135- A Humbling Christmastime Revelation
Wrestling with myself when I read this entry, I decided to post it. The thoughts about Jesus were nothing I had ever thought of! I believe it was the devil trying to snare me into despising Him and into becoming anti-Christ. BUT, I went to the Word and I was saved from the world, my flesh, and the devil. I love God’s Word.
December 22, 1984
A most wonderful and humbling revelation has come to me as I have mused on this day and this season.
I have seen that the stubbornness I was holding onto to have MY way this Christmas resulted in an angry, bitter, ugly woman, dissatisfied with everything, and bitter over the lack of money needed to make Christmas be what I felt I deserved (based on the world’s glittering standards and my own family’s traditions). I have been at odds with my children, resentful of my husband (and yet amazed at his humility and servant attitude toward me in my confusion). Before my walk this am Dan told me to meditate on:
Psalm 127:3 NIV Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him, the fruit of the womb is a reward.
1 Thessalonians 5:24 NIV The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it.
James 1:17 NIV Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
I read the verses, talked to God, and worshiped by my will–despising the hardness of my heart, yet I was set on receiving a blessing from the Lord.
I remembered the Christmas note paper I saw yesterday:
LET EVERY HEART PREPARE HIM ROOM
As I prayed and walked and thought, I realized that materialism was so entrenched in my heart that there was NO room for Jesus. But I heard myself saying: that does not bother me because I never liked that humble man who moved among the sick and poor, in plain and probably dirty clothing, sitting with people I did not admire and who I do not sit among myself! I really didn’t want to let Him in, poor as He was. I want the ‘good life’ with a Chrysler van, an expensive home inside and out, many presents under the tree, a perfect hairdo, well-behaved kids, a successful husband.
But then I thought—the reason I’m thinking like that is because of the world and the flesh. The reason I am blinded by that and cannot see past it—the devil.
Then—if children are God’s heritage, I AM WRONG IN MY THINKING, because God’s Word is right and truth.
So I claimed His Word to be living and active, etc., and for it to work on my hard heart.