134- Back in Step, but Wrestling with Moods

134- Back in Step,

but Wrestling with Moods

December 18, 1984, continued

I was back into my almost-daily time with the Lord, pouring out my heart, talking to Him about everything, and going to the Bible for relevant verses to encourage myself in the truth.

Lord, looking back over the last two weeks:

DISTRESSED: feeling generally nervous and irritable–partly because Mark and the baby had bad colds and that kept us home bound for a solid week (and friends away!); I broke my tooth on a corn nut; I had canker sores plus an added virus on my tongue and in my throat; grieving over an angry outburst; Christmas pressures, including comparing ours with our friends’ plans; back to worrying about birth control.

BLESSED: because I received compassion and prayer from my support group: Jackie, Susie, Jan. And super blessed because Dan has been totally non-condemning, accepting, loving, kind, understanding of my moodiness.

ENCOURAGED: at the men’s prayer breakfast that Dan goes to at church every Wednesday morning there was a word from the Lord for the married men from the single guy about loving their wives.

Dan and I are becoming more real-life humans. I’ve backed off from complaining about him being gone so much, realizing we need money to live! The job he has at the church as foreman of the building project requires extremely long hours (50-70 hours a week).

 

REALIZATIONS:

*God will comfort, I need to come to Him.

*Got is cleansing me, refining me.

*There is HOPE in Christ ALWAYS.

*I am really loved– by God, my husband, and my friends.

Ephesians 5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us…

        8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of the light…trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.

        15 be careful how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,

        18 be filled with the Spirit,

        19 singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;

        20 always giving thanks for all things…

        22 wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord

Father, I see impurity in me from a greedy, competitive, covetous heart. CLEANSE ME. I accept Christ’s work on the cross. The better alternative is imitating God, being a reflection of Him.

Thank You that I can come to the Word and receive the truth from Your perspective–wiser than the world, full of power and direction.

125- Following God’s Trail – #7

125- Following God’s Trail – #7

May 6 –at church, Sandy M prayed: “The Lord has touched your babies. He assured me that He will be there to supervise the delivery. He told me to tell you.”

May 8 –open house, a few came. I will not be discouraged because God is merciful and He is perfect in His timing. He has purposes to fulfill. I purpose to trust Him.

May 12 –car fire! Our Nova station wagon caught on fire in the grocery store parking lot. Very strange. No one was hurt.

May 20 –open house, two couples, both interested.

May 23 –to Lynn’s for Lamaze breathing practice.

May 25 –very tense day: Elim guy never called. I was under pressure to get this house ready for possible realtors’ visits before the boys and I left for Michele’s Bible study for the morning. Feeling overwhelmed. Karen called—the Lord told her it was urgent that she call me. Praise God. She prayed, I cried, and the tension broke and my perspective changed. After dinner, much baby activity. Continuous Braxton Hicks for 1 hour. Wore me out!

May 28 –recognized fear, uncertainty, lack of faith about baby’s birth. Cried out to the Lord. My resources won’t be sufficient—no confidence in the doctor, etc. I thought hard about God, but couldn’t really get ahold of Him. I thought—how can I have success? Joshua 1:8 came to mind. Decided to use my NAS Bible with the topical index. I had just bought a spiral notebook. Looking up verses on the favor of God and the faithfulness of God. Will meditate daily on them. Dan wants to read them with me. Together we will see our Lord work.

May 29 –I got up early for devotions and prayer. Meditated on my scriptures in my spiral notebook. My faith was built. Elim guy called and we have a house for $300 a month beginning in August in NY.

May 30 –A realtor, called saying the artist couple, the Clarke’s, are very interested in buying our house.

May 31 –Dan set himself to pray. He said: “God what if they offer us $92,000?” THEY DID! He felt God said, “Just sell.”

Signed the agreement to sell. They will call us back tomorrow if they agree with our date changes.

The car fire had sidelined our car. We went to a lot and bought a car. We were all out till 11:30pm.

We felt God’s grace and blessing. Dodge Colt Vista. Seven passenger. But it doesn’t FEEL like seven passenger and there is so little trunk area. Trying not to argue.

117- Dan Loves Me and Jesus Loves Me

117- Dan Loves Me, and Jesus Loves Me

December 1, 1983

Dan loves me. I believe him.

December 8

The Homemaking Bible Study today ended up being a very painful experience. Dan prayed for me. Perhaps the Lord will give me feedback. I praise God for His continual unfailing love.

December 9

I need a revelation about my personality. There is something I think God is trying to get across. Dan says I am alright.

December 10

I am trying to justify being snarky, moody, and sour. The scripture gives me no support whatsoever.

Psalm 34:13 Keep your tongue from evil

                   14 Seek peace and pursue it

Proverbs 12:15 There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.

December 18

Dan confessed our relationship is not what it should be. That he has been working hard at other things and has been taking me for granted. Praise the Lord.

January 19, 1984

3am A dream woke me up. It was about a former relationship and was upsetting. I got up to tend the fire and make sure the boys were covered and I felt I should stay up and settle some things with God.

When I said to God: “Dan is just a man. How long can he love me?”

God said: “As long as I can love you!”

Dan belongs to God, the relationship is divinely ordained and divinely sustained. (we have always known that God brought us together) I got assurance that I need have NO FEAR of God’s or Dan’s love running out the more they get to know me. We both will keep putting wrongs at the foot of the cross. Jesus will give us ongoing love for Himself and one another.

116- God’s Revealed Will For Us

116- God’s Revealed Will

For Us

November 22, 1983

Dan has been heavy and burdened. Today I felt such compassion for the frustrations he was feeling and I asked God to please speak to Dan about His will for us. My best friend’s husband, Paul, came over to get some teaching tapes from us, totally out-of-the-blue, spontaneous, and unusual.

He knew we were reviving our interest in Dan getting more training so that we could get to Japan and fulfill our calling.

He had come primarily because he felt he had a word from the Lord for us:

“there is a family and a house waiting to receive you or in the process of being prepared for you. They will appreciate your strong commitment to the Lord and His work. Love is waiting for your family. The Lord is saying: go north, far north, and do not put off applying the school there. People there are professional, stable, mature.”

Dan took this word to heart and set to work on his application to Elim Bible Institute in upstate New York. We sent it off a few weeks later. He also applied himself to completing the finishing touches to our solar house so we could put it on the market.

Besides our pastor’s sermons and the books we were reading, many visiting speakers to our church fueled our enthusiasm in trusting in Jesus and living our lives full of faith in Him.

Anthony Campolo spoke at our church and we also listened to his messages on the Christian radio station, KNIS. Campolo said:

*it’s okay to be poor if it’s because you’ve given everything away.

*we need to cry over the things God cries over.

*be yielded and surrendered so Jesus can use you.

*Jesus didn’t preach prosperity.

Paul arriving with a word for us on the day I had prayed was remarkable. We had been waiting and praying for a breakthrough and this was it.

94- A Message That Became Prophetic

94- A Message That Became Prophetic

December 1982 Dan was asked by our pastor to speak one Sunday morning. These are my notes:

*self-centeredness is against God’s heart and God’s gospel

*Christ died for the church, for the kingdom, not just for me

*Romans 5 – Christ died for us

*Ephesians 5 – Christ gave Himself for the church

*Ephesians 1 – The church is the fullness of Him who fills all in all

*therefore we are not to love for ourselves

*be a servant, even if you work for a difficult taskmaster

*care not for ME

*do everything heartily as unto the Lord

Three months after this message we invited a family from our church to move into our home.

Continue reading “94- A Message That Became Prophetic”

92- Willing and Obedient

92- Willing and Obedient

December 11, 1982

Dan has been offered a position as program director at KNIS—full time! Could mean a move to Carson City. I’m sort of shaken.

We are on the brink of an adventure, a certain step of faith.

Guest speaker at church last night and this a.m. is Anthony Campolo. He is speaking on self-denial, sacrifice, giving, meekness, peacemaking, mourning over the world condition.

He was teaching us Jesus’ heart.

I have definitely come to appreciate Dan’s sincere and anointed edification of the saints on the radio. It’s not his own personality making it up. It’s a man seeking and serving a living , loving, worthy Lord, and sincerely encouraging others to do the same.

Moving is not my idea and it sounds hard. I do not care for the small town of Carson at all.

But I lay aside these for Your perfect and blessed will. That we might be in fellowship with You, that our boys would know You and Your reality.

December 12

Campolo got onto missions in today’s message.

He asked for full surrender and full commitment. Pastor Dave asked for hands of those interested in missions. 

He seemed to acknowledge Dan and I. Dan gave his testimony tonight at church and some teaching. It came off well, serious, sincere, Spirit-filled. Gene gathered everyone around us to pray for KNIS job and our lives and Pastor prayed for the missions interest to be confirmed, put together, and moved along.

ONLY BY YOU, LORD! My feet are cold; my faith is small, but I am willing and obedient.

Looking back, I am in awe that one dear friend prayed about the job offer, and our faithful Pastor picked up from the Spirit about the missions calling. God, You are amazing in how You work!

88- Not a tumbleweed, NOT ME!

88- Not a tumbleweed,

NOT ME!

What a lonely image–a tumble weed in the desert…

All of these verses are paraphrased, so I did not put them in blue.

October 7, 1982

Jeremiah 17  If I trust in man, I will be like a tumbleweed in the desert and inhabit parched places.

I am to be one who trusts and hopes in the Lord and the consequence is that I will be like a tree with deep roots by the river which bears fruit even in drought! Continue reading “88- Not a tumbleweed, NOT ME!”

85- Taking a Stand Against Anger

85- Taking a Stand Against Anger

October 5, 1982

Dearest Lord Jesus, I have been experiencing anger, manifesting in impatience and yelling, which has come up during this ‘squeeze’ of me trying to juggle my home life with a part-time job–I’ve gotten into a bad habit.

I have been grieved over this ugly sin of losing control of myself. Satan has made me feel condemned—and, in the twisted way we humans think, I find myself arguing with myself that I am justified in screaming in order to get control of the situation.

But last Sunday morning I missed church, two boys sick. Dan relayed the Pastor’s message to me, and he encouraged me, and we read scripture together.

Dan said he had taken a stand against anger. One day he realized  he’d been enjoying anger and making clear choices to engage in it and decided that was not how he wanted to live—I had to agree with him, his story is my story.

Now, for 2 ½ days I have been experiencing victory in Your precious name, Jesus. I have many times made the conscious willful choice to be joyful, to be loving—and have not fallen into anger.

Tim-Mark-Steve, our wonderful sons-

The boys have been inside the house and ill, so I stopped my life and ministered to them which cut the stress a lot by not trying to do too much housework. Thank You, Jesus. May it please You to continue to give me this resolve to stand against the temptations to fall into anger.

78- Answered Prayer, Unanswered Prayer

78- Answered Prayers, Unanswered Prayers

Mark about 5 months old

Because my Aunt Ida was in critical condition in the hospital, Mark and I flew to Oxnard to visit her. Although she was a serious Catholic I was not sure if she had made her peace with God through Jesus.

 

August 1, 1982

I feel the need to be purposeful and specific in prayer during this visit home….great spiritual battle for Ida’s soul.

*get to the hospital in time    YES  [meaning: before she died. I did!]

*see Aunt Ida, be able to talk to her alone    YES

*Mark sleep well   YES

*Mark and I stay healthy   MOSTLY

*encourage Connie regarding her faith in Christ   YES

*have special time with Connie      YES

*pray specifically daily   YES

*memorize John 5:24   NO

*do discipleship book daily or twice daily   NO

*have time with Marsha, love her     YES

*be glorified through me to my parents   ?hope so!

*talk to Nancy   NO

*talk to Jane   YES

*talk to nurses   NO

*talk to fellow travelers   YES   YES   YES!

*receive specific knowledge, verses about Dan, our family, raising the boys   NO

*ample opportunity to talk to Uncle Larry   NO

*boldness from the Spirit –moving in evangelism and mercy for Larry   NO

*a decision for Christ from Larry   NO

*clear ‘word’ for Ida from You   NO –I had to wear a surgical mask because of my sore throat and she had trouble understanding me

*Dan strengthened at home, consistent with boys, able to get them to our friends easily for babysitting each day   YES, it seems to have gone very well.

It looks like Dad even had time to cut the boys’ hair.