97- Stressful Days

97- Stressful Days

March 17, 1983

The last several days have been extremely stressful, and I have not been coping very well. Busy with Mark’s birthday party and our kids’ friends’ birthday parties. Also babysitting our friends’ kids. Plus, Bebo came to visit from Chicago—just in time to coach Mark in learning to walk. I’m finding myself in and out of coping.

We are in a place of such dependence on the Lord. Dan didn’t have work yesterday or today.

*St. Mary’s Hospital wants money [for Mark’s birth]. Dan went to talk to someone there.

*Dan’s truck got a warning for mechanical defects from Highway Patrol. Dan is fixing the headlights, taillights, blinkers.

*my car needs a tune up badly Continue reading “97- Stressful Days”

96- How God Met Us in Our Time of Need

96- How God Met Us in Our Time of Need

Dan with Tim, Steve, Mark–ages 4, 3, 1 1/2

 March 4, 1983  I also need to see more victory in my relationship with Dan. We are going through a hard time. I am having trouble accepting how busy he is for You. I am sorry. Let me not retaliate in any way, but in loving him more.

March 7, 1983  Saturday we left the boys with Lynn and Danny for 3 hours to have time together. What a blessing it was. We resolved to follow our interest in missions, after laying out our lives afresh and seeing a few areas we could begin moving in. We trust God’s continued leading. We decided to write several missionary groups (so as to “keep moving” in the direction of missions). Dan will contact the bank regarding re-financing so we can get some cash for our necessities. We prayed and relaxed and felt closer. We had needed the time for communication.

Thank you for Anointed for Burial and for the time to read it. This couple, young in the Lord, but totally available, greatly used by your Spirit, breathtakingly. Hallelujah. 

Sunday morning. I prayed about where to sit because I really wanted to worship. We put our things down, but someone took our seats, and the only seats available were even closer to the front! After tears and tears and tears during worship (I had also prayed against self consciousness in worshiping), there was mighty prophecy over Dan—“able to teach clearly” (which is his heart’s desire), “you will give bread to the hungry,” and “you will say God sustained you during this time.”

I wept and wept. We needed to hear from You so much Lord, almost more than we realized, but You knew.

Psalm 7:9…for the righteous God tests the hearts and minds.

Ps 37:3 …trust in the Lord…feed on His faithfulness

        v 19 …in days of famine they shall be satisfied

        v 25 …not begging bread

        v 39 …the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord

                …He is their strength in time of trouble

        v 40 …He shall help them and deliver them…and save them

              because they trust in Him.          

95- Guilty of Faultfinding!

95- Guilty of Faultfinding!

A little article in Guideposts magazine by Catherine Marshall brought a big conviction!

Catherine Marshall was the wife of Peter Marshall a famous Presbyterian pastor who also served as Chaplain of the Senate in Washington DC. She is known for her writings of fiction, non-fiction, and books she edited of her husband’s sermons and prayers. Her best known books are: A Man Called Peter, which was on the NY Bestseller’s List for three years in the 1950’s, and Christy, the story of her mother’s years as a teacher of children in the Appalachians.

February 24, 1983

One day, Catherine asked the Lord if He had any special word for her that day. He told her she was to fast from faultfinding, to accept people as they were and to drop her judgment of them.

Catherine wrote that she was inclined to be a perfectionist, meaning critical of herself and others—“a habit that tends toward judgment.”

She proposed that the cessation of faultfinding leads to creativity, goodwill, mercy, better health, better relationships.

Father–I am the faultfinder of the age! It’s sickening! I judge everyone and everything. I always have an opinion. I feel I see things rightly and others quite often are misguided.

I remember: when I was about 12 my mom said, “You used to be so tactful.”

I need to be done with this very seriously detrimental traitMy God shall supply all my need to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19

You know, Lord, I wonder what Dan thinks I think of him, I find so much fault in others.  Let me try by Your divine enablement, to fast from faultfinding.

From a World MAP (missionary) magazine: do a sober self-evaluation to assess your personal resources for the Lord’s use in future fruitful endeavors.

Remembering: 2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in weakness. This means: sufficient for me to live victoriously despite the devil’s buffeting!

March 4  Lord, You are faithful. I am realizing that what I have NOT LIKED in several people–what has really separated us–has been faultfinding! And I see that I am a chief offender.

94- A Message That Became Prophetic

94- A Message That Became Prophetic

December 1982 Dan was asked by our pastor to speak one Sunday morning. These are my notes:

*self-centeredness is against God’s heart and God’s gospel

*Christ died for the church, for the kingdom, not just for me

*Romans 5 – Christ died for us

*Ephesians 5 – Christ gave Himself for the church

*Ephesians 1 – The church is the fullness of Him who fills all in all

*therefore we are not to love for ourselves

*be a servant, even if you work for a difficult taskmaster

*care not for ME

*do everything heartily as unto the Lord

Three months after this message we invited a family from our church to move into our home.

Continue reading “94- A Message That Became Prophetic”

93- Just For Me

93- Just for Me

December 13, 1982

Annie Johnson Flint’s poem Just for Thee is the work of the Spirit. Surrendered and sincere.

From it I wrote the contrasting Just for Me!

 

Just for Me

I want peace, I want power,

I want joy, I want light,

I want truth, I want knowledge,

I want courage for this fight!

I want strength to do Thee service—

I want friends to lift me up

I want drink when I am thirsty,

I want junk food in my cup

I don’t want to yield to any,

Lord, I want to be on top.

 

Can I have beauty so they will praise me?

May I have treasures till I pop?

May I have loveliness and honor?

May I have more glory than the rest?

Give me wisdom and discernment,

I want to be the very best!

Fill me full of all these things, Lord

Lacking nothing, complete in me,

Let me lead and others follow,

By Thy grace, Lord, let it be.

   ~georgann

Wow! I guess I knew my flesh pretty well back in 1982, and it is all still there inside me. But when any of it surfaces, I look away as quickly as I can and turn to Jesus. And He keeps saving me from myself.

92- Willing and Obedient

92- Willing and Obedient

December 11, 1982

Dan has been offered a position as program director at KNIS—full time! Could mean a move to Carson City. I’m sort of shaken.

We are on the brink of an adventure, a certain step of faith.

Guest speaker at church last night and this a.m. is Anthony Campolo. He is speaking on self-denial, sacrifice, giving, meekness, peacemaking, mourning over the world condition.

He was teaching us Jesus’ heart.

I have definitely come to appreciate Dan’s sincere and anointed edification of the saints on the radio. It’s not his own personality making it up. It’s a man seeking and serving a living , loving, worthy Lord, and sincerely encouraging others to do the same.

Moving is not my idea and it sounds hard. I do not care for the small town of Carson at all.

But I lay aside these for Your perfect and blessed will. That we might be in fellowship with You, that our boys would know You and Your reality.

December 12

Campolo got onto missions in today’s message.

He asked for full surrender and full commitment. Pastor Dave asked for hands of those interested in missions. 

He seemed to acknowledge Dan and I. Dan gave his testimony tonight at church and some teaching. It came off well, serious, sincere, Spirit-filled. Gene gathered everyone around us to pray for KNIS job and our lives and Pastor prayed for the missions interest to be confirmed, put together, and moved along.

ONLY BY YOU, LORD! My feet are cold; my faith is small, but I am willing and obedient.

Looking back, I am in awe that one dear friend prayed about the job offer, and our faithful Pastor picked up from the Spirit about the missions calling. God, You are amazing in how You work!

91 Death to Self vs Giving Vent to Self

91- Death to Self

vs

Giving Vent to Self

November 19, 1982

At dinner last night with Pastor Dave and Linda, I was able to ask my question: several women have been telling me of receiving counsel that says they need to express themselves, to be themselves. And I wondered, whatever happened to ‘death to self’ which is Jesus’ way.

Pastor said: the human natural way is to repress and psychology says express. To repress hurts us and to express hurts (inflicts) others with our problems. But to release our feelings to Jesus is the healthy way, the only way that really works. Then Jesus can change me, change others, change circumstances, heal, build up, restore—whatever He deems appropriate.

Praise God for saving me from the wrong counsel. Please advise my friends.

another November day, no date noted

Thank You for teaching me about walking after the flesh vs walking after the Spirit. I am so convicted about my visit with FF yesterday and my accepting the conversation—even participating! I feel rotten. I hate gossip.

Matthew 12:36 …every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account of it on the day of judgment.

November 26

Psalm 92:15…the Lord is upright. He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.

This is something wonderful about God’s character.

90- My Frame of Mind

90- My Frame of Mind

November 5, 1982  

Our awesome little family!                         1982

Something is occurring to me about my frame of mind:

*there will always be kids’ issues to tackle and battle, straightening and picking up in the house, unfinished projects, dishes to do.

*there will always be times when Dan’s away, spaces between my parent’s visits, days without friends.

*I’ll always be pre, post, or having periods, or having a cold, sore throat or canchor sores or detergent burn, needing a haircut; underweight, overweight, having a tooth problem, broken fingernails.

*there will always be people more organized, more stylish, with better kids, or worse, neater houses and cars, greater spiritual gifts and fantastic hobbies.

*our house will always be in stages of getting finished, we will always have free/used furniture, and I will always be dealing with mud.

*I’ll always have hand-me-downs, only a couple of shoes.

*etc., etc.

So why not realize the vanity of wishing things could be different and of being discouraged. My family pattern is not like when I was living at home. So what??? Where would I rather be? There is no contest: I am GLAD I am right here!

So BE JOYFUL IN CHRIST!

Savor the things of God.

Seek pleasing Him.

89- Seeking Him, Hearing Him Speak

89- Seeking Him,

Hearing Him Speak

October 12, 1982

A miracle has happened. It’s 5:30am and I am showered and on my knees! May this early rising be my daily experience, Lord. O God, I need so much to begin my day in selflessness and in Christ.

1 Cor 3:8,11  each one will receive his own reward according to his own labor—but the foundation must be on Jesus Christ!

1 Cor 3:12-14 Each man’s work will become clear: it will be revealed by fire; if it endures he will receive a reward.

I want rewards! I have been thinking: I am hanging on by my thumbs, but at least I’m hanging in there.

But I see it could all be wood hay and stubble. My efforts may all be burned up.

I must get the Word in me, I do want something to show for this struggle. I want to grow up, Jesus.

October 13

I am in great discouragement and grief, having lost my temper with Timmy last night and feeling so broken. Oh such sadness that I would yell at a precious boy like my Tim. I do want to discipline him effectively but not from my anger. From Your great and glorious loving heart.

October 14

Luke 1:38-42 Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word.

But Martha was cumbered about with much serving.

MARY CHOSE PAYING ATTENTION TO JESUS’ WORDS.

October 16

Reading Home Grown Kids, by Raymond and Dorothy Moore. They emphasize warm, consistent, responsive parenting. Responding lovingly always, firmly when necessary and with some imagination.

I was always seeking You, Jesus! And You never failed to meet me.

88- Not a tumbleweed, NOT ME!

88- Not a tumbleweed,

NOT ME!

What a lonely image–a tumble weed in the desert…

All of these verses are paraphrased, so I did not put them in blue.

October 7, 1982

Jeremiah 17  If I trust in man, I will be like a tumbleweed in the desert and inhabit parched places.

I am to be one who trusts and hopes in the Lord and the consequence is that I will be like a tree with deep roots by the river which bears fruit even in drought! Continue reading “88- Not a tumbleweed, NOT ME!”