142- Reading the Word to Stay in Faith

142- Reading the Word to Stay in Faith

February 27, 1985

Up with Daniel the other night. While walking Daniel and talking to the Lord, I was overwhelmed by remembering the blatant sin I’d been snared by (willingly) in those years away from God (eight years in my twenties). Have wondered if the scars on my personality, emotions and reputation will forever keep me from ministry to others and from happiness?

The next morning I ‘happened’ upon:

Luke 7:36-50 paraphrased: Jesus told a Pharisee a story with the moral that the person who has sinned the most and is forgiven is the one who will love Him more. Then He said to the immoral woman who was ministering to Him out of her brokenness and love, “Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.

And then the Spirit led me to:

Mark 5:34 And Jesus said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your affliction.”

From these verses, Lord, I perceive that my own faith is weak. I am going to read as much of the gospels as I can before the Ladies’ Luncheon on Saturday. My faith must be strong to receive from Jesus and be healed of my afflictions: poor self-concept and bondage to my immoral past.

138- Adopting God’s Values

138- Adopting God’s Values

January 3, 1985

Yesterday morning, I sleepily read Psalm 1, and then as I thought about it on my walk I decided that my goal for 1985 will be chewing on Your word.

Psalm 1: 2-3 But His delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night; and he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither, and whatever he does shall prosper.

That’s interesting: Your idea of PROSPERING is through focusing on the Bible as my treasure, while the world’s way of PROSPERING is acquiring CASH!

During the boys’ nap time I did my weekly Bible study in James, and the subject was riches and wealth. You are impressing me with Your values and helping me get mine in line with Yours. Help me to hear what You are trying to tell me!

Lord you are really convicting me soundly of a superficial lifting up of wealthy people. I have definitely seen myself being prejudice towards the goods and status of the affluent in our church. I repented of showing favoritism.

In the study there were many scriptures for me to look up about “God’s favor toward the poor.” I found it in my heart to be very willing before the Lord to live in the Glenn Duncan area [where I taught school]. I am praying about that being the area of town we move to. We quickly realized that the $600 a month rent that we pay here on Grandview is too much so we have looked at the Shultz’s house in Sparks and want to look at Prosser’s and Plouman’s rentals in the Glenn Duncan area. If we move there it means I would be ministering to some of my previous students.

Also regarding riches:

I realized through my conversation with Jackie this morning that I cannot keep up with her and Susie. They have more available cash than I do–and they want to start making Christmas gifts already! My time and assets do not allow me to join them. I felt very competitive during the conversation—trying desperately to prove that I’m okay and to get some positive attention for myself because I cannot compete with them on other levels (cookie baking, gift making, gift giving). I would like our relationship to continue in spite of this.

You are wonderful, God. Keep speaking to me about our faith walk, our attitudes about money, about making hard decisions in order to stay in sync with what we believe. I want to be in Your favor and Your will.

I have become very interested in trusting Your supplying most of our goods. Since we have a little money in the bank, we have bought things (still not much) rather than praying, believing, and waiting. A faith walk is so much more rewarding a life style.

134- Back in Step, but Wrestling with Moods

134- Back in Step,

but Wrestling with Moods

December 18, 1984, continued

I was back into my almost-daily time with the Lord, pouring out my heart, talking to Him about everything, and going to the Bible for relevant verses to encourage myself in the truth.

Lord, looking back over the last two weeks:

DISTRESSED: feeling generally nervous and irritable–partly because Mark and the baby had bad colds and that kept us home bound for a solid week (and friends away!); I broke my tooth on a corn nut; I had canker sores plus an added virus on my tongue and in my throat; grieving over an angry outburst; Christmas pressures, including comparing ours with our friends’ plans; back to worrying about birth control.

BLESSED: because I received compassion and prayer from my support group: Jackie, Susie, Jan. And super blessed because Dan has been totally non-condemning, accepting, loving, kind, understanding of my moodiness.

ENCOURAGED: at the men’s prayer breakfast that Dan goes to at church every Wednesday morning there was a word from the Lord for the married men from the single guy about loving their wives.

Dan and I are becoming more real-life humans. I’ve backed off from complaining about him being gone so much, realizing we need money to live! The job he has at the church as foreman of the building project requires extremely long hours (50-70 hours a week).

 

REALIZATIONS:

*God will comfort, I need to come to Him.

*Got is cleansing me, refining me.

*There is HOPE in Christ ALWAYS.

*I am really loved– by God, my husband, and my friends.

Ephesians 5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us…

        8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of the light…trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.

        15 be careful how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,

        18 be filled with the Spirit,

        19 singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;

        20 always giving thanks for all things…

        22 wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord

Father, I see impurity in me from a greedy, competitive, covetous heart. CLEANSE ME. I accept Christ’s work on the cross. The better alternative is imitating God, being a reflection of Him.

Thank You that I can come to the Word and receive the truth from Your perspective–wiser than the world, full of power and direction.

133- Firmly Established Hope

133- Firmly Established Hope

December 18, 1984

The phone just rang—it was Michele with a compassionate heart. Yesterday when I asked Dan about counseling with someone he suggested Carla, but now I’m thinking Michele.

Received a letter from Bruce, in Florida.

Both Michele and Bruce said the same thing: stand on the Word.

Luke 21:33 Heaven and earth will pass away, but MY WORDS will not pass away.

I can depend on God’s word.

1 Corinthians 1:7 and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings you are also sharers of our comfort.

There is HOPE. It is firmly established hope. We have sufferings as Christians, but we also have much comfort: 

1-in Christ  2 Cor 9:8 And God is able to make all grace about to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed

2-in the Holy Spirit – John 14:16 I will pray the Father, and He shall give you another Comforter, that He may abide with you forever.

3in the Father of all mercies, the God of all comfort – Corinthians 1:3  Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort.

I still feel my burdens are far beyond my ability to cope right now.

2 Corinthians 1:8-9 For we…were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead.

There is a reason for these sufferings which are putting our own resources to death. It is so we will not trust in ourselves but in God.

2 Corinthians 1:10 who (God) delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, HE ON WHOM WE HAVE SET OUR HOPE. AND HE WILL YET DELIVER US.

I really was in despair. I was clinging to God the best I knew how, but I was very depressed. At some point during these months that we lived at the Grandview place, I loaded the boys into the car and drove up to the church property and told Dan that I felt completely hopeless and could only see blackness. He said, “It’s the devil. Don’t listen to his lies.” He prayed a quick prayer for me and something awful broke off of me. It had been sucking me into darkness and hopelessness. Jesus said: And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32    Praise God, I was free. 

131- Endure it? Or–Face It and Smash It!

131- Endure It?

Or – Face It and Smash It!

December 12, 1984

2 Corinthians 1:8 we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength…

This is how I feel. Barely able to go on. Everything has overwhelmed me. I am confused and of course guilty-feeling that as a ten year old Christian I cannot cope with my daily life. Bought vitamins today—they will take a few days to take effect. Exercise, very good nutrition, and an acceptance of my condition. I need discipline that I do not of myself possess to keep eating right and walking daily. I am putting my trust in You, Jesus.

*Awesome verse from Susie this morning: Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, and He knows those who trust Him.

December 14

1 Peter 4:6-7 Humble yourselves therefore, under the mighty hand of God that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all our anxiety on Him for He cares for you.

December 15

*from a fortune cookie at Pastor’s ministry dinner last night:

Psalm 37:11 The meek shall inherit the earth and shall delight …in the abundance of peace.

*from the calendar for Friday:

Isaiah 29:19 The meek also shall increase their joy in the Lord, and the poor among men shall rejoice in the Holy One of Israel.

*meek meaning humble

Several days ago I felt drawn to Exodus 34 regarding Moses before the Lord on behalf of the children of Israel. I put verses 5-16 up by the sink. As I was reading it, doing the dishes, it occurred to me that the troubles I’ve been having could be in order to drive out the ‘ites’ in me. He says make no covenants. I wonder if saying I have PMS is binding me to it, when I could smash it!

Also, my jaw was aching awfully; sang and prayed the boys’ prayers at bedtime. I was really relieved.

Jenny is troubled very similarly, hormonally. She said it’s spiritual, don’t look for an out. Face God with it. [Although a few months later she went to a PMS clinic in California and received vitamins and hormone therapy.]

130- I Accept Your Mercies

130- I Accept Your Mercies

December 11, 1984

2 Corinthians 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort-

*the Father of mercies – my Bible says: this is His job and His joy

*the God of all comfort – all means ALL – when I need it, He’s got it

v 4 who comforts us in all our affliction

*once again, all means all

*affliction refers to trouble and calamity

2 Timothy 3:16-17 All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

The Bible is inspired by God for everything I need. 

 am God’s born again child.

The Bible is true.

Every word is Spirit-breathed – 2 Timothy 3:16

None of my trouble, then, is out of His interest.

ALL means ALL. I receive Your comfort, Father.

Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

I receive Your mercy—new every morning 

With great gratefulness. Humbly.

Because proudly I cannot receive.

When I am proud I do not see my need.

And if I do…I do not ask.

When my flesh and the devil say God has put up with me all He can and I’m on my own, help me remember this verse, Father. 

Self-diagnosis: PMS was the pop ailment of the day, and I had all of the symptoms. Dan said I could get whatever I needed in the way of food and vitamins. This was answered prayer.

A few days ago I wanted to comfort Mark. He held tightly to his blankie, which he calls his “wankily” and would not accept my love. I saw that You must be so crushed when we turn away from Your offered love.

 

121- Following God’s Trail – #3

121- Following God’s Trail – #3

February 2, 1984 –  Carla had good things to say about Elim.

On KNIS, we were listening to an inspirational story about Duncan Campbell applying for missionary service at age 50. He had a family and the organization was very hesitant. They wanted single men who would serve as itinerant preachers. But it became clear to them that it was God’s will to take Duncan, and that God was expanding their minds. When Duncan was making a major decision that would affect the lives of his family members, God reminded him: He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me in not worthy of Me. Matthew 10:37-38

Boy did that hit me! I have been putting Dan down for doing just that! Thank You, Father, for Your perspective once again. Also, God wants me to assume my full share of this responsibility. He knows me, that I would easily slide and shirk.

February 4 – Connie called and is sad and upset that we are going so far away.

Dan saw a 1970 red Suburban in good shape on a car lot yesterday $3200. But someone else had already made a cash offer. The salesman almost laughed at us. He said our car was worth $100 if it were sold on a car lot. (true) We know God could hold it for us and also provide the money for it. We would LOVE to have one of those wonderful stories of His provision.

Mumbo is upset with our move and our life choice to preach the gospel.

The people who should be so happy that we are giving ourselves to such an eternally worthwhile endeavor, every one of them is worried, confused, and does not understand at all. Praise You God for the clarity and comfort of Your word.

Feb 5 – Dan went to look at the Suburban again. He called the library and Bluebook on it is only $2660. They are asking $3295.  Thank You, Jesus. The truth will set you free!

The appraisal on our house came out to be $100,000.

Feb 7  – John and Jackie had a couple over to dinner last night that was from NY. They said Lima (where Elim is located) is full of big trees and farm land and it is very green. Hallelujah!

God is using Duncan Campbell’s biography as an evangelist and a faith missionary to answer my long-time prayer for meeting a missionary that we could identify with in preparation for our mission. The people we live around are wonderful, but someone who has turned themselves over so completely and seen God work mightily through their full surrender is the inspiration and counsel we need.

Feb 12—Danny called. They qualified for $89,500 loan. That is $10,500 short of our asking price.  Dan said he still felt peace so I decided not to panic.

Feb 14—Dan called Elim. Admissions lady, Judy, sent Dan’s application to the Committee without the Bodenseehof transcripts. She said she should know this afternoon and would call us.

What if things move fast??

120- Following God’s Trail – #2

120 – Following God’s Trail – #2

Jan 17, 1984 – Loan girl called. Things are happening. We need to put the house on the market.

I went to an appointment with the doctor who had delivered all three boys, and Dan came with me. Baby is due mid-June. I called Mom—she is not excited about our possible soon departure.

We have RECEIVED AND BELIEVED the word of the Lord to us that Elim is for us and that there is a place for us to live. By God’s grace we have begun moving in this direction. We have some clothes bags from the church, and I am sorting and packing all the kids’ clothes and setting aside the infant clothes.

God gave me nine double boxes of the type I wanted just as I walked into the store yesterday, and a parking place right by the door. And since I was alone, the kids were not tagging along for the 6 trips to the car! Thank You for REALLY increasing my faith through this experience, Jesus.

Jan 18—doubts came. Then God reminded me of the word through Paul to “apply now.”

Jan 21—Pete from Elim Fellowship called: 1-there is no work at this time in Japan, 2-there is no family there available to take us in (and they had never had a request like that and had never done it before), 3-he asked about Dan’s preaching experience, 4- and if Dan had ministerial papers. (Dan has had scant preaching experience and is not a licensed minister.)

Were we discouraged? NO! Perhaps God wants us to be forerunners because it is such a great idea to live with a Japanese family in order to become familiar with the food, the language, the culture. I do not see 3 or 4 as handicaps.

Jan 23—we received a letter from Elim!! Positive. Waiting for our Germany Bible School transcripts.

Jan 24—we called to get an appraisal appointment for the solar house.

Jan 25 –appraiser was here today! We put it in God’s hands. We have no floor coverings, just area rugs, 1 bathroom is unfinished, there are no baseboards.

Jan 26 –Looking through an envelope of some Japanese keepsakes: a newspaper, a McDonald’s menu from Tokyo, a place mat from a restaurant–and became so aware of the fact of how little I know about the culture. What am I getting into? HELP! Have we really counted the cost?

Jan 28—I panicked over all that had to be done! Prayed over everything for 1½ hours.

Jan 29—Our pastor preached a message that was right on target for us! Visionaries “see” (understand) there is something they can’t yet see that God wants to make happen for them and for Him. He doesn’t move in our time but in our faith. We participate by seeking Him diligently. The Spirit is our resource.

My resources are in the Spirit. Wow! This sure seems to fit.

Marianne from church offered to support us at Bible school!

114- We Are Blessed!

114- We are blessed!

November 1, 1983

I went to Dr. Ruiz and had a positive urine test! I’m pregnant! Due in June.

God, You have definitely been preparing me and as I look at You I am at peace and in joy. In September I suspected, but with Mark being sick and in the hospital I was so distracted and stressed, I could not be sure.

When I consider facing my parents and 95% of my Christian friends my blood runs cold because they will see us as foolish. SPEAK, LORD. I NEED A RHEMA FROM YOU!

HEBREWS 10:38 Now the just shall live by faith; but if anyone draws back, My soul has no pleasure in him.

Habakkuk 2:4c But the just shall live by his faith.

Dan gave me: Psalm 23:3b He leads me in the paths of righteous for HIS NAMESAKE.

It is for Jesus’ namesake that I go this way—hallelujah!

Tynale Commentary on the Bible on Psalm 23:3: The righteous one (whether an individual or a group) who belongs to God and whose trust continues in God and His promises SHALL LIVE, i.e., shall survive the present trial and receive His eternal reward. If, however, he DRAWS BACK THROUGH fear, God shall have no pleasure in him.

Dan also gave me: Psalm 128:1-4 Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways….Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.

Our sons were 4, 3, and 1 when I had the positive pregnancy test! And, yes, people’s mouths fell open as the word got around that baby #4 was due in June.

As I re-read this post of my journal entries, I sound a little like a kook! But Dan and I have walked by faith our entire experience with Jesus. We have wanted to hear from Him and we have wanted to please Him by obeying Him. If others did not understand us, it was hard to bear sometimes, but it was okay. He always made sure we had at least one or two people who got it –because they lived that way also, or because they wished they could live in that kind of faith and they admired us for doing it. As the years have passed, we have matured, and we still walk by faith, seeking Him, listening and waiting for His word.

108- Not a Speck – Part I

108- Not A Speck –

Part I

July 4, 1983

I need love and deep peace, Lord. There’s not a speck of it in me.

2 John 1:5 …a new commandment…that we love one another.

Bible notes: The new law of Christ is the divine love as wrought into the renewed heart by the Holy Spirit.

Romans 5:5 …because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit…

Bible notes: This love flows out in the energy of the Spirit, unforced and spontaneous, toward the objects of the divine love. Continue reading “108- Not a Speck – Part I”