123- Following God’s Trail – #5

123- Following God’s Trail – #5

March 1, 1984- More encouragements from my friends!

*Carla called. I was dumbfounded. After I spoke what I felt the Lord had given me for her I felt released in the Spirit– I felt the flow of God through me. The amazing thing was that I had something from the Lord to say to her and SHE called me! [I didn’t record what it was, but noted that: I was obedient and not a ‘people pleaser.’]

*Deb called and gave me: Luke 10:19 Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

She saw Dan looking up and the Holy Spirit looking down. While we were praying she saw a vision of Dan and I wearing crowns of thorns going through a time of hardship, yet ahead of us there was a road paved with gold.

Also, I felt this was from the Lord, and I was very encouraged:

A Christian music group came to church and the organist was a lady from Japan named Mitchiko. I was flooded with emotion for (Yoshimi’s wife) Mitchiko who we stayed with in Japan.

March 7 –Spent the boys’ nap time praying again about this whole thing. God will either have to work some miracles, fine—or get us on the road in April. I cannot see me traveling 3,000 miles in a car or even on an airplane after the baby is born. I was praying and seeking and weeping, KNOWING I WANT HIS WILL, KNOWING HE GENTLY LEADS THOSE WITH YOUNG. I have 3 young and will have 4. I said, “Where are You in this, Jesus?”

The scripture came to mind: John 15:16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.

I am going to go on this scripture and ask Him to be faithful to it and expect Him to be faithful to it and thank Him in advance for being faithful to it. No other hint of doing this has come to me from anywhere–so I think the Spirit breathed it to me. Dan’s heart will have to be changed again. Many things will have to fall into place. All I have to go on is this moment and this scripture.

March 8 –Relinquishment of the whole thing, everything. Great tears and then peace came. God met me.

Dan said Danny & Lynn have two parties interested in their house.

March 9 –I mentioned to Dan living in Cosart’s basement after we sell our house and until we are heading for NY. There would be no power or phone hook-up costs, for one thing. It’s been in my mind as a possibility for a couple of weeks, since we went there for dinner.

Jackie S reminded me how immediately good I felt after Mark was born. I’ve had much faster recuperation each time, and a much better attitude. Praise the Lord. I am sure this good attitude and physical energy was because of the increase of prayer and support from church friends that we had at this time in our lives. There is no substitute for the fellowship and support of the body of Christ.

March 13 – D&Lynn decided not to buy our house! It’s okay.

March 15 –Mark’s birthday. We were able to make our $1,131,26 interest payment. Praise God.

March 18 –Dan said he does feel anxious to find a buyer and get on with those things that are ahead, especially his trip to NY to visit the school and a trip for us all to visit my folks.

March 23 – We decided to tithe by faith; Dan paid two very important bills and we had no money for food till Wed or Thurs. Then Dan found $69 in the business account! Money for gas, stamps, oil for car, and food! We know Jesus knew when we’d need that money!

March 28 –I have not been faithful at writing at all!

March 30Catsup and cornmeal and flour—gone. Thinking not to replace them since moving is imminent. Carol agreed. Only God knows and He’s not telling!!

96- How God Met Us in Our Time of Need

96- How God Met Us in Our Time of Need

Dan with Tim, Steve, Mark–ages 4, 3, 1 1/2

 March 4, 1983  I also need to see more victory in my relationship with Dan. We are going through a hard time. I am having trouble accepting how busy he is for You. I am sorry. Let me not retaliate in any way, but in loving him more.

March 7, 1983  Saturday we left the boys with Lynn and Danny for 3 hours to have time together. What a blessing it was. We resolved to follow our interest in missions, after laying out our lives afresh and seeing a few areas we could begin moving in. We trust God’s continued leading. We decided to write several missionary groups (so as to “keep moving” in the direction of missions). Dan will contact the bank regarding re-financing so we can get some cash for our necessities. We prayed and relaxed and felt closer. We had needed the time for communication.

Thank you for Anointed for Burial and for the time to read it. This couple, young in the Lord, but totally available, greatly used by your Spirit, breathtakingly. Hallelujah. 

Sunday morning. I prayed about where to sit because I really wanted to worship. We put our things down, but someone took our seats, and the only seats available were even closer to the front! After tears and tears and tears during worship (I had also prayed against self consciousness in worshiping), there was mighty prophecy over Dan—“able to teach clearly” (which is his heart’s desire), “you will give bread to the hungry,” and “you will say God sustained you during this time.”

I wept and wept. We needed to hear from You so much Lord, almost more than we realized, but You knew.

Psalm 7:9…for the righteous God tests the hearts and minds.

Ps 37:3 …trust in the Lord…feed on His faithfulness

        v 19 …in days of famine they shall be satisfied

        v 25 …not begging bread

        v 39 …the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord

                …He is their strength in time of trouble

        v 40 …He shall help them and deliver them…and save them

              because they trust in Him.          

71- Praising You Today

71- Praising You Today

All eyes were on our new addition! Everyone wanted a turn to cuddle him. My mom took a break from her cooking to snuggle Mark, and then the boys had their turns.

July 15, 1982 This was my experience today. I read:

Psalm 27:24a My tongue also will utter Thy righteousness all day long.

So I begin with Hallelujah! 

Because Tim was sickly and whiny, baby Mark was awake a lot last night. Stephen slept through it all. Poor Tim was up 15 times with fever so I was fatigued, and also behind schedule, getting up an hour later than normal.  Dinner prep was time consuming. Not sure why I picked something so complicated.

So I was pushed to the Lord and I went and embraced Him with praises. The circumstances did not change much, BUT I DID.

It was challenging to look above it all to Him. Stress was like a REAL force pressing on me. But I was an overcomer today.

This afternoon, the Barkleys [missionaries in the jungles of Bolivia, who had been on furlough and were dispersing their provisions as they headed back to the mission field] blessed us today with many food items, household goods, clothes. My heart was so humble and grateful—thankful to You and giving glory to You, O Lord. Receiving molasses, honey, two pretty salad plates, a tray, a humidifier—it was like Christmas! They will bring a donut maker and jackets for Dan and I.

And I will end the day with HALLELUJAH!!! 

*Art and Toni Barkley and their two sons had been on a three month furlough and were dispersing their food provisions and the possessions they had been collecting and heading back to their Spanish home. They spent eight years in the jungles befriending the people there and sharing Jesus with them. Art translated significant portions of the New Testament into the local tribal language under the auspices of New Tribes Missions. We admired them greatly and looked forward to their monthly newsletters.

70- People Like Me But I Don’t Like Me

70- People Like Me, But 

 I don’t Like Me

June 22, 1982

So often I look back to a conversation or an encounter, and I am discouraged or depressed at the way I acted or what I said. I often think, “I don’t like me.”

But lots of people like me.

I have many friends and acquaintances. When Mom and Dad were here I confessed: “I talk so much about me I hope I don’t sound like I’m asking for pity or sound full of self-pity.”

My mom said: “I’m always surprised that you DON’T sound that way!”

The verse that comes to mind is Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and delivered himself up for me.

Christ, You must come through me more than I realize (thank You) as I daily offer myself to You.

Jesus, help Yourself to my life. Live Your life through me: Love others through me. Pray through me, be thankful to Our Father through me.

Ps 108:12-13 O give us help against the adversary, for deliverance by man is in vain. Through God we shall do valiantly; and it is He who will tread down our adversaries.

67- Don’t Name Him Silas!

67- Don’t Name Him Silas!

Post-partum depression was not invented when I was going through it in the early 1980’s. I just thought I was a little koo-koo. Several years ago I calculated that I was pregnant or nursing for 7 ½ years except for two weeks.

I became pregnant on the third day of our honeymoon at age 32, nursed each of the boys for 6-12 months. Our 4th baby was born when I was 39 and I nursed him for 6 months. It’s not a Guinness record, but it is remarkable for me– since we seemed to be moving at warp speed in our Christian walk, and I was pretty much out of my comfort zone.

Our story about the birth of our third son is that I had a check-up scheduled with the doctor on my due date. I was very large and very uncomfortable and was determined to gather up my courage and insist that I deliver our baby THAT day. The doctor’s examination revealed that my body was ready, and he told us to meet him at the hospital and that our baby would be born that day.

Dan and I went home and I called my mom (no cell phones then). I packed for me, and Dan packed a bag for Timmy and Stephen. We dropped the boys off at Papa and Tutu’s and then made our way to the hospital.  The doctor had been waiting two hours, expecting we had been on our way to the hospital after leaving his office. He was not very happy. He got over it, and Mark made his appearance. In those days both mom and baby automatically stayed in the hospital for 2 or 3 days. I appreciated the rest and was happy to be waited on a little bit as I snuggled our little son.

We had been considering the name Silas, because Paul and Silas were such Bible heroes for rejoicing while in prison. My mom and our good friend, Lynn, were very against Silas because they both claimed it was a very odd name to saddle a kid with.

Our niece, Jeannie, Aug’s daughter, wanted us to name our baby Auguste after her dad. Auguste was a long-time family name from the French side.

Mumbo’s friend, Daisy, said she had a dream that we named our son Mark.

So we honored them all and named our son Mark Auguste.

Our friends Bruce and Diane loaned us a beautiful cradle that Bruce had made. My Mom, Grayce, aka GG, flew to Reno to cook for us, cuddle her new grandson, and to play with the boys. Timmy and Stephen were very curious about their new little brother. Hmmm, what changes were coming with this new guy joining our family?

Soon the boys realized that life would go on pretty much as usual: Mom would still take them on walks, Dad would still read lots of books, and there would still be sandbox time every day.

Mark was born in March, 1982, and in April we moved into the solar house that Dan had built. Timmy turned 3 five weeks after Mark was born, Stevie turned 2 four months after Mark was born. Yes, they were born very close together. It was God and it was GOOD.

64- You Subdue My Peoples

64- You Subdue My Peoples…

Call upon Me in the day of trouble. Psalm 50:15

This is a God story that is one of the most important of my life, because God met me so practically. He was so real to me as I cried out in desperation.

I was struggling one day when the boys were excessively fussy, the house was more than messy, and I felt very overwhelmed.

Sept 19, 1981 I cried out to the Lord with a loud voice, went to my Bible and prayed, Psalm 139:23a “Search me, O God.” My eyes fell on the opposite page:

Psalm 144:1-2 Blessed be the LORD, my strength, who teaches my hands to war, and my fingers to fight; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and He in whom I trust, WHO SUBDUES MY PEOPLES UNDER ME.

I felt God was saying to me: Keep praising and blessing Me. This is war. This is spiritual attack and I am teaching you how to fight: which means… how to keep Your eyes on Jesus in the midst of a trial. He is your goodness now, because you have none of your own, He is your fortress now—because You are defenseless. He is your high tower now—take refuge in Him. He is delivering you now, believe it and watch Him. He is your shield against the fiery darts of the devil—call on Him now. Trust Jesus. Besides all that…He is subduing the boys. LISTEN!

Thank You, Lord, for keeping me from anger, from screaming! It is You who impressed on me that frustration and yelling are rude and they are futile, they do not work. Thank You for sweet victory, for answered prayer, for the reality of my Living Lord and the Living Word! Thank You, Jesus, for proving Yourself to be my refuge. You are teaching me not wallow in disappointment when things don’t go my way or when people don’t call but that You are my ever-present and available help in time of trouble. I am learning to rely on You, not on friends.

Psalm 144:12 That our sons may be like plants grown up in their youth… I take this verse personally and ask that they be wise and stand tall and be grown up even in their youth, so that You may receive glory. Teach us that we may teach them. Keep us in right attitude and perspective.

Me with my boys, just before Mark was born~

58- The Holy Spirit

58- The Holy Spirit

In Japan we had acutely realized our need for more teaching, more enlightenment, more growth in Christ.

When we returned from Japan we continued attending the EFree church. Yet, soon after we returned, we became very interested when a couple in the church began talking about the Holy Spirit. The subject was not taken up by the leadership as a topic to be pursued, but our interest was keen. We chose to change churches to pursue our quest for a deeper relationship with Jesus. Life Center church became our home church for many years.

Through new friends, we met Dick Munn and he prayed over us for the baptism of the Holy Spirit. When he was praying for Dan, he said his hands got very very hot and Dan began speaking in tongues fluently. I, on the other hand, while experiencing the same man’s prayers on the same night needed to pursued the Lord on and off for months to receive my prayer language!

woman praying
Crying out to the Lord to receive my prayer language.

Many days when the boys went down for their naps, I would kneel by our bed and I would seek God on the matter. One day I heard very clearly: “You don’t want to let go of control of your tongue. You are not willing to trust Me in this.” The conviction came, and I realized He was right! I agreed with Him and turned fully to Him, and began giving Him full access to renewing my mind and releasing my language. And finally after more seeking and praying tongues came. Thank You, Jesus.

At Life Center we joined the class that one of the elders, Bruce McKaig, was teaching about HEALING. This fed our hungry spirits and we began putting the teachings to use in our home, taking advantage of most illnesses to practice our new faith. We still went to the doctor. We combined faith and medicine.

God had arrested our attention in Japan that we were blocked in spiritual power. The couple who was seeking Holy Spirit fullness piqued our interest so that we pursued the Holy Spirit in a church that believed in His real power to heal and deliver. The prayer in the Munn’s home brought us to the baptism in the Holy Spirit, and the healing class expanded personal power and increased our faith in our knowledge of the Spirit’s power.

We were also reading books like They Speak with Other Tongues by John Sherrill, which is Episcopal priest’s Dennis Bennett’s story of the experience he had in 1960 of his personal Pentecost. I also read Prison to Praise, by Merlin Carothers. When everything seemed to be against him, he was advised by a Christian to stop complaining about his problems and start praising God FOR each problem! It changed his life and sharing this principle became his world-wide ministry, and it continues today after his death. When he was baptized in the Spirit, he was filled with overwhelming love for everyone he saw. The book can be accessed online as a pdf.

55- A Poem I Penned

55- A Poem I penned…

Christ my Lord, forsaken
Christ my Lord, forsaken of men

Feb 5 1981 Isaiah 53:3 despised, forsaken of men, a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.

My precious One:  The gap is there

                                              My friends look

                                      But we do not SEE

                                             Eye to eye.

                                      We do not SEE

                                             the same Jesus Christ.

 

My Lord:                The car is old,

                                             the clothes givn,

                                   The jewelry –

                                            no gold chains.

 

Father Almighty:   This, too, must I give?

                                   My place of distinction

                                             in the ranks of the followers.

 

                                  But it was nearly

                                              left behind already.

 

Savior, Lord, Christ:  That LOVE, -YOU-

                                                would be

                                    Only between my friends and me.

                                    That I could accept

                                                all loss

                                    For the crown that awaits.

                                    Not bitter be,

                                                Not pitying and proud.

Isaiah 53:5 Thank You for taking the piercing for my rebellion against God.

                6 Like sheep we are astray, going our own way (rather than God’s way)

 

                                  It’s a way You have decided…

                                          The way each should go

                                 Therefore to judge and compare

                                                                    Is foolish.

 

                                 No one is better than

                                                         No one is less than

                                If You have decided…

                                                      Let LOVE be our bond.

51- Reunion!

51- Reunion!

Dan & Yoshimi san in 1971
Dan & Yoshimi san in 1971

Of course our trip to Japan would not have been complete if it had not included a reunion with Yoshimi san. He had married and had one son, Hironori, the same age as Timmy –and his wife, Mihoko, was pregnant with their second child! We were all amazed at the similarities in our lives. His mother lived with them in the generational family home on the island of Shikoku.

We had taken a train from Tokyo to Osaka, a ferry to Shikoku. There were delays and we found ourselves arriving very late. A hot meal was waiting for us, and we ate it sitting on the floor with our legs under a traditional low table covered with a heavy a quilt and a heater underneath. The wooden house was unheated, drafty, and chilly, even though it was springtime. We welcomed the warmth. Timmy had slept on the journey and was wide awake and ready to become acquainted with our hosts and sample the interesting foods.

We were loaned appropriate Japanese shoes as well as a light vest for me and a Japanese jacket for Dan. Timmy was given a traditional baby jacket (as well as one for our new baby, due in one month).

Holding each other's firstborn sons.
Holding each other’s firstborn sons.

We felt very welcomed as we toured the fish hatchery and admired the trees that Yoshimi was carefully growing that would be used in the religious shrines.

Moms with our sons
Moms with our sons

Traditional Japanese homes have three Shinto shrines: one by the entrance of the home for the children, one for the water source–at the well or the spigot, and one in the kitchen. They also have a Buddhist shrine where they honor and worship their ancestors. They believe that if they take care of their ancestors their ancestors will take care of them. Yoshimi confessed: spiritually we are very confused people.

42- Home Again, Home Again…

 

42- Home Again,

Home Again…

Dan was very worried about me, and we were both concerned about our baby, due in six weeks. I was exhausted and half sick, as you can see in the picture, as I laid my body down in the airport during our layover at JFK after our flight from Zurich. On to Los Angeles, and a happy reunion with my parents and my sisters.

Tired mama at JFK
Tired mama at JFK, resting my weary bones!

 

The three of us at my parents (Timmy is hiding)
The three of us at my parents’ house (Timmy is hiding). It was always SO GOOD to be HOME!

My parents were so relieved that we were finally back on US soil. I’m sure my mom fixed my favorite foods, and everyone joined us in being concerned about my barely protruding belly and minuscule weight gain (14 pounds at this point, if I remember correctly). After a several days of family love, excellent food–and my mom’s prodding to eat hearty, and resting up, we returned to Reno, staying with Dan’s Gramma Fern for several days until we found a home.

April 4, 1979 Fears today. Little faith. I read Psalm 31, and then I faced my problem: feeling inadequacy as a parent, fear that I cannot give the love that our baby will need. We learned in our pre-natal class last night about some birth defects and genetic problems. My conclusion—we are all defective in our genetic makeup because of Adam’s sin. Everyone who ever existed is defective. Everyone, but our Lord Jesus. And someday we will all be like Him. In the meantime HE IS THE LOVE we need to accept each other as we are. He is the love I need to accept myself as I am. He is the love I need to accept baby Lemaire, just exactly as God has created him/her. If there are physical or mental deficiencies, we will be okay. By faith I married an imperfect man, (and look what love has blossomed)—and he married me! What faith. And by faith we conceived a child that we really wanted and assuredly the Lord will provide the bonds of love that will be a blessing to the three of us.

 

Happy happy little family
Our happy happy little family. Timothy means ‘honoring God’ and Micah means ‘who is like unto the Lord. Our good friend, Chas Sulita, from Bible School had shared with us using Micah as the middle name.

Timothy Micah Lemaire was born April 28, 1979, weighing in at 7 pounds 14 ounces! I had prayed that he would not be premature so that when people counted the months they would know he was a nine-month baby and that we had not fooled around before we got married. It was really important to me, because of my history of promiscuity. Thank You, Jesus! We had to leave Timmy in the hospital NICU (on IV antibiotics) for three days for jaundice and a suspected infection. That was SO hard. The three of us were soon reunited and snug in our little brick house on Cheney Street. Our mothers, who came to be called GG and Bebo, each came for a visit in those first few weeks, and Dan’s other grandmother, Mumbo, gave us a baby shower inviting Dan’s college friends. Dottie’s shower included friends from church and JoAnn’s shower included my teaching friends. It was humbling to receive SO MUCH! Dan bought us a small apartment-sized washing machine, and I washed the cloth diapers and hung them and everything else on the clothesline in the back yard.