167- Humble Recommitment

167- Humble Recommitment

November 19, 1985

Psalm 71:1a,3a,4a,5,14,22,23,24 KJV

            In Thee, O Lord, I have taken refuge…

            Be Thou a rock of habitation to which I may continually come.

            Rescue me…

            For Thou art my hope…

            O Lord, God, Thou art my confidence…

            But as for me I will hope continually and will praise Thee yet more and more.

            I will praise Thee…

            My tongue also will utter Thy righteousness all day long…

 

Father ~ for every time I have doubted You, cleanse me now. For every time I have accused You of forsaking or forgetting me, cleanse me now.

I desire to be a pure, holy, empty vessel filled with Your Holy Spirit. That is my ambition. Take my feet where You will. Let praises and testimonies of Your grace and righteousness come from my mouth because Your Spirit brings to remembrance the Word I have hidden abundantly in my heart.

Looking eye-to-eye with Jesus~

166- Accepted and Loved

166- Accepted and Loved

November 18, 1985

Up at 5:15am by the grace of Jesus.

Streams in the Desert, p. 332: My environment is of His determining. He means it to intensify my faith, to draw me into nearer communion with Himself, to ripen my power. In the dungeon my soul should prosper. Luke 7:23 And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.

I asked for a repentant heart, waking up with a bad dream, accusations on my mind, and failures on my mind.

The Luke scripture led me to what Dan shared from the meeting on Thursday night: the woman washing Jesus’ feet with her tears, drying them with her hair, and anointing them with perfume.

He accepted her, he loved and cherished and forgave her. He even defended her before those who questioned her sanctification. Luke 7:36-50

Woman washing Jesus’ feet with her tears and drying them with her hair.

Oh, God, that these experiences in my life would tenderize my heart and give me compassion for others.

163- God is Greater Than Me

163-God is Greater Than Me

November 8, 1985

The house began to be messy yesterday and continued today, seeming hopeless.

I started fretting, then looked up and read Timmy’s Sunday School mobile which hangs over my head in the schoolroom.

How to be Happy: Noah obeyed God

                                        Noah trusted God

                                        Noah thanked God

 

So listen, obey, then flow, trust, believe, praise—and leave the results to God.

Interesting, it says nothing about keeping clutter in your house organized and that will bring happiness.

From the boys’ book: The Braggy King of Babylon, about King Nebuchadnezzar:

“You must learn that your God is much greater than you.” (You will be like a beast till the day that you do.)

I felt convicted of not putting God up high enough. Sometimes I feel like a beast! He must be the one I worship and give my attention to.

November 9

I prayed on the phone with my friend Joyce and she had some words of encouragement for me –

*that I needed to be open to hear afresh from the Lord

*that I need to pray about breaking my own strongholds in my mind

*that there will be newness and freshness and variety coming (not monotony)

*she exhorted me to put on the helmet of salvation, to protect my mind

*she asked if I prayed in the Spirit during the day

This goes along with keeping my eyes on Jesus and exalting Him always. These are some specific things that I can do.

160- Broken But Bound for Glorious Things

160-Broken But Bound for Glorious Things

October 15, 1985

Broken over Timmy’s insufficient home schooling materials.

Broken over baby’s middle of the night crying.

Broken over my prayerlessness.

Broken over finances.

I opened Streams in the Desert for today:

By reason of breakings they purify themselves. God uses most for His glory those people and things which are most perfectly broken. The sacrifices He accepts are broken and contrite hearts. (Psalm 51:17)

Those who are broken in wealth, broken in self-will, broken in their ambitions, broken in their beautiful ideals, broken in worldly reputation, broken in their affections, broken ofttimes in health, those who are despised and seem utterly forlorn and helpless, the Holy Ghost is seizing upon, and using for God’s glory.

I understand the concept of brokenness. He’s okay that I spend a lot of time there, as long as I turn to Him to receive LIFE and SPIRIT and do not languish there but move on. 

October 19

Dan has one small job to do for Marshall on Monday, then no work in sight. I basically feel encouraged that God will be faithful to us as He always has. I feel some excitement that He may move us out of Reno. We really identify with missionaries. A letter came from missionary friends in Okinawa. They are so broken and trying to figure out a new program to save the Japanese. Today a letter came from New Tribes Missions—OH NO! the jungles! I am waiting for Dan to open it.

October 28

Two nights ago, realizing I was entertaining bitterness because an old acquaintance has never taken any responsibility for a wrong done to me. Explaining it to God—I heard, “take your eyes off of him, I wounded you!” I thought of: Isaiah 53:1 But the Lord was pleased to crush Him, putting Him to grief.

Once again I am called on to die to myself and my rights and intercede for another. Not for my justification, nothing in it for me. And yet there will be release for me through prayer. I will do it now.

152- I’ve Been Pushing Jesus Away

152- I’ve Been Pushing Jesus Away

July 3, 1985

Let me delight to do Thy will, O Lord. Ps 40:8

Redpath** p 91 When a Christian begins to count upon His presence, to reckon upon His victory, and to draw upon His power, it is like stepping into a totally different world.

Look to Calvary, but look to the LIVING Christ on the throne also.

Draw on that infinite heavenly power from Him every moment of every day—discover that the Christ who died for us is indeed CHRIST WHO IS OUR LIFE.

p, 105 So long as we think we can do life alone, the omnipotent resources of God in Jesus Christ our Risen Lord cannot help us.

Revelation: while personally appropriating all of this—confessing any sin the Holy Spirit brought to mind—I realized I have been pushing Jesus away because I feel I have gotten so far from deserving His love. That He could be drawing me closer when I’m so unworthy, so ‘nothing’ –so unspiritual–doesn’t make sense. I asked Him to speak to me about this, and then I thought of what I would say to Timmy or any of my sons if he ever said he didn’t deserve my love. I would say: “My love for you is much greater than what you do or don’t do. I’m working for what you are becoming. You have grown up so much since last year. Just stay with me, obey me, listen, follow me, learn—and I’ll lead you. My love for you is so so deep and strong. I carried you, I gave birth to you, I’ve suffered and sacrificed and died for you.”

I feel restored to My Love, Jesus. There has been a misunderstanding between us—a lie. I understand a little bit, why my own parents have kept loving me through thick and thin.

**Victorious Christian Living, 1955

145- Pray in the Spirit and Read the Bible

145- Pray in the Spirit

and Read the Bible

February, 1985

Dan and I were always reading Christian books, listening to speakers on KNIS, and listening to tapes by famous Christians. We were also having our own personal Bible time and attending church three times a week. We never relied on Sunday messages to feed us. We have always felt it was our responsibility to press in to get more of God.

In the park one day I met Kelly, who also had four little kids. She was listening to Gloria Copeland’s tape series, Walk in the Spirit, and shared them with me. This prophetic word of Kennet E. Hagin’s was on the tape, and I wrote it in my journal.

Those who walk with God, for God is a spirit, will walk in the realm of the Spirit, will commune and SEE and minister in the realm of the Spirit. It is not easy. The flesh will hold you back. The Word teaches you to crucify the flesh. Man will hold you back. Man will hold you into the things SEEN with the physical senses. Move into the realm of the Spirit. The things you have longed for will happen. Spiritual manifestation will be natural. Let your Spirit have the privilege of communication with God. Give your spirit opportunity in the Word—just an hour or two out of 24. Your life will be empowered and you will be a mighty force for God. Others will see the power and love of God flowing out of you. You will have cause for rejoicing. An hour or two a day will bring insight and your prayers will have clout. You will move in the Spirit. Other things will fall off of you. Let the Spirit pray what’s in your heart to the outside.

This was just what I needed to hear to boost me into a closer walk with Jesus. It provided motivation to read my Bible MORE and pray in tongues MORE and to take responsibility for my growth in my relationship with Jesus. 

144- Our God is a Redeeming Father

144- Our God is a

Redeeming Father

February 27, 1985

During those midnight hours while walking baby Daniel, I was recalling Jamie Buckingham’s message on KNIS: Find your purpose in God’s eternal plan and go after it and walk in it. You will find it through your ‘cross’ experience! Through pain and trouble!

Jamie’s story: As a pastor he was caught in immorality twice and fired twice. Completely devastated and repentant and broken, he felt led to attend a Guideposts magazine Writers’ Conference. On his second day there he received a challenge to write Nicky Cruz’s story, and co-authored ‘Run Baby Run.’ Millions of copies were sold, and many many people came to the Lord and into the baptism of the Holy Spirit. He wrote 36 books in the next 12 years. That is a redeemed life. That is a Father’s unconditional love.

Remembering this story, dove-tailed with what God was showing me. He did not leave Jamie in a gutter, He directed him into years of active front-line ministry. God did not leave me shattered in a gutter from my own troubles. He already had His plan in motion: In my brokenness, His servant, Jackie (a different Jackie—see blog post #19), took me to her church. In talking to her and reading my Bible I understood His forgiveness and repented. Two years later He directed me to marriage to Dan and then immediately into building our family. My Lord loves me with an unconditional and everlasting love. My Lord is a Redeemer.

Jamie found His purpose. Could they—Dan and Timmy and Stevie and Mark and Daniel –be where I find God’s purpose for me?

137- I Am Called to Mothering

137- I Am Called to Mothering

December 27, 1984

Father I know You have more of me now. Something really happened in my will and in my heart–since my encounter with You last week.

Christmas morning I took Mary Lynn to work at 6:30am—in fact, I just realized I have awakened at 5am each day since my revelation of materialism and covetousness. Thank You, Father. And thank You that we did not move to NY. The support of friends has been vital at this time.

It is in my heart to want to spend more time with the boys– listening, sharing, reading, playing. I want each one to feel special and loved.

December 28

1 Cor 1:26 For consider your calling, brethren…

              28 …God has chosen the things that are not, that He might nullify the things that are…

             29 so that no man may boast before God…

             30 But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption,

              31 so that just as it is written, “LET HIM WHO BOASTS, BOAST IN THE LORD.

This is such a wonderful revelation to me:

     I am called to mothering. This has baffled me. Before Dan and I were married we put the subject of having children in Your hands, completely relying on Your will to be done. 

    When I was released from public school teaching and then the Christian school teaching job did not work out that fall, I realized I was very relieved. The car hop and cashier jobs caused me to feel you were directing me away from kids’ work.

But God chose something that WAS NOT so that I could NOT BOAST before Him. I was not yearning to be a mom, I was yearning to do Your will. And You gave me the calling to raise children as Your gift.

This fills me with excitement in my Spirit from my head to my toes. Not only does this say to me that the results are Yours, but the responsibility is Yours, too. It is ‘by His doing.’

I was impure, foolish, unholy, lost. Jesus Christ became my wisdom, righteousness, my sanctification, my redemption. BY HIS DOING  I am in Christ Jesus. I am so grateful.