168- When I Repent,
November 21, 1985 – 5:15am, by the grace of God—also up early yesterday
Good experience at boys’ nap time of mending, praying, praying in my payer language. I did not FEEL that I was accomplishing anything. But I saw such a difference in my attitude later! Praise Jesus!
Also- I had an insight Tuesday night. Through something I read, and an experience of conversation with Dan, I saw that I really am possessive with him. Made me see how really insecure I am. Made me think about home school and how much of ME was involved in not deciding on a specific curriculum. Did I really want to do it myself from our own resources?
I repent of possessiveness regarding Dan and each boy.
I let go by my will. I desire to trust Your sovereign hand in each of our lives.
I repent of relying on my own resources to teach Tim. I humbly ask that You bring me the curriculum that would best suit Timmy (learning) and me (teaching). I thank You for forgiving me whenever I acknowledge my sin. I thank You for your continual love and conviction. I desire to walk before You in holiness and purity and faith.
I release myself to trust You regarding the boys’ friends and experiences.
I confess fear and insecurity and power-struggling with You. I confess this because of a TINY voice saying it could be true.
When You said through Joyce to let go of the reins and KathyS had the Moses passage—I struggled and analyzed and thought and prayed. But I did not just say: You are God, I trust these prophetic utterances and I lay myself down and repent by faith. I still have no gut indication that this is true, but only faith. I do this now.
I pray for the following
*our ministry together
*home school curriculum
*the boys’ friendships, experiences
*Wed night area meeting
*Ladies’ Bible study
*listening to friends’ voices that have overpowered me….
Psalm 37:5 Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.