114- We Are Blessed!

114- We are blessed!

November 1, 1983

I went to Dr. Ruiz and had a positive urine test! I’m pregnant! Due in June.

God, You have definitely been preparing me and as I look at You I am at peace and in joy. In September I suspected, but with Mark being sick and in the hospital I was so distracted and stressed, I could not be sure.

When I consider facing my parents and 95% of my Christian friends my blood runs cold because they will see us as foolish. SPEAK, LORD. I NEED A RHEMA FROM YOU!

HEBREWS 10:38 Now the just shall live by faith; but if anyone draws back, My soul has no pleasure in him.

Habakkuk 2:4c But the just shall live by his faith.

Dan gave me: Psalm 23:3b He leads me in the paths of righteous for HIS NAMESAKE.

It is for Jesus’ namesake that I go this way—hallelujah!

Tynale Commentary on the Bible on Psalm 23:3: The righteous one (whether an individual or a group) who belongs to God and whose trust continues in God and His promises SHALL LIVE, i.e., shall survive the present trial and receive His eternal reward. If, however, he DRAWS BACK THROUGH fear, God shall have no pleasure in him.

Dan also gave me: Psalm 128:1-4 Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways….Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.

Our sons were 4, 3, and 1 when I had the positive pregnancy test! And, yes, people’s mouths fell open as the word got around that baby #4 was due in June.

As I re-read this post of my journal entries, I sound a little like a kook! But Dan and I have walked by faith our entire experience with Jesus. We have wanted to hear from Him and we have wanted to please Him by obeying Him. If others did not understand us, it was hard to bear sometimes, but it was okay. He always made sure we had at least one or two people who got it –because they lived that way also, or because they wished they could live in that kind of faith and they admired us for doing it. As the years have passed, we have matured, and we still walk by faith, seeking Him, listening and waiting for His word.

108- Not a Speck – Part I

108- Not A Speck –

Part I

July 4, 1983

I need love and deep peace, Lord. There’s not a speck of it in me.

2 John 1:5 …a new commandment…that we love one another.

Bible notes: The new law of Christ is the divine love as wrought into the renewed heart by the Holy Spirit.

Romans 5:5 …because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit…

Bible notes: This love flows out in the energy of the Spirit, unforced and spontaneous, toward the objects of the divine love. Continue reading “108- Not a Speck – Part I”

105- Not Worthy? That’s a Lie.

105- Not Worthy?

That’s a Lie!

In the original entry this encompassed more thoughts and verses. I simplified it.

June 27, 1983

I think I just saw something!!

Psalm 51:6 Behold, You desire TRUTH in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

There is a lie in my innermost being that continually says I am not worthy.

YES, THERE IS A LIE. WHAT IS THE LIE, FATHER? EXPOSE IT PLEASE.

Is there an incident, a person,  or a sin my mother passed on to me?

I think—all I need to do is BELIEVE I am worthy—

The flesh says: you will be a traitor to me if you believe you are loved. You would not be as I have trained you to be—willful, selfish, spoiled, negative, impatient.

But I say: I am in the image of my heavenly Father. The fruit of His Spirit is to flow from me continually.

I am free to love my children as an imperfect person and I am free to not expect them to be perfect.

I am free to let Christ himself live through me.

The chains are broken to my flesh, my house, my past.

I am free to let go and enjoy my husband and my children.

I am free to trust Christ.

I am free TO TRUST CHRIST.

I am free to be near or leave my parents and sisters.

I am free to leave Reno, Life Center, the safety of the known for the unknown.

102- Consider Your Temperament – Part II

102 – Consider Your Temperament – 

And Cling to Christ – Part II

 

June 22, 1983 -continued

Through the daily prayer guide we are reading I was led to this verse:

Samuel said this to the people:

1 Samuel 12:20-24 (paraphrased) Do not turn aside from following the Lord, serve the Him with all your heart; don’t turn to vain things because they cannot profit nor deliver you. The Lord will not forsake His people for His great name’s sake because it pleased Him to make you His own. He will teach you the good and the right way. Serve Him in truth with all your heart, considering the great things He has done for you.

The Holy Spirit said this to me personally:

If I don’t serve Him with all my heart and soul, I will find myself following vain things—things which will not be of any benefit to me and they will not deliver me. Jesus will not ever forsake me. He has an investment me. Think of the great things He has done for me. He was happy to make me His own. The Holy Spirit will pray for me and teach me. He is saying, “Georgann, fear God, serve Him the way He wants to be served. Honor Him for all He has done for you.”

On my Bible tapes, I heard through Galatians 5 and 6: You cannot fool God. You will grow what you plant! If you plant your flesh, you will grow flesh—this pertains to my character as well as to my sons—do I want to grow flesh-filled kids or Spirit-filled kids??? HEAVY!

I am to press in to the Spirit and not stay in discouragement or weariness. I am to keep myself encouraged in Christ! I WILL REAP good fruit if I hang in there with Jesus all the way!

99- Chapel by the Sea and a Fleece

99- Chapel by the Sea

and a Fleece

We visited my parents and attended the church, Chapel by the Sea, that was pastored by the man who married us. I wrote this the next day:

April 18, 1983

I was worried that God was not getting through to us—that He wanted to speak to us and direct us, but we’d missed it. So I put out a little fleece before the Lord, as to whether Dan was hearing Him rightly. The answer was: YES he was.

That devil is goading me to doubt that God will make sure we get the message He is trying to give us. But Dan heard it.

I rebuke you, Doubt, in the name of Jesus Christ!

Today: Psalm 48:14 For this God is our God forever and ever. He will be our guide even unto death! Amen

We continuously seek Him.

This verse is TRUE for us. Amen

98- Golly, He’s Wrong!

98- Golly, He’s Wrong!

We attended a Navigator’s Conference:

March 31, 1983

I have been so encouraged. The workshop on “How to Make Christ the Center of Your Life” showed me He IS the center of my life. I make mistakes and fail—get off track, but He is my center point. Praise You, Lord!

“How to saturate your life with the Word: *have regular unhurried, note-taking quiet-time in the Word; memorize the word; meditate on the Word.

I am doing these.

I am okay. I am okay. Georgann is in the groove with God. This has greatly helped my deep self esteem. The devil continually says I am lacking and condemns me. But, golly. He is wrong on that point.

Thank You, Lord for letting me go to this meeting.

A wonderful verse–a wonderful encouragement to banish fear:

Psalm 1:2-3 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.

82- Look Up!

82- Look Up!

August 18, 1982

Colossians 3:2-3 Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ with God.

On the road of life I am to be looking up to Jesus and keeping my faith in Him for all things!

AND YET, part of me argues:

because all the things on earth that I’m not supposed to be looking at are continually vying for my attention!

*bare cement floors

*only 2 doors (our bedroom and one bathroom)

*no window coverings in living room and guest room

*weedy yard (though not like our neighbors’ yards)

*no snow tires on vehicles, but decent regular tires

*Dan: working only part-time, sick with chest cold

*me: allergies, pooped, hair growing and growing, no money for haircut or blood panel or vitamins

I could go on, but it seems ridiculous to list the things I’m not supposed to be putting my mind on!

These last few days have been difficult. They remind me how much grace comes from reading the Word and humbly asking for it.

August 19

Two negative attitudes are having a great effect of me:

1– that God will not supply our needs for window coverings (there are 32 windows in this house), and floor coverings—therefore we will be cold this winter, get sick, maybe even die.

God speaks:

1 Timothy 6:6-8 But godliness with contentment is great gain; for we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. AND HAVING FOOD AND RAIMENT LET US BE THEREWITH CONTENT.

2being inside day in and day out, at home, is making me nervous. Taking the three boys out to visit and shopping makes me nervous.

God speaks:

Colossians 3:12 Put on, therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering, forebearing, forgiving…

v 14 and above all put on love which is the bond of perfectness

v 15 and let the peace of God rule in your hearts to which also ye are called in one body; and be thankful.

v 16 Let the Word dwell richly in you.

September 2

Yesterday morning we prayed about money situation—bills due, vitamins needed, account overdrawn. In the mail came $50. And Dan has a job today that will bring money in.

September 6 Yesterday we received a check from Dan’s dad because he cashed in his life insurance policy –$5,140. PRAISE GOD. More than we expected! Humbled and grateful.

79- Perspective!

79- Perspective!

August 2, 1982 Feeling a bit discouraged by the day’s circumstances. But Jesus said to me what He said to Martha: Did I not say to you, Georgann, if you believe, you will see the glory of God? John 11:40

Thinking about the way our lives have gone, the reasons He has had us walk by faith and not by sight…it has been for discipline and humbling, says the Lord. He is testing us to see if we will keep our eyes on Him and stay with Him, and follow His leading, or if we will bolt when we feel the crunch and life gets too dicey.

The children of Israel and the Presence of the Lord as they moved toward the promised land.

Deuteronomy 8:1-5

All the commandments that I am commanding you today you shall be careful to do, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the Lord swore to give to your forefathers. And you shall remember all the way which the Lord your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. And He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord. Your clothing did not wear out, nor did your foot swell these forty years. Thus you are to know in your heart that the Lord your God was disciplining you just as a man disciplines his son…v 17 Otherwise you may say in your heart, “My power and the strength of my hand made me this wealth.”

August 4

Hebrews 10:1-18 paraphrased: Following the law cannot make people perfect, but we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. He has put His laws upon our hearts, and He remembers our sins and our lawless deeds no more.

I wrote my thoughts about this:

Only Jesus,

Jesus only,

satisfies God’s requisites.

Once for all He did what I could never do.

So—

trust Jesus,

do all in His Name, power, love.

God sees Jesus in Me

and loves me.

Jesus is perfect, holy,

Lord, love.

72- Looking Back to the ’80’s from 2017 Vantage Point

72- Looking Back to the 80’s from 2017 Vantage Point

Looking back to another time…

As I (now age 72) am reading my journals for this blog, looking WAY back to another time, they were full of my crying out to the Lord. I was trading my brokenness for His strength. I was overwhelmed in my circumstances and knew that I needed the life of Jesus which was inside me to pour forth out of me in order to cope with the day-to-day, to make sense of everything, to keep me afloat.

I felt earnestly my responsibility of raising our boys carefully so that they would grow up to love the Lord, be strong in their walks with Him, and be prepared for the mission field, should God resume and confirm our call.

I also wanted to please God and please my husband. I had married a man who was a real man: smart, responsible, hard working, mature. He had failed in his first marriage, as had I, and we were both committed to our success as a team. He read and studied his Bible, and lived for God and family. He also adopted the ‘going to church’ mentality, which meant we all went to church together. There were lots of meetings in all the churches in the 1980’s.

Everyone we knew in Life Center Church was there every time the doors were opened, a minimum of Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and also for the Wednesday night home groups. That’s where we worshiped the Lord, that’s where our friendships were. As the boys grew up, their friends were our friends’ kids, friendships that lasted through their teen years, into adulthood, and continuing to this day. Our sons are turning 38, 37, 35, 33 this year. Even though people have moved, they keep in touch through Facebook, etc.

The following are verses that motivated me in my early walk in pursuing Jesus every day and still motivate me today. The thing is, my journals are still full of me pouring my heart out to Him.

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for me with all your heart.

I sought the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fears.

But as for me, I TRUST in You, O Lord; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in Your hand.

But he who TRUSTS in the Lord, mercy shall surround him.

You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance.

Behold the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His mercy.

Jeremiah 29:13; Psalm 34:4; Psalm 31:14-15a; Psalm 32:10; Psalm 32:7;Psalm 33:18.

My message is: be glad if you are weak, insecure, not confident—that means that more than other people you will go to Jesus continuously for His strength, for His security, and for His confidence.  And for your daily life you will need His perspective and His ability to persevere in you through your trials. Because you are aware of what you are not–You will be diligently seeking Him and leaning on Him, and you will receive much favor.

Psalm 147:11 The Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love. NIV

Psalm 149:4 For the Lord takes delight in his people; He crowns the humble with victory. NIV

Be glad if you feel that you are untalented, because in time He will unearth gold in you and use you!

Don’t wallow in what you are not. Jesus has everything we need and is the most generous Person I know. He loves to share His life. As He writes blogs and books through me, He gets the credit because I am dialoguing with Him through every paragraph! People will say: “SHE can write?? I never knew it was in her.”

As He sings through you, people will say: “I’ve sat near her in church and she really worships and loves the Lord,” and He gets the credit.

As you become strong in everyone’s sight because you are relying on Jesus for everything, those who know the real you (the insecure you who feels ineffectual and inferior) will be amazed at how the Lord shines through you.

And in all these things, He gets the attention, He gets the glory! And that is really what it is all about.

65- Pride is the Problem and Jesus is Calling

65- Pride is the Problem and Jesus is Calling

Nov 2, 1981 – We are still attending The Pursuit of Holiness (A.W. Tozier) Wednesday night classes at church under Gene’s teaching. Last night I felt I heard from the Lord: “Pride is the problem I am dealing with in you. PRIDE is the root of your discontent. I see your trials.” [Specifically: home alone day after day with the boys, pregnancy and its limitations, being a homemaker (not out in the workforce), bronchitis, anemia, having to quit babysitting, being of little use in ministry.]

This morning, weakness was overtaking me. All I could think is, “I cannot cope.” The boys’ whining put me in tears. I thought of all sorts of escapes—leaving them with a friend for the day, staying in bed all day, going for counseling. But a verse came to mind from class last night:

Romans 8:26-27 And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words. And He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

I prayed this, having not the gift of tongues, but desperately asking the Spirit to pray for my weakness.

And I was IMMEDIATELY strengthened in His might. Amen. I was immediately strengthened in my attitude and my emotions and even physically. Amen. Praise God!

My perspective changed. I was able to meet the boys’ needs, be kinder. I got my eyes off of me me me and experienced the love and joy of the Lord.

Jan 20, 1982  In praying, God revealed the great LOG of PRIDE toward most of humanity! He was pointing out that I have been gravitating toward the COOL people! I am shocked, but it is so true. I have been getting strokes from having friends of a certain status, thinking that associating with them makes me ‘okay.’  At the same time I have been distancing myself from certain other people. WRONG!

I was thinking of a really pious note I could write to Jim and Lissa about being glad I could identify with the drunk, the whore, the drug taker, the liar –since I was once there. And yet here I am now relating to a proud group of people and enjoying it. JUST AS BAD!

So I timidly say, “Lord, change me.”

I no longer say, as I did when I was single: “change me whatever the cost.” Then, it was only me that would suffer. Now I could lose so much—Dan and the boys.

Pull me back, Lord. I hear you calling me!

Jesus is calling!