149- Shouldn’t Be Under It, But I Am

149- Shouldn’t be Under It,  But I Am

June 11, 1985

Father, how do I get myself under you? I mean under your dominion!

I stay overwhelmed by the chores, children, clothes, errands, cleaning, etc.

Then I despise myself for being such a weak Christian and do nothing well.

Bless me, Father, bless me.

Why can’t I heed instruction (as in Proverbs 1) and be consistent?

Why have I become afraid of fellowship?

Because I feel like a failure as a Christian, I hate myself!

Bless me, bless me, Father.

Proverbs 8:34-36

~ listen to wisdom daily

~ excitedly

~ wait for wisdom with anticipation

~ you will find life

~ you will find Jesus

~ you will get his favor

~ if you hate wisdom you love death.

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 8:34 Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my gates waiting at my doorposts, for it is he who finds life and obtains favor from the Lord.

Day by day, Georgann. Recognize your condition for what it is, pour out your heart to the Lord, and go quickly to Jesus and to the Bible. Truth waits for you, truth transforms you.  You are okay. Just stay tight with Him.

148- He is My Refuge

148- He is My Refuge

June 7, 1985

We’ve been going to the library and getting lots of picture books each week, like 30-40! Today I had asked God to remind me to get Better Late Than Early about home schooling if it was important for me to read it. He did.

It was not in the card catalog. I went to the stacks anyway to see if it was there. All I could think of was Morris, Robert Morris. I asked God to guide me to the author and HE DID! Even though the author was actually Raymond Moore! And even though the book I was looking for was not there BUT School Can Wait was there. God, it is so special to walk with You.

My day began nervously—over-tired from being up at least 15 times last night. Mark had a fever, Daniel is teething, Dan was sleeping heavily from yesterday’s vasectomy. I stopped to play a tape and praise You and my perspective came. Praise God.

It is so good to praise the Lord!

Tim and Steve helped me weed, Daniel was happy in the walker, Mark rested on the couch.

Psalm 62, Living Bible

I stand silently before the Lord, waiting for him to rescue me. For salvation comes from Him alone. Yes, He alone is my Rock, my rescuer, defense and fortress. Why then should I be tense with fear when troubles come?…My protection and success come from God alone. He is my refuge, a Rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust him all the time. Pour out your longings before Him for He can help! verses 1,2,7,8. My Refuge, I love you!

147- Just Another Day of Normal Christian Life

147- Just Another Day of Normal Christian Life

March 11, 1985

Last night after Servants’ Class (at church), driving home,  I passed an accident. Saw two young 6-8 year old boys being led from a crunched car by an ambulance attendant. An adult was still behind the wheel. I was overcome with emotion which I believe was the Holy Spirit. The trauma of the accident, then the trauma of separation from their parent—oh did we pray! the Spirit and I. Then peace came. Interesting.

With Carol on the phone today and Daniel began screaming in the midst of our prayer, obviously hurt. I tended to him. When I called Carol back I had a ‘picture’ of a lost sheep, alone, no flock. Wow. It was perfect for her situation. She agreed. Meet her Jesus!

Dan will be at Mumbo’s all night from 5:30pm-8am. It occurred to me that I’ll be alone with the kids a lot now because of Mumbo’s needs and later over the church building project. Perhaps in preparation for Dan’s schooling in the fall when he will be gone a lot and studying?? Just a thought. Thy will be done, Lord.

Timmy, Steve and Markie are practicing ‘winking’ while baby Daniel looks on.

Experiencing much rejection from friends…some persecution, loneliness—separation from Dan—but I am having victory over the flesh. Insisting on not worrying, not fearing, not getting angry. Walking CLOSE to God. How wonderful.

March 14

VICTORY SO SWEET with Sally and Julie. Should have felt mad, hurt by the way they treated me. But it all totally lifted from me as I stood in the TRUTH that God is for me and what can man do to me!! I am really living by my will and by the truth and not by my emotions.

Mark 8:33 [Jesus rebuked Peter soundly for setting his mind on man’s interests and not on God’s.]

Mark 8:34 deny self, take up cross, follow Jesus..

146- My Stingy Heart Receives JOY

146- My Stingy Heart Receives JOY

March 9, 1985 Dan’s grandmother, Mumbo, had been ill for weeks and eventually was hospitalized. It was my job to ready her house for her return. Here is my report:

Very busy day yesterday. The boys and I went to Mumbo’s, after getting the key from Aug, to turn on the heat and change her bed sheets. Then we went to hear a homeschool pitch (1 ½ hours). Back to our house to pack up some lunch goodies, then off to the hospital. We nibbled at our snacks and the kids played on the sidewalk in the loading zone while Dan was inside for one hour getting her discharged. We took Mumbo to her house and got her settled. No naps today. No Dan. He will spend tonight with his grandmother, alternating with Aug for as long as it takes until she is well. The boys were asleep by 8. I was so angry. I pleaded to God to grant me repentance after many tears and why’s.

I had a hard heart toward Dan’s grandmother for a couple of reasons and had a difficult time interacting with her. I resented the time it took to take care of her. When I cried before the Lord, He changed my heart and —

I WAS FLOODED WITH GRATITUDE, GRATEFULNESS, JOY.

I received an insight that blessed me regarding loving Mumbo: if it were not for her (and some others) there would not be a Daniel Arthur Lemaire.

Mumbo, a few months before her hospitalization, greeting her great grandson Danny.

What a wonderful reason to love her unconditionally and to be kind and do good works for her without expecting appreciation and without getting hung up on being rejected by her. She is part of Dan’s heritage. She had much input into him and he is so wonderful and I am so appreciative.

Led to: Deuteronomy 32:3-4 Moses speaking: For I proclaim the name of the Lord; ascribe greatness to our God! The Rock! His work is perfect, for all His ways are just. A God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is He.

I had to cry and be sick of ME and plead. It was worth the entire episode for the peace and joy He gave me. Now if I can just pray earnestly after this without the anger. If I could only LIVE in that place of joy and peace and one-ness with God and man. OH! life would be glorious. 

Grant me, Lord, to GROW UP and not speak the first thought in my head.

145- Pray in the Spirit and Read the Bible

145- Pray in the Spirit

and Read the Bible

February, 1985

Dan and I were always reading Christian books, listening to speakers on KNIS, and listening to tapes by famous Christians. We were also having our own personal Bible time and attending church three times a week. We never relied on Sunday messages to feed us. We have always felt it was our responsibility to press in to get more of God.

In the park one day I met Kelly, who also had four little kids. She was listening to Gloria Copeland’s tape series, Walk in the Spirit, and shared them with me. This prophetic word of Kennet E. Hagin’s was on the tape, and I wrote it in my journal.

Those who walk with God, for God is a spirit, will walk in the realm of the Spirit, will commune and SEE and minister in the realm of the Spirit. It is not easy. The flesh will hold you back. The Word teaches you to crucify the flesh. Man will hold you back. Man will hold you into the things SEEN with the physical senses. Move into the realm of the Spirit. The things you have longed for will happen. Spiritual manifestation will be natural. Let your Spirit have the privilege of communication with God. Give your spirit opportunity in the Word—just an hour or two out of 24. Your life will be empowered and you will be a mighty force for God. Others will see the power and love of God flowing out of you. You will have cause for rejoicing. An hour or two a day will bring insight and your prayers will have clout. You will move in the Spirit. Other things will fall off of you. Let the Spirit pray what’s in your heart to the outside.

This was just what I needed to hear to boost me into a closer walk with Jesus. It provided motivation to read my Bible MORE and pray in tongues MORE and to take responsibility for my growth in my relationship with Jesus. 

144- Our God is a Redeeming Father

144- Our God is a

Redeeming Father

February 27, 1985

During those midnight hours while walking baby Daniel, I was recalling Jamie Buckingham’s message on KNIS: Find your purpose in God’s eternal plan and go after it and walk in it. You will find it through your ‘cross’ experience! Through pain and trouble!

Jamie’s story: As a pastor he was caught in immorality twice and fired twice. Completely devastated and repentant and broken, he felt led to attend a Guideposts magazine Writers’ Conference. On his second day there he received a challenge to write Nicky Cruz’s story, and co-authored ‘Run Baby Run.’ Millions of copies were sold, and many many people came to the Lord and into the baptism of the Holy Spirit. He wrote 36 books in the next 12 years. That is a redeemed life. That is a Father’s unconditional love.

Remembering this story, dove-tailed with what God was showing me. He did not leave Jamie in a gutter, He directed him into years of active front-line ministry. God did not leave me shattered in a gutter from my own troubles. He already had His plan in motion: In my brokenness, His servant, Jackie (a different Jackie—see blog post #19), took me to her church. In talking to her and reading my Bible I understood His forgiveness and repented. Two years later He directed me to marriage to Dan and then immediately into building our family. My Lord loves me with an unconditional and everlasting love. My Lord is a Redeemer.

Jamie found His purpose. Could they—Dan and Timmy and Stevie and Mark and Daniel –be where I find God’s purpose for me?

143- Jesus Came to Our Luncheon

143- Jesus Came to Our Luncheon

March 3, 1985

On Saturday morning I was up from 5-6 praying in tongues. It came to my mind to go with Carol Kearney to the luncheon. I decided I would call her at 8am. But she called ME at 8am! GOD SPOKE TO ME!

Thank You, Father, for touching me yesterday at the Ladies’ Luncheon. Many tears of cleansing during worship. At the end Janet Alward called forward “those who do not want to live by their emotions and who want to hear God speak to them.”

I went forward and surrendered…shaking…heat on my body. ‘Just as I am, without one plea, but that Thy blood was shed for me!’

Earlier Janet had exhorted us to climb up on Jesus’ lap, to rest our heads on His shoulder to receive strength. I FELT power come into me.

I received a new tongue, cried many tears, felt comfort and peace. Such release, such joy.

She said, “God is changing you completely. You’re becoming all new.”

To me personally: “You have been given an intercessory ministry (not sure how she worded it). Whenever you feel the Holy Spirit come over you like He is now, pray!” This has been the desire of my heart.

As we sang, Just as I am, I received a wonderful revelation of God’s death for ME, personally. Jesus Christ gave Himself for ME. Hallelujah.

142- Reading the Word to Stay in Faith

142- Reading the Word to Stay in Faith

February 27, 1985

Up with Daniel the other night. While walking Daniel and talking to the Lord, I was overwhelmed by remembering the blatant sin I’d been snared by (willingly) in those years away from God (eight years in my twenties). I have wondered if the scars on my personality, emotions and reputation will forever keep me from ministry to others and from happiness?

The next morning I ‘happened’ upon:

Luke 7:36-50 paraphrased: Jesus told a Pharisee a story with the moral that the person who has sinned the most and is forgiven is the one who will love Him more. Then He said to the immoral woman who was ministering to Him out of her brokenness and love, “Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.

And then the Spirit led me to:

Mark 5:34 And Jesus said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your affliction.”

From these verses, Lord, I perceive that my own faith is weak. So I am going to read as much of the gospels as I can before the Ladies’ Luncheon on Saturday. My faith must be strong to receive from Jesus and be healed of my afflictions: poor self-concept and bondage to my immoral past.

141- To Homeschool or Not?

141 –To Homeschool or Not?

There were always issues that I kept before the Lord until I received an answer–praying often and keeping a log of what I felt were Holy Spirit nudges.

February 17, 1985

Dan is concerned about Timmy going to school next year as he watches the maturity level of other boys his age.

Spoiler: At least four of Tim’s friends had to repeat first grade or were put in the special education category. We were SO glad we kept him home to learn at his own pace.

February 20

Jackie and I are scheduled to meet a woman who is homeschooling her several children. Praying for discernment. I walk in the Spirit and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

We went, and it was a good experience. She is planning to teach her kids through high school! Her house was very dreary and they are too isolated, I think. But Jackie and I were inspired.

In hindsight:

From the Holy Spirit, and then later confirmed from Ruth Bell Graham’s book, It’s My Turn. I see how my single’s ministry, done from a whole-hearted surrender to God for 3 years, got me the reward of the fruit of my womb and this wonderful God-fearing husband. Not chance or luck or anything but God’s grace. I could also ‘see’ that He also used the 6 ½ years I spent as a public school teacher to prepare me for my life now.

Ruth had been born and raised near Shanghai in China, schooled at home through the 5th grade. She felt she was called to be a missionary in Tibet, but in marrying Billy, she laid it down.

As she looks back on her married life, “Mine has been the task of staying home and raising the family. No higher calling could have been given me. At the same time, it has been loads of fun.”

Now wasn’t that interesting. That Ruth’s book would come to my hands at that time of my life. She was an admirable, sold-out-to-Jesus woman of God, providing inspiration for what would be my calling for the next 20 years or so. I homeschooled (often with Dan) our four sons until they went to the community college at 16 or 17. AND homeschooled our adopted son until he was in his mid-teens.

140- The Old Birth Control Issue Rises Again

140- The Old Birth Control Issue Rises Again

January 22, 1985

Dear Lord, Do You care if we do something permanent about birth control?  

Dan called to make a vasectomy appointment.

He called back to ask about paying on the installment plan. She told him that $350 was due at the time of the operation. He cancelled the appointment.

I’m not sure if this operation is Your will for us, but it seems to be people’s will for us: we have been given money by Dan’s dad, Danny and Lynn, the Theilmans, and my parents, just not quite enough.

February 17

Because of the nighttime ups and downs with the boys, it seems sensible to say—no more!

March 7

This is the day that the vasectomy appointment was scheduled to be done. I have been praying in the Spirit about this issue. I am struggling: my ingrained Catholic conscience about birth control  interferes with my logic and also it is my desire to not go back on our deal with the Lord that He would plan our family.

June 4

Yesterday I asked God to show me my hearts’ desire about our family. The thoughts came today that I would like a dozen children! But the reality is that I have not the years left, the money, the nervous system for it. The thought also came that God gives us CHOICES: I cannot do everything. I am one person with so much time, money and energy. I would like to teach the boys at home, because I feel so led by God. I love teaching, I am experienced and feel gifted. It would give me input into the boys’ lives now at the time I can really relate to them. Then when the time comes to let them go, I would be more ready for it. I feel like I’ve had so little personal one-on-one time with them. Is this of You, Father? Please speak to me about it. The vasectomy is in 2 days. Bless You.

Thank You for working out praising in me. Let it be…let it continue. Such peace and contentment have come to me these last few days through praise. I refuse to worry and fear: I look not at the messy house and I do not compare myself with Jenny. I praise You that I’m ME and that You are in my life and leading me. It’s just us, living daily here—so who’s there to impress? I’m less uptight, more relaxed. Singing…

June 6 Our little platoon trooped into the waiting room to raised eyebrows, I’m sure– and Dan had the operation… more on this in a few years.