The last several days have been extremely stressful, and I have not been coping very well. Busy with Mark’s birthday party and our kids’ friends’ birthday parties. Also babysitting our friends’ kids. Plus, Bebo came to visit from Chicago—just in time to coach Mark in learning to walk. I’m finding myself in and out of coping.
We are in a place of such dependence on the Lord. Dan didn’t have work yesterday or today.
*St. Mary’s Hospital wants money [for Mark’s birth]. Dan went to talk to someone there.
*Dan’s truck got a warning for mechanical defects from Highway Patrol. Dan is fixing the headlights, taillights, blinkers.
March 4, 1983 I also need to see more victory in my relationship with Dan. We are going through a hard time. I am having trouble accepting how busy he is for You. I am sorry. Let me not retaliate in any way, but in loving him more.
March 7, 1983 Saturday we left the boys with Lynn and Danny for 3 hours to have time together. What a blessing it was. We resolved to follow our interest in missions, after laying out our lives afresh and seeing a few areas we could begin moving in. We trust God’s continued leading. We decided to write several missionary groups (so as to “keep moving” in the direction of missions). Danwill contact the bank regarding re-financing so we can get some cash for our necessities. We prayed and relaxed and felt closer. We had needed the time for communication.
Thank you for Anointed for Burial and for the time to read it. This couple, young in the Lord, but totally available, greatly used by your Spirit, breathtakingly. Hallelujah.
Sunday morning. I prayed about where to sit because I really wanted to worship. We put our things down, but someone took our seats, and the only seats available were even closer to the front! After tears and tears and tears during worship (I had also prayed against self consciousness in worshiping), there was mighty prophecy over Dan—“able to teach clearly” (which is his heart’s desire), “you will give bread to the hungry,” and “you will say God sustained you during this time.”
I wept and wept. We needed to hear from You so much Lord, almost more than we realized, but You knew.
Psalm 7:9…for the righteous God tests the hearts and minds.
Ps 37:3 …trust in the Lord…feed on His faithfulness
v 19 …in days of famine they shall be satisfied
v 25 …not begging bread
v 39 …the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord
…He is their strength in time of trouble
v 40 …He shall help them and deliver them…and save them
Psalm 37:1 Fret not yourself because of evildoers, be not envious toward wrong doers.
Proverbs 23:17 Do not let your heart envy sinners, but live in the fear of the Lord.
Psalm 37:3-5 Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight Yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it.
*I am focusing on imperfect people, rather than on God.
*I am focusing on myself, rather than God.
*I look at others’ prosperity (my parents, my sisters, even other Christians) and then feel unhappy with my own situation.
*I am looking inward, and listening to others say: “Georgann, How do you do it with three kids?” –makes me panic and say to myself: yes—how DO I do it? And also gives me an open door to self pity.
*I get very shakey and tottery looking at these things rather than at God.
Oswald Chambers says: It is impossible for a believer, no matter what his experience, to keep right with God if he will not take the trouble to spend time with God….spend plenty of time with God; let other things go, but don’t neglect Him.
Psalm 37:9 For evildoers will be cut off. But those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land.
Strong’s Concordance 6960: wait means to expect, to gather together, to look patiently, tarry.
Lord, help me to wait patiently for you, and to keep my eyes fixed on You through reading my Bible daily and building my faith in You.
Last night there came a rebuke and an exhortation from the Lord, through my dear Dan.God mightily moved in me—I know it–because I KNEW I was to listen and provide NO defense. This was an act of God Himself.
Yet, inside me came self-justifying thoughts: “but you obviously don’t understand”….“do you want to know how many people I’ve led to the Lord?”….“why I lived alone for 3 years before we got married and I have a wonderfully close relationship with Jesus!”
Without relating the discussion, the point was: Dan wanted me to be aware that I say very often “I can’t”– that I give up and I am immobilized. Well taken. He’s right.
The exhortation that came from Dan was that instead of freezing up, that I pray continually and without ceasing, realizing my flesh will never change and I’ll ALWAYS have to be going to God for His power. The only thing that will change will be that it will be easier to go to Him.
I have no defense. As I listened, and my inner voice stopped, I did not feel defensive. I know it was God. I have only praises and thanksgiving. Thank You, Lord Jesus. Amen
I looked back in my journals after I wrote the above, because I remembered reading an “I can’t” entry!!
March 2, 1982
hysteria…I CAN’T DO IT…I CAN’T DO THE CHRISTIAN LIFE…I HATE IT!!…but somehow, after beating my fists on the bed, release came. Then I heard Stevie in his room. He quieted immediately when I picked him up. He rested his head on my shoulder and as I walked him he was quiet and still, easily mollified, a joy to be near.
Object lesson: to lose my will in Thine, and by that loss be free.
I was curious about those submissive words that I wrote thirty-five years ago, so I googled them, and I found the hymn,
The Will of God by Frederick W. Faber (1814-1863)
I selected four stanzas:
I worship thee, sweet will of God! And all thy ways adore; to every day I live I seem, to love thee more and more.
And he hath breath’d into my soul, a special love of thee; a will to lose my will in his, and by that loss be free.
When obstacles and trials seem, like prison walls to be, I do the little I can do, and leave the rest to thee.
He always wins who sides with God, to him no chance is lost; God’s will is sweetest to him, when it triumphs at his cost.
In those years my mentors were mostly the suffering saints of a bygone era who bowed their heads in every trial in sweet submission to the Lord. My Christian life was challenging because I wasn’t “getting” Christ living in me and and I was wanting HIS LIFE to pour out through me. I was so tired of my stinking flesh!!
I was very picky eater back then, and my greatest daily challenge was dealing with the foods in the cafeteria with its fare of sausages and wursts, cabbages, pickled eggs, and pickled beets. It was difficult to conquer the strong odors permeating the lunchroom and make selections that would set right in my tummy. The various breads, which were coveted by all, arrived warm daily in the bakery delivery boy’s bicycle basket. The fresh farm butter was creamy, and the jams were homemade and tangy. I filled up on the mouth-watering breads and pastries, had a few favorite meals, and picked at the other foods.
As I consider these events of my life and all of the God stories I have told so far, I am not doing justice to
Life has problems continuously. They are called trials, tests, and challenges and they end up as GOD STORIES as I stop and cry out to the Lord and bring Him into the situation. He then has an opportunity to answer me, deliver me, change my heart, hold me tight…whatever I happen to need.Continue reading “30- Navigating Gullies and Gulches”→