236 – A Dramatic November

236 – A Dramatic November

November 26, 1986

Mark and Brian were Dan’s passengers in the car accident. Mark, a single guy living at home, went back to school the next day, sore and still shaken, but uninjured. His friendship with Dan stood strong. Brian, who had been in the front seat, had suffered a concussion and had endured the worst of the impact. He was married. He was not angry or blaming Dan.

Dan and I visited Brian and Mark in their homes last night. We had good fellowship with both of them.

We went to see the driver of the Hostess Cupcake truck, Elizabeth, who was still in the hospital. She was not interested in hearing ANYTHING we had to say. She was angry, rude, and defensive. It hurt Dan that he could not make amends with her. We are praying for her.

The month of November had been very dramatic and traumatic.

Jimmy, our neighbor, former home group leader, and Dan’s very good friend, was in the hospital. Dan went to see him so often that our next pay check was slim. Dan thought he could help Jimmy recover and regain his mental and physical health and get back into the school routine. God finally gave Dan a vision that warned him to stay away, that his involvement would in the long run do no good at all. Wow! It was a real vision with a picture of a vacuum and Dan being sucked down into it. Receiving a vision from God in itself was impactful and made it seem imperative that we heed it.

Dan had never been in a serious car accident. And to be the cause of it was mind-blowing. We got lots of support, we were not standing alone.

My journal indicates that we received $1800 from the insurance company for the totaled Suburban. We also received $600 from Penny, a missionary. That meant we could pay our bills and put money toward our next vehicle.

We may trust Him fully, all for us to do;
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true*.

*lyrics from the song Like a River Glorious, by Frances Havergal, 1876

225 – Dan Decrees Sundays are for Rest

 

225 – Dan Decrees Sundays are for Rest

November 2, 1986

Dan determined today that Sundays will be a day of rest and family time. No ministry—no one to dinner, no bills, no heavy things. Picnics, hikes, snowman-building, walking over to the school. Because every day is the same for us: up early, hit it hard all day, bed. No rest. We will have a day of rest!

Dan had classes at the Bible school most days of the week. And daily work to earn income. Elim had already had two big events in the two months we had been there: the weekend of prayer and the missionary convention. We were in a weekly Elim home group. We were expected to have groups of foreign students over for dinner each month, which we all really enjoyed. We also had our weekly homeschool group gatherings and outings. We loved it all and participated in everything.

But we were pooping out and it was only the third month of school. It was a good decree.

I want God’s priorities in my life, and Jesus’ attitude of full surrender and dependency on His Father. I thank God that Dan does also and that we are in agreement.

Can two walk together unless they are agreed? Amos 3:3

208 ~ Glorious Times

208 – Glorious Times

September 20, 1986

Yesterday God called me apart!

I walked at noon toward the school but then turned and walked up the hill and into a field of waist-high wildflowers: yellow and purple. Bordering the field on one end were deciduous trees of every changing color. On my left, a quaint old red-brown farm house. I stood in the rain under my little blue Japanese umbrella and read Galatians in my Phillip’s pocket Bible. I had been needy, crying out to God. Through Galatians he reaffirmed:

* do not hold man’s approval in high regard—only God’s approval

*you are not under the law but under grace

* your righteousness is not of the law by your good deeds, but by faith in Jesus Christ

* walk in faith

It was a glorious time.

Dan wanted me to go to Elim to the prayer meeting. So I did. I’m often hesitant to go out on my own, especially driving the country roads at night.

As I drove on campus to the meeting, Tracey Belcastro had just pulled in. We walked together and sat together with her husband and interceded together and talked afterwards. She is a person I have been wanting to know. We have agreed to be prayer partners. God is gracious.

God lifted me through worship and then blessed me with a new release of my prayer language in intercessory prayer. He is so precious.

On Friday, God touched me in an interesting way: In my prayers before the home school meeting, feeling desperate for peace in place of anxiety, I felt a sensation on my head just back from my hairline moving from the right temple area, across to the left. Hmmmm. At the meeting I was freer to be me than I have been in ages—with no second thoughts or deep introspection. Praise Jesus.

206 ~ Release and Cleansing

206 – Release and Cleansing

Sept 1, 1986

This is rewritten from a long entry in my journal:

Last week I had asked Dan to pray that if God had something to show me He would. Then yesterday at church at Elim, Brother Edwards, the president of the school, spoke of the spiritual renewal he had received over the summer break. He believed that because of it, today there will be an anointing for liberation from bondage to sin and from past crippling memories.

The Lord brought to mind some incidents in my life as a young child that made me feel dirty every time I thought of them. I joined the scores of people filing forward to the front of the church. Brother Edwards touched each one of us on the top of our head, praying as we walked by him. The prayer was a release from bondage into the wholeness of Christ.

Today in my regular devotions in Leviticus 18, I read about specific awful sins and how sin has the inevitable result of cutting us off from the people we love, and from the Lord. And yet God has made provision through the blood of Jesus for our cleansing our consciences from dead works to full restoration to Him.

Hebrews 8:12 For I will be merciful to their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.

Hebrews 9:13 For if the blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer, sprinkling those who have been defiled, sanctify for the cleansing of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God. 

Praise God Praise God Praise God Praise God Praise God Praise God Praise God Praise God Praise God Praise God

173- Early Morning Surrender

173- Early Morning Surrender

December 3, 1985

I am just finishing a cold. Had a wonderful night’s sleep. I had prayed last night at bedtime to be alert and inspired to seek God in the morning! It’s 5am – PRAISE GOD! And on top of that, Dan prayed for me before we began our devotions.

Father, just as Your SUFFICIENT grace is available to completely support me in the midst of a crisis or a tragedy, SO NOW IN THE SAME MANNER WHEN I AM FEELING CAST DOWN, I say—I have no interest in dwelling on the negatives, the hardships of my life. I turn to You. Lift me above the illusion of ugliness to the reality of soaring with You. You are in control, I accept the circumstances. I have prayed about them and put them fully in Your capable, almighty hands. I give you my ATTITUDES. I do not want the heaviness and grief of my negative flesh, old nature, to encompass me. NO, I desire Christ Himself to be LIFE in me and through me to all I touch. I do not withhold the love of Jesus from my family—I open myself completely to Your surging, throbbing LOVE, Your strengthening JOY, Your incomprehensible PEACE, Your steadfast FAITH and FAITHFULNESS, Your unending KINDNESS, Your CONTROLLING of myself. BE YOURSELF THROUGH ME. MAKE ME A BLESSING as You promised Abraham. For Your glory, for my joy and fulfillment and purpose.

Isaiah 8:17a And I will wait on the Lord…and I will hope in Him.

Hebrews 2:13 and Isa 8:18 Here am I and the children whom the Lord has given me! We are for signs and wonders in Israel from the Lord of hosts…

172- Back on Track for Bible School – Part 2

172- Back on Track for Bible School – Part 2

December 2, 1985

The next 3 guideposts in Mahoney’s pamphlet were:

5- CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE – we had dialogue with Elim housing personnel and they had a house for us; the office manager put Dan’s application forward to the committee even though he had not received Dan’s Bodenseehof Bible School transcripts and we were accepted by the board to become students. Also, our pastor believed in us, and our church was missions minded.

6- THE PEACE OF GOD – I had peace and readiness to cross the country with all of our worldly goods in my 8th month of pregnancy with our sons ages 4, 3, and 2.

7- PROVISION – We were slim on provision, but felt our church would step up to help us get to New York, and Dan could get a job once we were there.

I felt we had 5 and 7 but Dan never felt THE PEACE OF GOD again after the counsel of his elder friends who strongly advised him to stay.

After waiting and praying for weeks, last night I FINALLY felt right about asking Dan what he thought of Mahoney’s pamphlet. I related my thoughts and reminded him that Mahoney says: if anything comes BEFORE inward conviction, confusion results.

Dan was completely receptive to all of this! It was if the blinders came off his eyes. He related that he had just been thinking today about how much he wants to serve God. He has been doing a lot of studying about missions for his four Sunday talks about missions on Sunday nights at church. Also, Sunday morning, the building inspector CAME TO CHURCH!!! He had given the church a HARD time during inspections so we had him on the church prayer chain. Toward the end of the building project he softened a little after Dan invited him to the Dedication and he came! TODAY AFTER SERVICE HE TOLD DAN HE FELT DRUNK! Dan told him he was drunk with the Holy Spirit. He said he will definitely be back. Dan was SO encouraged by this. This is the most important business on earth, bringing others to Jesus Christ. Also, we had found out that this man has a horrible reputation around town. God touched him.

back to 5- CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE – I felt that when the church took a collection a few months ago and GAVE us the Suburban that Dan had had his eyes on for months that it was circumstantial evidence. The car was a thank you gift to Dan for building the church and for me for letting him! The vehicle is the kind we wanted to make the drive to NY.

back to 6- THE PEACE OF GOD – Today after church we prayed together on our knees and surrendered ourselves once again to God’s will for us. We asked Him to put this together.

We are waiting, trusting, praying…

171- Back on Track for Bible School – Part 1

171- Back on Track for Bible School – part 1

December 2, 1985

GOD HAS INTERVENED…GOD HAS MOVED…THE MIRACULOUS HAS HAPPENED!

We are back on the track to attend Elim Bible Institute in upstate New York.

Yesterday at church, Pastor Dave spoke very effectively on ILLUSIONS. That very often our reality is NOT God’s reality. We need to face our illusions and let God change them and us. We try to put our facts and our understanding of God into a box or a ritual. But God is greater than our understanding. We want Him to do things OUR way so we’ll be secure.

But we must risk stepping out by faith, and let Him be God in our lives, in our church.

The prayer afterward was a surrender, a releasing of personal fears, and an agreement with God to letting Him make our reality jive with His. We want HIM to move HIS way.

I prayed also, silently, that God would speak to Dan about Elim.

A month ago I sent for this pamphlet by Ralph Mahoney, “God’s Guidance.”

It enumerates 7 aspects of knowing God’s leading and as I look back…

The first one has been haunting me for a year-and-a-half.

1- INWARD CONVICTION: Dan received a CLEAR yearning, a call, to go to SCHOOL. It happened on our anniversary while we watched “Peace Child,” July 21, 1982. It was Don Richardson’s story.

2- GUIDANCE SIGNS: Dan showed me scripture later supporting God’s calling. We felt that our united hearts was a guidance sign also.

3- PROPHETIC UTTERANCE: That was the day when we were both depressed, and I felt I could not endure Dan’s heaviness any longer and felt so compassionate about his frustrations. I prayed (see blog #116 ). Totally out of the blue, spontaneous and unusual, my best friend’s husband came to the house with a clear word for Dan and I– that we were to pursue the schooling we desired in the far north and to do it soon.

4- GODLY COUNSEL – [this is what tangled us up almost 2 years ago]. Two elders from our church stepped in. Dan was becoming overwhelmed at the prospects of taking our young family (our sons ages 2,4,5 and one ‘on the way’) across the country to NY. Also, over the phone, a man from Elim advised us to wait because God had him wait. Yet two friends were strongly encouraging us to GO.           …to be continued…

168- When I Repent, He Listens

168- When I Repent,

He Listens

November 21, 1985 – 5:15am, by the grace of God—also up early yesterday

Good experience at boys’ nap time of mending, praying, praying in my payer language. I did not FEEL that I was accomplishing anything. But I saw such a difference in my attitude later! Praise Jesus!

Also- I had an insight Tuesday night. Through something I read, and an experience of conversation with Dan, I saw that I really am possessive with him. Made me see how really insecure I am. Made me think about home school and how much of ME was involved in not deciding on a specific curriculum. Did I really want to do it myself from our own resources?

I repent of possessiveness regarding Dan and each boy.

I let go by my will. I desire to trust Your sovereign hand in each of our lives.

I repent of relying on my own resources to teach Tim. I humbly ask that You bring me the curriculum that would best suit Timmy (learning) and me (teaching). I thank You for forgiving me whenever I acknowledge my sin. I thank You for your continual love and conviction. I desire to walk before You in holiness and purity and faith.

I release myself to trust You regarding the boys’ friends and experiences.

I confess fear and insecurity and power-struggling with You. I confess this because of a TINY voice saying it could be true.

When You said through Joyce to let go of the reins and KathyS had the Moses passage—I struggled and analyzed and thought and prayed. But I did not just say: You are God, I trust these prophetic utterances and I lay myself down and repent by faith. I still have no gut indication that this is true, but only faith. I do this now.

I pray for the following

*Dan’s ministering

*my ministering

*our ministry together

*home school curriculum

*the boys’ friendships, experiences

*Wed night area meeting

*Ladies’ Bible study

*listening to friends’ voices that have overpowered me….

Psalm 37:5 Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.

161- Notice me!

161- Notice me!

November 3, 1985

Dan went to church taking Stevie and Mark.

I stayed home with Timmy and Daniel who had runny noses and sore throats.

I began to resent Dan being so well respected, enjoying another ‘feeding’ of the Word of God when for weeks I have been in the church nursery or been home with sick kids.

I’ve also been thinking about people who are oozing love and joy when their personal circumstances stink or their health is broken, or their hearts are broken.

Why not me oozing love and joy?

God spoke to me clearly—you still want glory for yourself. You’re jealous of your husband’s time away, his position of honor within the church. You don’t want to stand beside or behind him—you want to be in front. Also with ME (not verbatim remembering): You still want glory for yourself or at least lots of attention regarding your ‘difficult’ circumstances. You want everyone to know you are sacrificing. The flesh is alive and well, Georgann.

I repented and I was IMMEDIATELY release of bitterness and heaviness.  wow

YET, later with JoAnn, I made sure she knew something of my sacrifices! Groan!! 

Lord, I prayed later, release me to be a child whose life exemplifies Christ’s acceptance of Your will and His trust in Your leading.

159- Are You Willing to do Some Bold Things?

159- Are You Willing to do Some Bold Things?

October 5, 1985

Saturday night Dan had been awakened by Daniel, but rather than being groggy, he found himself alert and interested in talking to God, and he said, “I really want to serve You and be fruitful in what I do for You. But I don’t want to move. Can we stay here for 5 years?”

He remembered back to Bible School in Germany when we were first married, saying to God, “I want to be in construction” – that’s where his heart was then.

Recently Gramma offered to loan him chunk of money so that he could build another house and he had picked up the forms to apply for his contractor’s license. He could envision designing and building a home.

Tonight he felt God said, “Are you willing to do some bold things? Are you willing to move out of this house?”

Those questions jolted Dan out of his comfort place.

The next day the Pastor’s sermon included some of the things God had been speaking to Dan.

We’ll see.

I thought it was interesting when I read in my Streams in the Desert devotional for today: “It is safe to trust God’s methods and go by His clock.”

Pastor Dave talked to Dan about the Suburban Dan has his eye on.

What do You have for us, Father? We are ready for Your call, ready to say yes to whatever You offer. I feel something is in the offing. We have been bold before. Your part is to supply the direction and the grace, our part is to say yes and start moving. We are listening!