85- Taking a Stand Against Anger

October 5, 1982

Dearest Lord Jesus, I have been experiencing anger, manifesting in impatience and yelling, which has come up during this ‘squeeze’ of me trying to juggle my home life with a part-time job–I’ve gotten into a bad habit.

I have been grieved over this ugly sin of losing control of myself. Satan has made me feel condemned—and, in the twisted way we humans think, I find myself arguing with myself that I am justified in screaming in order to get control of the situation.

But last Sunday morning I missed church, two boys sick. Dan relayed the Pastor’s message to me, and he encouraged me, and we read scripture together.

Dan said he had taken a stand against anger. One day he realized he’d been enjoying anger and making clear choices to engage in it and decided that was not how he wanted to live—I had to agree with him, his story is my story.

Now, for 2 ½ days I have been experiencing victory in Your precious name, Jesus. I have many times made the conscious willful choice to be joyful, to be loving—and have not fallen into anger.

The boys have been inside the house and ill, so I stopped my life and ministered to them which cut the stress a lot by not trying to do too much housework. Thank You, Jesus. May it please You to continue to give me this resolve to stand against the temptations to fall into anger.

84- Reflections on My Month of Teaching at the Christian School

84- Reflections On My Month of Teaching at the Christian School

October 1, 1982

My last day of teaching at Sierra Christian School.

I am so relieved. The students and the staff are such a wonderful group. I pray they get a top-notch replacement for me. I learned so much about so much!

Go to God, not to friends, for decision making. I believe there is wisdom in counsel so I took Karen’s, John’s, and my mom’s, “Pro”-counsel. I did not hear any “Anti”-counsel. And I did NOT earnestly seek God. I let me, and Dan let me, flow into it. Glad my husband is open-handed with me and not controlling.
I gained self worth. Getting dressed up every day, being able to get out, feel important and needed, praying with the adult staff daily, being loved and accepted by them, fairly adequately teaching an unfamiliar subject, being accepted by the students, and learning that I like those age groups.
I appreciate being able to CHOOSE motherhood. I saw that I can expect more out of Timmy and Stephen as far as playing independently.
I saw me during that time being a witch often at home—ug! May I cope by the Spirit and not by the flesh, O Lord.
I choose to have devotional time—rather than to go out of my home and be distracted by a job. Devotions can happen during the boys’ nap time. O Lord, grant that I may use this time wisely and to Your glory. I long to pray and be in the Word and in fellowship with You. I would rather pray for the students than try to teach them about telescopes and stars.

Thank You, Lord, for the experience, the lessons, the new relationships. I LOVE YOU.

83- Relief Financially and with Birth Control Decision

83- Relief Financially and With Birth Control Decision

Sept 10, 1982

With the money God provided through Darrell’s gift, we tithed a chunk. Amen. Payed $1,100 worth of bills! Bought linoleum for the dining room and hall for $60 (we had looked at the same brand earlier for $500).

Praise the Lord for the attitude in both of us that we would be very sensible—so that the Lord’s money could be used many places. We found two area rugs: living room $94 and boys’ room $64, and we found bamboo shades on sale. By Your grace, Lord, they’ll be perfect!

We told Sister Julianna [the lady who was coaching us with Natural Family Planning] we were going to trust the Lord for our birth control. Her reaction floored me, but was a great confirmation. She said, “that’s the ideal, the best you could do—walk by faith, totally trusting God.” We’re going to meet again in a month for dinner here, Lord willing, as friends without the mucous charting concerns. She said her program “is a crutch, as are all the other means of birth control. God is still the master planner.”

Dan is building a fence for our friends in exchange for a 20 cu ft fridge. Praise God.

82- Look Up!

August 18, 1982

Colossians 3:2-3 Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ with God.

**On the road of life I am to be looking up to Jesus and keeping my faith in Him for all things!**

AND YET, part of me argues:

because all the things on earth that I’m not supposed to be looking at are continually vying for my attention!

*bare cement floors

*only 2 doors (our bedroom and one bathroom)

*no window coverings in living room and guest room

*weedy yard (though not like our neighbors’ yards)

*no snow tires on vehicles, but decent regular tires

*Dan: working only part-time, sick with chest cold

*me: allergies, pooped, hair growing and growing, no money for haircut or blood panel or vitamins

I could go on, but it seems ridiculous to list the things I’m not supposed to be putting my mind on!

These last few days have been difficult. They remind me how much grace comes from reading the Word and humbly asking for it.

August 19

Two negative attitudes are having a great effect of me:

1– that God will not supply our needs for window coverings (there are 32 windows in this house), and floor coverings—therefore we will be cold this winter, get sick, maybe even die.

God speaks:

1 Timothy 6:6-8 But godliness with contentment is great gain; for we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. AND HAVING FOOD AND RAIMENT LET US BE THEREWITH CONTENT.

2– being inside day in and day out, at home, is making me nervous. Taking the three boys out to visit and shopping makes me nervous.

God speaks:

Colossians 3:12 Put on, therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering, forebearing, forgiving…

v 14 and above all put on love which is the bond of perfectness

v 15 and let the peace of God rule in your hearts to which also ye are called in one body; and be thankful.

v 16 Let the Word dwell richly in you.

September 2

Yesterday morning we prayed about money situation—bills due, vitamins needed, account overdrawn. In the mail came $50. And Dan has a job today that will bring money in.

September 6 Yesterday we received a check from Dan’s dad because he cashed in his life insurance policy –$5,140. PRAISE GOD. More than we expected! Humbled and grateful.

81- Cultivate Faithfulness

**Just as this man is diligently working his land, I am to steadily put my best effort into keeping the soil of my heart fertile–free of fretting, doubting God’s goodness, envy, and every strife.**

August 13, 1982

Psalm 37:1 Fret not yourself because of evildoers, be not envious toward wrong doers.

Proverbs 23:17 Do not let your heart envy sinners, but live in the fear of the Lord.

Psalm 37:3-5 Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight Yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it.

Conviction:

*I am focusing on imperfect people, rather than on God.

*I am focusing on myself, rather than God.

*I look at others’ prosperity (my parents, my sisters, even other Christians) and then feel unhappy with my own situation.

*I am looking inward, and listening to others say: “Georgann, How do you do it with three kids?” –makes me panic and say to myself: yes—how DO I do it? And also gives me an open door to self pity.

*I get very shakey and tottery looking at these things rather than at God.

Oswald Chambers says: It is impossible for a believer, no matter what his experience, to keep right with God if he will not take the trouble to spend time with God….spend plenty of time with God; let other things go, but don’t neglect Him.

Psalm 37:9 For evildoers will be cut off. But those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land.

Strong’s Concordance 6960: wait means to expect, to gather together, to look patiently, tarry.

Lord, help me to wait patiently for you, and to keep my eyes fixed on You through reading my Bible daily and building my faith in You.

80- The Holy Spirit Gives the Power to Live Obediently

August 10, 1982

The issue: much lessened income over the past few weeks necessitating cutting spending even more. No more gifts giving, only certain number of trips for Dan to Carson City, smaller food budget, possibly letting go of health insurance.

My need: attitude change regarding food. I take pride and pleasure in menu planning, cooking, and eating. It is very extremely difficult for me to die to this. Yet it is absolutely necessary. Today I spent too much at the grocery store and cannot have a physical, I guess, on Thursday.

God’s word: Psalm 78:17-20

Yet they still continued to sin against Him, to rebel against the Most High in the desert. And in their heart they put God to the test by asking for food according to their desire. Then they spoke against God. They said, “Can God prepare a table in the wilderness? Behold, He struck the rock, so that the waters gushed out, and streams were overflowing. Can He give bread also? Will He provide meat for His people?”

I do not desire to kindle Your anger by putting You to the test to provide nor do I want to be disobedient to my husband and be a poor steward of the money You provide.

So, CHANGE ME.

The Holy Spirit gives the power to live obediently. Thank You, Holy Spirit. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

79- Perspective!

August 2, 1982 Feeling a bit discouraged by the day’s circumstances. But Jesus said to me what He said to Martha: Did I not say to you, Georgann, if you believe, you will see the glory of God? John 11:40

Thinking about the way our lives have gone, the reasons He has had us walk by faith and not by sight…it has been for discipline and humbling, says the Lord. He is testing us to see if we will keep our eyes on Him and stay with Him, and follow His leading, or if we will bolt when we feel the crunch and life gets too dicey.

**The children of Israel and the Presence of the Lord as they moved toward the promised land.**

Deuteronomy 8:1-5

All the commandments that I am commanding you today you shall be careful to do, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the Lord swore to give to your forefathers. And you shall remember all the way which the Lord your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. And He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord. Your clothing did not wear out, nor did your foot swell these forty years. Thus you are to know in your heart that the Lord your God was disciplining you just as a man disciplines his son…v 17 Otherwise you may say in your heart, “My power and the strength of my hand made me this wealth.”

August 4

Hebrews 10:1-18 paraphrased: Following the law cannot make people perfect, but we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. He has put His laws upon our hearts, and He remembers our sins and our lawless deeds no more.

I wrote my thoughts about this:

Only Jesus,

Jesus only,

satisfies God’s requisites.

Once for all He did what I could never do.

So—

trust Jesus,

do all in His Name, power, love.

God sees Jesus in Me

and loves me.

Jesus is perfect, holy,

Lord, love.

78- Answered Prayer, Unanswered Prayer

78- Answered Prayers, Unanswered Prayers

Because my Aunt Ida was in critical condition in the hospital, Mark and I flew to Oxnard to visit her. Although she was a serious Catholic I was not sure if she had made her peace with God through Jesus.

August 1, 1982

I feel the need to be purposeful and specific in prayer during this visit home….great spiritual battle for Ida’s soul.

*get to the hospital in time YES [meaning: before she died. I did!]

*see Aunt Ida, be able to talk to her alone YES

*Mark sleep well YES

*Mark and I stay healthy MOSTLY

*encourage Connie regarding her faith in Christ YES

*have special time with Connie YES

*pray specifically daily YES

*memorize John 5:24 NO

*do discipleship book daily or twice daily NO

*have time with Marsha, love her YES

*be glorified through me to my parents ?hope so!

*talk to Nancy NO

*talk to Jane YES

*talk to nurses NO

*talk to fellow travelers YES YES YES!

*receive specific knowledge, verses about Dan, our family, raising the boys NO

*ample opportunity to talk to Uncle Larry NO

*boldness from the Spirit –moving in evangelism and mercy for Larry NO

*a decision for Christ from Larry NO

*clear ‘word’ for Ida from You NO –I had to wear a surgical mask because of my sore throat and she had trouble understanding me

*Dan strengthened at home, consistent with boys, able to get them to our friends easily for babysitting each day YES, it seems to have gone very well.

**It looks like Dad even had time to cut the boys’ hair.**

77- Asking for a Boost!

77- Asking For a Boost

July 29, 1982 Keith Green is dead in body and yet alive with Jesus now and forever. Praise God.

I am inspired by 1 Timothy 4:1-8 I SOLEMNLY CHARGE YOU, Georgann, in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by His appearing and His kingdom: Preach the word, be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke and exhort, with great patience and instruction…

But you, Georgann, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

Lord, I praise You. This is the impetus we all need: this radical Christian man’s death. I am asking You to use this to give us in the body of Christ a boost into Your will for us.

Dan and I are at another turning point in our lives. You definitely lovingly have our attention. Dan is part-time at KNIS, and doing odd jobs; thinking about working at sculpting; has a possible offer to build homes with another Christian man.

WHATEVER You want, I am willing to make my life count, and to endure the hardships that will be coming.

76- A Scare, But We Had Peace

July 15, 1982

Father, two nights ago when Gramma who lived next door called late to say the sheriff believed a murderer was in our neighborhood, my blood ran cold! Fear really gripped me. We closed all of our windows to the cool night air that would have cooled the house, we prayed. Dan read Psalm 91, and I continued reading aloud in the psalms. We both fell asleep in peace.

Father, why can’t I come to that same peace about the stacks of unpacked boxes and being consistent in rearing the boys? With the stranger in the night, I knew quickly that it was totally beyond me to do any more than write down the sheriff’s number in a prominent place and make sure the doors were locked, and then take refuge in the Word. Would you bring me to that same place of peace with the boys?

This is my job: wife, mother, homemaker. This is my daily work. It is inside the home.

July 21

When I worked outside my home at the Christian School for a month, I got up in plenty of time to shower, fix my hair and makeup, do devotions, do any preparations that were necessary. That was it. I was on time, neat, tidy, ready to do my best. I went to the job even if I was tired. I got up at the same time every day even if I was tired.

I said NO to distractions that would interfere with me doing my best at the task to which I was assigned.

I had just given myself a pep talk!