236 – A Dramatic November

236 – A Dramatic November

November 26, 1986

Mark and Brian were Dan’s passengers in the car accident. Mark, a single guy living at home, went back to school the next day, sore and still shaken, but uninjured. His friendship with Dan stood strong. Brian, who had been in the front seat, had suffered a concussion and had endured the worst of the impact. He was married. He was not angry or blaming Dan.

Dan and I visited Brian and Mark in their homes last night. We had good fellowship with both of them.

We went to see the driver of the Hostess Cupcake truck, Elizabeth, who was still in the hospital. She was not interested in hearing ANYTHING we had to say. She was angry, rude, and defensive. It hurt Dan that he could not make amends with her. We are praying for her.

The month of November had been very dramatic and traumatic.

Jimmy, our neighbor, former home group leader, and Dan’s very good friend, was in the hospital. Dan went to see him so often that our next pay check was slim. Dan thought he could help Jimmy recover and regain his mental and physical health and get back into the school routine. God finally gave Dan a vision that warned him to stay away, that his involvement would in the long run do no good at all. Wow! It was a real vision with a picture of a vacuum and Dan being sucked down into it. Receiving a vision from God in itself was impactful and made it seem imperative that we heed it.

Dan had never been in a serious car accident. And to be the cause of it was mind-blowing. We got lots of support, we were not standing alone.

My journal indicates that we received $1800 from the insurance company for the totaled Suburban. We also received $600 from Penny, a missionary. That meant we could pay our bills and put money toward our next vehicle.

We may trust Him fully, all for us to do;
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true*.

*lyrics from the song Like a River Glorious, by Frances Havergal, 1876

235 – Spinning on an Icy Road

235 – Spinning on an Icy Road

November 21, 1986

I was home with the boys hosting a potluck for our weekly Bible study group that Dan taught. The house was full of good friends and neighbors. Even now I thank the Lord for the support we had that night.

Dan and two fellow Elim students worked part-time at a construction job while taking classes at the school. That night was stormy and on the way home from work, Dan lost control of his vehicle on a slick country road and collided with a Hostess Cupcake truck. The woman driver was taken to the hospital by ambulance and one of Dan’s passengers also was injured. Our Suburban was totaled.

When Dan finally arrived at home with the distressing story of the accident and our car being towed away, we were all dumbfounded. Someone gathered us to pray.

Dan was stunned and feeling horrible about his helplessness to avoid the collision and being the cause of two people’s serious injuries.

Our downstairs neighbor and friend, Josie, who was a fellow student, drove him to the site of the crash the next day. They searched everywhere but his glasses had disappeared. Josie didn’t hesitate, but took Dan to an optometrist and bought him new eyeglasses! We received offers of loaned cars by seven different couples and two single ladies. Over the next couple of weeks we borrowed several of the loaners for a few days at a time and eventually purchased a huge green van from the Trezises.

We received sympathy and encouraging words from fellow-students, and also from neighbors and even strangers in our very small town. There were prayers at chapel by the entire student body, money gifts, meals, and humbling support.

A sorrowful thing happened. The injured passenger in Dan’s car sued us for one million dollars. A sheriff came to the house and handed me the legal document. After I closed the door, I went immediately into shock, BUT the Lord met me IMMEDIATELY! He spoke a word to me that gave me a deep peace. Later, the friend and his wife came to the house to say that they did not blame Dan and had no hard feelings against him. They said they were suing our insurance company because they saw it as a way to buy a farm and have a business. We were able to be polite, by God’s grace.

And after many months of prayers by people at the school and friends and family back in Reno, the suit went away. All praise to God.

And grateful tears are falling from my eyes as I write about it 31 years later.

233 – Focus on His Presence

 233 – Focus on His Presence, not Fear

November 19, 1986

Fear brings a fight-or-flight response. In my case, I pretty quickly go to panic. Fears can be real or imagined.

Here is the list I had in my journal on this day. It is a continuation of the previous blog:

*fear that I am losing the boys and I’ll not regain ‘control’ once they get distracted 

*fear that they will grow up and be weird

*fear someone will see the house messy

*fear the boys will be seen by others while they are fighting

*fear I will not be able to get Daniel playing happily with the toys and I will lose the boys’ interest in the school work while I am helping him

*fear people will see all of us as we really are, so often at odds, it seems.

Often I recognize the moment the fearful thought comes to me and I find myself going with it instead of holding every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

9pm After my half hour walk, I had a good time praying with Dan. I heard myself saying: “I let go of the boys, I just want to be in Your presence, Jesus.” WHAT PEACE CAME TO ME!!

Could this be the missing link?? Please continue to speak, Lord…. what comes immediately to mind is the book about George Mueller, which I began reading last night. As a newly saved believer, when he focused on his girlfriend and was infatuated with her, he had no communication or peace or presence of God. The moment he turned away from her and chose God, God was there. Is that what happens to me, Lord? Please speak to me!

10:30pm I love these verses, thank You!

In Thy presence is fullness of joy. Psalm 16:11

God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved.; God will help her when morning dawns. Psalm 46:5

Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms. Psalm 95:2

228 – Josie’s Dilemma and Josie’s Faith

228 – Josie’s Dilemma and Josie’s Faith

November 9, 1986

Josie is looking at her marriage with clear eyes, she says, for the first time. She keeps hoping everything will work out. I am looking for a glorious healing in Jimmy, a revival of their love, and a significant ministry to other hurting people. It’s either my idea or God’s. I’m going to believe it is His and pray it.

I am learning something from Josie. She keeps clinging to God. When she is shaken, when there is darkness all around, when the circumstances are overwhelming, she keeps confessing His sovereignty and she wants His will. It is an encouragement to me.

She went to church with us and we were praising God in the morning and at night –through dance, singing, loud noisy shouts, wonderful songs and psalms—with the body of believers. It was glorious.

I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness…. Isaiah 61:10

Let them praise His name with the dance…. Psalm 149:3a

Praise lifts the spirit of heaviness and everything looks bright and new again.

Jesus gives beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. Isaiah 61:3 paraphrased

224 – A Friend’s Timely Advice

224 – A Friend’s Timely Advice

November 2, 1986

Jenny had been on my mind to call for advice about my crazy, roller-coastering hormones. I had become pregnant on the honeymoon. When we celebrated our 6th anniversary, I had just turned 39 and our fourth son had been born 3 weeks earlier. I experienced only a few weeks in the 6 years where I was not pregnant or nursing. My hormones did not know how to act. I was trying to eat healthy, with no sugar or caffeine at all. I was trying to walk every day and keep my stress down. 

As soon as we walked in the door from church and shopping, the phone rang. It was Pastor Dave in Reno – with Jenny! Neither had called us in New York before. Thank You, Jesus!

Jenny had had a wonderful experience after church that morning and she had been sharing it with the pastor. She had been counseling with two Japanese-speaking women and Dave knew who would really appreciate the story…the ones who hoped to go to Japan someday. We were very excited!

Three hours later Jenny called again to talk about my issue with my hormones. God, You are so faithful. It was such a help to have her understanding and support. She also had 4 children close together and wacky hormonal dips and dives. I have no one here who identifies with me on this, and Jenny was the only one in Reno who ‘got it.’ Validation that one is not c-r-a-z-y is very important.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Ecclesiastes 4:10

218 – Putting My Faith in Christ

218 Putting My Faith in Christ

October 12, 1986

Meeting my fears and anxieties and inadequacies through the Word of God….

Which – I told Julie yesterday—I base my life on.

It is no longer I who live now, but Christ who lives in me. Galatians 2:20

Faithful is he who calls you who also will do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:24

Ye are dead and your life is hidden in Christ with God. Colossians 3:3

A dead man is free of worry and introspection!

I put my faith in Christ in me.

Christ in you the hope of glory. Colossians 1:27

I turn from ME to YOU, Jesus. You live in me and I believe right now that You will live out this day through me. I will keep praising YOU, I will keep believing in Your faithfulness. I believe Your power will empower me to be kind and gracious. Thank You!!

217 – Through the Holy Spirit, Like Jesus

217 – Through the Holy Spirit, Like Jesus

October 8, 1986

Thinking of my heaviness, harshness, at times.

Praying, pleading, for positive attitude.

Having just finished Isaiah and begun Jeremiah last night, reflecting on the fact that God so often seems negative, terrible, full of laws and penalties, unyielding, even mean—we’re a lot like that, aren’t we, Father?

But then came Jesus and the New Testament—the new covenant.

THAT IS WHERE I WANT TO LIVE.

How can I? I ask myself – and I hear:

by the power of the Holy Spirit like Jesus did!!

Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit… Luke 4:1

How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him. Acts 10:38

I choose Your abundant life, Jesus Christ. You are my Lord, Jesus. Let me serve You today. Let me serve my children with kindness in the fullness of Your Spirit.

204 ~ A Continual Choice

204 – A Continual Choice

July 25, 1986

Our new friend Leslie came over and talked some more. Her deceased husband was a troubled soul, she said. She and her son are devastated. May You guard my mouth at all times by giving me wisdom and discernment, Lord!

I called the Superintendent’s office and got him! I had been stressed about our appointment and yet had not hesitated to cancel it yesterday when Leslie sat in my living room. I explained to him the last-minute cancellation. He sounded compassionate. But he also seemed stern and businesslike.

July 30

Depression and fear have been hovering around me because it feels like the Superintendent holds power over me!

I realized on my walk that I can embrace God and walk with Him or I can choose an anxious and negative attitude and darkness.

Today I will meet with the Superintendent at 9am.

I have been reading daily in Exodus. Then on Sunday at church I was convicted of not being in the Word enough, so I decided to read daily in the New Testament as well.

This morning I was dumbfounded when I read:

1 Peter:13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority…

 15 for such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

Romans 13:1 Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.

These verses enabled me to be humble and submissive during the important meeting, not defensive and afraid. I will trust that You will use this man and his position for the best course we are to take.

Lord, that was amazing that I got those three verses on this exact day without having any other purpose but to hear Your voice. Amazing!

Thank You for reminding me of Your viewpoint about the world’s structure and my place in it! Thank You that I am able to hear you speak and by Your grace follow Your leading!

Mr. Deloria wants Tim and Steve tested at the school to determine their proficiency in reading and math. Then he will decide if the boys will be placed in school or if our methods are working and they can continue with home education. I am a little rattled, I admit.

202 ~ I Threw Myself On the Lord

202 – I Threw Myself On the Lord

July 18, 1986

During my early morning walk I prayed to be able to have discernment about the enemy’s tactics and have victory over my flesh when I find myself rising up and taking the enemy’s bait! And did I ever need that prayer….

The boys were across the street hanging out with their friends. Dan and I went to Beulah’s to pick up the kids so we could take them to the 4-H meeting. The ladies were gossiping, actually slandering someone. Praise God I kept out of it.

Then at the school where the meeting was, I became fearful and angry about something.

Then after we got home, sorrow came upon me because I had no car to use to get Dan a birthday gift.

Then disgust because the flour canister had a huge ant in it so I could not bake for him.

I THREW MYSELF ON THE LORD, CRYING OUT TO HIM FOR HELP,

Loneliness and lack of control over my life, overwhelmed me.

I almost called Karen for prayer support, because I don’t even have a prayer partner here! –amazingly, restraint came because it would have been a very unwise use of money to make the long-distance call across the country!

BUT GOD SAVED ME! without my calling anyone.

Peace came from God. My problems disappeared. We (the boys and I) would accept what we could not change and make do.

Then my mom called! GLORY! Someone who would understand!

Then my neighbor, Janet, came over and offered me her car!!

So I piled the boys in to the car and we went to the store and bought what we needed.

I had a major personal victory, and God worked mightily on my behalf! BLESS YOU, LORD!

The impact: self pity, a victim spirit, fearfulness, anger, loneliness, overwhelmingness—none of those things interfere with my relationship with the Lord if I just turn to Him and throw myself on His always-available mercy and grace.

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:16

197 – Let Them Go?

197 – Let Them Go?

July 3, 1986

But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. Romans 8:11-12

My spirit wants to be free of the bondage of the flesh. My spirit wants to get up EARLY, be loving, teach my children the Word of God and the ways of Jesus Christ, honor my husband.

But my flesh is strongly advancing its own causes: sleep, more rest, say what’s in front of my brain without control, be bossy, be controlling….

July 4

I heard again, Let my people go, that they may serve Me. Exodus 9:1

Is this You, Lord, talking about me letting the boys go to public school??? I feel greatly concerned about this. I know I am not meeting my high expectations of homeschooling, but to let them go into the world?…..

I met Stevie’s Vacation Bible School teacher and she is involved in court proceedings over homeschooling her children! THAT is NOT interesting to me AT ALL.

But to let them go???

Last night Dan and I let Timmy and Stevie go with Mrs. West, our next door neighbor, to see fireworks at her cottage at the lake. They left at 8:45 in the evening and returned at 11:15pm.

Once I had FINALLY made the decision that YES they could go, God gave me TOTAL peace. Getting past the vain imaginations and fears was HORRIBLE!!

Is there more letting go, Lord? Prepare my heart!