345 – My Faith Gets Shaken
March 16, 1989
One night, ten years ago, when we were attending Bible school in Germany and I was anxious about the well being of my baby in the womb, and I was crying out to God, He gave me this verse. It is a precious promise that the children I bear are blessed by God.
Praise the Lord, O Jerusalem!
Praise your God, O Zion!
For He has strengthened the bars of your gates;
He has blessed your sons within you.
He makes peace in your borders;
He satisfies you with the finest of the wheat. Psalm 147:12-14
March 17, 1989
4am awakened with a distressing physical symptom.
Confused. If I cannot believe that all of the way we’ve come in this baby issue was Your leading –how can I believe You about Your leading to homeschool, Your leading that we are going to Japan….
Will I now have to question everything else that we are doing by faith?
Back to bed.
Felt waves of comfort and grace!
Dan was compassionate. He quoted:
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. Psalm 34:18-19
Dan came in later and said, “In some way that only God can do, this whole experience you are having is going to confirm our calling.”
I talked to God.
Dan said, rest and pray in the Spirit all day, not in words that could express doubt and fear.
So I began my day expecting Jesus to be very near to me and very real. Bless You, Savior.
The thought also came to me: to have another baby is not a selfish desire of mine—that is a lie. To have been home already for ten years and if I had another baby, it would add five more years to the tail end of that. I know myself well enough that I know I would not choose that. Yet, if a baby is God’s will for us, I would gladly do this for Him, for His will, for His plan.
This lifted me also, encouraged me. It is the will of the Lord I am seeking. Yes, my heart is pure about this.