54- My Relationship with Jesus
When I came to the Lord, I gave everything to Jesus and pursued our relationship with a consistency not my own.
The desire to please Him and to know Him came with the bundle of salvation and the depth of my continued commitment has been steady. I believe it helped that I had traveled, had owned a fur coat, a sports car, art work, and had had a career. I had satisfied my worldly curiousities. I think it helped that I had been raised in a good home, in the Catholic faith, and had that as a spiritual foundation, even though I had walked away from it and into the world’s thinking for 8 years. I believe that from a child I had a special faith in God and a relationship with Him.
By the time I was 29 years old and became born again, I had had enough of the world and its ways and my primary life interest was a spiritual journey with Jesus.
My journals to this day, 40 years later, are about me pouring out my heart to God and seeking his consolation and His leading, and then reading the Bible and listening for the Holy Spirit to speak to me. I have been an avid note-taker during sermons, and when watching teaching DVD’s, and I underline in every book I read. In later years when I understood more about the prophetic, when someone would say they had a word for me, I would write it down. A few years ago I felt that the Spirit told me I was a scribe: I write what I hear about Jesus and His life and the Christian life. I write down prophetic words that others give me.
This steadfastness is fueled by continuous surrender to Jesus and also because I married a man with the same passion for Jesus. We have had an exciting life of faith and my God stories would fill a book, which has recently become my goal –to write a book.
In the first 7 years I was a Christian, I was being mentored by reading books by George Mueller, Oswald Chambers, Mrs. Charles E. Cowman, Hannah W. Smith, and especially the Bible. These men and women and many others’ books I read were serious-about-God, sort of old-fashioned books. Their lives were examples of total yeildedness and their purpose was bringing glory to God however He would ask. I was very submissive, always analyzing myself and striving, always striving, for close personal relationship with Jesus with the fruit of Godly attributes.
All of this does not mean in any way that I have been without faults. It means that I have seen my faults, sometimes right away, sometimes eventually, and been sorry, maybe cried, and repented, always trying to stay close to God. I am a melancholy temperament who wants to please the Lord. Like Billy Graham’s daughter, Gigi Tchividijan said on p 142 of her book, Thank You Lord for My Home: “I have always been a good repenter. Perhaps God made me this way because He knew that I would have much for which to say, ‘I am sorry.'”
We have been very careful with our money. We have been givers more than spenders. And that put me in a position of humility–always asking for God for what we needed. Always walking by faith that He would provide.
Jan 3, 1981 Thank You that Stephen has been waking up at 6:00 sharp 3 or 4 days in a row—this means that I can have quiet time before he wakes up! Thank You for the clothes and the book JoAnn brought me, Father; You are faithful!
Jan 6 Father, it seems so silly—and certainly unimpressive—that I should need faith in such petty matters—such as the boys napping and not waking each other, a joyful attitude for this very plain day, energy to meet the physical demands of the day, patience to put off making apple butter and cookies—the things my flesh wants to accomplish—so that I can focus on playing with the boys today. But these are the mountains in my day, and so I turn to You: Jesus said, “Have faith in God.”
Thank you for the 50 minutes I had for shopping on Saturday—and alone! Thank You for the money from Mumbo to buy sleepers and a bumper pad on Sunday. Thank You for my willing heart to offer and to stay in the nursery Sunday, and for the warning and preparation from You in my heart that morning. Thank You for $11 in my purse today so I didn’t have to write a check at the doctor’s. Thank You that we could share a meal with Nancy and Mike.
Later: After a hard afternoon with the boys—I don’t even want to go to Japan to be missionaries. How did I ever think I could manage that when living here is so difficult so often…
*The Christian’s Secret of a Happy Life -Hannah Whitall Smith
*The Autobiography of George Mueller
*My Utmost for His Highest (devotional) -Oswald Chambers
*Springs in the Valley (devotional) –
Mrs Charles Cowman