290 – I’m an Overcomer!

290 – I’m an Overcomer!

January 25, 1988

I am in victory. I can tell because I have a sense of order in me, not based on the surroundings. This is being an overcomer. It’s the life I was BORN to live and have to strive so hard to hold onto!!!

I have strength and resolve to stand in the Lord with Stevie during our reading lessons. His attitude has changed dramatically to submissive, cheerful, willing, eager!! It was FUN!

Diane has an acquaintance who needs babysitting for her children: two boys (second grade and kindergarten) and a 14-month old girl.

I have been praying for playmates for my boys—could this be the answer?

And BABY has been on my mind because of the recent dreams.

Donna said: this may not be how you want to win people to the Lord but this lady needs Jesus!

I have been praying about taking Signs and Wonders class. I felt God said I would be able to CHOOSE to take the class or to take the babysitting job. Dan and I prayed. We’ll see.

Karen will babysit tonight so I will go to signs and wonders class unless more snow or more illness blocks me!! Praying for God to make it CLEAR where I belong.

January 26 

BARB COUNSELED ME TO FORGET THE SIGNS AND WONDERS CLASS AND FOCUS ON MY RESPONSIBILITIES AT HOME! 

She said: You are doing well, stay home and love your children! And take the babysitting job: you said you would take money however the Lord brought it!

She was pretty intense about it.

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27:17

While praying about Barb’s exhortation, Psalm 25 flashed into my vision.

PERFECT: v. 12 Who is the man who fears the Lord? He will instruct him in the way he should choose!! Ok, keep on speaking, Lord.

Then it came to my mind that on Missionary weekend, Mr. Phillips said: people always want to know what they’re called to do for the Lord. What do you do well? That’s probably it.

That made me think immediately of  child training as something I have a lot of experience with …and I surrendered and I really meant it. Thank You, Holy Spirit!!

Darren came over after school and I already had the three Trimble kids, plus my four. With the three new kids that will be a houseful.

283 – He is Wonderful!

283 -He is Wonderful!

December 8, 1987

We just received $500 from &&& in the mail! It came with two specifications:

*don’t tell anyone [30 years later I will still honor their request]

*it’s for Christmas only—so the boys will have lots of gifts under the tree

*it’s for food and your needs.

PRAISE THE LORD!

My first thoughts were for things that money can’t buy:

*I want a loving heart and control over my tongue

*the boys to be more manageable

*for Bema to be well

*for my dad to be well

*time to crochet all kinds of towels for Christmas gifts

I am remembering that Ben Dodzweit said, if you need money, GIVE. And we have. And it came back many-fold.

I got up really early. I had prayed for God to let me. I prayed and walked. And I was at the Laundromat by 6:45! You are wonderful! WONDERFUL!!

Blessed is that man who makes the Lord his trust….Many, O Lord my God, are Your wonderful works which You have done; and Your thoughts toward us cannot be recounted to You in order; if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.

Psalm 40:4a,5

282 – God said, I Will Help You

282 – God said,

I Will Help You

December 7, 1987

Father! I’m not organized! They don’t mind me! The clutter is overwhelming me!

How can you help me? 

For my part: I will wake up at 4:30 to pray, read, walk, and plan. Please help me to go to bed early—9 or 9:30—and help me get up!

I closed my eyes and opened my Bible randomly hoping to land on a special word from my Lord– and got the concordance!

I opened it again and got the introduction to Daniel, which I had not read.

It’s about 4 boys!!!

“Their refusal to be seduced by the pagan world in which they live and the dangers that threaten them because of their faithfulness are the essence of the drama. Their deliverances from the fiery furnace and the lion’s den demonstrate the power and love of God….”

I believe by faith God is telling me:

You have a very important task of setting the course of these boys’ lives. The training of Shadrach, Meshach, Abed-Nego, and Daniel was careful, so that they had such INTEGRITY.

Let this inspire you and motivate you to good works daily, even moment-by-moment, with your four sons.

I will help you.

I love those who love Me, and those who seek Me diligently will find Me. Proverbs 8:17

281 – A Death and a Near Death

281– A Death

and a Near Death

Our friend from Reno, a single man, Jim, had come for a weekend visit in August. We had introduced him to Eva, a single lady on staff at the school. They had seemed to ‘click’ and had stayed in touch.

November 29, 1987

Yesterday Pastor Dave called to say that Jim died in Brazil on his mining trip. We are slowly getting over the shock and trying to get in touch with Eva. I sought the Lord and He gave me:

Let not your heart be troubled…. In My Father’s house are many mansions….I go and prepare a place for you. John 14: 2-3

As unsettling as sudden death is, Jim is safe with Jesus and I am not to worry. But grieving is good. We weep with those who weep. This was so jarring and upsetting and we will miss our friend so much. It seemed so wrong. To add to our sorrow, we found out later that there may have been foul play against him.

December 4

Mom called and Dad is in intensive care with a bleeding ulcer. He is in ICU and is so weak that visits must be kept short.

“I want to go home!”

But I cannot. Marsha, Connie, and Aunt Virgi are with Mom. I called Joan, Barb, Donna, Karen, Diane, Eva—to pray! Later Virgi told us the doctor said daddy had lost half of his blood. Praise God for modern medicine and blood transfusions.

Our God is the God of salvation; and to God the Lord belong escapes from death. Psalm 68:20

Why did one dear person die and one dear person live?

I have learned to put questions like this in a Mystery box. God will reveal the answers at some point in this life or in eternal life. I do not have to understand everything. For my sanity, my part is to trust Him without wavering. Every thing will become clear.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

276 -Still Working Something Out with Jesus

276 – Still Working Something Out with Jesus

August 28, 1987

The pain continues over whether Tim is going to Christian or public school. Dan and I prayed yesterday before he went to work, and talked, and I don’t feel QUITE so uptight.

And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit. Matthew 27:50

I know my God will save me, He is faithful. He can change any situation into a blessing as He pleases. The results of putting Tim in public school, as I give up my spirit and my will, could be absolutely wonderful. It could result in relationships and conversions that lead to salvations that absolutely could not happen otherwise.

August 29

Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who has been crucified. Matthew 28:5

The disciples were paralyzed with fear, but their fears were calmed by God.

Then Jesus said to them, Do not be afraid… Matthew 28:10

I have been praying and little by little I have received peace.

And You are saying this to me. I hear You, my Lord.

Make it real to me, Jesus. Love me in the way I need to be loved, and have it make sense to me. Encourage me by giving me unshakable faith and peace and joy. I really need You. This is a trial of my faith and I know You will be faithful.

275 – Jesus Died, I Must Die

275 – Jesus Died, I Must Die

August 26 and 27 1987

Gramma Fern must have sent us a good amount of money. How to spend it was the topic of several of Dan’s and my conversations in my journals and many days of seeking the Lord’s will. We went back to seriously thinking about Christian school for Timmy—at least I did.

This confuses me, Lord, and I need to hear from You. It feels we are getting ‘tossed about’ over this!

Lord, You know the whole issue, but now Dan feels very strongly that Timmy should go to public school. I sort of stormed out of the house and headed out to the country roads. I took an hour and a half brisk walk and confessed all my pride and rebellion, pouring out my heart’s confusion and sadness.

All I could say at the end of praying and praising and seeking You was, “Lord, carry me through this.” I definitely cannot cope.

I was wanting someone to pray with about submission who could be neutral and non-judgmental and give me wisdom. Donna brought a friend she had not seen in years to our Bible study after she ran into her at her son’s soccer game. I almost opened it up, but I didn’t want a big discussion with everyone’s advice and people hearing our problems without Dan there. But this Diane had moved her kids from the Christian School to the public school! I felt in my spirit that she would have encouragement and wisdom to share.

Matthew 27:43 …He trusts in God, let Him deliver Him now if He takes pleasure in Him…

People were saying of Jesus–HA! Let God deliver this man from the cross! I feel this is happening to me—I cannot come down from the cross. There are mockings and insults all around me. I feel I let my children down because they did not do well on the SAT test. I feel foolish and misunderstood by the neighbors AND the homeschoolers.

Then it occurred to me by the Spirit that Jesus did get off the cross. And so will I.

He got off when He died!I will get off —–when I die to this!

When I can really totally say, “Thy will be done.”

And when I do not get emotionally involved in what ANYONE thinks, but only in what YOU think, Lord.

272 – God Always Meets Me

272 -God Always Meets Me

August 13, 1987

I was in a deep quandary about homeschooling. I cried out to my Lord:

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to Thee I cry ALL DAY LONG. In the day of my trouble I shall call upon Thee’ for Thou wilt answer me. There is NO ONE like Thee among the gods, O Lord; nor are there any works like Thine. Psalm 86:3,7

Mike, dean of married students, made an appointment to meet with us and came to our house. He asked us to be home group leaders. He also wanted to discuss homeschooling. Last year a homeschool family had caused havoc and ended up in court! He loves our testimony of homeschooling and he said that Elim would back our decision to homeschool UNLESS it went against the school district’s recommendations (which is what the other family had done). Here’s the rub: because of their scores on the SAT test, the district wanted Tim and Steve enrolled. I told Mike and he and Dan agreed it would be a good idea to enroll the boys in September. I was horrified.

I went to the Lord, crying, pouring out my heart to the Lord, trying to wrap my head around sending my sons away to school. (The school was in reality just a short walk across the field behind our house).

Then I went to the Word. Nothing really made clear sense in Matthew 10 and 11 that I could relate to our situation. Then the Lord met me with His words:

Matthew 12:25 Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself cannot stand.

Matt 14:25 TAKE COURAGE, IT IS I, DO NOT BE AFRAID!

We can not afford to send the boys to Christian school. So it was important that I surrender and not cause havoc in our home by my stubbornness. I needed to give in, honor my husband, and trust God for our sons’ welfare. And I needed to not be fearful but trust Him.

This brought clarity and the peace of the Holy Spirit. Not that I did not waffle in the days ahead–I did, and so did Dan.

270 – At the End Again

270 – At the End Again

April 22, 1987

We find ourselves once again at the END.

Dan’s drafting work has ended. 

No other jobs have come up. He’s made calls to newspaper ads.

I’ve been praying for two days–You are our ONLY HOPE, Jesus–

*for a job for Dan

*for money for groceries on Friday

*for rent in 1 1/2 weeks

*for paying bills

*for Dan to get pants –he’s wearing the insulated ones his mom sent for Christmas

*for shoes for Dan–he’s wearing his dress shoes around the house

around noon…I went to prayer, felt a great need, burdened by the flesh and heavy. I needed to commune with my Savior. I asked Him to speak and help me to believe He was speaking. I saw Jesus, then the cross, then Jesus. I heard Him say: “I went to the cross and came off the cross so you could have life. I give you My life today–don’t worry about the future, even tomorrow. Give My life away. There’s more for tomorrow.”

He met me at the end, which wasn’t really the end at all.

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:5-6

268 – Loud Crying to the Lord

 268- Loud Crying

to the Lord

April 18, 1987

I was led to Psalm 107:27-32 with Bible subtitle:

“to those who are overwhelmed”–

They reeled and staggered like a drunken man,

and were at their wits’ end.

Then THEY CRIED TO THE LORD IN THEIR TROUBLE,

And He brought them out of their distresses.

He caused the storm to be still,

So that the waves of the sea were hushed.

Then they were glad because they were quiet;

So He guided them to their desired haven.

Let them give thanks to the Lord for His lovingkindness,

And for His wonders to the sons of men!

Let them extol Him also in the congregation of the people,

And praise Him at the seat of the elders.

Last week, God gave me this last week when Stevie was sick with a high fever and I was reading to him:

In the days of His flesh, He offered up both prayers and supplications WITH LOUD CRYING AND TEARS TO THE ONE ABLE TO SAVE HIM from death, and was heard because of His piety. Hebrews 5:7

I feel like God is telling me that our part, when overwhelming circumstances and trials come, is loud crying and tears to the Lord, and He will hear and answer and act.

257 – More Time with My Boys

257 – More Time

with My Boys

February 4, 1987

I woke up at 2:30am concerned about Stevie, feeling I’m so busy I don’t just sit and listen and play with him and his brothers. I had a few ideas on how to help each of them: an old idea that each boy could get a turn to go alone with Dan , then with me the next time, to the diner down the street, for a milkshake or something. Walk, hold hands, chat.

also: I could ask Carleen if I could bring one boy at a time to spend the morning with her boys while I am at class at Elim.

also: skip a homeschool subject once in a while to play a game with one boy.

May God help me. Why do I know He will? He always does.

Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. Psalm 37:5

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Psalm 37:23