169- Needs Met!

169- Needs Met!

November 29, 1985

Jesus is MY PERSONAL Savior as well as the PERSONAL Savior of each one in the world.

Therefore I have the RIGHT to come before His throne

-with praises and thanksgiving and sonship

-boldly with confidence

I rebuke any unbelief in my heart, in Jesus’ name.

I have asked You for $126 for the beginning-to-read ACA program. It has not come.

Believing Your provision comes with Your will, I ask for $100 for some books I would like to order for Timmy from Hewitt-Moore.

This way we could cover more subject areas—science, social studies, reading, math, art, phonics.

ANSWERED PRAYER!

December 5, 1985

We went to Carol’s to visit, fellowship in the Lord, discuss home school. She had been thinking urgently about Timmy’s schooling, she said “last week”.

While she was talking to me about it an idea come to her to GIVE me the 6 or 7 sets of reading books she had just received!

Also she gave me a social studies syllabus called My America which will cover Social studies wonderfully for all the boys. WHERE GOD LEADS, GOD PROVIDES.

YOU amaze me, Lord. You put the need on both our hearts, then allowed Carol to be a blessing and for us to be blessed! Bless You, praise You. Wonderful Savior.

160- Broken But Bound for Glorious Things

160-Broken But Bound for Glorious Things

October 15, 1985

Broken over Timmy’s insufficient home schooling materials.

Broken over baby’s middle of the night crying.

Broken over my prayerlessness.

Broken over finances.

I opened Streams in the Desert for today:

By reason of breakings they purify themselves. God uses most for His glory those people and things which are most perfectly broken. The sacrifices He accepts are broken and contrite hearts. (Psalm 51:17)

Those who are broken in wealth, broken in self-will, broken in their ambitions, broken in their beautiful ideals, broken in worldly reputation, broken in their affections, broken ofttimes in health, those who are despised and seem utterly forlorn and helpless, the Holy Ghost is seizing upon, and using for God’s glory.

I understand the concept of brokenness. He’s okay that I spend a lot of time there, as long as I turn to Him to receive LIFE and SPIRIT and do not languish there but move on. 

October 19

Dan has one small job to do for Marshall on Monday, then no work in sight. I basically feel encouraged that God will be faithful to us as He always has. I feel some excitement that He may move us out of Reno. We really identify with missionaries. A letter came from missionary friends in Okinawa. They are so broken and trying to figure out a new program to save the Japanese. Today a letter came from New Tribes Missions—OH NO! the jungles! I am waiting for Dan to open it.

October 28

Two nights ago, realizing I was entertaining bitterness because an old acquaintance has never taken any responsibility for a wrong done to me. Explaining it to God—I heard, “take your eyes off of him, I wounded you!” I thought of: Isaiah 53:1 But the Lord was pleased to crush Him, putting Him to grief.

Once again I am called on to die to myself and my rights and intercede for another. Not for my justification, nothing in it for me. And yet there will be release for me through prayer. I will do it now.

153- Praying Loud and Long!

153- Praying Loud and Long!

July 8, 1985

Pastor Dave gave a great message yesterday on Preparing for Entering into our Promised Land:

         ~keep defining your purpose,

         ~keep it fresh,

         ~keep facing it in faith.

Today my purpose was to get Mark and Daniel their much overdue shots.

Everyone slept till 8 except Steve. He woke up early and had a 30 minute crying spell! I wavered–should I still try to go?

NO–I will not waver! My purpose was so firm, I was determined. 

EVERYTHING WORKED OUT BEAUTIFULLY. We found out once we got there that Steve needed a shot and a polio booster, too. Didn’t tell him. He was first and didn’t even flinch!

Steve and Mark stayed with Dan at the property. Did wonderfully!

Tim and Daniel went with me to SaknSave—did wonderfully!

Miraculous—everyone’s attitude was great!

What Steve’s mysterious fussing pushed me to was long and desperate prayer. Plus I prayed aloud all the way to the Health Dept and then all the way to the store.

Last night we met Dan at the property. We were late, rushed. I prayed loud, long, desperately. It went SO WELL. I even took 9 of the kids on a hike (that’s NOT me!) and organized them for frisbee and catch. JOYFULLY!

Later: I had read an article discussing following God with your whole heart. Which included:

Jeremiah 29:13 And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

So I prayed with my whole heart.

Also I’ve been thinking about: If you want to be great in God’s kingdom, learn to be the servant of all.

I prayed accordingly and got my opportunity tonight night with all 4 boys fussing at one point! Dan was at church at the elders’ meeting. He and I got to bed at 11:30, then Dan was up 1:30 and then at 3:00 with boys. I took over till 4:30. We all slept till 6:30 then I walked ½ hour.

Rather than getting mad, rather than trying to sneak away if they seemed settled, only to have to get up again, I prayed for Jesus’ servant heart. I became content, kind, ministered, prayed. I woke up relatively rested and in a good mood! Miracle.

144- Our God is a Redeeming Father

144- Our God is a

Redeeming Father

February 27, 1985

During those midnight hours while walking baby Daniel, I was recalling Jamie Buckingham’s message on KNIS: Find your purpose in God’s eternal plan and go after it and walk in it. You will find it through your ‘cross’ experience! Through pain and trouble!

Jamie’s story: As a pastor he was caught in immorality twice and fired twice. Completely devastated and repentant and broken, he felt led to attend a Guideposts magazine Writers’ Conference. On his second day there he received a challenge to write Nicky Cruz’s story, and co-authored ‘Run Baby Run.’ Millions of copies were sold, and many many people came to the Lord and into the baptism of the Holy Spirit. He wrote 36 books in the next 12 years. That is a redeemed life. That is a Father’s unconditional love.

Remembering this story, dove-tailed with what God was showing me. He did not leave Jamie in a gutter, He directed him into years of active front-line ministry. God did not leave me shattered in a gutter from my own troubles. He already had His plan in motion: In my brokenness, His servant, Jackie (a different Jackie—see blog post #19), took me to her church. In talking to her and reading my Bible I understood His forgiveness and repented. Two years later He directed me to marriage to Dan and then immediately into building our family. My Lord loves me with an unconditional and everlasting love. My Lord is a Redeemer.

Jamie found His purpose. Could they—Dan and Timmy and Stevie and Mark and Daniel –be where I find God’s purpose for me?

142- Reading the Word to Stay in Faith

142- Reading the Word to Stay in Faith

February 27, 1985

Up with Daniel the other night. While walking Daniel and talking to the Lord, I was overwhelmed by remembering the blatant sin I’d been snared by (willingly) in those years away from God (eight years in my twenties). I have wondered if the scars on my personality, emotions and reputation will forever keep me from ministry to others and from happiness?

The next morning I ‘happened’ upon:

Luke 7:36-50 paraphrased: Jesus told a Pharisee a story with the moral that the person who has sinned the most and is forgiven is the one who will love Him more. Then He said to the immoral woman who was ministering to Him out of her brokenness and love, “Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.

And then the Spirit led me to:

Mark 5:34 And Jesus said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your affliction.”

From these verses, Lord, I perceive that my own faith is weak. So I am going to read as much of the gospels as I can before the Ladies’ Luncheon on Saturday. My faith must be strong to receive from Jesus and be healed of my afflictions: poor self-concept and bondage to my immoral past.

138- Adopting God’s Values

138- Adopting God’s Values

January 3, 1985

Yesterday morning, I sleepily read Psalm 1, and then as I thought about it on my walk I decided that my goal for 1985 will be chewing on Your word.

Psalm 1: 2-3 But His delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night; and he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither, and whatever he does shall prosper.

That’s interesting: Your idea of PROSPERING is through focusing on the Bible as my treasure, while the world’s way of PROSPERING is acquiring CASH!

During the boys’ nap time I did my weekly Bible study in James, and the subject was riches and wealth! You are impressing me with Your values and helping me get mine in line with Yours. Help me to hear what You are trying to tell me!

Lord you are really convicting me soundly of a superficial lifting up of wealthy people. Today I see clearly that I have been prejudiced towards the goods and status of the affluent in our church. I repented of showing favoritism to them.

In the study there were many scriptures for me to look up about “God’s favor toward the poor.” I found it in my heart to be very willing before the Lord to live in the Glenn Duncan area [where I taught school many years ago]. I am praying about that being the area of town we move to. After we moved here, we quickly realized that the $600 a month rent that we pay here on Grandview Avenue is too much so we have looked at the Shultz’s house in Sparks and want to look at Prosser’s and Plouman’s rentals in the Glenn Duncan area. If we move there it means I would be ministering to some of my previous students.

Also regarding riches:

I realized through my conversation with Jackie this morning that I cannot keep up with her and Susie. They have more available cash than I do–and they want to start making Christmas gifts already! My time and assets do not allow me to join them. I felt very competitive during the conversation—trying desperately to prove that I’m okay and to get some positive attention for myself because I cannot compete with them on other levels (cookie baking, gift making, gift giving). I would like our relationship to continue in spite of this.

You are wonderful, God. Keep speaking to me about our faith walk, our attitudes about money, about making hard decisions in order to stay in sync with what we believe. I want to be in Your favor and Your will.

I have become very interested in trusting Your supplying most of our goods. Since we have a little money in the bank, we have bought some things (still not much) rather than praying, believing, and waiting. A faith walk is so much more rewarding a life style, though a bit more stressful than just writing a check. I take to heart: the just shall live by faith but if anyone draws back My soul has no pleasure in him and without faith it is impossible to please Him. Hebrews 10:38, Romans 1:17

136- A Humbling Christmastime Revelation, part 2

136- A Humbling Christmastime Revelation, part 2

December 22, 1984–continued

The realization came to me that Jesus is a King who stepped down from glory for a time and then went back to glory. He spent a few short years on earth despised among men because He hung around with the street people and the bag ladies, the lepers and the sick and the maimed. BUT HE STILL WAS A KING. HE STILL OWNED EVERYTHING AND WAS RICH AND POWERFUL. He left robes and crowns and riches. And He went back to them. He likes power too.

And I AM SEATED WITH HIM IN THE HEAVENLIES. He became flesh and dwelt among us so we could go back to be with Him forever.

So can’t I accept His call for me in this life? It’s temporary, my place in heaven is certain. I’m serving a king who wore a disguise so that I, and everyone, could identify with Him. I did identify with Him at salvation and for a few years, but then I wanted my heritage back.

He’s the King of all kings.

He’s Lord of all.

He’s the Prince of Peace.

And He will live in me as much as I will let Him.

My heart has been cleaned up, Lord Jesus. I see You more clearly. I love You. I have been a hypocrite and I am a hypocrite to change camps now because I see Your riches. But that’s okay.

THY WILL BE DONE TODAY AND EVERY DAY IN THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON. My King. Thank You for enlightening me.

Ephesians 1:7-19 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.

134- Back in Step, but Wrestling with Moods

134- Back in Step,

but Wrestling with Moods

December 18, 1984, continued

I was back into my almost-daily time with the Lord, pouring out my heart, talking to Him about everything, and going to the Bible for relevant verses to encourage myself in the truth.

Lord, looking back over the last two weeks:

DISTRESSED: feeling generally nervous and irritable–partly because Mark and the baby had bad colds and that kept us home bound for a solid week (and friends away!); I broke my tooth on a corn nut; I had canker sores plus an added virus on my tongue and in my throat; grieving over an angry outburst; Christmas pressures, including comparing ours with our friends’ plans; back to worrying about birth control.

BLESSED: because I received compassion and prayer from my support group: Jackie, Susie, Jan. And super blessed because Dan has been totally non-condemning, accepting, loving, kind, understanding of my moodiness.

ENCOURAGED: that at the men’s prayer breakfast that Dan goes to at church every Wednesday morning there was a word from the Lord for the married men from the single guy about loving their wives.

Dan and I are becoming more real-life humans. I’ve backed off from complaining about him being gone so much, realizing we need money to live! The job he has at the church as foreman of the building project requires extremely long hours (50-70 hours a week).

 

REALIZATIONS:

*God will comfort, I need to come to Him.

*Got is cleansing me, refining me.

*There is HOPE in Christ ALWAYS.

*I am really loved– by God, my husband, and my friends.

Ephesians 5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us…

        8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of the light…trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.

        15 be careful how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,

        18 be filled with the Spirit,

        19 singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;

        20 always giving thanks for all things…

        22 wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord

Father, I see impurity in me from a greedy, competitive, covetous heart. CLEANSE ME. I accept Christ’s work on the cross. The better alternative is imitating God, being a reflection of Him.

Thank You that I can come to the Word and receive the truth from Your perspective–wiser than the world, full of power and direction.

130- I Accept Your Mercies

130- I Accept Your Mercies

December 11, 1984

2 Corinthians 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort-

*the Father of mercies – my Bible says: this is His job and His joy

*the God of all comfort – all means ALL – when I need it, He’s got it for me

v 4 who comforts us in all our affliction

*once again, all means all

*affliction refers to trouble and calamity

2 Timothy 3:16-17 All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

The Bible is inspired by God for everything I need. 

 am God’s born again child.

The Bible is true.

Every word is Spirit-breathed – 2 Timothy 3:16

None of my trouble, then, is out of His interest.

ALL means ALL. I receive Your comfort, Father.

Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

I receive Your mercy—new every morning 

With great gratefulness. Humbly.

Because proudly I cannot receive.

When I am proud I do not see my need.

And if I do…I do not ask.

When my flesh and the devil say God has put up with me all He can and I’m on my own, help me remember this verse, Father. 

Self-diagnosis: PMS was the pop ailment of the day, and I had all of the symptoms. Dan said I could get whatever I needed in the way of food and vitamins. This was answered prayer.

Mark, sitting on the back steps of Grandview.

A few days ago I wanted to comfort Mark. He held tightly to his blankie, which he calls his “wankily” and would not accept my love. I saw that You must be so crushed when we turn away from Your offered love.

 

128- Following God’s Trail – #10

128- Following God’s Trail – #10

July 1, 1984 Father, I am having a hard time believing YOU are asking us to stay in Reno. PLEASE SHOW ME.

I am having a hard time trusting You with our finances, and in finding very suitable housing here in Reno, and in finding a kindergarten acceptable for Tim. You promise to gently lead those who are with young. I am letting it all go and believing Your Word.

Here’s the story: Dan had been working for several months with the contractor on the new building for our church. It was full-time work and they worked well together.

In one week, two of the church elders went to Dan independently and both felt strongly from the Lord that the timing of our going off to Bible School was premature. We were dumbfounded.

The pastor offered him the job of foreman, overseeing the building of the church and managing the many volunteers who wanted to help out.

We prayed and fasted seeking the Lord.

We handed over the keys of our solar house to Peter and Marilyn Clarke and instead of driving 3,000 miles east across the country, we drove 5 miles west to a house in a quiet subdivision on Grandview Avenue. The rent was more than we wanted to spend but we were under pressure to find a place quickly. It was within a few miles of the church and in the same area of town we had been living for 2 years.

There was an elementary school across the street which had a very good reputation. I had been prepping Timmy: “Your teacher will love you. You are such a smart and cooperative boy. She will be so happy to have you in her class. Teachers love children who will work with them, obey them, and who want to learn.”

As it happened, they did not have room in the filled-to capacity first grades for my precious first born, and I was actually relieved. I had been reading, School Can Wait, by Raymond and Dorothy Moore.

July 22, 1984—Our 6th anniversary.

On our 6th anniversary, our sons were 5, 4, 2, and one month old. We had moved 7 times, including living in two foreign countries for short periods. Dan was 36 and I was 39.

We were crushed. All of our plans had been put on hold. We had laid down our vision for Japan and for Bible School, and we were in some subsidiary plan. God knew.

We believed we had been led by God to this point of surrender. We learned later that we were experiencing “the death of a vision.”

I went to google to get an explanation of the death of a vision and found a good one at http://www.thegoodbook.com. Pastor Cecil Thompson writes:

We are all fired up when the vision is fresh and new, but almost without warning things explode. Instead of seeing our vision fulfilled, it is like death has destroyed the vision. “What do we do now?”

Reeling, floundering…what’s going on, God? We were hastily trying to pull ourselves together after the explosion! We knew we had heard from the Lord and had walked with God to this point. All of the other “visions” and “God ideas” had come to pass, so what was this all about?

We believed by faith that God had specific purpose in letting us be deflated. We did not believe God was capricious, impulsive, and unpredictable. We decided to trust Him.

But we also had to regroup quickly!

Spoiler: We DID go to Elim Bible Institute two years later. And we could clearly see the wisdom in the delay.