151- God Gave Me His Perspective
July 2, 1985
Prayed today that I could cry tears [I don’t cry easily] over the up 6-8 times a night ordeal and really give it to God. I tried to pray tonight. What do I ask? What do I say? So I asked the Spirit to pray.
I was in the midst of getting the boys to bed on this hot summer’s night. Everyone was resisting. Daniel (age 1 ½) wanted to be walked then took his jammies off so he could cool off. Mark and Steve both said: “I’m scared.” Timmy wanted more water—“it’s too hot!”
By 9:20 I’m saying to myself: “they’re taking my life—my whole life!” And I hear –“no, it’s ME taking your whole life—won’t you die so I can have all of it? You are not resisting the boys only (and that makes you feel guilt enough)—you’re resisting ME, You’re Savior.”
I argue—“but what about my monthly letters home—I’m two behind– and thehomeschool library book due in 3 days—I’m only halfway through it (School Can Wait); and Redpath’s book, and the ironing. I could have done all of those tonight! They’re all good things—it’s not like I’m watching dumb tv shows or gabbing on the phone. I just don’t get it!! I’ve already let go of so much.”
Redpath, p 83 (Victorious Christian Living) “Fellow Christian, do not be afraid of the knife. It is in the hand of the lover of your soul, Jesus your Savior. Whatever be the cost…let today be the place of absolute renunciation of everything that the Spirit of God reveals to you is contrary to His will.” (crabbing and having a stinky attitude are not Your will, Lord, I repent!)
page 84 As you submit, God becomes real. Obey Him.
page 85 Five minutes in heaven will make all of the suffering and agony real—the suffering and the agony is about the conflict and the battle to do the will of God. Until we get to heaven, God’s purpose is that we should feast on our Lord Jesus. I must enjoy Jesus in my heart before I can tell others about Him. (I’m not enjoying You, Lord, I’m not rejoicing in all things and having faith that they will settle down eventually.)
page 86 How much time have you spent with God in quiet, opened Bible, waiting on Him? IN THE QUIET PLACE YOUR WEAKNESS COULD HAVE ABSORBED HIS STRENGTH, your restlessness could have been stilled by His power and peace, your impatience could have absorbed the grace and long-suffering of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Thank you, Alan Redpath, for perspective on my wonderful life and Jesus’ availability.