110- A Letter from Jeanette

I must have deeply insulted Jeanette. I admired then, and I do now, that she wrote me a heartfelt, loving letter as a way of initiating the healing process between us.

July 6, 1983

Dear Georgann, I have a burden in my heart for you and myself. I am praying for more discernment and the capability to perceive and communicate in a way the Lord would want me to.

I prayed the hurt I have would heal. God has answered my prayer.

He has given me a vision. I pray you will be open to receive what the Lord has revealed to me.

I saw a beautiful stone with rough and ugly edges on it. The Lord wants this stone to be polished, to be a perfect and precious jewel.

I believe the Lord is using me as a tool to pray for you and tell you He wants you to rest and be at peace and not be defensive to yourself and others in your role as Mother.

I still love you as my friend even though I was deeply hurt. I praise God that he has shown me that the hurt doesn’t matter. I need only to step out in faith and continue to love my sister in Christ.

Philippians 1:3-10 I thank my God upon every remembrance of you… being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the thins that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God.

My dear sister, it hurts to be polished and shaped in the way the Lord wants us to be, but praise God what beautiful results and masterpieces He will have when He gets done with us.

Love, Jeanette

You can hear that she is past anger and in the process of healing from the pain I inflicted on her. You can hear her pure heart. You can hear the love. Our friendship survived.

109- A Challenge!

The challenge with God is to keep working with Him in every area of life, and to stay submitted to desiring His will. He wants us to get real and not profess high and lofty spirituality when we don’t mean it. I’m struggling to be true to my husband and to what I think the Lord wants, and yet wrestling with real-life concerns.

July 4, 1983

I must not be fully committed to Christ’s way because I feel fear for my life, my children’s lives. [I was very apprehensive about “selling all” and about the possibility that God would ask us to leave everything familiar to go to another country forever….and maybe die there.]

But I need to continuously affirm that –

-“I am going with Christ to the END” –my flesh screams: “not to the END!”

-“I will go the way of the cross” –my flesh screams: “argh! not THAT way!”

-“I will deny MYSELF and follow after Jesus My Lord” –my flesh screams: “oh no! He’s a fanatic!”

I turn away from my wimpy flesh to Jesus: Continue reading “109- A Challenge!” →

108- Not a Speck

108- Not A Speck

July 4, 1983

I need love and deep peace, Lord. There’s not a speck of them in me.

You gave us a command to love:

2 John 1:5 …a new commandment…that we love one another.

Bible notes: The new law of Christ is the divine love as wrought into the renewed heart by the Holy Spirit.

Romans 5:5 …because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit…

Bible notes: This love flows out in the energy of the Spirit, unforced and spontaneous, toward the objects of the divine love. Continue reading “108- Not a Speck” →

107- Dan says, Sell All

107- Dan Says, Sell All

June 29, 1983

Dan felt very strongly yesterday that the Lord said clearly to him to sell all and give the money to the poor.

It really is the desire of his heart and has been all his Christian life —to be really sold out to God.

He remembered telling Bill Denney (when we were having marriage counseling), “Georgann’s the only one I know who would ‘sell all’ for God.”

And now I’m faced once again with this reality.

(I gave away most of my possessions to the poor once before: see blog 22.)

It’s a greater step of faith being married with kids to think of taking this step of faith.

My folks would really believe I’d flipped out, although they wouldn’t have to know all the details. That release that Pastor gave on Sunday – chains over the congregation being broken – releasing us from a paranoia of God. It was REAL release. I know God broke something in me and Dan.

Dan said, “We’re still in control, still running our lives. Only when we sell all will we be in the Lord’s control.”

Luke 12:33 Sell what you have and give alms

34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

and –

Matthew 19:21 Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.

106- Love and Comfort

I wanted to title this: Love and comfort coming from fasting, from the Word, from a friend, and from praising God.

But it would have been too long.

June 28, 1983 I’m fasting breakfast and lunch, but I will eat something after devotions-

In reading certain latter chapters in Isaiah, so much comfort comes out. I feel that God wants me to receive it. But how do I know that I can legitimately receive what is written to Israel?

Later, after reading Wycliffe commentary and talking to Dan, I found out: it’s okay to BELIEVE and RECEIVE what was written to Israel!

June 29

I had to STOP READING yesterday. So much love was pouring out I was not able to receive it.

Wycliffe says chapters 40-66 is called, The Volume of Comfort.

June 30

At Homemaking Bible Study we praised God and then prayed for Eva V. She kept looking at me saying she loved me. (Why am I always surprised when people express caring for me?) She is leaving her house—just moving away to follow what she feels is Jesus’ leading. She expects her husband to buy the house, but is not sure! We asked her about how she is always singing and praising so loudly. She said, “In Tulsa the churches praise like that and the Lord comes and people fall over as He sweeps over them. He loves it.”

When we praised the Lord with Eva’s loud singing filling the room, we were all encouraged and filled with joy. We will miss our friend!

105- Not Worthy? That’s a Lie.

105- Not Worthy?

That’s a Lie!

In the original entry this encompassed more thoughts and verses. I simplified it.

June 27, 1983

I think I just saw something!!

Psalm 51:6 Behold, You desire TRUTH in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

There is a lie in my innermost being that continually says I am not worthy.

YES, THERE IS A LIE. WHAT IS THE LIE, FATHER? EXPOSE IT PLEASE.

Is there an incident, a person, or a sin my mother passed on to me?

I think—all I need to do is BELIEVE I am worthy—

The flesh says: you will be a traitor to me if you believe you are loved. You would not be as I have trained you to be—willful, selfish, spoiled, negative, impatient.

But I say: I am in the image of my heavenly Father. The fruit of His Spirit is to flow from me continually.

I am free to love my children as an imperfect person and I am free to not expect them to be perfect.

I am free to let Christ himself live through me.

The chains are broken to my flesh, my house, my past.

I am free to let go and enjoy my husband and my children.

I am free to trust Christ.

I am free TO TRUST CHRIST.

I am free to be near or leave my parents and sisters.

I am free to leave Reno, Life Center, the safety of the known for the unknown.

104- A Foot Washing

For several weeks the boys and I had been attending a women’s Bible study with other ladies and their children in our church. The older women arranged it so that babysitting was provided and the moms could have a break to get together around the Bible.

June 24, 1983

We washed each other’s feet at Carla’s Homemaking Bible Study. I washed Lynn’s. Diane washed mine.

Diane loves me. This always surprises me. She really thinks I am wonderful. Possibly the admiration I feel toward Jenny. It is humbling.

Kathy S called today and said that one of the things Diane had prayed for me was for a beautiful crown. Kathy said she had wanted to tell me a couple of weeks ago that she felt that’s what God had for me. (That week, I’m remembering, I had been bellyaching about finances and while God was thinking about me wearing a beautiful crown!)

In my reading this morning:

James 1:12 Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

You amaze me, Lord. Thank You—this is written to all who love You. This helps me to want to not complain even more. I am getting a CROWN for the test so why would I bellyache when I could be choosing to walk in the Spirit, which is pleasing to God, to my husband, and to my children.

Romans 8:6-8 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God…But if the spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, WHICH HE DOES, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His spirit who dwells in you.

I choose life in the Spirit.

103- Consider Your Temperament and Cling to Christ – Part III

103- Consider Your Temperament –

And Cling to Christ – Part III

On June 17, 1983 – last week I groaned over my actions and wrote in my journal:

Galatians 4:19 My little children, for whom I labor in birth again until Christ is formed in you—

WOW! that’s it—I want to do this for my own little children—care carefully for them so that Christ will be formed in them!

Proverbs 17:27 He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.

What are my two biggest problems?

*too many words

*a negative, depressive, cast down spirit.

All of this says to me, you’ve got a rotten heart – the flesh nature – I sense the Lord saying:

“Don’t turn to men or put your trust in men in order to build yourself up, to get feedback, or to vent your frustrations!

Look to Me. You can get knowledge and understanding and have the self-control and the joyful spirit you so greatly desire. TRUST WHOLLY IN THE LORD!

Your friend [Jenny] sought Me out for three weeks and received! Let’s go.”

What a great and glorious miracle I am asking for! You met Jenny in her seeking, You will meet me.

Lead, my dear Spirit

102- Consider Your Temperament and Cling to Christ – Part II

102 – Consider Your Temperament –

And Cling to Christ – Part II

June 22, 1983 -continued

Through the daily prayer guide we are reading I was led to this verse:

Samuel said this to the people:

1 Samuel 12:20-24 (paraphrased) Do not turn aside from following the Lord, serve the Him with all your heart; don’t turn to vain things because they cannot profit nor deliver you. The Lord will not forsake His people for His great name’s sake because it pleased Him to make you His own. He will teach you the good and the right way. Serve Him in truth with all your heart, considering the great things He has done for you.

The Holy Spirit said this to me personally:

If I don’t serve Him with all my heart and soul, I will find myself following vain things—things which will not be of any benefit to me and they will not deliver me. Jesus will not ever forsake me. He has an investment me. Think of the great things He has done for me. He was happy to make me His own. The Holy Spirit will pray for me and teach me. He is saying, “Georgann, fear God, serve Him the way He wants to be served. Honor Him for all He has done for you.”

On my Bible tapes, I heard through Galatians 5 and 6: You cannot fool God. You will grow what you plant! If you plant your flesh, you will grow flesh—this pertains to my character as well as to my sons—do I want to grow flesh-filled kids or Spirit-filled kids??? HEAVY!

I am to press in to the Spirit and not stay in discouragement or weariness. I am to keep myself encouraged in Christ! I WILL REAP good fruit if I hang in there with Jesus all the way!

101- Consider Your Temperament – Part I

June 22, 1983

Yesterday Becky M and I fasted, skipping breakfast and lunch. The kids had excellent naps and I had excellent devotions.

Afterwards, Timmy turned on Dan’s tape recorder and the tape was Rick Howard talking about depression! Just what I needed to hear.

*by temperament and disposition some people are depressive or introspective. YES, ME!

*don’t be condemned by this.

*don’t think you are not spiritual or that God doesn’t love you.

*everyone is different. Some people wake up early and are smiling!

*Peter was not even-tempered (John 21). He got out of sorts—but Jesus came to him, accepted him.

*don’t isolate yourself. Satan loves that. Keep in koinonea (fellowship).

*when other people are depressed don’t give pat answers, and quote scripture– go alongside them, as friends did for Peter.

*realize as well that you might be in a time of great testing that can involve physical problems and overwork which can lead to depression.

I was really ministered to by the Holy Spirit with this truth. I gained insight. I feel I am able to accept this part of me and work with the Lord to overcome it.

Dan encouraged me to praise, so I did today.

Karen called, then brought me three beautiful roses, representing each of my boys and reminding me of their worth and mine.