233 – Focus on His Presence

 233 – Focus on His Presence, not Fear

November 19, 1986

Fear brings a fight-or-flight response. In my case, I pretty quickly go to panic. Fears can be real or imagined.

Here is the list I had in my journal on this day. It is a continuation of the previous blog:

*fear that I am losing the boys and I’ll not regain ‘control’ once they get distracted 

*fear that they will grow up and be weird

*fear someone will see the house messy

*fear the boys will be seen by others while they are fighting

*fear I will not be able to get Daniel playing happily with the toys and I will lose the boys’ interest in the school work while I am helping him

*fear people will see all of us as we really are, so often at odds, it seems.

Often I recognize the moment the fearful thought comes to me and I find myself going with it instead of holding every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

9pm After my half hour walk, I had a good time praying with Dan. I heard myself saying: “I let go of the boys, I just want to be in Your presence, Jesus.” WHAT PEACE CAME TO ME!!

Could this be the missing link?? Please continue to speak, Lord…. what comes immediately to mind is the book about George Mueller, which I began reading last night. As a newly saved believer, when he focused on his girlfriend and was infatuated with her, he had no communication or peace or presence of God. The moment he turned away from her and chose God, God was there. Is that what happens to me, Lord? Please speak to me!

10:30pm I love these verses, thank You!

In Thy presence is fullness of joy. Psalm 16:11

God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved.; God will help her when morning dawns. Psalm 46:5

Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms. Psalm 95:2

232 – Sorting Out My Fears

232 – Sorting Out My Fears

November 19, 1986

Let us function in love and brotherly kindness in our home! You are my only hope. There is less friction than ever, but sometimes I want to SCREAM.

I do not want cover everything over and just learn how to COPE!  HEAL ME DEEPLY! I want my reactions to be in love and kindness.

Dan discovered the book Inner Healing by Paula and John Sandford. I stopped at the library at Elim to pick it up before my Prophet’s class last night.

My challenges:

*the boys being disobedient—specifically: playfully disregarding me but enjoying each other!

*boys playing too rough and hurting each other

*Daniel being fussy and distracting us from schoolwork

*the stress of trying to keep to our school schedule

*focusing on the messy house

*anger at not having more food, toys, socks for the boys, personal time for me.

I was praying, and this verse came to my mind: When I am afraid I will put my trust in Thee. Psalm 56:3.

Hmmmm…the root of my anger seems to be FEAR—

I sought the Lord and, He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

to be continued on blog 233!

222 -Believe and Be Saved

222 – Believe and Be Saved

October 22, 1986

I have been reading my Bible and praying, more than writing in my journal. Praise God, it has been GOOD.

I have seen God taking over in me and in the circumstances!

Swindoll’s book, Improving Your Serve: When God is in control of the servant’s mind…life’s greatest joy is to give His love away. (paraphrased)

Fill me up today, Lord, moment by moment, so I can give Your love away.

Help me see the pitfalls that await me and remind me to call on You to get me up and over them and on the other side!!

And thank You for the invention of the telephone—we heard from Danny P, Auntie Bev, and my parents. So much love flowing our way…

Tim and Daniel stayed at the Pletcher’s while Dan and I took Steve and Mark to the Billy Graham movie, Cry From the Mountain. Both boys went forward when the invitation was given! Halleljuah!

Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household. Acts 16:31

221 – Exhorted to Live in His Presence

221 – Exhorted to Live in His Presence

October 15, 1986

I see that the only way we can be gracious and go with the flow is to have come through our  experiences and stressful times being in continual companionship with Jesus.

I got to go to early morning chapel on campus yesterday. It was wonderful and God was present and moving.

Brother Edwards spoke of seeing the Lord’s presence manifested and His manifest presence. I forget which is which.

But as I read in Acts 2 this morning:

22 Jesus the Nazarene, a man attested to you by God with miracles and wonders and signs which God performed through Him in your midst.

25 “For David says of Him, ‘I SAW THE LORD ALWAYS IN MY PRESENCE; FOR HE IS AT MY RIGHT HAND, SO THAT I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN.”

26 ‘THEREFORE [being in His Presence] MY HEART WAS GLAD AND MY TONGUE EXULTED; MOREOVER MY FLESH ALSO WILL LIVE IN HOPE;

28 ‘YOU HAVE MADE KNOWN TO ME THE WAYS OF LIFE; YOU WILL MAKE ME FULL OF GLADNESS WITH YOUR PRESENCE.’

O Lord, My God. In your presence I will not be shaken. In Your presence my heart is glad and I have hope. In Your presence we fellowship and I am full of gladness. I love gladness!

220 – Official End of Pity Party

220 – Official End of Pity Party

October 14, 1986

Father – I’m supposed to ‘forget not His benefits’ (Psalm 103:2) AND I DID FORGET! And I stayed in self pity longer than I should have. When I see it I need to jump right out into counting my blessings and His benefits.

I’m remembering that on SATURDAY all four boys played nicely with David in the morning and he stayed for lunch. Then after he went home and Daniel napped, I got to read Open Heart, Open Home, by Karen Mains for two hours. The other boys played so well together …Oh what a blessing!

On SUNDAY, we had a wonderful morning of worship and teaching at Elim and then a wonderful picnic and fellowship time with the Tarpins and McAloons. Thank You.

On MONDAY, Tracey Belcastro came over and we did her washing. I was able to give her some food and we talked and prayed uninterruptedly for almost 2 hours. Two boys went to Chris Pletcher’s and two boys napped.

MONDAY night Skiffs came to dinner. Sue helped me get it together while Dave (a barber in his former life before he became a student) cut the boys hair!! Praise God.

LET ME FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE PLEASE! LET ME PRAY THROUGH EVERYTHING AND REARRANGE WHAT I CAN IN THE TIGHT SPOTS!!

One thing I see is that the first hours of the day all the boys want to be together with me. Perhaps we could have a really loving and friendly time, playing games, reading our books, till 10 when we have snack. Then try for math and then reading after lunch when Daniel’s in bed.

The book, Open Heart, Open Home is having a wonderful affect on me. I walked all of the kids to the library on Tuesday and let Leah and Nicole stay for lunch (usually I am too stingy to share our food, rationalizing that our income is meager and we need it for ourselves). ALL the neighborhood kids were here ALL afternoon. I let them inside for drinks, mediated their squabbles, played with them a bit, checked on them, talked to them—God is working through this book! Praise Jesus!

AND to top it all off, Janet and Jackie called from Reno! And Pastor Dave called also!

I call an official end to the Pity Party.

*Open Heart, Open Home, by Karen Mains, 1976.

219 – Pity Party

219 – Pity Party

October 14, 1986  -early Tuesday morning, day off school

All I see is their faults and mine – noisy gongs and clanging symbols.

What will God do to revive our love??

I see that I am closed to accepting help. In many ways I am trying to do it all myself.

Relax, Georgann, let loose. Let the Body of Believers, work.

I cannot see God as Big Enough to orchestrate my kids going with other kids (although no one has asked but Leslie, who invited them to a worldly movie (groan)).

And so I carry this burden of bringing up four boys alone day after day.

My desire is that Dan be more available.

But do I just need to let go and let God get more involved? — and ask for some relief?

Actually—Vivian (new neighbor who moved into Josie’s part of our house) babysits every Tuesday night and Angela babysits every Friday night.

Chris Pletcher, age 13, comes over and plays GI Joes and runs around with them outside with them once a week and Nicole comes and helps with Daniel once in a while, too.

It’s just a pity party… giant groan….

217 – Through the Holy Spirit, Like Jesus

217 – Through the Holy Spirit, Like Jesus

October 8, 1986

Thinking of my heaviness, harshness, at times.

Praying, pleading, for positive attitude.

Having just finished Isaiah and begun Jeremiah last night, reflecting on the fact that God so often seems negative, terrible, full of laws and penalties, unyielding, even mean—we’re a lot like that, aren’t we, Father?

But then came Jesus and the New Testament—the new covenant.

THAT IS WHERE I WANT TO LIVE.

How can I? I ask myself – and I hear:

by the power of the Holy Spirit like Jesus did!!

Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit… Luke 4:1

How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him. Acts 10:38

I choose Your abundant life, Jesus Christ. You are my Lord, Jesus. Let me serve You today. Let me serve my children with kindness in the fullness of Your Spirit.

204 ~ A Continual Choice

204 – A Continual Choice

July 25, 1986

Our new friend Leslie came over and talked some more. Her deceased husband was a troubled soul, she said. She and her son are devastated. May You guard my mouth at all times by giving me wisdom and discernment, Lord!

I called the Superintendent’s office and got him! I had been stressed about our appointment and yet had not hesitated to cancel it yesterday when Leslie sat in my living room. I explained to him the last-minute cancellation. He sounded compassionate. But he also seemed stern and businesslike.

July 30

Depression and fear have been hovering around me because it feels like the Superintendent holds power over me!

I realized on my walk that I can embrace God and walk with Him or I can choose an anxious and negative attitude and darkness.

Today I will meet with the Superintendent at 9am.

I have been reading daily in Exodus. Then on Sunday at church I was convicted of not being in the Word enough, so I decided to read daily in the New Testament as well.

This morning I was dumbfounded when I read:

1 Peter:13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority…

 15 for such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

Romans 13:1 Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.

These verses enabled me to be humble and submissive during the important meeting, not defensive and afraid. I will trust that You will use this man and his position for the best course we are to take.

Lord, that was amazing that I got those three verses on this exact day without having any other purpose but to hear Your voice. Amazing!

Thank You for reminding me of Your viewpoint about the world’s structure and my place in it! Thank You that I am able to hear you speak and by Your grace follow Your leading!

Mr. Deloria wants Tim and Steve tested at the school to determine their proficiency in reading and math. Then he will decide if the boys will be placed in school or if our methods are working and they can continue with home education. I am a little rattled, I admit.

203 ~ A Tragic Interruption in Life

203 ~ A Tragic Interruption in Life

July 24, 1986

For months I had been worried about what the requirements would be to homeschool in Livonia. And yesterday when I met the lady who had been taken to court regarding homeschooling, I had been shocked and very concerned. Her personality was very outgoing and bold. My goal in homeschooling has always been to quietly do my thing and not attract any undue attention. I hoped her assertive personality and trouble with the public school system would not have a negative effect on my situation.

I had made an appointment with the superintendent of schools to present my case for teaching the boys at home. I had decided to tell him that we were expecting to be missionary candidates and we would be probably teaching our children overseas.

The appointment was today.

I prayed in the Spirit almost my entire 35 minute walk.

And then I found out that Leslie’s husband committed suicide last night. And everything stopped.

Leslie came over to talk.

I cancelled my appointment.

I thanked God for moving us here so we could be available for Leslie, for Leslie’s son being best friends with my sons, for the times we had visited in the past couple of weeks so that we had built a relationship of friendship and trust. I mostly listened. I had no idea if this man had made his peace with God so I could not broach that subject. She appreciated a listening ear.

Death is a tragic interruption in life.

199- Asking God for Help

199 – Asking God for Help

July 15, 1986

Exodus 16:4 The Lord said to Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a day’s portion every day, that I may test them, whether or not they will walk in my instruction.

I was encouraged in reading about God providing for the Israelites…so I asked God for an invitation out to dinner because I needed one more meal in the week’s menu.

Janet came by unexpectedly with a bag of groceries that will carry us through this week and into next, saying, “the Lord told me– as I was walking through the store asking Him who could use this, and this, and this—that YOU could!”  Janet has been such a faithful friend to us!

July 16

Exodus 17:1-7  [The story of water coming from the rock—after Moses took the people’s complaints to God.]

This story led me to something in my life: the three younger boys would be satisfied to play here at home, I think. But Tim is restless and wants friends his age and more things to do.

So – I bring this complaint to You, Lord.

I have no ideas, no car, no money, no friends to call on. How can I help my son?

And I rebuke fear.

Exodus 17:8-16 [The story Moses interceding for the people during the battle with the Amalekites.]

I will intercede on Tim’s behalf. I will pray about this. 

Many times, just like this, the Bible is my guide. I write down a verse or many verses while I am reading. Often God ‘speaks’ to me and answers my questions and gives me advice. It’s pretty amazing… It’s a relationship that is built day by day.

Little did I know that within a few weeks, Tim would be a first grade student at the elementary school across the field. It wasn’t my choice, but it answered my prayers. Did the Lord lead me to intercede for Timmy so that I would be a bit more prepared for what was going to be happening. I wouldn’t be surprised.