294 – Fasting for Answers–Got No Answers

294 – Fasting for Answers– Got No Answers

 

May, 1988

On Day 14 we ended the fast. I journaled our daily experience. We kept our life going normally, except I took shorter, slower walks. Our energy level roller coastered, so on day 8 we began taking one teaspoon of Barley Green in water. It took care of my leg cramps and I experienced increased stamina.

I noted on Day 11:  Very tired. Slept 9:15pm until 5:30am. No walk, prayed with Dan instead. Possibly will go on diluted juice 3x a day. Dan is. I will pray. At noon, diluted apple juice gave me strength for another busy day. We had Tim’s birthday party. I had no more weakness after the juice. My face looks thin and sort of old and haggard in the mirror. Dan almost blacked out in the afternoon. It scared him. His job at Southco is very strenuous and demanding. If he stops his fast, I will. It has been wonderful doing this together.

Dan recalls: Like a lot of fasts the fruit of that time of close communion with God was not quantifiable. It was a time to seek God without distraction. We had an extraordinarily open-line to God while we were in the fast and for some time after. We did not get a download of the blueprint of what to do next. We ended it with as many questions as we had when we began it, and we had done it in order to answer those questions. But I think it answered questions we didn’t ask. God assured us of His favor, and His partnership, and His covering. We do not go alone. Faith is substance. Jesus is alive, and making Him known is paramount. I had no qualms about ending it before the target of 21 days, no condemnation, no failure, no incomplete. We did what we did, and it was a great experience. I remember we ended it because I was looking at a piece of land with a client who wanted some plans drawn, and I had squatted down to look at something. When I stood up, I went blind for about 5 seconds, no vision. I figured I was pushing it far enough.

During those two weeks I increased my babysitting days (at Jodie’s request), Dan’s Aunt Yvonne came on Amtrak for a five day visit, I taught Sunday School, Dan began his Vacation Bible School project of building Noah’s ark, we had people over for dinner twice, I took the kids on a homeschool field trip to the science museum in Rochester–getting back in time to babysit the after-school bunch. I made friends with the local ‘notorious’ devil worshiper’s mom in the Laundromat. [The teen died last week in a tragic accident.] We had friendly fellowship and with my other Laundromat friend, Barbara, we agreed to meet next week.

Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15

293 – No Waffles Today

293 – No Waffles Today

April 24, 1988

I felt like I heard the word ‘fast’ as I was coming down the stairs to breakfast. I tried hurriedly to eat a waffle. Every bite got ‘stuck’ in my throat, and then it was hard to swallow! I gave in and hurried upstairs to lay on the bed to rest and to listen.

I spoke to Dan, sensing that I felt the Lord was saying to do an extended fasting and prayer season in order to hear what He had to say about the next few years in our preparation to go to Japan.  A friend had given me a book, Your Appointment With God, by Gwen Shaw. I began reading it and began to have a great desire to fast and to get closer to My Father, to be able to love the unlovely, and to be set free of the bands of wickedness, to be free of the burdensome yoke on me. I was not experiencing any anxiety about fasting, which was further confirmation that this was of the Spirit and not of the flesh.

Dan was VERY interested.

I wanted to stay home from church and continue reading the book and pray. But instead I asked God to speak more to me at church.

We were now attending a church in our village, Livonia Community, that was up the street and that we walked to on non-icy Sundays.

Pastor Davis spoke on spiritual warfare and took us to Daniel 10:11-12. Of course, the idea of a Daniel fast came to my mind which confirmed my desire to fast 21 days. Praise God.

Dan was in full agreement and we prayed. I whizzed up some vegetables and we had some soup and this became the first day of our fast.

Is this not the fast that I have chosen: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke? Is it no to share your bread with the hungry, and that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out…. Isaiah 58:6-7a

Then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then shall you call, and the Lord will answer; You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ Isaiah 58: 8-9

That was what we wanted: every yoke broken…and ANSWERS to our cries.

288 – Learning to Walk in Joy

288 – Learning to Walk in Joy

January 17, 1988

God is teaching me to walk in JOY. During the week of prayer I went forward for prayer for heaviness of heart. But I am still continually defeated by it. I finally took Dan’s suggestion and called Janet last night. He said her testimony in the Lord is growing. She proclaims:

“THE DEVIL WILL NOT STEAL MY JOY! Jesus purchased that joy with His life, death, blood, and His glorious resurrection. If I have not the Lord’s JOY, I have no strength, because THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH. I must have energy and strength. I must have joy. By my will I speak it out, I pursue JOY, I confess His Lordship!” Nehemiah 8:10

It ministered to me. I am sending her the words to the song, I Will Survive—I had asked the Lord to tell me who could really sing it unto Him. That would be my strong-in-the-Lord friend, Janet.

Dan exhorted me to wake up each morning and immediately begin praying in tongues –not to begin calculating how many hours of sleep I got, or how many times I was up with the kids, or what happened yesterday, or what’s on the agenda today. It’s a good word.

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of JOY; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and JOY in the Holy Spirit. Romans 14:17

The fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, peace…. Galatians 5:22

287 – The Enemy Has Nothing in Me

287 – The Enemy Has Nothing in Me

January 8, 1988

Last night we went to the Week of Prayer meeting at Elim.

The prophetic word that came was: take up the cross and deny yourself daily or you will deny Me.

Dan and I danced together during the praise service—everyone in the building (it seemed) jumped and shouted! The Holy Spirit came on me in a DEEP PLACE.

There is a new President of the Bible School. He reminded us:

God took us out of the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son. Colossians 1:13

God disarmed the rulers and authorities – Colossians 2:1-5

The ruler of this world is coming and HE HAS NOTHING IN ME. John 14:30

God is LIGHT and in Him is no darkness AT ALL! 1 John 1:5

Brother Webster barred his soul of his past! We sat open mouthed. His point was that we need to be cleansed and keep clean and be healed so that God can use us. God needs us to go into dark places, but we cannot have darkness in us.

The dark places are the enemy’s footholds, and he must have no nook or cranny in us where he can take a stand and do battle against us from the inside! In his new position as president of the school, the devil will have NO PLACE in him, he has exposed the junk.

Darkness is: areas of hold out, rebellion, appetites, addictions, etc.

We have become accustomed to sin and we ignore its presence residing in us. No more.

I saw two areas in me that I wanted expunged! Many went forward for prayer. I love to go up for prayer!

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. Psalm 51:2

And THANK YOU!!

278 – Still Receiving

278 – Still Receiving

September 25, 1987

I had a wonderful experience this Monday night. When I grocery shopped I kept to my carefully planned list and spent only $63. I asked God to add to our provisions for the week and Donna brought a bag of groceries in which were two meals of pasta and sauce, plus a treat to serve at the home group on Thursday night. AND Donna said they are bringing us their our old couch!

Vivian’s boyfriend gave us a large box of powdered milk, government issue.

Our Reno church sent $60.

Praise the Lord, God is good!

September 28

After church at Elim, Joan offered to pay for me to go to Women’s Leadership Retreat. I was not very interested but I did not react negatively. I have put the matter in God’s hands. It would be a hardship on Dan because Tuesday through Friday he would need to take the boys to sitters as well as prepare all of the meals. He has been working at SouthCo (a manufacturing company) long hours and many nights for over a month.  Yet, the Lord could make this a glorious blessing for all. I feel I am neutral in this. To go or not go is fine with me. Joan called again, pressing me for an answer so she could register me. She offered to call Karen to see if she would be willing to babysit.

October 2

Dan said he REALLY wanted me to go to the retreat if I had the courage. I believe I do. Everything began to fall into place. Barb will keep Tim, Karen is very glad to watch the other three boys. So, Lord, by faith I have registered and called Joan. She will pay today.

I thank You in advance by faith and I will keep it in Your hands and pray Your all-sufficient grace is on the entire four days.        

276 -Still Working Something Out with Jesus

276 – Still Working Something Out with Jesus

August 28, 1987

The pain continues over whether Tim is going to Christian or public school. Dan and I prayed yesterday before he went to work, and talked, and I don’t feel QUITE so uptight.

And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit. Matthew 27:50

I know my God will save me, He is faithful. He can change any situation into a blessing as He pleases. The results of putting Tim in public school, as I give up my spirit and my will, could be absolutely wonderful. It could result in relationships and conversions that lead to salvations that absolutely could not happen otherwise.

August 29

Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who has been crucified. Matthew 28:5

The disciples were paralyzed with fear, but their fears were calmed by God.

Then Jesus said to them, Do not be afraid… Matthew 28:10

I have been praying and little by little I have received peace.

And You are saying this to me. I hear You, my Lord.

Make it real to me, Jesus. Love me in the way I need to be loved, and have it make sense to me. Encourage me by giving me unshakable faith and peace and joy. I really need You. This is a trial of my faith and I know You will be faithful.

274 – You Did It to Me

274 – You Did It to Me

August 24, 1987

On Saturday I was upset again because the neighbor kids,  Leah and David, wanted to have dinner with us. I said, raking the grass, Lord, if You want me to joyfully feed these neighborhood children, You tell me by the word of God—calculating quickly in my mind that in my devotions I was reading in the end chapters in Matthew and it wouldn’t again say to give cold water, or –I was hungry and you fed Me.

Feeling quite safe with my bargain I soon saw Dan bringing the mower in. I began to speak to him over my dismay at the neighborhood kids hanging around at mealtime. He said, Well Jesus says, “When I was hungry and you fed me……” AWWW! The verbal word!!

They stayed. I repented of my stingy bad attitude.

Tonight, reading my Bible, looking for something else, there it was:

For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat;

I was thirsty, and you gave Me drink;

I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;

I was sick, and you visited Me;

I was in prison, and you came to Me.

To the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me!

Matthew 25:35-36, 37-38

God, You are amazing!

272 – God Always Meets Me

272 -God Always Meets Me

August 13, 1987

I was in a deep quandary about homeschooling. I cried out to my Lord:

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to Thee I cry ALL DAY LONG. In the day of my trouble I shall call upon Thee’ for Thou wilt answer me. There is NO ONE like Thee among the gods, O Lord; nor are there any works like Thine. Psalm 86:3,7

Mike, dean of married students, made an appointment to meet with us and came to our house. He asked us to be home group leaders. He also wanted to discuss homeschooling. Last year a homeschool family had caused havoc and ended up in court! He loves our testimony of homeschooling and he said that Elim would back our decision to homeschool UNLESS it went against the school district’s recommendations (which is what the other family had done). Here’s the rub: because of their scores on the SAT test, the district wanted Tim and Steve enrolled. I told Mike and he and Dan agreed it would be a good idea to enroll the boys in September. I was horrified.

I went to the Lord, crying, pouring out my heart to the Lord, trying to wrap my head around sending my sons away to school. (The school was in reality just a short walk across the field behind our house).

Then I went to the Word. Nothing really made clear sense in Matthew 10 and 11 that I could relate to our situation. Then the Lord met me with His words:

Matthew 12:25 Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself cannot stand.

Matt 14:25 TAKE COURAGE, IT IS I, DO NOT BE AFRAID!

We can not afford to send the boys to Christian school. So it was important that I surrender and not cause havoc in our home by my stubbornness. I needed to give in, honor my husband, and trust God for our sons’ welfare. And I needed to not be fearful but trust Him.

This brought clarity and the peace of the Holy Spirit. Not that I did not waffle in the days ahead–I did, and so did Dan.

263 – We Receive, We Stand Strong

263 – We Receive, We Stand Strong

March 18, 1987

God continues to bless us.

Did we pass some test? Ford some river of faith?

* At the married students’ chapel service, Mike passed the hat for Dan and over $500 came in.

*In our mailbox at Elim we received several money gifts, one of which was for $300. Wally and Debbie came by our house with $100.

*Total bank deposit I will make tomorrow: $1,188.21. All from the last two days.

*Janet and Bob called on his company’s WATS line.

*Possible job: Josie (house mate) saw advertised in the Penny Saver yesterday—a job for a draftsman—in Livonia! Right up the street!

*I was able to pay all the bills. I am overwhelmed to say the least.

*Dan called Pastor Dave so when people arrive at church tonight Dave will already know the news that several ladies (Janet, Jan, Jackie, Erna, Carol) already know…that we will be most likely staying here for the time being.

Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU” Hebrews 13:5

 March 19

My filling fell out last night.

Car wouldn’t start yesterday evening and the Livonia parts place was closed by then.

When Dan called today, they did not have the part.

I almost did not go to class, but I had determined last night that I must not miss what God has for me under any circumstances. Dan agreed and we stood firm. And prayed.

We decided to borrow Josie’s car. Dan and the boys drove me to Elim. Debbie had been here last night (giving us the check!) and had offered to take the boys to Thursday School (homeschool group), so we took her up on it. Dan stayed at school to study while I went to class and we both went to chapel.

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Ephesians 6:10

262 – Friends and Gifts

262 – Friends and Gifts

March 17, 1987

Very very interesting:

*$100 in an envelope which was taped to the steering wheel as I left home for my class at Elim this morning

*fact: Rochester is a center of Eastern religions in the US (or in New York, not sure).  But it means that our 2 years of ministry to the Japanese could happen right here in upstate New York!

*Paulette is very interested in Dan’s watercolor balloons and suggested he do posters. His work was rejected a Knopf Publishing yesterday, so this was encouraging to us both.

*Stan  suggested Dan go to Mt. Hope area in Rochester and sketch a house and then take it around the neighborhood to see if people would like to buy a rendering of their house. “Do you have a Lemaire yet??”

*gift box came from my mom today. What love and faithfulness comes from them. I told her that through much thinking and prayer we will probably stay here in NY. She choked up a little. Hope we can visit–either here or there.

*Took the boys shopping in Geneseo so they could spend their job money. It was fun. The store was empty. Praise God.

*Pauline & Tom called to invite us to dinner for Thursday. They will get a video tape for the boys. We will all love it.

*Mike & Tish arrived with $70 cash and FOOD from the Married Students’ storehouse. Praise God. Dan confessed to Mike that today was THE day his faith was being hurt by all the waiting on God. Mike said today was THE day he kept feeling CLEARLY to bring provisions to us. Amazing Holy Spirit!

*On Sunday, Dan’s mom and Karen called; Bev called last Sunday; JoAnnA called Saturday. Humbling to be so loved.

*Barry, a teacher, gave us much encouragement in our life with the Lord. His walk sounds similar.

PRAISE THE LORD. We are accepted in the beloved (our friends and family), as well as the Beloved (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit).

…to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. Ephesians 1:6