257 – More Time with My Boys

257 – More Time

with My Boys

February 4, 1987

I woke up at 2:30am concerned about Stevie, feeling I’m so busy I don’t just sit and listen and play with him and his brothers. I had a few ideas on how to help each of them: an old idea that each boy could get a turn to go alone with Dan , then with me the next time, to the diner down the street, for a milkshake or something. Walk, hold hands, chat.

also: I could ask Carleen if I could bring one boy at a time to spend the morning with her boys while I am at class at Elim.

also: skip a homeschool subject once in a while to play a game with one boy.

May God help me. Why do I know He will? He always does.

Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. Psalm 37:5

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Psalm 37:23

247 – God Encouraged Me

247 – God Encouraged Me

December 27, 1986 Saturday

Oh! I just remembered:

After Karen had finished the pep talk on Christmas day, she talked about their Christmas gathering. A young man was there who is the third of six boys in a missionary family that had lived in China during his growing up years. She asked him how his mom had done raising them and if he had any advice she could share with me.

He said he knew it was hard for his mom to raise six sons, especially because her husband was gone A LOT and the responsibility was mainly hers. But she, LEANED ON THE LORD.

He said those years in China were the best in his life and that it is excellent experience for kids to grow up in a foreign country like that.

I had been asking God the last two weeks to tell me ANYTHING I needed to know about anything at all, because everything has been so difficult.

So He encouraged has me about:

*leaning on Him

*kids loving the overseas life

*ridding us of grumbling and complaining

*advised us of the spiritual attack and creepy spirits hanging around that we were to evict in Jesus’ name.

BLESS JESUS CHRIST!

BLESS OUR LORD!

GLORY TO GOD!

He also encouraged me by:

*having Dan home recently

*having Dan share the burden of the boys’ behavior

*letting me purchase plastic containers

*giving me time to organize and a clear head to do it today.

BLESS OUR GOD!!

233 – Focus on His Presence

 233 – Focus on His Presence, not Fear

November 19, 1986

Fear brings a fight-or-flight response. In my case, I pretty quickly go to panic. Fears can be real or imagined.

Here is the list I had in my journal on this day. It is a continuation of the previous blog:

*fear that I am losing the boys and I’ll not regain ‘control’ once they get distracted 

*fear that they will grow up and be weird

*fear someone will see the house messy

*fear the boys will be seen by others while they are fighting

*fear I will not be able to get Daniel playing happily with the toys and I will lose the boys’ interest in the school work while I am helping him

*fear people will see all of us as we really are, so often at odds, it seems.

Often I recognize the moment the fearful thought comes to me and I find myself going with it instead of holding every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

9pm After my half hour walk, I had a good time praying with Dan. I heard myself saying: “I let go of the boys, I just want to be in Your presence, Jesus.” WHAT PEACE CAME TO ME!!

Could this be the missing link?? Please continue to speak, Lord…. what comes immediately to mind is the book about George Mueller, which I began reading last night. As a newly saved believer, when he focused on his girlfriend and was infatuated with her, he had no communication or peace or presence of God. The moment he turned away from her and chose God, God was there. Is that what happens to me, Lord? Please speak to me!

10:30pm I love these verses, thank You!

In Thy presence is fullness of joy. Psalm 16:11

God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved.; God will help her when morning dawns. Psalm 46:5

Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms. Psalm 95:2

232 – Sorting Out My Fears

232 – Sorting Out My Fears

November 19, 1986

Let us function in love and brotherly kindness in our home! You are my only hope. There is less friction than ever, but sometimes I want to SCREAM.

I do not want cover everything over and just learn how to COPE!  HEAL ME DEEPLY! I want my reactions to be in love and kindness.

Dan discovered the book Inner Healing by Paula and John Sandford. I stopped at the library at Elim to pick it up before my Prophet’s class last night.

My challenges:

*the boys being disobedient—specifically: playfully disregarding me but enjoying each other!

*boys playing too rough and hurting each other

*Daniel being fussy and distracting us from schoolwork

*the stress of trying to keep to our school schedule

*focusing on the messy house

*anger at not having more food, toys, socks for the boys, personal time for me.

I was praying, and this verse came to my mind: When I am afraid I will put my trust in Thee. Psalm 56:3.

Hmmmm…the root of my anger seems to be FEAR—

I sought the Lord and, He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

to be continued on blog 233!

221 – Exhorted to Live in His Presence

221 – Exhorted to Live in His Presence

October 15, 1986

I see that the only way we can be gracious and go with the flow is to have come through our  experiences and stressful times being in continual companionship with Jesus.

I got to go to early morning chapel on campus yesterday. It was wonderful and God was present and moving.

Brother Edwards spoke of seeing the Lord’s presence manifested and His manifest presence. I forget which is which.

But as I read in Acts 2 this morning:

22 Jesus the Nazarene, a man attested to you by God with miracles and wonders and signs which God performed through Him in your midst.

25 “For David says of Him, ‘I SAW THE LORD ALWAYS IN MY PRESENCE; FOR HE IS AT MY RIGHT HAND, SO THAT I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN.”

26 ‘THEREFORE [being in His Presence] MY HEART WAS GLAD AND MY TONGUE EXULTED; MOREOVER MY FLESH ALSO WILL LIVE IN HOPE;

28 ‘YOU HAVE MADE KNOWN TO ME THE WAYS OF LIFE; YOU WILL MAKE ME FULL OF GLADNESS WITH YOUR PRESENCE.’

O Lord, My God. In your presence I will not be shaken. In Your presence my heart is glad and I have hope. In Your presence we fellowship and I am full of gladness. I love gladness!

220 – Official End of Pity Party

220 – Official End of Pity Party

October 14, 1986

Father – I’m supposed to ‘forget not His benefits’ (Psalm 103:2) AND I DID FORGET! And I stayed in self pity longer than I should have. When I see it I need to jump right out into counting my blessings and His benefits.

I’m remembering that on SATURDAY all four boys played nicely with David in the morning and he stayed for lunch. Then after he went home and Daniel napped, I got to read Open Heart, Open Home, by Karen Mains for two hours. The other boys played so well together …Oh what a blessing!

On SUNDAY, we had a wonderful morning of worship and teaching at Elim and then a wonderful picnic and fellowship time with the Tarpins and McAloons. Thank You.

On MONDAY, Tracey Belcastro came over and we did her washing. I was able to give her some food and we talked and prayed uninterruptedly for almost 2 hours. Two boys went to Chris Pletcher’s and two boys napped.

MONDAY night Skiffs came to dinner. Sue helped me get it together while Dave (a barber in his former life before he became a student) cut the boys hair!! Praise God.

LET ME FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE PLEASE! LET ME PRAY THROUGH EVERYTHING AND REARRANGE WHAT I CAN IN THE TIGHT SPOTS!!

One thing I see is that the first hours of the day all the boys want to be together with me. Perhaps we could have a really loving and friendly time, playing games, reading our books, till 10 when we have snack. Then try for math and then reading after lunch when Daniel’s in bed.

The book, Open Heart, Open Home is having a wonderful affect on me. I walked all of the kids to the library on Tuesday and let Leah and Nicole stay for lunch (usually I am too stingy to share our food, rationalizing that our income is meager and we need it for ourselves). ALL the neighborhood kids were here ALL afternoon. I let them inside for drinks, mediated their squabbles, played with them a bit, checked on them, talked to them—God is working through this book! Praise Jesus!

AND to top it all off, Janet and Jackie called from Reno! And Pastor Dave called also!

I call an official end to the Pity Party.

*Open Heart, Open Home, by Karen Mains, 1976.

219 – Pity Party

219 – Pity Party

October 14, 1986  -early Tuesday morning, day off school

All I see is their faults and mine – noisy gongs and clanging symbols.

What will God do to revive our love??

I see that I am closed to accepting help. In many ways I am trying to do it all myself.

Relax, Georgann, let loose. Let the Body of Believers, work.

I cannot see God as Big Enough to orchestrate my kids going with other kids (although no one has asked but Leslie, who invited them to a worldly movie (groan)).

And so I carry this burden of bringing up four boys alone day after day.

My desire is that Dan be more available.

But do I just need to let go and let God get more involved? — and ask for some relief?

Actually—Vivian (new neighbor who moved into Josie’s part of our house) babysits every Tuesday night and Angela babysits every Friday night.

Chris Pletcher, age 13, comes over and plays GI Joes and runs around with them outside with them once a week and Nicole comes and helps with Daniel once in a while, too.

It’s just a pity party… giant groan….

217 – Through the Holy Spirit, Like Jesus

217 – Through the Holy Spirit, Like Jesus

October 8, 1986

Thinking of my heaviness, harshness, at times.

Praying, pleading, for positive attitude.

Having just finished Isaiah and begun Jeremiah last night, reflecting on the fact that God so often seems negative, terrible, full of laws and penalties, unyielding, even mean—we’re a lot like that, aren’t we, Father?

But then came Jesus and the New Testament—the new covenant.

THAT IS WHERE I WANT TO LIVE.

How can I? I ask myself – and I hear:

by the power of the Holy Spirit like Jesus did!!

Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit… Luke 4:1

How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him. Acts 10:38

I choose Your abundant life, Jesus Christ. You are my Lord, Jesus. Let me serve You today. Let me serve my children with kindness in the fullness of Your Spirit.

204 ~ A Continual Choice

204 – A Continual Choice

July 25, 1986

Our new friend Leslie came over and talked some more. Her deceased husband was a troubled soul, she said. She and her son are devastated. May You guard my mouth at all times by giving me wisdom and discernment, Lord!

I called the Superintendent’s office and got him! I had been stressed about our appointment and yet had not hesitated to cancel it yesterday when Leslie sat in my living room. I explained to him the last-minute cancellation. He sounded compassionate. But he also seemed stern and businesslike.

July 30

Depression and fear have been hovering around me because it feels like the Superintendent holds power over me!

I realized on my walk that I can embrace God and walk with Him or I can choose an anxious and negative attitude and darkness.

Today I will meet with the Superintendent at 9am.

I have been reading daily in Exodus. Then on Sunday at church I was convicted of not being in the Word enough, so I decided to read daily in the New Testament as well.

This morning I was dumbfounded when I read:

1 Peter:13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority…

 15 for such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

Romans 13:1 Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.

These verses enabled me to be humble and submissive during the important meeting, not defensive and afraid. I will trust that You will use this man and his position for the best course we are to take.

Lord, that was amazing that I got those three verses on this exact day without having any other purpose but to hear Your voice. Amazing!

Thank You for reminding me of Your viewpoint about the world’s structure and my place in it! Thank You that I am able to hear you speak and by Your grace follow Your leading!

Mr. Deloria wants Tim and Steve tested at the school to determine their proficiency in reading and math. Then he will decide if the boys will be placed in school or if our methods are working and they can continue with home education. I am a little rattled, I admit.

203 ~ A Tragic Interruption in Life

203 ~ A Tragic Interruption in Life

July 24, 1986

For months I had been worried about what the requirements would be to homeschool in Livonia. And yesterday when I met the lady who had been taken to court regarding homeschooling, I had been shocked and very concerned. Her personality was very outgoing and bold. My goal in homeschooling has always been to quietly do my thing and not attract any undue attention. I hoped her assertive personality and trouble with the public school system would not have a negative effect on my situation.

I had made an appointment with the superintendent of schools to present my case for teaching the boys at home. I had decided to tell him that we were expecting to be missionary candidates and we would be probably teaching our children overseas.

The appointment was today.

I prayed in the Spirit almost my entire 35 minute walk.

And then I found out that Leslie’s husband committed suicide last night. And everything stopped.

Leslie came over to talk.

I cancelled my appointment.

I thanked God for moving us here so we could be available for Leslie, for Leslie’s son being best friends with my sons, for the times we had visited in the past couple of weeks so that we had built a relationship of friendship and trust. I mostly listened. I had no idea if this man had made his peace with God so I could not broach that subject. She appreciated a listening ear.

Death is a tragic interruption in life.