117- Dan Loves Me and Jesus Loves Me

117- Dan Loves Me, and Jesus Loves Me

December 1, 1983

Dan loves me. I believe him.

December 8

The Homemaking Bible Study today ended up being a very painful experience. Dan prayed for me. Perhaps the Lord will give me feedback. I praise God for His continual unfailing love.

December 9

I need a revelation about my personality. There is something I think God is trying to get across. Dan says I am alright.

December 10

I am trying to justify being snarky, moody, and sour. The scripture gives me no support whatsoever.

Psalm 34:13 Keep your tongue from evil

                   14 Seek peace and pursue it

Proverbs 12:15 There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.

December 18

Dan confessed our relationship is not what it should be. That he has been working hard at other things and has been taking me for granted. Praise the Lord.

January 19, 1984

3am A dream woke me up. It was about a former relationship and was upsetting. I got up to tend the fire and make sure the boys were covered and I felt I should stay up and settle some things with God.

When I said to God: “Dan is just a man. How long can he love me?”

God said: “As long as I can love you!”

Dan belongs to God, the relationship is divinely ordained and divinely sustained. (we have always known that God brought us together) I got assurance that I need have NO FEAR of God’s or Dan’s love running out the more they get to know me. We both will keep putting wrongs at the foot of the cross. Jesus will give us ongoing love for Himself and one another.

116- God’s Revealed Will For Us

116- God’s Revealed Will

For Us

November 22, 1983

Dan has been heavy and burdened. Today I felt such compassion for the frustrations he was feeling and I asked God to please speak to Dan about His will for us. My best friend’s husband, Paul, came over to get some teaching tapes from us, totally out-of-the-blue, spontaneous, and unusual.

He knew we were reviving our interest in Dan getting more training so that we could get to Japan and fulfill our calling.

He had come primarily because he felt he had a word from the Lord for us:

“there is a family and a house waiting to receive you or in the process of being prepared for you. They will appreciate your strong commitment to the Lord and His work. Love is waiting for your family. The Lord is saying: go north, far north, and do not put off applying the school there. People there are professional, stable, mature.”

Dan took this word to heart and set to work on his application to Elim Bible Institute in upstate New York. We sent it off a few weeks later. He also applied himself to completing the finishing touches to our solar house so we could put it on the market.

Besides our pastor’s sermons and the books we were reading, many visiting speakers to our church fueled our enthusiasm in trusting in Jesus and living our lives full of faith in Him.

Anthony Campolo spoke at our church and we also listened to his messages on the Christian radio station, KNIS. Campolo said:

*it’s okay to be poor if it’s because you’ve given everything away.

*we need to cry over the things God cries over.

*be yielded and surrendered so Jesus can use you.

*Jesus didn’t preach prosperity.

Paul arriving with a word for us on the day I had prayed was remarkable. We had been waiting and praying for a breakthrough and this was it.

115- Have You Heard Of….?

115- Have You Heard of ….

September 18, 1983

Have you heard of a condition called Erythema multiforme? Writing it brings up my emotions as I remember our son’s experience.

Erythema multiforme (EM) is an acute, self-limited, and sometimes recurring skin condition that is considered to be a type IV hypersensitivity reaction associated with certain infections, medications, and other various triggers. Erythema multiforme may be present within a wide spectrum of severity. (from emedicine.medscape.com)

During exceptional events, life is so disorganized that journaling does not happen. My journal skips from September 18 to September 24.

Such was the case when Mark (#3 son), age 18 months, woke up one morning with alarming signs of bruising on his torso. He had not fallen, it was not an injury. We were flummoxed. We took him to the pediatrician, and she put him in the hospital. She said it was a disease that she had heard of but never dealt with.

We immediately called the church prayer chain and friends responded heroically to help us out with babysitting, meals, and every support possible.

Because of Mark’s young age, his hospital crib, which was tall enough for him to stand up in, had strong bars and looked like a cage. The bruising increased and moved around on his body. It looked like he had been severely physically abused. We got many strange looks from people.

Elders from our church and friends came to the hospital to pray.

Mark did exceptionally well in his ordeal. Friends’ prayers brought tons of grace to his spirit and he was not afraid. All of the nurses loved him.

Our friends’ prayers sustained us also.

Life happens. There is no substitute for being in a Bible-teaching church and making good friends there. You can be there for them and they will be there for you in the good times and the stressful times. We have never been more than a few weeks between churches, and in 40 years and living in several US cities we have had many excellent church experiences and only a few bad ones.

114- We Are Blessed!

114- We are blessed!

November 1, 1983

I went to Dr. Ruiz and had a positive urine test! I’m pregnant! Due in June.

God, You have definitely been preparing me and as I look at You I am at peace and in joy. In September I suspected, but with Mark being sick and in the hospital I was so distracted and stressed, I could not be sure.

When I consider facing my parents and 95% of my Christian friends my blood runs cold because they will see us as foolish. SPEAK, LORD. I NEED A RHEMA FROM YOU!

HEBREWS 10:38 Now the just shall live by faith; but if anyone draws back, My soul has no pleasure in him.

Habakkuk 2:4c But the just shall live by his faith.

Dan gave me: Psalm 23:3b He leads me in the paths of righteous for HIS NAMESAKE.

It is for Jesus’ namesake that I go this way—hallelujah!

Tynale Commentary on the Bible on Psalm 23:3: The righteous one (whether an individual or a group) who belongs to God and whose trust continues in God and His promises SHALL LIVE, i.e., shall survive the present trial and receive His eternal reward. If, however, he DRAWS BACK THROUGH fear, God shall have no pleasure in him.

Dan also gave me: Psalm 128:1-4 Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways….Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.

Our sons were 4, 3, and 1 when I had the positive pregnancy test! And, yes, people’s mouths fell open as the word got around that baby #4 was due in June.

As I re-read this post of my journal entries, I sound a little like a kook! But Dan and I have walked by faith our entire experience with Jesus. We have wanted to hear from Him and we have wanted to please Him by obeying Him. If others did not understand us, it was hard to bear sometimes, but it was okay. He always made sure we had at least one or two people who got it –because they lived that way also, or because they wished they could live in that kind of faith and they admired us for doing it. As the years have passed, we have matured, and we still walk by faith, seeking Him, listening and waiting for His word.

113- Praying, Surrendering, Hearing from God

113- Praying, Surrendering, Hearing from God

August 16, 1983

Surrendering to You, Lord, I release our house, our living in Reno, our church and friends, our close-by relatives (Dan’s) and our far-away relatives (mine).

I open myself up— 

*to prosperity

*to deeper teaching of the Word

*to geographical move

*to a closer walk with You

*to being the wife of a student

*to embracing Dan’s furthering his education

 September 2

I am claiming this:

Isaiah 32:18 My people will dwell in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.

September 6

I MUST keep full of the Word – or else I am not secure about Jesus being all I need and worthy of worship and service.

September 8

I am realizing that I am very fearful and anxious about the unknown…the next step…

moving… where?… we sent letters to four Bible schools.

I need grace for this Jesus.

Philippians 3:8 I count all things loss …and count them as rubbish that I may gain Christ.

September 14

John 10:11 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.

Realizing that I am to shepherd my boys and give my life for them—really, lay down my life daily on their behalf, that THEY might be raised to fear God. I do choose that.

Having lately chosen intercession over friendships has been wonderful, and turning to praying over socializing. I hope I will be able to continue. On Saturday at the KNIS picnic such a work of the Spirit had happened in me that I SAW gossip, I SAW the “traps” and stayed clear.

112- Womb Closed, Womb Open?

112- Womb Closed,

Womb Open?

July 8, 1983

Today I am remembering Vern’s prayer for the Lord to close my womb.

Lou had a disability. Our hearts went out to him and we welcomed him and his wife into our home on many occasions. He was a new friend at church, and he had said that he had a word from God that He would close my womb. I had faith that, although this sounded very unusual, I knew God was able to do this. It brought me peace for many months in this area that we were seeking the Lord about.

July 18

Lord, my appointment on Wednesday is with Dr. Staffer, a Christian associate of my regular doctor. I ASK that he notice my womb closed. (Sounds like an incredible request) It would make the testimony more believable. I also ask for You to tell the doctor if I have a hormonal imbalance or if I am beginning the change of life. I would like some counsel from him about this. Thank You.

August 16

Dan has been so loving and so faithful. Thank You for strengthening our relationship, for giving us Your love for each other.

September 19

*Yesterday at church Jan said, “Are you pregnant?” And I felt the Lord was telling me, “You are.”

*Two weeks ago a little boy at church, 7 year old Matthew, asked if I was going to have a baby!

*KathyS gave me two maternity dresses!

*I had spotting last Tues, but today I started my period.

*Oh! The doctor said my experience in prayer was just a symbol and not to rely on it for birth control.

*This morning on the phone, Karen said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you were pregnant.”

I am shaken. I really thought this was settled. I guess I will soon know.

It’s not having another baby that is the issue. If that is what You want for me and for us, I will be ecstatically rejoicing from the depths of me. I really will, I will not resist in any way. In fact if there is new life in me, “welcome, little wee one! we love you already.”

The hard part is the humiliation and the jokes that will follow us and be thrown in our faces. And that hurts my spirit deep down.

I know You are able to do anything You want to do. By faith, I believe You are reliable, and that every circumstance You allow has purpose for Your kingdom and for my being conformed into the image of my precious Savior.

The man who had the word for me about the Lord closing my womb was only at our church a few months. Knowing him was a good experience because it has helped us recognize legalistic people and people who should be wearing a sign that says—beware of me! I’m a little ‘off kilter.’ You have seen Dan’s and my wholehearted faith in the Lord. But at the same time we needed to grow in the area of discernment of spirits.

Dan and I have gifts of mercy, so it was easy for us to bring this man into our world. But the gift of mercy really needs wisdom and Spirit leading or the mercy person will find himself with a houseful of homeless people or stray cats, and his hard-earned money in other people’s pockets and not his bank account.

111- A Letter from Susan

111- A Letter from Susan

I received this letter within a few weeks of Jeanette’s letter (blog #110). I felt it was very sweet of Jesus to balance the first one out with the second one. He is always very gentle with me.

Susan was another special friend in our church. Praise God, I had not insulted her! She packs a lot into this letter: encouragement that I had strength and wisdom, and assurance that I would give no condemnation; that I was approachable and real and would not judge her. And even an offer to babysit! This is a cherished word, even as I read it today.

July 1983

Dear Georgann, You may think it’s a little strange to get a letter like this, but I really feel like you need some encouragement and I write a lot better than I talk.

For several months I’ve had a gut feeling about going to you with worries or confusion about several things because I feel instinctively that you have a lot of strength and no-nonsense wisdom to apply to areas where I am far too emotional to be objective. I also thought of you because I felt no matter how you saw the issue, even to the point of setting me straight if necessary, that I would not be subjected to any personal condemnation.

When Bobby and I realized we had to take some drastic action to make our marriage work, we had a lot of options and a wide range of people to choose from but both felt he should talk to Dan because you two are making it in the midst of the nitty-gritty of life, rather than making it because there are no problems. And of no less importance, you are approachable and real, and we felt we would suffer the least amount of embarrassment (Christians aren’t supposed to have marital problems).

The only reason I haven’t come to you before is that I haven’t seen an opportunity to talk privately. I probably should have made an opportunity.

At any rate, I don’t think you’re seeing yourself accurately (remember our hearts deceive even ourselves) and what I see is a calm strength and depth of character that is much to be envied.

Lastly, if you want to ditch the kids for an afternoon, I have a big yard and a little dog who just adores kids.

Sincerely,

Susan