I had a virtual abortion. The dictionary defines virtual: almost or nearly, but not completely.

If you look on a woman with lust, you have committed adultery in your heart. If you plan a death and it does not work out, you have still planned it in your heart and it is as if you have done it.

I can identify with women (and their men friends or husbands) who believe that abortion is a viable way out of an unwanted pregnancy. I feel I understand the desperation and selfishness and separation from Christ that woos women to follow through with this act. I understand and I will never judge anyone for consenting to having an abortion. It is a powerful deception from the world and the enemy.

God is a merciful God. If you have had an abortion, Our Father has all of your babies in His care and they are healed of the trauma and they feel no animosity toward you. Heaven is love. The babies are looking at you with love, just waiting for the day they will be reunited with you. They won’t ask any questions, they will just be so glad to see Mommy! Believe it and receive it!