109- A Challenge!
The challenge with God is to keep working with Him in every area of life, and to stay submitted to desiring His will. He wants us to get real and not profess high and lofty spirituality when we don’t mean it. I’m struggling to be true to my husband and to what I think the Lord wants, and yet wrestling with real-life concerns.
July 4, 1983
I must not be fully committed to Christ’s way because I feel fear for my life, my children’s lives. [I was very apprehensive about “selling all” and about the possibility that God would ask us to leave everything familiar to go to another country forever….and maybe die there.]
But I need to continuously affirm that –
-“I am going with Christ to the END” –my flesh screams: “not to the END!”
-“I will go the way of the cross” –my flesh screams: “argh! not THAT way!”
-“I will deny MYSELF and follow after Jesus My Lord” –my flesh screams: “oh no! He’s a fanatic!”
I turn away from my wimpy flesh to Jesus:
Yes, my Lord wants the souls of all the people. So that is what I want. He wants my selfishness and temperament put down, and His love and life lifted up.
My faith is so weak, My Jesus.
I see why you give us time alone with saints’ books and missionaries’ stories—so that we can rub elbows with other sold-out ones and those who are undiluted by the world’s values and lure.
I had been reading Anointed for Burial, an amazing book about the move of the Spirit in Cambodia. As I read, my heart’s cry is, “Send me, Lord!”–but a big part of me is arguing for being sensible!