142- Reading the Word to Stay in Faith

142- Reading the Word to Stay in Faith

February 27, 1985

Up with Daniel the other night. While walking Daniel and talking to the Lord, I was overwhelmed by remembering the blatant sin I’d been snared by (willingly) in those years away from God (eight years in my twenties). Have wondered if the scars on my personality, emotions and reputation will forever keep me from ministry to others and from happiness?

The next morning I ‘happened’ upon:

Luke 7:36-50 paraphrased: Jesus told a Pharisee a story with the moral that the person who has sinned the most and is forgiven is the one who will love Him more. Then He said to the immoral woman who was ministering to Him out of her brokenness and love, “Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.

And then the Spirit led me to:

Mark 5:34 And Jesus said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your affliction.”

From these verses, Lord, I perceive that my own faith is weak. I am going to read as much of the gospels as I can before the Ladies’ Luncheon on Saturday. My faith must be strong to receive from Jesus and be healed of my afflictions: poor self-concept and bondage to my immoral past.

125- Following God’s Trail – #7

125- Following God’s Trail – #7

May 6 –at church, Sandy M prayed: “The Lord has touched your babies. He assured me that He will be there to supervise the delivery. He told me to tell you.”

May 8 –open house, a few came. I will not be discouraged because God is merciful and He is perfect in His timing. He has purposes to fulfill. I purpose to trust Him.

May 12 –car fire! Our Nova station wagon caught on fire in the grocery store parking lot. Very strange. No one was hurt.

May 20 –open house, two couples, both interested.

May 23 –to Lynn’s for Lamaze breathing practice.

May 25 –very tense day: Elim guy never called. I was under pressure to get this house ready for possible realtors’ visits before the boys and I left for Michele’s Bible study for the morning. Feeling overwhelmed. Karen called—the Lord told her it was urgent that she call me. Praise God. She prayed, I cried, and the tension broke and my perspective changed. After dinner, much baby activity. Continuous Braxton Hicks for 1 hour. Wore me out!

May 28 –recognized fear, uncertainty, lack of faith about baby’s birth. Cried out to the Lord. My resources won’t be sufficient—no confidence in the doctor, etc. I thought hard about God, but couldn’t really get ahold of Him. I thought—how can I have success? Joshua 1:8 came to mind. Decided to use my NAS Bible with the topical index. I had just bought a spiral notebook. Looking up verses on the favor of God and the faithfulness of God. Will meditate daily on them. Dan wants to read them with me. Together we will see our Lord work.

May 29 –I got up early for devotions and prayer. Meditated on my scriptures in my spiral notebook. My faith was built. Elim guy called and we have a house for $300 a month beginning in August in NY.

May 30 –A realtor, called saying the artist couple, the Clarke’s, are very interested in buying our house.

May 31 –Dan set himself to pray. He said: “God what if they offer us $92,000?” THEY DID! He felt God said, “Just sell.”

Signed the agreement to sell. They will call us back tomorrow if they agree with our date changes.

The car fire had sidelined our car. We went to a lot and bought a car. We were all out till 11:30pm.

We felt God’s grace and blessing. Dodge Colt Vista. Seven passenger. But it doesn’t FEEL like seven passenger and there is so little trunk area. Trying not to argue.

122- Following God’s Trail – #4

122- Following God’s Trail – #4

Feb 16, 1984 – Elim called—we’re IN!

What relief came over us! They are concerned about our financial status. Dan assured them we have enough money for one year. They were relieved. They are working on housing for us. Dan intends to fly out—Judy said: “You’ll find we’re like a family here!”  THAT WAS JUST THE MESSAGE GOD GAVE US THROUGH PAUL!!

Danny & Lynn need to sell their house in order to buy our house.

Lima Christian School called us. It would cost $100 a month to send Tim to kindergarten there. Lord, please provide.

I read Karen my entire prayer list and she wrote it down so she and I will be praying the same things.

Feb 24 – Somebody said he did not think we would be going to NY till summer. I am still recovering from this! I wanted so much to get organized, settled, find a new doctor in our new town in time for our baby’s birth. I’m having a hard time adjusting to the possibility of that this is true.

Dan will fast M-W for many issues.

All of January and February Dan has been mightily praying and seeking God’s will. He had felt God said at the end of February he would have all the answers. That seemed like ages ago, and here it is upon us.

One of my librarian friends offered monthly support through a club she belongs to.

I guess if we stay here in Reno till summer God has His definite reasons. I am asking for a promise for this baby, so I can rest about that. I want to know the verse is from God.

Feb 25 –Meet with Judy Smith about USCWM.  (more on USCWM later) I perceived that the Lord has yet some work to do here in Reno that may involve us spreading the vision of the need of the unreached peoples of the world.

This morning I saw clearly that I did not necessarily want His will to be done, but MY WILL to be done. I repented, and was greatly blessed.  Now I am asking, “Reveal Your will and purpose so we can know we belong here longer and make arrangements accordingly.”

Am I waffling or just staying flexible? I just hope the house will sell so we can release some of that money to pay the property taxes which are coming due quickly. GOD KNOWS.

Feb 28 –God sent 3 of His ministers to me to love me and help me readjust my perspective. You are so loving Father.

*Karen – You have always trusted in Me, do not stop now; rest in Me, let Me break the way and go before you. It is your heart I am concerned about—nothing in the physical. Walk with Me, do not try to make Me walk with you. Walk with Me. Abide with Me. Look on Me.

In my devotions today: Matt 7:9 Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?

We are humbly and simply asking for God’s direction and help so that we can proceed in doing what we believe is His will.

*JoyceAs Abraham went without knowing, so are you and Dan!

AND THAT WAS IN MY DEVOTIONS YESTERDAY.

Joyce admitted she could not go out like that. What a sweetheart. She prayed all in the church would be available to give to Dan and I financially, etc. She prayed for the Holy Spirit to fill the baby in utero. She prayed for prosperity and a good reliable car.

*Jeanette – suggested cheddar cheese milkshake because low blood sugar could be the reason for the dizziness I was experiencing. She also had a testimony of how God brought money to them from nowhere.

119- Following God’s Trail – #1

119- Following God’s Trail – #1

Many times in our walks with God, Dan and I have followed a vision that we have believed we have received from the Lord. One of the first ones was Dan hearing from the Lord that I could be his wife. I have chronicled our experience in blogs 24-31.

Dan’s goal was to get more Biblical training before we embarked on our missionary venture to Japan. That goal was formulated from our experiences when we visited Japan and Dan had the realization that we were not prepared to do the spiritual warfare that would be required to live there.

It also came from watching Peace Child, Don Richard’s missionary story. Dan was very impacted by ….

I have also mentioned the Lord’s word through our friend, Paul (blog 116), to send our application to Elim and begin the process of admission.

In my 1984 journaling, I was using a 3-ring binder. I kept a separate section which I called THE CHAIN OF EVENTS LEADING TO OUR DEPARTURE. The next ten blogs chronicle how God was speaking to us in our devotions, in the circumstances, through friends, through the prophetic word. We were sure that God was clearly directing our steps and that within a month or two we would be on our way to New York.

Spoiler: We suffered a huge disappointment in that we did not make the trip that winter, or spring, OR SUMMER as we had expected but God had us delay TWO MORE YEARS! Of course we saw the wisdom in the delay in hindsight.

Yet the 6-month faith journey became and adventure in following the Holy Spirit’s leading. His ways are mysterious. He wanted us to learn more about hearing His voice, trusting Him, and especially learning to work with the Body of believers. We were both very independent and self-sufficient, but those aren’t character traits He admires. He needed to humble us, because there is till the day we die, always pride that creeps in and needs to be acknowledged and repented of. Who knows what else He had in His mind. Obedience to Jesus is always worth it even if it does not bring what we had envisioned, and even if we seem to be taking a twisting country road rather than the freeway.

January 8, 1984 –Dan gave reference letter forms to two of the church elders.

Jan 9 –From Dan’s notes I typed his application to Elim Bible Institute, Lima, New York. And we sent it off.

Jan 12 — Believing the Bible School had missionaries in Japan, we sent a letter to Elim Fellowship, the missionary sending agency associated with the Bible school, requesting a missionary appointment from them and housing in Japan. (We learned later that it was a rather audacious request.)

Jan 13 – Our very good friends, Danny & Lynn, wanted to buy our solar house. We looked at the paperwork and discussed the sale.

Jan 15 – Dan gave Danny money to begin the loan process.

Jan 16 – In my devotions: John 4:5 The woman of Samaria could bring others to Christ because of her experience with Him firsthand.  Then, Pastor said yesterday, “We need to experience Jesus.” Yes! Jesus lifted all of my relocation cares off of me as I came to Him with crying during worship and received prayer and counsel from Dan.

2 Chronicles 16:9 For the eyes of the Lord roam to and fro throughout the earth, that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. Georgann, give God your heart again.

Bruce Mc told Dan my heart must be with missions and be in the vision, too, or it won’t work. Dan was asked by Pastor Dave to be an elder for the second time. He said there had been a unanimous vote by current elders. Dan prayed and later said yes.

Jan  17 – Dan went to the Pastoral Meeting at church and HH, one of the elders, counseled Dan NOT to sell everything and give the money away, as had been our plan. Surprisingly, we both had peace about that.

117- Dan Loves Me and Jesus Loves Me

117- Dan Loves Me, and Jesus Loves Me

December 1, 1983

Dan loves me. I believe him.

December 8

The Homemaking Bible Study today ended up being a very painful experience. Dan prayed for me. Perhaps the Lord will give me feedback. I praise God for His continual unfailing love.

December 9

I need a revelation about my personality. There is something I think God is trying to get across. Dan says I am alright.

December 10

I am trying to justify being snarky, moody, and sour. The scripture gives me no support whatsoever.

Psalm 34:13 Keep your tongue from evil

                   14 Seek peace and pursue it

Proverbs 12:15 There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.

December 18

Dan confessed our relationship is not what it should be. That he has been working hard at other things and has been taking me for granted. Praise the Lord.

January 19, 1984

3am A dream woke me up. It was about a former relationship and was upsetting. I got up to tend the fire and make sure the boys were covered and I felt I should stay up and settle some things with God.

When I said to God: “Dan is just a man. How long can he love me?”

God said: “As long as I can love you!”

Dan belongs to God, the relationship is divinely ordained and divinely sustained. (we have always known that God brought us together) I got assurance that I need have NO FEAR of God’s or Dan’s love running out the more they get to know me. We both will keep putting wrongs at the foot of the cross. Jesus will give us ongoing love for Himself and one another.

114- We Are Blessed!

114- We are blessed!

November 1, 1983

I went to Dr. Ruiz and had a positive urine test! I’m pregnant! Due in June.

God, You have definitely been preparing me and as I look at You I am at peace and in joy. In September I suspected, but with Mark being sick and in the hospital I was so distracted and stressed, I could not be sure.

When I consider facing my parents and 95% of my Christian friends my blood runs cold because they will see us as foolish. SPEAK, LORD. I NEED A RHEMA FROM YOU!

HEBREWS 10:38 Now the just shall live by faith; but if anyone draws back, My soul has no pleasure in him.

Habakkuk 2:4c But the just shall live by his faith.

Dan gave me: Psalm 23:3b He leads me in the paths of righteous for HIS NAMESAKE.

It is for Jesus’ namesake that I go this way—hallelujah!

Tynale Commentary on the Bible on Psalm 23:3: The righteous one (whether an individual or a group) who belongs to God and whose trust continues in God and His promises SHALL LIVE, i.e., shall survive the present trial and receive His eternal reward. If, however, he DRAWS BACK THROUGH fear, God shall have no pleasure in him.

Dan also gave me: Psalm 128:1-4 Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways….Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.

Our sons were 4, 3, and 1 when I had the positive pregnancy test! And, yes, people’s mouths fell open as the word got around that baby #4 was due in June.

As I re-read this post of my journal entries, I sound a little like a kook! But Dan and I have walked by faith our entire experience with Jesus. We have wanted to hear from Him and we have wanted to please Him by obeying Him. If others did not understand us, it was hard to bear sometimes, but it was okay. He always made sure we had at least one or two people who got it –because they lived that way also, or because they wished they could live in that kind of faith and they admired us for doing it. As the years have passed, we have matured, and we still walk by faith, seeking Him, listening and waiting for His word.

112- Womb Closed, Womb Open?

112- Womb Closed,

Womb Open?

July 8, 1983

Today I am remembering Vern’s prayer for the Lord to close my womb.

Lou had a disability. Our hearts went out to him and we welcomed him and his wife into our home on many occasions. He was a new friend at church, and he had said that he had a word from God that He would close my womb. I had faith that, although this sounded very unusual, I knew God was able to do this. It brought me peace for many months in this area that we were seeking the Lord about.

July 18

Lord, my appointment on Wednesday is with Dr. Staffer, a Christian associate of my regular doctor. I ASK that he notice my womb closed. (Sounds like an incredible request) It would make the testimony more believable. I also ask for You to tell the doctor if I have a hormonal imbalance or if I am beginning the change of life. I would like some counsel from him about this. Thank You.

August 16

Dan has been so loving and so faithful. Thank You for strengthening our relationship, for giving us Your love for each other.

September 19

*Yesterday at church Jan said, “Are you pregnant?” And I felt the Lord was telling me, “You are.”

*Two weeks ago a little boy at church, 7 year old Matthew, asked if I was going to have a baby!

*KathyS gave me two maternity dresses!

*I had spotting last Tues, but today I started my period.

*Oh! The doctor said my experience in prayer was just a symbol and not to rely on it for birth control.

*This morning on the phone, Karen said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you were pregnant.”

I am shaken. I really thought this was settled. I guess I will soon know.

It’s not having another baby that is the issue. If that is what You want for me and for us, I will be ecstatically rejoicing from the depths of me. I really will, I will not resist in any way. In fact if there is new life in me, “welcome, little wee one! we love you already.”

The hard part is the humiliation and the jokes that will follow us and be thrown in our faces. And that hurts my spirit deep down.

I know You are able to do anything You want to do. By faith, I believe You are reliable, and that every circumstance You allow has purpose for Your kingdom and for my being conformed into the image of my precious Savior.

The man who had the word for me about the Lord closing my womb was only at our church a few months. Knowing him was a good experience because it has helped us recognize legalistic people and people who should be wearing a sign that says—beware of me! I’m a little ‘off kilter.’ You have seen Dan’s and my wholehearted faith in the Lord. But at the same time we needed to grow in the area of discernment of spirits.

Dan and I have gifts of mercy, so it was easy for us to bring this man into our world. But the gift of mercy really needs wisdom and Spirit leading or the mercy person will find himself with a houseful of homeless people or stray cats, and his hard-earned money in other people’s pockets and not his bank account.

109- Not a Speck – Part II

109- Not A Speck –

Part II

July 4, 1983

I am still not fully committed to Christ’s way. I still fear for my life, my children’s lives. [I think I meant that I was still apprehensive about selling all and about the possibility that God would ask us to leave everything familiar to go to another country forever….and maybe die there.]

But I need to continuously affirm that –

-“I am going with Christ to the END” –my flesh screams: “not to the END!”

-“I will go the way of the cross” –my flesh screams: “argh! not THAT way!”

-“I will deny MYSELF and follow after Jesus My Lord” –my flesh screams: “oh no! He’s a fanatic!”

I turn away from the wimpy flesh to Jesus: Continue reading “109- Not a Speck – Part II”

108- Not a Speck – Part I

108- Not A Speck –

Part I

July 4, 1983

I need love and deep peace, Lord. There’s not a speck of it in me.

2 John 1:5 …a new commandment…that we love one another.

Bible notes: The new law of Christ is the divine love as wrought into the renewed heart by the Holy Spirit.

Romans 5:5 …because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit…

Bible notes: This love flows out in the energy of the Spirit, unforced and spontaneous, toward the objects of the divine love. Continue reading “108- Not a Speck – Part I”

107- Dan says, Sell All

107- Dan Says, Sell All

June 29, 1983

Dan felt very strongly yesterday that the Lord said clearly to him to sell all and give the money to the poor.

It really is the desire of his heart and has been all his Christian life —to be really sold out to God.

He remembered telling Bill Denney (when we were having marriage counseling), “Georgann’s the only one I know who would ‘sell all’ for God.”

And now I’m faced once again with this reality.

(I gave away most of my possessions to the poor once before: see blog 22.)

It’s a greater step of faith being married with kids to think of taking this step of faith.

My folks would really believe I’d flipped out, although they wouldn’t have to know all the details. That release Pastor gave on Sunday – chains over the congregation being broken – releasing us from a paranoia of God. It was REAL release. I know God broke something in me and Dan.

Dan said, “We’re still in control, still running our lives. Only when we sell all will we be in the Lord’s control.”

Luke 12:33 Sell what you have and give alms

         34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

and –

Matthew 19:21 Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.