117- Dan Loves Me and Jesus Loves Me

117- Dan Loves Me, and Jesus Loves Me

December 1, 1983

Dan loves me. I believe him.

December 8

The Homemaking Bible Study today ended up being a very painful experience. Dan prayed for me. Perhaps the Lord will give me feedback. I praise God for His continual unfailing love.

December 9

I need a revelation about my personality. There is something I think God is trying to get across. Dan says I am alright.

December 10

I am trying to justify being snarky, moody, and sour. The scripture gives me no support whatsoever.

Psalm 34:13 Keep your tongue from evil

                   14 Seek peace and pursue it

Proverbs 12:15 There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.

December 18

Dan confessed our relationship is not what it should be. That he has been working hard at other things and has been taking me for granted. Praise the Lord.

January 19, 1984

3am A dream woke me up. It was about a former relationship and was upsetting. I got up to tend the fire and make sure the boys were covered and I felt I should stay up and settle some things with God.

When I said to God: “Dan is just a man. How long can he love me?”

God said: “As long as I can love you!”

Dan belongs to God, the relationship is divinely ordained and divinely sustained. (we have always known that God brought us together) I got assurance that I need have NO FEAR of God’s or Dan’s love running out the more they get to know me. We both will keep putting wrongs at the foot of the cross. Jesus will give us ongoing love for Himself and one another.

115- Have You Heard Of….?

115- Have You Heard of ….

September 18, 1983

Have you heard of a condition called Erythema multiforme? Writing it brings up my emotions as I remember our son’s experience.

Erythema multiforme (EM) is an acute, self-limited, and sometimes recurring skin condition that is considered to be a type IV hypersensitivity reaction associated with certain infections, medications, and other various triggers. Erythema multiforme may be present within a wide spectrum of severity. (from emedicine.medscape.com)

During exceptional events, life is so disorganized that journaling does not happen. My journal skips from September 18 to September 24.

Such was the case when Mark (#3 son), age 18 months, woke up one morning with alarming signs of bruising on his torso. He had not fallen, it was not an injury. We were flummoxed. We took him to the pediatrician, and she put him in the hospital. She said it was a disease that she had heard of but never dealt with.

We immediately called the church prayer chain and friends responded heroically to help us out with babysitting, meals, and every support possible.

Because of Mark’s young age, his hospital crib, which was tall enough for him to stand up in, had strong bars and looked like a cage. The bruising increased and moved around on his body. It looked like he had been severely physically abused. We got many strange looks from people.

Elders from our church and friends came to the hospital to pray.

Mark did exceptionally well in his ordeal. Friends’ prayers brought tons of grace to his spirit and he was not afraid. All of the nurses loved him.

Our friends’ prayers sustained us also.

Life happens. There is no substitute for being in a Bible-teaching church and making good friends there. You can be there for them and they will be there for you in the good times and the stressful times. We have never been more than a few weeks between churches, and in 40 years and living in several US cities we have had many excellent church experiences and only a few bad ones.

113- Praying, Surrendering, Hearing from God

113- Praying, Surrendering, Hearing from God

August 16, 1983

Surrendering to You, Lord, I release our house, our living in Reno, our church and friends, our close-by relatives (Dan’s) and our far-away relatives (mine).

I open myself up— 

*to prosperity

*to deeper teaching of the Word

*to geographical move

*to a closer walk with You

*to being the wife of a student

*to embracing Dan’s furthering his education

 September 2

I am claiming this:

Isaiah 32:18 My people will dwell in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.

September 6

I MUST keep full of the Word – or else I am not secure about Jesus being all I need and worthy of worship and service.

September 8

I am realizing that I am very fearful and anxious about the unknown…the next step…

moving… where?… we sent letters to four Bible schools.

I need grace for this Jesus.

Philippians 3:8 I count all things loss …and count them as rubbish that I may gain Christ.

September 14

John 10:11 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.

Realizing that I am to shepherd my boys and give my life for them—really, lay down my life daily on their behalf, that THEY might be raised to fear God. I do choose that.

Having lately chosen intercession over friendships has been wonderful, and turning to praying over socializing. I hope I will be able to continue. On Saturday at the KNIS picnic such a work of the Spirit had happened in me that I SAW gossip, I SAW the “traps” and stayed clear.

109- Not a Speck – Part II

109- Not A Speck –

Part II

July 4, 1983

I am still not fully committed to Christ’s way. I still fear for my life, my children’s lives. [I think I meant that I was still apprehensive about selling all and about the possibility that God would ask us to leave everything familiar to go to another country forever….and maybe die there.]

But I need to continuously affirm that –

-“I am going with Christ to the END” –my flesh screams: “not to the END!”

-“I will go the way of the cross” –my flesh screams: “argh! not THAT way!”

-“I will deny MYSELF and follow after Jesus My Lord” –my flesh screams: “oh no! He’s a fanatic!”

I turn away from the wimpy flesh to Jesus: Continue reading “109- Not a Speck – Part II”

108- Not a Speck – Part I

108- Not A Speck –

Part I

July 4, 1983

I need love and deep peace, Lord. There’s not a speck of it in me.

2 John 1:5 …a new commandment…that we love one another.

Bible notes: The new law of Christ is the divine love as wrought into the renewed heart by the Holy Spirit.

Romans 5:5 …because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit…

Bible notes: This love flows out in the energy of the Spirit, unforced and spontaneous, toward the objects of the divine love. Continue reading “108- Not a Speck – Part I”

96- How God Met Us in Our Time of Need

96- How God Met Us in Our Time of Need

Dan with Tim, Steve, Mark–ages 4, 3, 1 1/2

 March 4, 1983  I also need to see more victory in my relationship with Dan. We are going through a hard time. I am having trouble accepting how busy he is for You. I am sorry. Let me not retaliate in any way, but in loving him more.

March 7, 1983  Saturday we left the boys with Lynn and Danny for 3 hours to have time together. What a blessing it was. We resolved to follow our interest in missions, after laying out our lives afresh and seeing a few areas we could begin moving in. We trust God’s continued leading. We decided to write several missionary groups (so as to “keep moving” in the direction of missions). Dan will contact the bank regarding re-financing so we can get some cash for our necessities. We prayed and relaxed and felt closer. We had needed the time for communication.

Thank you for Anointed for Burial and for the time to read it. This couple, young in the Lord, but totally available, greatly used by your Spirit, breathtakingly. Hallelujah. 

Sunday morning. I prayed about where to sit because I really wanted to worship. We put our things down, but someone took our seats, and the only seats available were even closer to the front! After tears and tears and tears during worship (I had also prayed against self consciousness in worshiping), there was mighty prophecy over Dan—“able to teach clearly” (which is his heart’s desire), “you will give bread to the hungry,” and “you will say God sustained you during this time.”

I wept and wept. We needed to hear from You so much Lord, almost more than we realized, but You knew.

Psalm 7:9…for the righteous God tests the hearts and minds.

Ps 37:3 …trust in the Lord…feed on His faithfulness

        v 19 …in days of famine they shall be satisfied

        v 25 …not begging bread

        v 39 …the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord

                …He is their strength in time of trouble

        v 40 …He shall help them and deliver them…and save them

              because they trust in Him.          

95- Guilty of Faultfinding!

95- Guilty of Faultfinding!

A little article in Guideposts magazine by Catherine Marshall brought a big conviction!

Catherine Marshall was the wife of Peter Marshall a famous Presbyterian pastor who also served as Chaplain of the Senate in Washington DC. She is known for her writings of fiction, non-fiction, and books she edited of her husband’s sermons and prayers. Her best known books are: A Man Called Peter, which was on the NY Bestseller’s List for three years in the 1950’s, and Christy, the story of her mother’s years as a teacher of children in the Appalachians.

February 24, 1983

One day, Catherine asked the Lord if He had any special word for her that day. He told her she was to fast from faultfinding, to accept people as they were and to drop her judgment of them.

Catherine wrote that she was inclined to be a perfectionist, meaning critical of herself and others—“a habit that tends toward judgment.”

She proposed that the cessation of faultfinding leads to creativity, goodwill, mercy, better health, better relationships.

Father–I am the faultfinder of the age! It’s sickening! I judge everyone and everything. I always have an opinion. I feel I see things rightly and others quite often are misguided.

I remember: when I was about 12 my mom said, “You used to be so tactful.”

I need to be done with this very seriously detrimental traitMy God shall supply all my need to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19

You know, Lord, I wonder what Dan thinks I think of him, I find so much fault in others.  Let me try by Your divine enablement, to fast from faultfinding.

From a World MAP (missionary) magazine: do a sober self-evaluation to assess your personal resources for the Lord’s use in future fruitful endeavors.

Remembering: 2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in weakness. This means: sufficient for me to live victoriously despite the devil’s buffeting!

March 4  Lord, You are faithful. I am realizing that what I have NOT LIKED in several people–what has really separated us–has been faultfinding! And I see that I am a chief offender.

90- My Frame of Mind

90- My Frame of Mind

November 5, 1982  

Our awesome little family!                         1982

Something is occurring to me about my frame of mind:

*there will always be kids’ issues to tackle and battle, straightening and picking up in the house, unfinished projects, dishes to do.

*there will always be times when Dan’s away, spaces between my parent’s visits, days without friends.

*I’ll always be pre, post, or having periods, or having a cold, sore throat or canchor sores or detergent burn, needing a haircut; underweight, overweight, having a tooth problem, broken fingernails.

*there will always be people more organized, more stylish, with better kids, or worse, neater houses and cars, greater spiritual gifts and fantastic hobbies.

*our house will always be in stages of getting finished, we will always have free/used furniture, and I will always be dealing with mud.

*I’ll always have hand-me-downs, only a couple of shoes.

*etc., etc.

So why not realize the vanity of wishing things could be different and of being discouraged. My family pattern is not like when I was living at home. So what??? Where would I rather be? There is no contest: I am GLAD I am right here!

So BE JOYFUL IN CHRIST!

Savor the things of God.

Seek pleasing Him.

89- Seeking Him, Hearing Him Speak

89- Seeking Him,

Hearing Him Speak

October 12, 1982

A miracle has happened. It’s 5:30am and I am showered and on my knees! May this early rising be my daily experience, Lord. O God, I need so much to begin my day in selflessness and in Christ.

1 Cor 3:8,11  each one will receive his own reward according to his own labor—but the foundation must be on Jesus Christ!

1 Cor 3:12-14 Each man’s work will become clear: it will be revealed by fire; if it endures he will receive a reward.

I want rewards! I have been thinking: I am hanging on by my thumbs, but at least I’m hanging in there.

But I see it could all be wood hay and stubble. My efforts may all be burned up.

I must get the Word in me, I do want something to show for this struggle. I want to grow up, Jesus.

October 13

I am in great discouragement and grief, having lost my temper with Timmy last night and feeling so broken. Oh such sadness that I would yell at a precious boy like my Tim. I do want to discipline him effectively but not from my anger. From Your great and glorious loving heart.

October 14

Luke 1:38-42 Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word.

But Martha was cumbered about with much serving.

MARY CHOSE PAYING ATTENTION TO JESUS’ WORDS.

October 16

Reading Home Grown Kids, by Raymond and Dorothy Moore. They emphasize warm, consistent, responsive parenting. Responding lovingly always, firmly when necessary and with some imagination.

I was always seeking You, Jesus! And You never failed to meet me.

88- Not a tumbleweed, NOT ME!

88- Not a tumbleweed,

NOT ME!

What a lonely image–a tumble weed in the desert…

All of these verses are paraphrased, so I did not put them in blue.

October 7, 1982

Jeremiah 17  If I trust in man, I will be like a tumbleweed in the desert and inhabit parched places.

I am to be one who trusts and hopes in the Lord and the consequence is that I will be like a tree with deep roots by the river which bears fruit even in drought! Continue reading “88- Not a tumbleweed, NOT ME!”