230 – I Perceive a Grudge

230 – I Perceive a Grudge

November 14, 1986

Something really ‘clicked’ this morning.

God showed me a great boulder, a stronghold of a GRUDGE against Him, which has transferred to Dan and the boys as discontentment. PRAISE GOD.

The GRUDGE resulted in double-mindedness, which Joyce mentioned briefly a couple of weeks ago that her prayer group had received a revelation about.

This is it: I have not released the standards of the world (something I have always judged in my best friend!). My family has always upheld: security, position, home, money in the bank, nice clothes, nice car, having a comfortable life with the world’s goods.

Jesus says that for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven is very difficult. That it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Matt 19:23. That just came to mind and it makes a lot of sense.

A huge stronghold, not discernable to me until now, has been forming in me. It has worked against my missionary mindset! It has caused angst. In fact, right this second I see that part of the attraction of going to Japan was because the missionaries we visited there all had quaint comfortable houses and had not FORSAKEN ALL THINGS.

You knew it, Jesus, and that is probably why you let us visit Japan. So I could SEE that I could identify with being there in clean Japan. Not in a dry land in a dusty hut with bugs and cooking over an outside fire. I believe You work with us and that it’s fine if I don’t care to go to the jungle or the tundra.

It’s always embarrassing to realize the depth of my SELF. But it is wonderful to be free of its secret hold on me as God brings it into the open.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Ps 139:23-24

348 – Completely Healed

348 – Completely Healed

April 1, 1989 Saturday

My upper leg began hurting two days ago. Extremely painful yesterday. Then I hurt my ankle when a heavy door slammed on it last night. Dan and the boys had already planned a fishing trip for this morning, so I was looking forward to resting.

Daniel, age 5, stayed home because of a bad cold. We slept till 8, and he stayed tucked in his little sleeping bag in the living room even longer, bless his heart. I read him stories then he got his own Frosty Flakes that my mom had sent—feeling very grown up.

Dan and the boys came home at noon as planned. Dan had promised he’d make French toast and he did.

Surprisingly Timmy, Mark, and Daniel slept from 2:30-5:30. Stevie slept 1 hour, which was great for him. (The fishermen had gotten up very early.)

Dan suggested I continue to stay in bed. I wanted to write some letters and it felt good just to rest. I felt very content but did not want to receive ‘the affliction’ as my own! Even then I believed Jesus is the Healer.

I planned my Sunday School lesson, and I was up and down. The pain had not lessened at all—staying in bed had just caused me to experience less of it.

April 2

I woke up and still was not feeling good—but as I got going, I realized I was COMPLETELY HEALED!

And I remembered: as I had been in bed on Saturday, I had looked up a verse for the boys to memorize in the Good News Bible: Hebrews 11:1. I had realized I sure didn’t have much faith, but I had decided to pray believing prayers—I believe You can and will heal me. I believe You will encourage us all at church tomorrow. AND GOD WORKED!!

To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see. Hebrews 11:1 

229 – God is Real and Faithful

229 – God is Real and Faithful

November 12, 1986

God just showed me (as I am trying to do my devotions and Markie, age 4, keeps making noises in his room that I am afraid will wake up Daniel, age 2that I am getting angry in the middle of my devotions!

Dan said: “tell God you’re sorry and go on. You can’t praise God when you’re angry so you have to keep a right heart all the time. Purpose to praise and worship Him.”

This is FUNNY: I was trying to read:

So I will sing praise to Thy Name forever! Psalm 61:8

and then: Paul and Silas were in prison praising God at midnight! Acts 16:25

…they were singing when they should have HUMANLY been angry at God and been arguing with Him that they were HIS servants, doing HIS will, and needed a good night’s sleep.

Later same night: this was a day of accusations from the enemy, confusion and NOISE! I kept taking refuge in the Lord and I saw Him move, but then there I was again, being assailed constantly.

Tracey called at 1—Praise God—so I got to pray with someone.

Karen called from the west coast at 8:30 to say that GOD IS FAITHFUL. She said she was SO burdened for me today. Thank You, Lord, for being REAL. Thank you for sending good good friends who will stand with me and pray and who I can pray with in their distress.

228 – Josie’s Dilemma and Josie’s Faith

228 – Josie’s Dilemma and Josie’s Faith

November 9, 1986

Josie is looking at her marriage with clear eyes, she says, for the first time. She keeps hoping everything will work out. I am looking for a glorious healing in Jimmy, a revival of their love, and a significant ministry to other hurting people. It’s either my idea or God’s. I’m going to believe it is His and pray it.

I am learning something from Josie. She keeps clinging to God. When she is shaken, when there is darkness all around, when the circumstances are overwhelming, she keeps confessing His sovereignty and she wants His will. It is an encouragement to me.

She went to church with us and we were praising God in the morning and at night –through dance, singing, loud noisy shouts, wonderful songs and psalms—with the body of believers. It was glorious.

I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness…. Isaiah 61:10

Let them praise His name with the dance…. Psalm 149:3a

Praise lifts the spirit of heaviness and everything looks bright and new again.

Jesus gives beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. Isaiah 61:3 paraphrased