169- Needs Met!

169- Needs Met!

November 29, 1985

Jesus is MY PERSONAL Savior as well as the PERSONAL Savior of each one in the world.

Therefore I have the RIGHT to come before His throne

-with praises and thanksgiving and sonship

-boldly with confidence

I rebuke any unbelief in my heart, in Jesus’ name.

I have asked You for $126 for the beginning-to-read ACA program. It has not come.

Believing Your provision comes with Your will, I ask for $100 for some books I would like to order for Timmy from Hewitt-Moore.

This way we could cover more subject areas—science, social studies, reading, math, art, phonics.

ANSWERED PRAYER!

December 5, 1985

We went to Carol’s to visit, fellowship in the Lord, discuss home school. She had been thinking urgently about Timmy’s schooling, she said “last week”.

While she was talking to me about it an idea come to her to GIVE me the 6 or 7 sets of reading books she had just received!

Also she gave me a social studies syllabus called My America which will cover Social studies wonderfully for all the boys. WHERE GOD LEADS, GOD PROVIDES.

YOU amaze me, Lord. You put the need on both our hearts, then allowed Carol to be a blessing and for us to be blessed! Bless You, praise You. Wonderful Savior.

159- Are You Willing to do Some Bold Things?

159- Are You Willing to do Some Bold Things?

October 5, 1985

Saturday night Dan had been awakened by Daniel, but rather than being groggy, he found himself alert and interested in talking to God, and he said, “I really want to serve You and be fruitful in what I do for You. But I don’t want to move. Can we stay here for 5 years?”

He remembered back to Bible School in Germany when we were first married, saying to God, “I want to be in construction” – that’s where his heart was then.

Recently Gramma offered to loan him chunk of money so that he could build another house and he had picked up the forms to apply for his contractor’s license. He could envision designing and building a home.

Tonight he felt God said, “Are you willing to do some bold things? Are you willing to move out of this house?”

Those questions jolted Dan out of his comfort place.

The next day the Pastor’s sermon included some of the things God had been speaking to Dan.

We’ll see.

I thought it was interesting when I read in my Streams in the Desert devotional for today: “It is safe to trust God’s methods and go by His clock.”

Pastor Dave talked to Dan about the Suburban Dan has his eye on.

What do You have for us, Father? We are ready for Your call, ready to say yes to whatever You offer. I feel something is in the offing. We have been bold before. Your part is to supply the direction and the grace, our part is to say yes and start moving. We are listening!

158- Where is the Music of Life?

158- Where is the Music of Life?

September 28, 1985

This was my day: pressures, then self-pity, then peace–as I did it God’s way.

Pressures, problems, advice, frustration, more problems, impatience, self-hate, crying, EXPLOSION!

Pity, accusations, anger, self-hate, crying, guilt, horror, no escape—BUT IN HIM!!

Remorse, repentance, cleansing, crying, peace, rest, yieldedness, His will, His way, His Word.

And then I read my devotional.

Streams in the Desert, p. 282 IT IS YOUR MISSION, tested and tried one, TO WALK OUT ON THE STAGE OF THIS WORLD AND REVEAL TO ALL EARTH AND HEAVEN THAT THE MUSIC IS NOT IN THE CONDITIONS, NOT IN THE THINGS, NOT IN EXTERNALS, BUT THE MUSIC OF LIFE IS IN YOUR OWN SOUL.”

Oh, Savior, I felt that was a precious Word for me from You. I really needed a tender word of encouragement and UNDERSTANDING. And You gave it. Thank You so much. Bless You. Bless You.

John 16:33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.

I was carrying that music into the evening when we saw two friends who were once strong Christians. Unfortunately the spirit of rebellion that was inhabiting Lora came to me trying to make me angry and to entice me into doing what she is doing, which is hating God and all Christians!

Afterward, Dan prayed for me strongly. I agreed with his prayers and also prayed my complete willingness to be free of that spirit and to wholeheartedly go God’s way.

Unlike the last two or three big trials of this nature, this temptation lasted minutes! –while the others lasted days or weeks! Victory in Jesus. And the music returned to my soul!

151- God Gave Me His Perspective

151- God Gave Me His Perspective

July 2, 1985

Prayed today that I could cry tears [I don’t cry easily] over the up 6-8 times a night ordeal and really give it to God. I tried to pray tonight. What do I ask? What do I say? So I asked the Spirit to pray.

I was in the midst of getting the boys to bed on this hot summer’s night. Everyone was resisting. Daniel (age 1 ½) wanted to be walked then took his jammies off so he could cool off. Mark and Steve both said: “I’m scared.” Timmy wanted more water—“it’s too hot!”

By 9:20 I’m saying to myself: “they’re taking my life—my whole life!” And I hear –“no, it’s ME taking your whole life—won’t you die so I can have all of it? You are not resisting the boys only (and that makes you feel guilt enough)—you’re resisting ME, You’re Savior.”

I argue—“but what about my monthly letters home—I’m two behind– and thehomeschool library book due in 3 days—I’m only halfway through it (School Can Wait); and Redpath’s book, and the ironing. I could have done all of those tonight! They’re all good things—it’s not like I’m watching dumb tv shows or gabbing on the phone. I just don’t get it!! I’ve already let go of so much.”

Redpath, p 83 (Victorious Christian Living) “Fellow Christian, do not be afraid of the knife. It is in the hand of the lover of your soul, Jesus your Savior. Whatever be the cost…let today be the place of absolute renunciation of everything that the Spirit of God reveals to you is contrary to His will.” (crabbing and having a stinky attitude are not Your will, Lord, I repent!)

        page 84 As you submit, God becomes real. Obey Him.

       page 85 Five minutes in heaven will make all of the suffering and agony real—the suffering and the agony is about the conflict and the battle to do the will of God. Until we get to heaven, God’s purpose is that we should feast on our Lord Jesus. I must enjoy Jesus in my heart before I can tell others about Him.  (I’m not enjoying You, Lord, I’m not rejoicing in all things and having faith that they will settle down eventually.)

       page 86 How much time have you spent with God in quiet, opened Bible, waiting on Him? IN THE QUIET PLACE YOUR WEAKNESS COULD HAVE ABSORBED HIS STRENGTH, your restlessness could have been stilled by His power and peace, your impatience could have absorbed the grace and long-suffering of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Thank you, Alan Redpath, for perspective on my wonderful life and Jesus’ availability.

149- Shouldn’t Be Under It, But I Am

149- Shouldn’t be Under It,  But I Am

June 11, 1985

Father, how do I get myself under you? I mean under your dominion!

I stay overwhelmed by the chores, children, clothes, errands, cleaning, etc.

Then I despise myself for being such a weak Christian and do nothing well.

Bless me, Father, bless me.

Why can’t I heed instruction (as in Proverbs 1) and be consistent?

Why have I become afraid of fellowship?

Because I feel like a failure as a Christian, I hate myself!

Bless me, bless me, Father.

Proverbs 8:34-36

~ listen to wisdom daily

~ excitedly

~ wait for wisdom with anticipation

~ you will find life

~ you will find Jesus

~ you will get his favor

~ if you hate wisdom you love death.

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 8:34 Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my gates waiting at my doorposts, for it is he who finds life and obtains favor from the Lord.

Day by day, Georgann. Recognize your condition for what it is, pour out your heart to the Lord, and go quickly to Jesus and to the Bible. Truth waits for you, truth transforms you.  You are okay. Just stay tight with Him.

146- My Stingy Heart Receives JOY

146- My Stingy Heart Receives JOY

March 9, 1985 Dan’s grandmother, Mumbo, had been ill for weeks and eventually was hospitalized. It was my job to ready her house for her return. Here is my report:

Very busy day yesterday. The boys and I went to Mumbo’s, after getting the key from Aug, to turn on the heat and change her bed sheets. Then we went to hear a homeschool pitch (1 ½ hours). Back to our house to pack up some lunch goodies, then off to the hospital. We nibbled at our snacks and the kids played on the sidewalk in the loading zone while Dan was inside for one hour getting her discharged. We took Mumbo to her house and got her settled. No naps today. No Dan. He will spend tonight with his grandmother, alternating with Aug for as long as it takes until she is well. The boys were asleep by 8. I was so angry. I pleaded to God to grant me repentance after many tears and why’s.

I had a hard heart toward Dan’s grandmother for a couple of reasons and had a difficult time interacting with her. I resented the time it took to take care of her. When I cried before the Lord, He changed my heart and —

I WAS FLOODED WITH GRATITUDE, GRATEFULNESS, JOY.

I received an insight that blessed me regarding loving Mumbo: if it were not for her (and some others) there would not be a Daniel Arthur Lemaire.

Mumbo, a few months before her hospitalization, greeting her great grandson Danny.

What a wonderful reason to love her unconditionally and to be kind and do good works for her without expecting appreciation and without getting hung up on being rejected by her. She is part of Dan’s heritage. She had much input into him and he is so wonderful and I am so appreciative.

Led to: Deuteronomy 32:3-4 Moses speaking: For I proclaim the name of the Lord; ascribe greatness to our God! The Rock! His work is perfect, for all His ways are just. A God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is He.

I had to cry and be sick of ME and plead. It was worth the entire episode for the peace and joy He gave me. Now if I can just pray earnestly after this without the anger. If I could only LIVE in that place of joy and peace and one-ness with God and man. OH! life would be glorious. 

Grant me, Lord, to GROW UP and not speak the first thought in my head.

143- Jesus Came to Our Luncheon

143- Jesus Came to Our Luncheon

March 3, 1985

On Saturday morning I was up from 5-6 praying in tongues. It came to my mind to go with Carol Kearney to the luncheon. I decided I would call her at 8am. But she called ME at 8am! GOD SPOKE TO ME!

Thank You, Father, for touching me yesterday at the Ladies’ Luncheon. Many tears of cleansing during worship. At the end Janet Alward called forward “those who do not want to live by their emotions and who want to hear God speak to them.”

I went forward and surrendered…shaking…heat on my body. ‘Just as I am, without one plea, but that Thy blood was shed for me!’

Earlier Janet had exhorted us to climb up on Jesus’ lap, to rest our heads on His shoulder to receive strength. I FELT power come into me.

I received a new tongue, cried many tears, felt comfort and peace. Such release, such joy.

She said, “God is changing you completely. You’re becoming all new.”

To me personally: “You have been given an intercessory ministry (not sure how she worded it). Whenever you feel the Holy Spirit come over you like He is now, pray!” This has been the desire of my heart.

As we sang, Just as I am, I received a wonderful revelation of God’s death for ME, personally. Jesus Christ gave Himself for ME. Hallelujah.

140- The Old Birth Control Issue Rises Again

140- The Old Birth Control Issue Rises Again

January 22, 1985

Dear Lord, Do You care if we do something permanent about birth control?  

Dan called to make a vasectomy appointment.

He called back to ask about paying on the installment plan. She told him that $350 was due at the time of the operation. He cancelled the appointment.

I’m not sure if this operation is Your will for us, but it seems to be people’s will for us: we have been given money by Dan’s dad, Danny and Lynn, the Theilmans, and my parents, just not quite enough.

February 17

Because of the nighttime ups and downs with the boys, it seems sensible to say—no more!

March 7

This is the day that the vasectomy appointment was scheduled to be done. I have been praying in the Spirit about this issue. I am struggling: my ingrained Catholic conscience about birth control  interferes with my logic and also it is my desire to not go back on our deal with the Lord that He would plan our family.

June 4

Yesterday I asked God to show me my hearts’ desire about our family. The thoughts came today that I would like a dozen children! But the reality is that I have not the years left, the money, the nervous system for it. The thought also came that God gives us CHOICES: I cannot do everything. I am one person with so much time, money and energy. I would like to teach the boys at home, because I feel so led by God. I love teaching, I am experienced and feel gifted. It would give me input into the boys’ lives now at the time I can really relate to them. Then when the time comes to let them go, I would be more ready for it. I feel like I’ve had so little personal one-on-one time with them. Is this of You, Father? Please speak to me about it. The vasectomy is in 2 days. Bless You.

Thank You for working out praising in me. Let it be…let it continue. Such peace and contentment have come to me these last few days through praise. I refuse to worry and fear: I look not at the messy house and I do not compare myself with Jenny. I praise You that I’m ME and that You are in my life and leading me. It’s just us, living daily here—so who’s there to impress? I’m less uptight, more relaxed. Singing…

June 6 Our little platoon trooped into the waiting room to raised eyebrows, I’m sure– and Dan had the operation… more on this in a few years.

139- Determined to Live Within Our Means

139- Determined to Live Within Our Means

January 3, 1985

My new values about materialism were tested at the Hart’s on New Year’s Eve and at Lynn and Danny’s on NY day. I found myself really admiring their homes and goods. But I confessed it to the Lord.

I felt the call so clearly yesterday to move to the area of town where our ministry would be more obvious and I will not have to feel that I have to compete with those who have more stuff than we do.  Other people don’t lord over me, that’s not the issue. It’s that we need to break from a standard of living that we cannot meet into a standard of living that is more suited to Dan’s paycheck. I feel prepared in the Spirit and ready. Moving from a house we cannot afford is mandatory.

Our prayer is for a house with: 1) adequate space for our family size and type–four active boys means we need space; 2) a big yard; 3) sidewalks; 4) laundry facilities;  5) ready to move into or very simply and cheaply converted to our needs.

February 17

We looked at mobile homes and I said I was willing, but they were tacky, cruddy, and in a bad neighborhood. I had to say I wasn’t! Besides: we cannot afford bad influences on the kids.

February 24

Agreed with Kelly G on the phone for a miracle place that was very acceptable. I FELT the Holy Spirit in her prayer.

March 2

Dan looked at Stead duplexes, there is always one available, somebody said. So that is where we’ll go unless God intervenes! Oh, Lord, not Stead—please!!!

I am laughing at my unavailability! I thought I was SO surrendered, but I really did have strong opinions about just what neighborhood we lived in!

March 27

God intervened! PRAISE HIS NAME In the newspaper Dan found: 128 La Rue. Newly painted, carpeted, large porch, full basement, 2 ½ bedrooms, utility room. $485!!

Lord, thank You. I asked for sidewalks and you gave us a sidewalk of cement on all four sides of the house so the boys can go round and round on their big wheels! The front porch is awesome and there are two very small patches of grass surrounded by a picket fence. You met us in our need. We are so relieved!

On my calendar I noted: Jan brought boxes and money! Dan met our new LaRue landlord and cinched the deal. JackieS invited us to dinner so we could pack up the kitchen and not have to cook. On moving day our friends showed up: Jim & Jeanette, Shaun, Paula, Glenn, Marty & Erin, John. We were blessed!

135- A Humbling Christmastime Revelation

135- A Humbling Christmastime Revelation

Wrestling with myself when I read this entry, I decided to post it. The thoughts about Jesus were nothing I had ever thought of! I believe it was the devil trying to snare me into despising Him and into becoming anti-Christ. BUT, I went to the Word and I was saved from the world, my flesh, and the devil. I love God’s Word.

December 22, 1984

A most wonderful and humbling revelation has come to me as I have mused on this day and this season.

I have seen that the stubbornness I was holding onto to have MY way this Christmas resulted in an angry, bitter, ugly woman, dissatisfied with everything, and bitter over the lack of money needed to make Christmas be what I felt I deserved (based on the world’s glittering standards and my own family’s traditions). I have been at odds with my children, resentful of my husband (and yet amazed at his humility and servant attitude toward me in my confusion). Before my walk this morning Dan told me to meditate on:

Psalm 127:3 NIV Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him, the fruit of the womb is a reward.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 NIV The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it.

James 1:17 NIV Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

I read the verses, talked to God, and worshiped by my will–despising the hardness of my heart, yet I was set on receiving a blessing from the Lord. 

I remembered the Christmas note paper I saw yesterday: 

LET EVERY HEART PREPARE HIM ROOM

As I prayed and walked and thought, I realized that materialism was so entrenched in my heart that there was NO room for Jesus. But I heard myself saying: that does not bother me because I never liked that humble man who moved among the sick and poor, in plain and probably dirty clothing, sitting with people I did not admire and who I do not sit among myself! I really didn’t want to let Him in, poor as He was. I want the ‘good life’ with a Chrysler van, an expensive home inside and out, many presents under the tree, a perfect hairdo, well-behaved kids, a successful husband.

But then I thought—the reason I’m thinking like that is because of the world and the flesh. The reason I am blinded by that and cannot see past it—the devil.

Then—if children are God’s heritage, I AM WRONG IN MY THINKING, because God’s Word is right and truth.

So I claimed His Word to be living and active, etc., and for it to work on my hard heart.