169- Needs Met!

169- Needs Met!

November 29, 1985

Jesus is MY PERSONAL Savior as well as the PERSONAL Savior of each one in the world.

Therefore I have the RIGHT to come before His throne

-with praises and thanksgiving and sonship

-boldly with confidence

I rebuke any unbelief in my heart, in Jesus’ name.

I have asked You for $126 for the beginning-to-read ACA program. It has not come.

Believing Your provision comes with Your will, I ask for $100 for some books I would like to order for Timmy from Hewitt-Moore.

This way we could cover more subject areas—science, social studies, reading, math, art, phonics.

ANSWERED PRAYER!

December 5, 1985

We went to Carol’s to visit, fellowship in the Lord, discuss home school. She had been thinking urgently about Timmy’s schooling, she said “last week”.

While she was talking to me about it an idea come to her to GIVE me the 6 or 7 sets of reading books she had just received!

Also she gave me a social studies syllabus called My America which will cover Social studies wonderfully for all the boys. WHERE GOD LEADS, GOD PROVIDES.

YOU amaze me, Lord. You put the need on both our hearts, then allowed Carol to be a blessing and for us to be blessed! Bless You, praise You. Wonderful Savior.

168- When I Repent, He Listens

168- When I Repent,

He Listens

November 21, 1985 – 5:15am, by the grace of God—also up early yesterday

Good experience at nap time of mending, praying, praying in prayer language. I did not FEEL that I was accomplishing anything. But I saw such a difference in my attitude later! Praise Jesus!

Also- insight (Tuesday night). Through something I read, and an experience of conversation with Dan, I saw that I really am possessive with him. Made me see how really insecure I am. Made me think about home school and how much of ME was involved in not deciding on a curriculum. Did I really want to do it myself from our own resources?

I repent of possessiveness regarding Dan and each boy.

I let go by my will. I desire to trust Your sovereign hand in each of our lives.

I repent of relying on my own resources to teach Tim. I humbly ask that You bring me the curriculum that would best suit Timmy (learning) and me (teaching). I thank You for forgiving me whenever I acknowledge my sin. I thank You for your continual love and conviction. I desire to walk before You in holiness and purity and faith.

I release myself to trust You regarding the boys’ friends and experiences.

I confess fear and insecurity and power struggling with You. I confess this because of a TINY possible voice saying it could be true.

When You said through Joyce to let go of the reins and KathyS had the Moses passage—I struggled and analyzed and thought and prayed. But I did not just say: You are God, I trust these prophetic utterances and I lay myself down and repent by faith. I still have no gut indication that this is true, but only faith. I do this now.

I pray for the following

*Dan’s ministering

*my ministering

*our ministry together

*home school curriculum

*the boys’ friendships, experiences

*Wed night area meeting

*Ladies’ Bible study

*listening to friends’ voices that have overpowered me….

Psalm 37:5 Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.

167- Humble Recommitment

167- Humble Recommitment

November 19, 1985

Psalm 71:1a,3a,4a,5,14,22,23,24 KJV

            In Thee, O Lord, I have taken refuge…

            Be Thou a rock of habitation to which I may continually come.

            Rescue me…

            For Thou art my hope…

            O Lord, God, Thou art my confidence…

            But as for me I will hope continually and will praise Thee yet more and more.

            I will praise Thee…

            My tongue also will utter Thy righteousness all day long…

 

Father ~ for every time I have doubted You, cleanse me now. For every time I have accused You of forsaking or forgetting me, cleanse me now.

I desire to be a pure, holy, empty vessel filled with Your Holy Spirit. That is my ambition. Take my feet where You will. Let praises and testimonies of Your grace and righteousness come from my mouth because Your Spirit brings to remembrance the Word I have hidden abundantly in my heart.

Looking eye-to-eye with Jesus~

166- Accepted and Loved

166- Accepted and Loved

November 18, 1985

Up at 5:15am by the grace of Jesus.

Streams in the Desert, p. 332: My environment is of His determining. He means it to intensify my faith, to draw me into nearer communion with Himself, to ripen my power. In the dungeon my soul should prosper. Luke 7:23 And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.

I asked for a repentant heart, waking up with a bad dream, accusations on my mind, and failures on my mind.

The Luke scripture led me to what Dan shared from the meeting on Thursday night: the woman washing Jesus’ feet with her tears, drying them with her hair, and anointing them with perfume.

He accepted her, he loved and cherished and forgave her. He even defended her before those who questioned her sanctification. Luke 7:36-50

Woman washing Jesus’ feet with her tears and drying them with her hair.

Oh, God, that these experiences in my life would tenderize my heart and give me compassion for others.

165- Fred Said to Plant a Church

165- Fred Said to Plant a Church

November 16 1985

Streams in the Desert, devotional, today shook me up:

Rev 12:11 They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and they loved not their lives unto death.

I had just been reading the mail with Dan, and we were especially impacted by a New Tribes Mission newsletter regarding some missionaries captured by natives in Columbia and how they were doing after their release.

To open my devotional to this verse about martyrdom gave me quite a shake. In all honesty and confidence, I have felt for a long time that we would be with New Tribes and that our boys would go to a mission school.

Correlated to that possibility: Dan was able to talk to Fred W our district supervisor. He said he is praying this verse for us:

Colossians 1:9-11

For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding—so that you may walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience, joyously giving thanks to the Father.

Fred did not suggest going to Bible School at all, but promoted  evangelism and church planting. He suggested we pray and see what the Lord might do. He spoke of going to a city to start a church, getting a job to support the family, and then meeting people and evangelizing them.

[This is an example of a person having a vision or a goal that he wants to fit you into. We could have taken it as confirmation of what our Pastor had said, because he said the same thing. But we had been praying diligently and walking with the Lord through this for years, and we knew it was not what God had put on our hearts. He had put Bible School on our hearts and we respectfully stuck with that.]

164- Confessed, Repented, and Received!

164- Confessed, Repented, and Received!

November 11, 1985

I fasted, except for two cups of bouillon, coming to God several times today.

Dan was home last night and ½ of today. Nice to have him here, but he is antsy to be working.

In my prayer time I felt so superficial, so under condemnation, and convicted of selfishness and impatience.

Also—another person in our church has hepatitis. Dan is very concerned. Both of the men (and one’s wife) that are stricken have health insurance and solid jobs. Dan is without any health insurance and between jobs.

I surrendered and prayed for everyone’s health and asked God to speak to me, inspire and instruct me. Baby woke up several times at night, and I feel like God used that, too, to keep me praying.

It occurred to me clearly that I’m to be a praising person—because the Bible says to, because Jesus is worthy of my praises, because He inhabits the praises of His people.

And we need His presence.

If I could, by His wonderful grace, become a praising person, my mind would be filled up with Him instead of with both self-deprecating and self-exalting thoughts.

I confessed not liking myself, realizing clearly deep in my Spirit that He made me—He formed me in my mother’s womb; He fashioned me, He’s had His hand on my life. Psalm 139:13a, 16b

I confessed speaking ill of the boys. When Timmy over heard me saying: “I got to go shopping without them” he said, “don’t you like to take us shopping? Is it easier without us?” I was crushed that I had confused my dear son. What an insult to speak that negative thing as if they were not there. See my need, Lord? Help! I am so sorry.

I need an attitude overhaul. I need to be filled with Jesus, overflowing with His Spirit.

By giving it to God and spilling it all out before Him, I feel encouraged!

November 14

I feel that because I confessed and repented of not liking myself and speaking rashly –that I got filled up! Now it’s Thursday and I have been so full of the presence of God since Monday and Tuesday…

It’s wonderful. At times I’m free and joyful, but mostly I’m warm, near tears, aware of God’s presence. You meet the broken-hearted, sweet Jesus!

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 38:18 NIV

161- Notice me!

161- Notice me!

November 3, 1985

Dan went to church taking Stevie and Mark.

I stayed home with Timmy and Daniel who had runny noses and sore throats.

I began to resent Dan being so well respected, enjoying another ‘feeding’ of the Word of God when for weeks I have been in the church nursery or been home with sick kids.

I’ve also been thinking about people who are oozing love and joy when their personal circumstances stink or their health is broken, or their hearts are broken.

Why not me oozing love and joy?

God spoke to me clearly—you still want glory for yourself. You’re jealous of your husband’s time away, his position of honor within the church. You don’t want to stand beside or behind him—you want to be in front. Also with ME (not verbatim remembering): You still want glory for yourself or at least lots of attention regarding your ‘difficult’ circumstances. You want everyone to know you are sacrificing. The flesh is alive and well, Georgann.

I repented and I was IMMEDIATELY release of bitterness and heaviness.  wow

YET, later with JoAnn, I made sure she knew something of my sacrifices! Groan!! 

Lord, I prayed later, release me to be a child whose life exemplifies Christ’s acceptance of Your will and His trust in Your leading.

160- Broken But Bound for Glorious Things

160-Broken But Bound for Glorious Things

October 15, 1985

Broken over Timmy’s insufficient home schooling materials.

Broken over baby’s middle of the night crying.

Broken over my prayerlessness.

Broken over finances.

I opened Streams in the Desert for today:

By reason of breakings they purify themselves. God uses most for His glory those people and things which are most perfectly broken. The sacrifices He accepts are broken and contrite hearts. (Psalm 51:17)

Those who are broken in wealth, broken in self-will, broken in their ambitions, broken in their beautiful ideals, broken in worldly reputation, broken in their affections, broken ofttimes in health, those who are despised and seem utterly forlorn and helpless, the Holy Ghost is seizing upon, and using for God’s glory.

I understand the concept of brokenness. He’s okay that I spend a lot of time there, as long as I turn to Him to receive LIFE and SPIRIT and do not languish there but move on. 

October 19

Dan has one small job to do for Marshall on Monday, then no work in sight. I basically feel encouraged that God will be faithful to us as He always has. I feel some excitement that He may move us out of Reno. We really identify with missionaries. A letter came from missionary friends in Okinawa. They are so broken and trying to figure out a new program to save the Japanese. Today a letter came from New Tribes Missions—OH NO! the jungles! I am waiting for Dan to open it.

October 28

Two nights ago, realizing I was entertaining bitterness because an old acquaintance has never taken any responsibility for a wrong done to me. Explaining it to God—I heard, “take your eyes off of him, I wounded you!” I thought of: Isaiah 53:1 But the Lord was pleased to crush Him, putting Him to grief.

Once again I am called on to die to myself and my rights and intercede for another. Not for my justification, nothing in it for me. And yet there will be release for me through prayer. I will do it now.

159- Are You Willing to do Some Bold Things?

159- Are You Willing to do Some Bold Things?

October 5, 1985

Saturday night Dan had been awakened by Daniel, but rather than being groggy, he found himself alert and interested in talking to God, and he said, “I really want to serve You and be fruitful in what I do for You. But I don’t want to move. Can we stay here for 5 years?”

He remembered back to Bible School in Germany when we were first married, saying to God, “I want to be in construction” – that’s where his heart was then.

Recently Gramma offered to loan him chunk of money so that he could build another house and he had picked up the forms to apply for his contractor’s license. He could envision designing and building a home.

Tonight he felt God said, “Are you willing to do some bold things? Are you willing to move out of this house?”

Those questions jolted Dan out of his comfort place.

The next day the Pastor’s sermon included some of the things God had been speaking to Dan.

We’ll see.

I thought it was interesting when I read in my Streams in the Desert devotional for today: “It is safe to trust God’s methods and go by His clock.”

Pastor Dave talked to Dan about the Suburban Dan has his eye on.

What do You have for us, Father? We are ready for Your call, ready to say yes to whatever You offer. I feel something is in the offing. We have been bold before. Your part is to supply the direction and the grace, our part is to say yes and start moving. We are listening!

158- Where is the Music of Life?

158- Where is the Music of Life?

September 28, 1985

This was my day: pressures, then self-pity, then peace–as I did it God’s way.

Pressures, problems, advice, frustration, more problems, impatience, self-hate, crying, EXPLOSION!

Pity, accusations, anger, self-hate, crying, guilt, horror, no escape—BUT IN HIM!!

Remorse, repentance, cleansing, crying, peace, rest, yieldedness, His will, His way, His Word.

And then I read my devotional.

Streams in the Desert, p. 282 IT IS YOUR MISSION, tested and tried one, TO WALK OUT ON THE STAGE OF THIS WORLD AND REVEAL TO ALL EARTH AND HEAVEN THAT THE MUSIC IS NOT IN THE CONDITIONS, NOT IN THE THINGS, NOT IN EXTERNALS, BUT THE MUSIC OF LIFE IS IN YOUR OWN SOUL.”

Oh, Savior, I felt that was a precious Word for me from You. I really needed a tender word of encouragement and UNDERSTANDING. And You gave it. Thank You so much. Bless You. Bless You.

John 16:33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.

I was carrying that music into the evening when we saw two friends who were once strong Christians. Unfortunately the spirit of rebellion that was inhabiting Lora came to me trying to make me angry and to entice me into doing what she is doing, which is hating God and all Christians!

Afterward, Dan prayed for me strongly. I agreed with his prayers and also prayed my complete willingness to be free of that spirit and to wholeheartedly go God’s way.

Unlike the last two or three big trials of this nature, this temptation lasted minutes! –while the others lasted days or weeks! Victory in Jesus. And the music returned to my soul!