287 – The Enemy Has Nothing in Me
January 8, 1988
Last night we went to the Week of Prayer meeting at Elim.
The prophetic word that came was: take up the cross and deny yourself daily or you will deny Me.
Dan and I danced together during the praise service—everyone in the building (it seemed) jumped and shouted! The Holy Spirit came on me in a DEEP PLACE.
There is a new President of the Bible School. He reminded us:
God took us out of the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son. Colossians 1:13
God disarmed the rulers and authorities – Colossians 2:1-5
The ruler of this world is coming and HE HAS NOTHING IN ME. John 14:30
God is LIGHT and in Him is no darkness AT ALL! 1 John 1:5
Brother Webster barred his soul of his past! We sat open mouthed. His point was that we need to be cleansed and keep clean and be healed so that God can use us. God needs us to go into dark places, but we cannot have darkness in us.
The dark places are the enemy’s footholds, and he must have no nook or cranny in us where he can take a stand and do battle against us from the inside! In his new position as president of the school, the devil will have NO PLACE in him, he has exposed the junk.
Darkness is: areas of hold out, rebellion, appetites, addictions, etc.
We have become accustomed to sin and we ignore its presence residing in us. No more.
I saw two areas in me that I wanted expunged! Many went forward for prayer. I love to go up for prayer!
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. Psalm 51:2
And THANK YOU!!
286 – Pride Speaks
Out of My Mouth
January 7, 1988
INSIGHT: It just occurred to me that when I do NOT understand a story about Jesus or am offended by His words to someone in the Bible—that I am being a Pharisee! If I REALLY believed He was God—anything I did not understand I would merely set aside and ask Him for insight, respectfully—because He IS GOD!!
But to scoff or judge is saying: “because I don’t understand, You are wrong, God.”
It is putting me and my intellect ABOVE Almighty God!!!!!
And then I think, “Well, I don’t respect Him when He acts in rude ways—who does He think He is?—God?” YES!
Proverbs 8:8 (wisdom speaking) All of the utterances of my mouth are in righteousness, there is nothing crooked or perverted in them.
This is referring to all the utterances of God’s mouth are righteous, not ever crooked or perverted.
And what about this:
The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate. Proverbs 8:13
Well, I guess I feel like a fool. But, God does not push me away –ever!
YOU ARE GOD. You can do ANY thing You want in my life. I ask to be content with what You bring and to recognize what is not of You. I repent of the pride that has been so arrogant before You, and ask that You would make this a life-changing insight. Thank You in advance, Holy Spirit, for it.
282 – God said,
I Will Help You
December 7, 1987
Father! I’m not organized! They don’t mind me! The clutter is overwhelming me!
How can you help me?
For my part: I will wake up at 4:30 to pray, read, walk, and plan. Please help me to go to bed early—9 or 9:30—and help me get up!
I closed my eyes and opened my Bible randomly hoping to land on a special word from my Lord– and got the concordance!
I opened it again and got the introduction to Daniel, which I had not read.
It’s about 4 boys!!!
“Their refusal to be seduced by the pagan world in which they live and the dangers that threaten them because of their faithfulness are the essence of the drama. Their deliverances from the fiery furnace and the lion’s den demonstrate the power and love of God….”
I believe by faith God is telling me:
You have a very important task of setting the course of these boys’ lives. The training of Shadrach, Meshach, Abed-Nego, and Daniel was careful, so that they had such INTEGRITY.
Let this inspire you and motivate you to good works daily, even moment-by-moment, with your four sons.
I will help you.
I love those who love Me, and those who seek Me diligently will find Me. Proverbs 8:17
275 – Jesus Died, I Must Die
August 26 and 27 1987
Gramma Fern must have sent us a good amount of money. How to spend it was the topic of several of Dan’s and my conversations in my journals and many days of seeking the Lord’s will. We went back to seriously thinking about Christian school for Timmy—at least I did.
This confuses me, Lord, and I need to hear from You. It feels we are getting ‘tossed about’ over this!
Lord, You know the whole issue, but now Dan feels very strongly that Timmy should go to public school. I sort of stormed out of the house and headed out to the country roads. I took an hour and a half brisk walk and confessed all my pride and rebellion, pouring out my heart’s confusion and sadness.
All I could say at the end of praying and praising and seeking You was, “Lord, carry me through this.” I definitely cannot cope.
I was wanting someone to pray with about submission who could be neutral and non-judgmental and give me wisdom. Donna brought a friend she had not seen in years to our Bible study after she ran into her at her son’s soccer game. I almost opened it up, but I didn’t want a big discussion with everyone’s advice and people hearing our problems without Dan there. But this Diane had moved her kids from the Christian School to the public school! I felt in my spirit that she would have encouragement and wisdom to share.
Matthew 27:43 …He trusts in God, let Him deliver Him now if He takes pleasure in Him…
People were saying of Jesus–HA! Let God deliver this man from the cross! I feel this is happening to me—I cannot come down from the cross. There are mockings and insults all around me. I feel I let my children down because they did not do well on the SAT test. I feel foolish and misunderstood by the neighbors AND the homeschoolers.
Then it occurred to me by the Spirit that Jesus did get off the cross. And so will I.
He got off when He died!I will get off —–when I die to this!
When I can really totally say, “Thy will be done.”
And when I do not get emotionally involved in what ANYONE thinks, but only in what YOU think, Lord.
272 -God Always Meets Me
August 13, 1987
I was in a deep quandary about homeschooling. I cried out to my Lord:
Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to Thee I cry ALL DAY LONG. In the day of my trouble I shall call upon Thee’ for Thou wilt answer me. There is NO ONE like Thee among the gods, O Lord; nor are there any works like Thine. Psalm 86:3,7
Mike, dean of married students, made an appointment to meet with us and came to our house. He asked us to be home group leaders. He also wanted to discuss homeschooling. Last year a homeschool family had caused havoc and ended up in court! He loves our testimony of homeschooling and he said that Elim would back our decision to homeschool UNLESS it went against the school district’s recommendations (which is what the other family had done). Here’s the rub: because of their scores on the SAT test, the district wanted Tim and Steve enrolled. I told Mike and he and Dan agreed it would be a good idea to enroll the boys in September. I was horrified.
I went to the Lord, crying, pouring out my heart to the Lord, trying to wrap my head around sending my sons away to school. (The school was in reality just a short walk across the field behind our house).
Then I went to the Word. Nothing really made clear sense in Matthew 10 and 11 that I could relate to our situation. Then the Lord met me with His words:
Matthew 12:25 Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself cannot stand.
Matt 14:25 TAKE COURAGE, IT IS I, DO NOT BE AFRAID!
We can not afford to send the boys to Christian school. So it was important that I surrender and not cause havoc in our home by my stubbornness. I needed to give in, honor my husband, and trust God for our sons’ welfare. And I needed to not be fearful but trust Him.
This brought clarity and the peace of the Holy Spirit. Not that I did not waffle in the days ahead–I did, and so did Dan.
271 – Free Travel, Vending Machines, and Lawsuits
July 31, 1987
We just got back from two full weeks in Reno. Jan and Jim sold their vacation trailer and took up a collection at church to pay for our family’s plane tickets. WOW! We were humbled. Bob and Janet were on vacation and gave us their house to use! To top it off my parents came to town for a 3-day visit. We saw friends and family; we were loved and gave love.
We came back to Livonia to the reality of three lawsuits: Dan’s passenger, Brian; the owner of the Hostess Cupcake truck; and Elizabeth the driver of the truck.
I read in Matt 5:40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also.
It was God’s word, and amazing that I ‘just happened’ to read it today.
But it was not very comforting.
On a family outing we stopped in a gas station along the highway. Inside the bathroom some obscene materials were offered for sale from a vending machine. I felt conscience-bound to call the corporate head of the gas station company for making the materials available.
I wrote out what I was going to say and respectfully told the top-guy my concerns.
Once I cried spontaneously (for the children who have seen this type of machine in a public place). The man I was talking to said, “I understand, believe me!” I followed up with a letter and included the gospel message. I felt so free and relieved afterward.
267 – We Are Being Sifted
April 9, 1987
I drove into Lima for our home school gathering. A church marquee said:
April 5, 1987 UNBOUND
THAT WAS MY BIRTHDAY! I feel that was for me!
Yesterday I got:
ARISE [from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept you; rise to a new life]!
SHINE – be radiant with the glory of the Lord;
for your light is come and the glory of the Lord is risen upon you! Isaiah 60:1 (Amplified)
The sheriff came while we were in Lima with a summons! Dan’s passenger in the November car accident is suing our insurance company because Brian did not feel he got enough wage compensation during his recovery period. Funny thing—the people who were going to support him didn’t. I pray he will see clearly to drop the suit.
And the Lord said,[a] “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.” Luke 22:31-32
We are being sifted.
Check from Life Center in Reno for $55 which is our grocery money for TODAY’s shopping! Praise Jesus!
Bill and Carol sent $10 and a letter. Bless them!
Gregg and Cheryl gave $40 for Dan and I to go out to dinner to celebrate my birthday.
258 – Listening for God’s Direction
February 17 and 18, 1987
Dan said yesterday he wanted to call Pastor Dave to see if maybe he had a prophetic word for us that would give us some guidance. Should we continue here on this course or return home to Reno…
Today Pastor Dave called us!
Dan did not share specifics with Dave because we want to hear from the Lord, not get man’s advice. Nothing definitive transpired. He asked what he could do for us, Dan said pray.
When my mom asked yesterday how the money situation was, I said fine.
We’re depending on God, not man. He will come through with job and provision and clear direction.
In the news from home, Pastor Dave, a former policeman, said that the youth activities area in the juvenile department of the jail is open to and welcoming the Christian message! They have so many youth on drugs they know they need outside help with the kids.
Friends of ours are selling their house and business and going into full-time ministry in a nearby town. I am stirred! Happy for them. Things are happening in Reno.
But living in Livonia has been such a refuge for me. A healing place. It’s not easy to think of letting go of it.
And the Lord opened her (Lydia’s) heart to respond to the things spoken by Paul. Acts 16:14
Open my heart to the things of the Spirit as I read Your word today!
Now while Paul was waiting for them at Athens, his spirit was being provoked within him as he was beholding the city full of idols. Acts 17:16
Paul was provoked by the many idols in the city and my spirit was greatly provoked as I watched the Transcendental Meditation video in the Cults class. I finally had to leave.
It’s still amazing to me how when I read in the Bible it relates to my life so perfectly.
256 – Stay or Go Home
February 1, 1987 5am
Dan woke up with a vision of a jar with a vacuum in it—sucking his hands, rendering him helpless. It related to his friend in the mental institution. It struck fear into Dan’s heart. He felt it was definitely a warning to get out of this relationship. We obviously cannot help this friend.
I believe that Dan has been trying to save someone who does not want to be saved. And that this has put us in a place of impotency. It has clouded his present judgment.
Such a tragic situation for this couple and for the rest of us. But our God restores.
Dan has been talking of leaving Elim in the middle of this semester. He had thought of not signing up for any classes at all so we could leave easily. As he shared this I felt peace though I was a little dismayed at moving on so soon from this wonderful place.
Show us the way, Lord.
Psalm 34:1 I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
7 The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, and delivers them.
O LORD, lead me in Your righteousness because of my foes; make Your way straight before me. Psalm 5:8
255 – He Must Prune Me
January 24, 1987
By God’s wonderful and bountiful grace, I was 1 ½ hours in prayer from 5-6:30am.
This seems crystal clear:
John 15:2 Every branch that does not bear fruit He takes away – anger, selfishness, egocentricity – and every branch that bears fruit He prunes it that it may bear more fruit,
I see that my ministry with children (in public school) bore fruit—but all of these succeeding years have been a pruning process to get me out of me and into Him so that MORE fruit can come to His glory and honor and use.
Although today he prunes my twigs with pain,
Yet doth his blood nourish and warm my root:
Tomorrow I shall put forth buds again
and clothe myself with fruit. -Christina Rosetti