209 ~ I Was Afraid is No Excuse!

209 – I Was Afraid is No Excuse!

September 20, 1986

Matthew 25 contains the parable of the talents:

The servant says: Lord, I knew you to be a hard man…and I was afraid, and went and hid your talent…. 24-25

For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have in abundance…. 29

I see this means that God has given each of us talents to use for His purposes and His glory, but fear and self-consciousness, mixed in with laziness and distractibility wreak havoc on good His plans.

Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest, p 111, says: Never say, I can’t. Never let limitation or natural ability come in. If we have received the Holy Spirit, God expects the work of the Holy Spirit to be manifested in us!

My prayer:

Holy Spirit, Your conviction is so penetrating. I am undone, humbled. There is no argument, no self-justification of inability which can stand against You and Your call.

You have been raising my self-esteem (actually my identity of who I am in Christ) so that I could receive this word today. You have been working Your word and Your presence into me, so that my self-esteem is tied with you and who YOU ARE and not who I am.

Impart, I ask in Jesus’ name, the WISDOM I need, the LOVE I need, the PEACE I need.


I rebuke FEAR in Jesus’ name.

I am seeing that most of the fear is an excuse from my lazy nature—if I cover myself with fear, surely He’ll see and not ask any more of me because I am already so overloaded! Deceitful heart—be quiet!!

207 ~ Be Selfish or Serve Others

207 – Be Selfish or Serve Others

September 6, 1986

I have become so disgusted with myself—and while repenting and broken I came upon the book by Charles Swindoll, Improving Your Serve-The Art of Unselfish Living.

I have been here before, and I am here again. Self-centered.

I’m too concerned with ME, my shower, my letters home, my Bible study, my nerves, my image, my mouth—and I have been becoming angry over so much waiting, my imperfection, kids’ imperfection, etc. Unwilling to make the real sacrifices in time (up early) and attitude with a cheerful heart.

But Lord help me to be more willing to die to myself and to be a servant. Like my husband. But especially like You. Dan is looking to You, looking to serve You. I want to, too.

Matthew 20: 25a, 28 But Jesus called them to Himself, and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them… just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

1 Peter 5:2a Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly…

Thank You that You give me attitude adjustments and do not leave me to myself. There is ALWAYS hope in Christ my Lord.

206 ~ Release and Cleansing

206 – Release and Cleansing

Sept 1, 1986

This is rewritten from a long entry in my journal:

Last week I had asked Dan to pray that if God had something to show me He would. Then yesterday at church at Elim, Brother Edwards, the president of the school, spoke of the spiritual renewal he had received over the summer break. He believed that on this day there was an anointing for liberation from bondage to sin and from past crippling memories.

The Lord brought to mind some incidents in my life as a young child that made me feel dirty every time I thought of them. I joined the scores of people filing forward to the front of the church. The prayer was a release from bondage into the wholeness of Christ.

Today in my regular devotions in Leviticus 18, I read about specific awful sins and how sin has the inevitable result of cutting us off from the people we love, and from the Lord.

Hebrews 8:12 For I will be merciful to their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.

Hebrews 9:13 For if the blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer, sprinkling those who have been defiled, sanctify for the cleansing of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God. 

Praise God Praise God Praise God Praise God Praise God Praise God Praise God Praise God

Now all gifts, blessings, fruits, life, fullness of the Spirit I receive from my God, from the Holy Spirit. I receive this revelation of the Word and feel spiritually prepared for the class I am beginning tomorrow night on campus. I receive release from illness and courage to lead these boys into relationship with Christ and into the rest of their lives.

My extended devotional time took place between 2-3:30 while Daniel was napping and TSM were at the neighbors. Dan came home at 4:30. I got to go out on errands till 6, so I got a real break today—Thank You, Jesus!

204 ~ A Continual Choice

204 – A Continual Choice

July 25, 1986

Leslie came over and talked some more. Her deceased husband was a troubled soul, she said. She and Chris (her son) are devastated. May You guard my mouth at all times by giving me wisdom and discernment, Lord!

I called the Superintendent’s office and got him! I explained yesterday’s last-minute cancellation. He sounded compassionate. But he also seemed stern and businesslike.

July 30

Depression and fear have been hovering around me because it feels like the Superintendent holds power over me!

I realized on my walk that I can embrace God and walk with Him or I can choose an anxious and negative attitude and darkness.

Today I will meet with the Superintendent at 9am.

I have been reading daily in Exodus. Then on Sunday at church I was convicted of not being in the Word enough, so I decided to read daily in the New Testament as well.

This morning I got:

1 Peter:13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority…

 15 for such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

Romans 13:1 Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.

These verses enabled me to be humble and submissive during the important meeting, not defensive and afraid. I will trust that You will use this man and his position for the best course we are to take.

Lord, that was amazing that I got those two verses on this exact day without having any other purpose but to hear Your voice. Amazing!

Thank You for reminding me of Your viewpoint about the world’s structure and my place in it! Thank You that I am able to hear you speak and by Your grace follow Your leading!

199- Asking God for Help

199 – Asking God for Help

July 15, 1986

Exodus 16:4 The Lord said to Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a day’s portion every day, that I may test them, whether or not they will walk in my instruction.

I was encouraged in reading about God providing for the Israelites…so I asked God for an invitation out to dinner because I needed one more meal in the week’s menu.

Janet came by unexpectedly with a bag of groceries that will carry us through this week and into next, saying, “the Lord told me– as I was walking through the store asking Him who could use this, and this, and this—that YOU could!”  Janet has been such a faithful friend to us!

July 16

Exodus 17:1-7  [The story of water coming from the rock—after Moses took the people’s complaints to God.]

This story led me to something in my life: the three younger boys would be satisfied to play here at home, I think. But Tim is restless and wants friends his age and more things to do.

So – I bring this complaint to You, Lord.

I have no ideas, no car, no money, no friends to call on. How can I help my son?

And I rebuke fear.

Exodus 17:8-16 [The story Moses interceding for the people during the battle with the Amalekites.]

I will intercede on Tim’s behalf. I will pray about this. 

Many times, just like this, the Bible is my guide. I write down a verse or many verses while I am reading. Often God ‘speaks’ to me and answers my questions and gives me advice. It’s pretty amazing… It’s a relationship that is built day by day.

Little did I know that within a few weeks, Tim would be a first grade student at the elementary school across the field. It wasn’t my choice, but it answered my prayers. Did the Lord lead me to intercede for Timmy so that I would be a bit more prepared for what was going to be happening. I wouldn’t be surprised.

198 – Really Praying!

198 – Really Praying!

July 9, 1986

Since I have been REALLY praying about homeschooling—GOD PLEASE MAKE THIS WORK OR ELSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO—it is going VERY well. I mean, VERY VERY well!

Also, I have been praising Him more and more for what He HAS done already in the past and HAS done already in the future that I get to step into.

My countenance is changing into a more joyful and positive one. Also, I have been a better disciplinarian of the boys. More aware of what to do and not so double minded.

July 12

From the basement Dan brought up a huge old piece of furniture that we are putting all of the homeschool books on. Perfect!

July 13

Yesterday I faced that I really love to sleep, confessed my self-centeredness, and asked God from there, from square one, to give me His motivation to pray early. HE DID!

Honesty with the Lord is the best policy. I need to just talk to Him. Just be real. Tell him the truth all the time: this is what’s going on in me, Lord! It seems to me that the Holy Spirit is the One who helps me be honest and not act like there is nothing going on.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9

The Holy Spirit knows it

My Lord knows my heart. As I lean into Him talk to Him about everything, then trust Him fully–and pray hard–He will always be my strength and my song!

“Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2

197 – Let Them Go?

197 – Let Them Go?

July 3, 1986

But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. Romans 8:11-12

My spirit wants to be free of the bondage of the flesh. My spirit wants to get up EARLY, be loving, teach my children the Word of God and the ways of Jesus Christ, honor my husband.

But my flesh is strongly advancing its own causes: sleep, more rest, say what’s in front of my brain without control, be bossy, be controlling….

July 4

I heard again, Let my people go, that they may serve Me. Exodus 9:1

Is this You, Lord, talking about me letting the boys go to public school??? I feel greatly concerned about this. I know I am not meeting my high expectations of homeschooling, but to let them go into the world?…..

I met Stevie’s Vacation Bible School teacher and she is involved in court proceedings over homeschooling her children! THAT is NOT interesting to me AT ALL.

But to let them go???

Last night Dan and I let Timmy and Stevie go with Mrs. West, our next door neighbor, to see fireworks at her cottage at the lake. They left at 8:45 in the evening and returned at 11:15pm.

Once I had FINALLY made the decision that YES they could go, God gave me TOTAL peace. Getting past the vain imaginations and fears was HORRIBLE!!

Is there more letting go, Lord? Prepare my heart!

196 -Beware!

196 –  Beware!


June 27, 1986

You, therefore, beloved, since you know this beforehand, BEWARE lest you also fall from your own steadfastness, being led away with the error of the wicked, but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 3:17

For this past month I have been reading my Bible but not writing in my journal. I have been walking in our neighborhood almost daily and praying.

I have been reading in 2 Peter and the insights about being aware of wicked men SEEM to be about a person we met here—the FIRST person we met here.  He is a retired school teacher. He has been over often, giving gifts, being too friendly. Yesterday morning I had a good talk with God on my walk and asked for information about child molesters and JUST HAPPENED later that day to make my first visit to the Livonia library. And there on the front desk was a pamphlet: Protect Your Children.

After lunch I set Timmy, Stevie, Mark down for school and we had health.

I was quite frank and open and used this man as an example of someone we do not know well who might be crude or nasty and for them to be careful. Tim, 7, and Steve, 6, understood, but I am not sure about how well Markie, age 4, understood.

Mr. XX was here 1 ½ hours in the morning and two or three hours in the afternoon. 

I believe this is the man You were warning me about last month. I will be on the alert.

I have asked God to render this man powerless over me and Dan and the boys. I felt I was to start talking about God to him. Then we went to a Camp Meeting last night at Elim and the message was on “let the redeemed of the Lord say so!” We are to speak about our redemption. Our WORDS are life and valuable.

Praise God for the precious work of the Holy Spirit.

By the way the boys have responded well to our discussion. I feel we all feel closer to each other. You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free!

I had read Exodus 1 this morning and it told how God BLESSED the midwives for obeying and honoring Him and not killing the boy babies. I shared this with the boys –that to honor God brings us blessings even if someone else tells us to do the wrong thing.

We were vigilant. God was faithful. I thank Him today for the warning. The man was our neighbor. He brought huge pumpkins for the boys which was OK, and wanted to take them for rides on his tractor. NO.

193 – On to Niagara Falls

193 – On to Niagara Falls

June 1986

We stopped in Denton, TX, to see my sweet 94 year old Christian aunt, in a rest home there. She thought we had more children and kept looking for them! It was hard for me to leave Aunt Harriet, knowing I would not see her again.

Dan surprised us by pulling in to a Ramada Inn, having decided it might be better to quit the day early rather than drive for 4 more hours as he had planned. Stevie prayed: “Lord, please get us an apartment and help us not to be rowdy.” The price was right–$38– and a swimming pool– with a restaurant and a Laundromat on the next block. Working though the mound of laundry took us till 8:15 pm. While the clothes were washing, Dan and Daniel went to get some dinner for us. They came back with deep-fried catfish and chicken nuggets. It tasted so good Dan went back for more. Our reward was a swim! Tim played with his raft from Auntie Bev, and the other boys took turns jumping off the edge of the pool into our arms, kicking wildly.

We started out early the next day after devotions and prayer together. There was a big cross in the sky which we watched turn pink with the sunrise. We called on God for all our needs—strength, refreshment, safety, good attitude. We laid ALL of our fears before Him.

On day 10, as we entered Chicago area, Mark piped up, “It’s a glory to God that we get to move, huh, Mom?”

Dan’s mom, Beth, who the boys called Bebo, had carefully thought out how we would spend our time with her. In the morning we took the train into downtown Chicago to see GrampAl at his job at Harza where he was an engineer. We went to the top of the Sears Tower, the tallest building in the world at that time. We loaded into two taxi cabs and went to the Chicago Institute of Art. We visited a hands-on area for children as well as exhibits in Arms and Armor, the American West, and a paperweight collection! Excellent, fun, interesting, stimulating. On the way home we let the boys spread out in the train car and sit where they wanted. The next day we went to a dairy and had ice cream sundaes for lunch!

In the account book journal I wrote down funny or insightful comments by the boys and Tim and Steve took turns doing art work about the sights and the bugs. I planned to attach photos and scenic folders or postcards, but that did not happen. Several years later I used the account book and my journals and wrote a 91-page book about our 2½ years in Livonia, NY. I had it spiral bound at Office Depot. We included 27 pages of photographs of family highlights and we gave one to each boy for Christmas that year.

We continued on our journey, going north through Indiana and Michigan and into Ontario, Canada. We stopped at Niagara Falls and took the tram ride up the hill to gawk and stare at the thundering tons of water crashing over the edges of the earth. 

In two hours we would arrive at our new home and the end of this travel experience. God has been faithful every mile of the way.

192 – We’ve Left Them All

192 – We’ve Left Them All

June 14, 1986

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. Matthew 19:29

We left our awesome solar house that Dan built us. We sold it, expecting that we were headed out for Bible School in New York. We rented homes in Reno for two more years until we felt God released us to once again pick up the vision for further training in order to prepare us for our goal of being missionaries to Japan. And then we left our brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers for His sake.

During our stay at my parents’ house Dan did some odd jobs and  repaired our tent. One of my fillings fell out and I was able to get it fixed that day. I had to go back the next day because it fell out again!  On Saturday, I took a half hour walk at 5:50am, we ate breakfast together, said tearful goodbyes, and began our road trip in earnest.

Timmy made up a longer game from ‘padiddle’ which is what you say when you see a car with one headlight out. ‘Diddle’ was for two lights on and Scriddle was for 2 lights off.

Bev had given us a goodie bag! Inside were four hedgehog puppets, all-day suckers, a music tape from Life Center Sunday worship. We all sang along to the familiar songs.

There were lots of power lines and cactus and big dips in the road. Markie, age 4, said, I think they made these dips just for the kids to have fun!

In Needles, California, it was 112 degrees. We got icy sodas for everyone at our McDonald’s potty stop. Daniel spilled most of his on his lap in his car seat. It cooled him off but it was pretty sticky!

Part of the ‘hundred times as much blessing’ was that the boys had excellent behavior and excellent health as we traveled across the country from coast to coast. They were mostly happy and content.

The first night we spent $53 for a room with 3 queen beds in Kingman, AZ. The second night we set up the tent in an Albuquerque, NM, KOA campground. ($22.65). We ate cold canned tamales and chili beans, grapes, bread and butter and made the decision to eat in diners or fast food places for the remainder of the journey. And after putting the 10-man tent up (after a very long days’ drive) then taking it down in the heavy dew in the morning, repacking the car, and then traveling all day in the heat, we opted for motels for the rest of the journey. Time and efficiency were precious commodities.


The Lord is very very personal to his children, especially when we trust Him fully. I asked specifically and He answered specifically.