202 ~ I Threw Myself On the Lord

202 – I Threw Myself On the Lord

July 18, 1986

During my early morning walk I prayed to be able to have discernment about the enemy and have victory over my flesh when I find myself rising up and taking the enemy’s bait! And did I ever need that prayer….

The boys were across the street hanging out with their friends. Dan and I went to Beulah’s to pick up the kids so we could take them to the 4-H meeting. The ladies were gossiping, actually slandering someone. Praise God I kept out of it.

Then at the school where the meeting was, I became fearful and angry about something.

Then after we got home, sorrow came upon me because I had no car to use to get Dan a birthday gift.

Then disgust because the flour canister had a huge ant in it so I could not bake for him.

I THREW MYSELF ON THE LORD, making sure the boys were well occupied in the playroom.

Loneliness and lack of control over my life, overwhelmed me.

I almost called Karen for prayer support, because I don’t even have a prayer partner here! –amazingly, restraint came because it would have been a very unwise use of money.

BUT GOD SAVED ME! without my calling anyone.

Peace came from God. My problems disappeared. We (the boys and I) would accept what we could not change and make do.

Then my mom called! GLORY!

Then my neighbor, Janet, came over and offered me her car!!

So I piled the boys in to the car and we went to the store and bought what we needed.

I had a major personal victory, and God worked mightily on my behalf! BLESS YOU, LORD!

The impact: self pity, a victim spirit, fearfulness, anger, loneliness, overwhelmingness—none of those things interfere with my relationship with the Lord if I just turn to Him and throw myself on His always-available mercy and grace.

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:16

201 ~ Wearing Ourselves Out

201 – Wearing Ourselves Out

July 17, 1986

We have been praying that God would tell us by His Spirit about Dan keeping this job he has been working at this week. He leaves the house at 5:30am (we get up at 4:30) and gets home at 5:30pm. We eat dinner and watch the news, he reads to the boys from the Bible story book, and after we put them to bed we are in bed by 9:30.

I believe I’m hearing from God through my Bible reading. Moses was sitting alone all day as judge over the people from morning to evening. His father-in-law saw that was happening and said:

“The thing that you do is not good. Both you and this people who are with you will surely wear yourselves out. For this thing is too much for you; you are not able to perform it by yourself.” Exodus 17:18

We just went though this unbalanced lifestyle when Dan had full responsibility over building the church. He worked extremely long hours and I had the boys extremely long hours. It became too much for both of us.

Is this the right job for Dan??

Later: A check from Life Center arrived. $1,100!! Tom Ballard called and said pastor took up a special collection for us. PRAISE GOD!!

Is God saying He is our Provider and to trust Him with another job??

199- Asking God for Help

199 – Asking God for Help

July 15, 1986

Exodus 16:4 The Lord said to Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a day’s portion every day, that I may test them, whether or not they will walk in my instruction.

I was encouraged in reading about God providing for the Israelites…so I asked God for an invitation out to dinner because I needed one more meal in the week’s menu.

Janet came by unexpectedly with a bag of groceries that will carry us through this week and into next, saying, “the Lord told me– as I was walking through the store asking Him who could use this, and this, and this—that YOU could!”  Janet has been such a faithful friend to us!

July 16

Exodus 17:1-7  [The story of water coming from the rock—after Moses took the people’s complaints to God.]

This story led me to something in my life: the three younger boys would be satisfied to play here at home, I think. But Tim is restless and wants friends his age and more things to do.

So – I bring this complaint to You, Lord.

I have no ideas, no car, no money, no friends to call on. How can I help my son?

And I rebuke fear.

Exodus 17:8-16 [The story Moses interceding for the people during the battle with the Amalekites.]

I will intercede on Tim’s behalf. I will pray about this. 

Many times, just like this, the Bible is my guide. I write down a verse or many verses while I am reading. Often God ‘speaks’ to me and answers my questions and gives me advice. It’s pretty amazing… It’s a relationship that is built day by day.

Little did I know that within a few weeks, Tim would be a first grade student at the elementary school across the field. It wasn’t my choice, but it answered my prayers. Did the Lord lead me to intercede for Timmy so that I would be a bit more prepared for what was going to be happening. I wouldn’t be surprised.

198 – Really Praying!

198 – Really Praying!

July 9, 1986

Since I have been REALLY praying about homeschooling—GOD PLEASE MAKE THIS WORK OR ELSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO—it is going VERY well. I mean, VERY VERY well!

Also, I have been praising Him more and more for what He HAS done already in the past and HAS done already in the future that I get to step into.

My countenance is changing into a more joyful and positive one. Also, I have been a better disciplinarian of the boys. More aware of what to do and not so double minded.

July 12

From the basement Dan brought up a huge old piece of furniture that we are putting all of the homeschool books on. Perfect!

July 13

Yesterday I faced that I really love to sleep, confessed my self-centeredness, and asked God from there, from square one, to give me His motivation to pray early. HE DID!

Honesty with the Lord is the best policy. I need to just talk to Him. Just be real. Tell him the truth all the time: this is what’s going on in me, Lord! It seems to me that the Holy Spirit is the One who helps me be honest and not act like there is nothing going on.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9

The Holy Spirit knows it

My Lord knows my heart. As I lean into Him talk to Him about everything, then trust Him fully–and pray hard–He will always be my strength and my song!

“Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2

181- Preparation for Elim

181-Preparation for Elim

February 9, 1986 

Lord, this is what we are counting on YOU to breakthrough—these are the obstacles we see and right now we can’t see past them:

*finances: Tim’s emergency room bill, IRS due, VW bus debt, Dan’s truck engine debt, mine and Dan’s dental work, moving expenses for furniture, gas, motels, campsites, food.

*relocation expenses: rent, phone & power hookups;

*school fees: tuition $3,500; Dan’s uniforms (blazer with emblem); application fee, books

*living expenses for one year: $22,000 or more, You know, God.

We believe that You will handle all of this, that nothing is too difficult for You.

175- Christmas Prayers

175- Christmas Prayers

December 7, 1985


*the boys’ clothes – that we would ALL have very decent clothing to take and wear on our Christmas trip to my parents. Thank You, Savior.

*the boys’ gifts – that we could give them a few NICE presents that we are not ashamed but thrilled to give. Also some items for their stockings.

*a Bible for Dan – that’s what he wants for Christmas. I rebuke doubt away from this request. YOU CAN DO THIS!

*that mailed items will arrive at their destinations before Christmas – Beth, JoAnn, Karen, Vanna

*getting our vehicle very cleaned up inside-and-out for our trip to my parents’ house

*hearing from You about Elim

*fitting in home school, Christmas errands, and sanity, plus exercise and outside play for the boys

*should I try to go to the Thursday Intercessory prayer meeting beginning today at church?

*what about the Spiritual Warfare class beginning in January?

*our Christmas letter – to be printed, have postage, be addressed, and have notes on them –and mailed before Christmas

*taking the boys Christmas shopping with their $6 each

*putting away or giving away all of the clothes that have been coming to me – from JoAnn, Connie, Mom, and Virgi

*small gifts for Jan and pastors

*a dog! Carol, after we had been praying nightly on the phone, said out of the blue—you need a dog! She’s right. I could then walk in the mornings, the boys would have a play pal. Hers is big and gentle, yet barks at strangers not friends. He’s hairy, but an outside dog.

*Dan said we could support more missionaries once the $179 no longer goes out monthly for our vehicle. 

*Put walking back in my day. It is very dark from 6-6:30am.


They are wonderful needs to have and I am excited about HOW GOD WILL HANDLE EACH ONE.

I soundly and confidently rebuke all doubt that God can and will take care of each one.

I open my spiritual eyes to SEE ways of provision that are totally unique.

I welcome Your hand moving, and I open my hands WIDE to receive from You.

Bless You, bless You, Father. Keep speaking to Dan and I about Your desire to provide. Keep building our faith. Keep moving into our lives. Keep Yourself overflowing from us to others who need You!

171- Back on Track for Bible School – Part 1

171- Back on Track for Bible School – part 1

December 2, 1985


We are back on the track to attend Elim Bible Institute in upstate New York.

Yesterday at church, Pastor Dave spoke very effectively on ILLUSIONS. That very often our reality is NOT God’s reality. We need to face our illusions and let God change them and us. We try to put our facts and our understanding of God into a box or a ritual. But God is greater than our understanding. We want Him to do things OUR way so we’ll be secure.

But we must risk stepping out by faith, and let Him be God in our lives, in our church.

The prayer afterward was a surrender, a releasing of personal fears, and an agreement with God to letting Him make our reality jive with His. We want HIM to move HIS way.

I prayed also, silently, that God would speak to Dan about Elim.

A month ago I sent for this pamphlet by Ralph Mahoney, “God’s Guidance.”

It enumerates 7 aspects of knowing God’s leading and as I look back…

The first one has been haunting me for a year-and-a-half.

1- INWARD CONVICTION: Dan received a CLEAR yearning, a call, to go to SCHOOL. It happened on our anniversary while we watched “Peace Child,” July 21, 1982. It was Don Richardson’s story.

2- GUIDANCE SIGNS: Dan showed me scripture later supporting God’s calling. We felt that our united hearts was a guidance sign also.

3- PROPHETIC UTTERANCE: That was the day when we were both depressed, and I felt I could not endure Dan’s heaviness any longer and felt so compassionate about his frustrations. I prayed (see blog #116 ). Totally out of the blue, spontaneous and unusual, my best friend’s husband came to the house with a clear word for Dan and I– that we were to pursue the schooling we desired in the far north and to do it soon.

4- GODLY COUNSEL – [this is what tangled us up almost 2 years ago]. Two elders from our church stepped in. Dan was becoming overwhelmed at the prospects of taking our young family (our sons ages 2,4,5 and one ‘on the way’) across the country to NY. Also, over the phone, a man from Elim advised us to wait because God had him wait. Yet two friends were strongly encouraging us to GO.           …to be continued…

169- Needs Met!

169- Needs Met!

November 29, 1985

Jesus is MY PERSONAL Savior as well as the PERSONAL Savior of each one in the world.

Therefore I have the RIGHT to come before His throne

-with praises and thanksgiving and sonship

-boldly with confidence

I rebuke any unbelief in my heart, in Jesus’ name.

I have asked You for $126 for the beginning-to-read ACA curriculum. The money has not come.

Believing Your provision comes with Your will, I ask for $100 for some books I would like to order for Timmy from Hewitt-Moore.

This way we could cover more subject areas—science, social studies, reading, math, art, phonics.


December 5, 1985

We went to Carol’s to visit, fellowship in the Lord, discuss home school. She had been thinking urgently about Timmy’s schooling, she said “last week”. (when I prayed?)

While she was talking to me about it an idea come to her to GIVE me the 6 or 7 sets of reading books she had just received!

Also she gave me a social studies syllabus called My America which will cover Social studies wonderfully for all the boys. WHERE GOD LEADS, GOD PROVIDES.

YOU amaze me, Lord. You put the need on both our hearts, then allowed Carol to be a blessing and for us to be blessed! Bless You, praise You. Wonderful Savior.

159- Are You Willing to do Some Bold Things?

159- Are You Willing to do Some Bold Things?

October 5, 1985

Saturday night Dan had been awakened by Daniel, but rather than being groggy, he found himself alert and interested in talking to God, and he said, “I really want to serve You and be fruitful in what I do for You. But I don’t want to move. Can we stay here for 5 years?”

He remembered back to Bible School in Germany when we were first married, saying to God, “I want to be in construction” – that’s where his heart was then.

Recently Gramma offered to loan him chunk of money so that he could build another house and he had picked up the forms to apply for his contractor’s license. He could envision designing and building a home.

Tonight he felt God said, “Are you willing to do some bold things? Are you willing to move out of this house?”

Those questions jolted Dan out of his comfort place.

The next day the Pastor’s sermon included some of the things God had been speaking to Dan.

We’ll see.

I thought it was interesting when I read in my Streams in the Desert devotional for today: “It is safe to trust God’s methods and go by His clock.”

Pastor Dave talked to Dan about the Suburban Dan has his eye on.

What do You have for us, Father? We are ready for Your call, ready to say yes to whatever You offer. I feel something is in the offing. We have been bold before. Your part is to supply the direction and the grace, our part is to say yes and start moving. We are listening!

158- Where is the Music of Life?

158- Where is the Music of Life?

September 28, 1985

This was my day: pressures, then self-pity, then peace–as I did it God’s way.

Pressures, problems, advice, frustration, more problems, impatience, self-hate, crying, EXPLOSION!

Pity, accusations, anger, self-hate, crying, guilt, horror, no escape—BUT IN HIM!!

Remorse, repentance, cleansing, crying, peace, rest, yieldedness, His will, His way, His Word.

And then I read my devotional.


Oh, Savior, I felt that was a precious Word for me from You. I really needed a tender word of encouragement and UNDERSTANDING. And You gave it. Thank You so much. Bless You. Bless You.

John 16:33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.

I was carrying that music into the evening when we saw two friends who were once strong Christians. Unfortunately the spirit of rebellion that was inhabiting Lora came to me trying to make me angry and to entice me into doing what she is doing, which is hating God and all Christians!

Afterward, Dan prayed for me strongly. I agreed with his prayers and also prayed my complete willingness to be free of that spirit and to wholeheartedly go God’s way.

Unlike the last two or three big trials of this nature, this temptation lasted minutes! –while the others lasted days or weeks! Victory in Jesus. And the music returned to my soul!