234 – Letting Go
November 20, 1986
You are drawing me to Yourself through hardship, awareness of my inadequacies, and the ministry you have given me with the boys.
You really desire to live through me in such a way that sweetness and life come out of my mouth.
I believe You want me to be overflowing with the Holy Spirit.
I remember Gloria Copeland’s tapes on walking in the Spirit—pray 1 hour a day in the Spirit–why is is so crazily hard to do this!!
JoAnn (new friend) yesterday said, “To remove worldliness He comes with a scourge, in order to make us a house of prayer. Then the lame and the blind will come. He shows us how defiled we are. He shows us pride. He wants us completely dependent on Him.” Interesting viewpoint.
Last night I let go, caved in, gave it to you—regarding the money we haven’t got for food. I’m going to stop pushing and by God’s grace accept His allotment. That means I’m going to buy what I can and expect Him to provide the rest. Yesterday we got government powdered milk, cornmeal, cheddar cheese, through Joan who has a foster son and gets government help. I was going to the store to get milk, cereal, eggs, and oven cleaner. But after Joan’s visit I decided to make cornmeal mush and trust God for the oven cleaner. I have the dough for baking crackers, but I cannot bake them till the chicken grease (from it popping when I roasted the chicken yesterday) is cleaned. It smokes badly. Maybe I can clean it without cleaner, just hot water and elbow grease.
Lord, You are our provider. As we have surrendered, You are moving. Also, Joan invited us to join their family for dinner after church on Sunday. I am excited to see You bringing a new friendship, yet I am a bit discouraged to have to surrender not being able to fix what I want for my family. Letting go and letting God be in charge of that area is long overdue.
I look for Your bountiful grace to come forth into my obedience. May You please show me any other area of obedience and surrender I need to make! And let me do it easily and quickly!
Soon after this we qualified for WIC (Women, Infants and Children) and picked up our own blocks of cheddar, approved cereals, peanut butter, milk, etc. We were able to stay on the program the rest of the time we were in NY, one and a half years longer.