175- Christmas Prayers

December 7, 1985

Today I must CAST MY BURDENS ON YOU AGAIN, Savior!

*the boys’ clothes – that we would ALL have very decent clothing to take and wear on our Christmas trip to my parents. Thank You, Savior.

*the boys’ gifts – that we could give them a few NICE presents that we are not ashamed but thrilled to give. Also some items for their stockings.

*a Bible for Dan – that’s what he wants for Christmas. I rebuke doubt away from this request. YOU CAN DO THIS!

*that mailed items will arrive at their destinations before Christmas – Beth, JoAnn, Karen, Vanna

*getting our vehicle very cleaned up inside-and-out for our trip to my parents’ house

*hearing from You about Elim

*fitting in home school, Christmas errands, and sanity, plus exercise and outside play for the boys

*should I try to go to the Thursday Intercessory prayer meeting beginning today at church?

*what about the Spiritual Warfare class beginning in January?

*our Christmas letter – to be printed, have postage, be addressed, and have notes on them –and mailed before Christmas

*taking the boys Christmas shopping with their $6 each

*putting away or giving away all of the clothes that have been coming to me – from JoAnn, Connie, Mom, and Virgi

*small gifts for Jan and pastors

*a dog! Carol, after we had been praying nightly on the phone, said out of the blue—you need a dog! She’s right. I could then walk in the mornings, the boys would have a play pal. Hers is big and gentle, yet barks at strangers not friends. He’s hairy, but an outside dog.

*Dan said we could support more missionaries once the $179 no longer goes out monthly for our vehicle.

*Put walking back in my day. It is very dark from 6-6:30am.

PRAISE GOD FOR ALL OF THESE NEEDS.

They are wonderful needs to have and I am excited about HOW GOD WILL HANDLE EACH ONE.

I soundly and confidently rebuke all doubt that God can and will take care of each one.

I open my spiritual eyes to SEE ways of provision that are totally unique.

I welcome Your hand moving, and I open my hands WIDE to receive from You.

Bless You, bless You, Father. Keep speaking to Dan and I about Your desire to provide. Keep building our faith. Keep moving into our lives. Keep Yourself overflowing from us to others who need You!

174- Answered Prayer

December 3, 1985

Tonight Archie and Mary, our next door neighbors whose apartment burned Wednesday night a week ago, arrived at the door—full of thanksgiving for us letting them in for all of those hours while the firemen worked on the blaze—and still amazed that we had done it.

“What can we do for you?”

Eventually I had it! – A Christmas tree—they could get us a Christmas tree! Oh, Lord, how YOU DO PROVIDE FOR US! We are all so happy–them to be a blessing and us to be blessed in this way.

Mary also said that this is a time for them to clean out. They’ve both been married three times and had several sets of silverware, three irons (that all melted together), etc. She looked me right in the eye and she seemed surprised about her changing attitudes. I DEFINITELY BELIEVE THAT GOD IS AT WORK. We have prayed for them to know Him.

December 7, 1985

Praise God! Dan’s paycheck yesterday will pay the rent ($485) and the VW bus payment ($179), as well as the tithe, and a couple of other bills. There is $36 left over for Christmas presents.

Thankful that YOU are giving ORDER to our Christmas! Little by little You are providing!

Also, yesterday I saw an old teacher friend. Because of the troubles he shared with me I gave him a verse:

1 Peter 5:7-8 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

He was blessed and he gave me an EXCELLENT art idea that my kids can make as Christmas gifts. PRAISE GOD.

We were in a homeschool group with 3 other families. We met every week for art and music, field trips, and fellowship. Here we are at Carol’s having our own small Christmas pageant. The angels ‘on high’ are standing on the couch, Mary and Joseph are tending baby Jesus in his cradle, the 3 wise children are wearing large gold crowns, and two shepherds are nearby. The little shepherd’s staff seems to be laying on top of the baby (doll) in the cradle–is the little shepherd asleep?

173- Early Morning Surrender

December 3, 1985

I am just finishing a cold. Had a wonderful night’s sleep. I had prayed last night at bedtime to be alert and inspired to seek God in the morning! It’s 5am – PRAISE GOD! And on top of that, Dan prayed for me before we began our devotions.

Father, just as Your SUFFICIENT grace is available to completely support me in the midst of a crisis or a tragedy, SO NOW IN THE SAME MANNER WHEN I AM FEELING CAST DOWN, I say—I have no interest in dwelling on the negatives, the hardships of my life. I turn to You. Lift me above the illusion of ugliness to the reality of soaring with You. You are in control, I accept the circumstances. I have prayed about them and put them fully in Your capable, almighty hands. I give you my ATTITUDES. I do not want the heaviness and grief of my negative flesh, old nature, to encompass me. NO, I desire Christ Himself to be LIFE in me and through me to all I touch. I do not withhold the love of Jesus from my family—I open myself completely to Your surging, throbbing LOVE, Your strengthening JOY, Your incomprehensible PEACE, Your steadfast FAITH and FAITHFULNESS, Your unending KINDNESS, Your CONTROLLING of myself. BE YOURSELF THROUGH ME. MAKE ME A BLESSING as You promised Abraham. For Your glory, for my joy and fulfillment and purpose.

Isaiah 8:17a And I will wait on the Lord…and I will hope in Him.

Hebrews 2:13 and Isa 8:18 Here am I and the children whom the Lord has given me! We are for signs and wonders in Israel from the Lord of hosts…

172- Back on Track for Bible School – Part 2

December 2, 1985

The next 3 guideposts in Mahoney’s pamphlet were:

5- CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE – we had dialogue with Elim housing personnel and they had a house for us; the office manager put Dan’s application forward to the committee even though he had not received Dan’s Bodenseehof Bible School transcripts and we were accepted by the board to become students. Also, our pastor believed in us, and our church was missions minded.

6- THE PEACE OF GOD – I had peace and readiness to cross the country with all of our worldly goods in my 8th month of pregnancy with our sons ages 4, 3, and 2.

7- PROVISION – We were slim on provision, but felt our church would step up to help us get to New York, and Dan could get a job once we were there.

I felt we had 5 and 7 but Dan never felt THE PEACE OF GOD again after the counsel of his elder friends who strongly advised him to stay.

After waiting and praying for weeks, last night I FINALLY felt right about asking Dan what he thought of Mahoney’s pamphlet. I related my thoughts and reminded him that Mahoney says: if anything comes BEFORE inward conviction, confusion results.

Dan was completely receptive to all of this! It was if the blinders came off his eyes. He related that he had just been thinking today about how much he wants to serve God. He has been doing a lot of studying about missions for his four Sunday talks about missions on Sunday nights at church. Also, Sunday morning, the building inspector CAME TO CHURCH!!! He had given the church a HARD time during inspections so we had him on the church prayer chain. Toward the end of the building project he softened a little after Dan invited him to the Dedication and he came! TODAY AFTER SERVICE HE TOLD DAN HE FELT DRUNK! Dan told him he was drunk with the Holy Spirit. He said he will definitely be back. Dan was SO encouraged by this. This is the most important business on earth, bringing others to Jesus Christ. Also, we had found out that this man has a horrible reputation around town. God touched him.

back to 5- CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE – I felt that when the church took a collection a few months ago and GAVE us the Suburban that Dan had had his eyes on for months that it was circumstantial evidence. The car was a thank you gift to Dan for building the church and for me for letting him! The vehicle is the kind we wanted to make the drive to NY.

back to 6- THE PEACE OF GOD – Today after church we prayed together on our knees and surrendered ourselves once again to God’s will for us. We asked Him to put this together.

We are waiting, trusting, praying…

171- Back on Track for Bible School – Part 1

171- Back on Track for Bible School – part 1

December 2, 1985

GOD HAS INTERVENED…GOD HAS MOVED…THE MIRACULOUS HAS HAPPENED!

We are back on the track to attend Elim Bible Institute in upstate New York.

Yesterday at church, Pastor Dave spoke very effectively on ILLUSIONS. That very often our reality is NOT God’s reality. We need to face our illusions and let God change them and us. We try to put our facts and our understanding of God into a box or a ritual. But God is greater than our understanding. We want Him to do things OUR way so we’ll be secure.

But we must risk stepping out by faith, and let Him be God in our lives, in our church.

The prayer afterward was a surrender, a releasing of personal fears, and an agreement with God to letting Him make our reality jive with His. We want HIM to move HIS way.

I prayed also, silently, that God would speak to Dan about Elim.

A month ago I sent for this pamphlet by Ralph Mahoney, “God’s Guidance.”

It enumerates 7 aspects of knowing God’s leading and as I look back…

The first one has been haunting me for a year-and-a-half.

1- INWARD CONVICTION: Dan received a CLEAR yearning, a call, to go to SCHOOL. It happened on our anniversary while we watched “Peace Child,” July 21, 1982. It was Don Richardson’s story.

2- GUIDANCE SIGNS: Dan showed me scripture later supporting God’s calling. We felt that our united hearts was a guidance sign also.

3- PROPHETIC UTTERANCE: That was the day when we were both depressed, and I felt I could not endure Dan’s heaviness any longer and felt so compassionate about his frustrations. I prayed (see blog #116 ). Totally out of the blue, spontaneous and unusual, my best friend’s husband came to the house with a clear word for Dan and I– that we were to pursue the schooling we desired in the far north and to do it soon.

4- GODLY COUNSEL – [this is what tangled us up almost 2 years ago]. Two elders from our church stepped in. Dan was becoming overwhelmed at the prospects of taking our young family (our sons ages 2,4,5 and one ‘on the way’) across the country to NY. Also, over the phone, a man from Elim advised us to wait because God had him wait. Yet two friends were strongly encouraging us to GO. …to be continued…

170- Timmy’s Faith

November 30, 1985

Train up a child…. Proverbs 22:6

I have been asking the Lord for the boys to have personal walks with Him.

Here’s what’s been happening:

*at meal times, all of a sudden they all want a turn to pray. And they make up original prayers!

*I ask them to pray at school time or for somebody’s hurt, and someone will.

*The other night we had to get a message to Dan (who was working) about the generator at church. It was dinnertime and I was in the midst of figuring out where I’d erred on a batch of cookies and trying to grate potatoes for hash browns, etc. Before we took off, we sat in the car and prayed and I confessed my bad attitude.

We spent 10 or 15 minutes unable to find Dan’s truck. Timmy said, HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATH STRAIGHT (from Proverbs 3:5,6)—which they have memorized.

I said, “You’re right! and we’ve been going REAL crooked.”

We claimed it by faith and drove right to the house!

Of course, seeing Tim’s 6 year old faith in action was worth the time and the crooked path.

169- Needs Met!

November 29, 1985

Jesus is MY PERSONAL Savior as well as the PERSONAL Savior of each one in the world.

Therefore I have the RIGHT to come before His throne

-with praises and thanksgiving and sonship

-boldly with confidence

I rebuke any unbelief in my heart, in Jesus’ name.

I have asked You for $126 for the beginning-to-read ACA curriculum. The money has not come.

Believing Your provision comes with Your will, I ask for $100 for some books I would like to order for Timmy from Hewitt-Moore.

This way we could cover more subject areas—science, social studies, reading, math, art, phonics.

ANSWERED PRAYER!

December 5, 1985

We went to Carol’s to visit, fellowship in the Lord, discuss home school. She had been thinking urgently about Timmy’s schooling, she said “last week”. (when I prayed?)

While she was talking to me about it an idea come to her to GIVE me the 6 or 7 sets of reading books she had just received!

Also she gave me a social studies syllabus called My America which will cover Social studies wonderfully for all the boys. WHERE GOD LEADS, GOD PROVIDES.

YOU amaze me, Lord. You put the need on both our hearts, then allowed Carol to be a blessing and for us to be blessed! Bless You, praise You. Wonderful Savior.

168- When I Repent, He Listens

168- When I Repent,

He Listens

November 21, 1985 – 5:15am, by the grace of God—also up early yesterday

Good experience at boys’ nap time of mending, praying, praying in my payer language. I did not FEEL that I was accomplishing anything. But I saw such a difference in my attitude later! Praise Jesus!

Also- I had an insight Tuesday night. Through something I read, and an experience of conversation with Dan, I saw that I really am possessive with him. Made me see how really insecure I am. Made me think about home school and how much of ME was involved in not deciding on a specific curriculum. Did I really want to do it myself from our own resources?

I repent of possessiveness regarding Dan and each boy.

I let go by my will. I desire to trust Your sovereign hand in each of our lives.

I repent of relying on my own resources to teach Tim. I humbly ask that You bring me the curriculum that would best suit Timmy (learning) and me (teaching). I thank You for forgiving me whenever I acknowledge my sin. I thank You for your continual love and conviction. I desire to walk before You in holiness and purity and faith.

I release myself to trust You regarding the boys’ friends and experiences.

I confess fear and insecurity and power-struggling with You. I confess this because of a TINY voice saying it could be true.

When You said through Joyce to let go of the reins and KathyS had the Moses passage—I struggled and analyzed and thought and prayed. But I did not just say: You are God, I trust these prophetic utterances and I lay myself down and repent by faith. I still have no gut indication that this is true, but only faith. I do this now.

I pray for the following

*Dan’s ministering

*my ministering

*our ministry together

*home school curriculum

*the boys’ friendships, experiences

*Wed night area meeting

*Ladies’ Bible study

*listening to friends’ voices that have overpowered me….

Psalm 37:5 Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.

167- Humble Recommitment

November 19, 1985

Psalm 71:1a,3a,4a,5,14,22,23,24 KJV

In Thee, O Lord, I have taken refuge…

Be Thou a rock of habitation to which I may continually come.

Rescue me…

For Thou art my hope…

O Lord, God, Thou art my confidence…

But as for me I will hope continually and will praise Thee yet more and more.

I will praise Thee…

My tongue also will utter Thy righteousness all day long…

Father ~ for every time I have doubted You, cleanse me now. For every time I have accused You of forsaking or forgetting me, cleanse me now.

I desire to be a pure, holy, empty vessel filled with Your Holy Spirit. That is my ambition. Take my feet where You will. Let praises and testimonies of Your grace and righteousness come from my mouth because Your Spirit brings to remembrance the Word I have hidden abundantly in my heart.

166- Accepted and Loved

November 18, 1985

Up at 5:15 am, by the grace of Jesus, to read and to pray.

Streams in the Desert, p. 332: My environment is of His determining. He means it to intensify my faith, to draw me into nearer communion with Himself, to ripen my power. In the dungeon my soul should prosper. Luke 7:23 And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.

I asked for a repentant heart, waking up with a bad dream, accusations on my mind, and failures on my mind. The dream reminded me of my worldly days away from God.

The Luke scripture led me think about to what Dan shared in the meeting on Thursday night: the woman who was washing Jesus’ feet with her tears, drying them with her hair, and anointing them with perfume. I am hearing: that woman is me. It is me as I bring my past humbly and with repentance to Him. As I pour out my soul and love Him.

Jesus accepted her; he loved and cherished and forgave her. He even defended her before those who questioned her sanctification. Luke 7:36-50

Woman washing Jesus’ feet with her tears and drying them with her hair.

Oh, God, that these experiences in my life would tenderize my heart and give me compassion for others who have a similar story.