117- Dan Loves Me and Jesus Loves Me

117- Dan Loves Me, and Jesus Loves Me

December 1, 1983

Dan loves me. I believe him.

December 8

The Homemaking Bible Study today ended up being a very painful experience. Dan prayed for me. Perhaps the Lord will give me feedback. I praise God for His continual unfailing love.

December 9

I need a revelation about my personality. There is something I think God is trying to get across. Dan says I am alright.

December 10

I am trying to justify being snarky, moody, and sour. The scripture gives me no support whatsoever.

Psalm 34:13 Keep your tongue from evil

                   14 Seek peace and pursue it

Proverbs 12:15 There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.

December 18

Dan confessed our relationship is not what it should be. That he has been working hard at other things and has been taking me for granted. Praise the Lord.

January 19, 1984

3am A dream woke me up. It was about a former relationship and was upsetting. I got up to tend the fire and make sure the boys were covered and I felt I should stay up and settle some things with God.

When I said to God: “Dan is just a man. How long can he love me?”

God said: “As long as I can love you!”

Dan belongs to God, the relationship is divinely ordained and divinely sustained. (we have always known that God brought us together) I got assurance that I need have NO FEAR of God’s or Dan’s love running out the more they get to know me. We both will keep putting wrongs at the foot of the cross. Jesus will give us ongoing love for Himself and one another.

114- We Are Blessed!

114- We are blessed!

November 1, 1983

I went to Dr. Ruiz and had a positive urine test! I’m pregnant! Due in June.

God, You have definitely been preparing me and as I look at You I am at peace and in joy. In September I suspected, but with Mark being sick and in the hospital I was so distracted and stressed, I could not be sure.

When I consider facing my parents and 95% of my Christian friends my blood runs cold because they will see us as foolish. SPEAK, LORD. I NEED A RHEMA FROM YOU!

HEBREWS 10:38 Now the just shall live by faith; but if anyone draws back, My soul has no pleasure in him.

Habakkuk 2:4c But the just shall live by his faith.

Dan gave me: Psalm 23:3b He leads me in the paths of righteous for HIS NAMESAKE.

It is for Jesus’ namesake that I go this way—hallelujah!

Tynale Commentary on the Bible on Psalm 23:3: The righteous one (whether an individual or a group) who belongs to God and whose trust continues in God and His promises SHALL LIVE, i.e., shall survive the present trial and receive His eternal reward. If, however, he DRAWS BACK THROUGH fear, God shall have no pleasure in him.

Dan also gave me: Psalm 128:1-4 Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways….Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.

Our sons were 4, 3, and 1 when I had the positive pregnancy test! And, yes, people’s mouths fell open as the word got around that baby #4 was due in June.

As I re-read this post of my journal entries, I sound a little like a kook! But Dan and I have walked by faith our entire experience with Jesus. We have wanted to hear from Him and we have wanted to please Him by obeying Him. If others did not understand us, it was hard to bear sometimes, but it was okay. He always made sure we had at least one or two people who got it –because they lived that way also, or because they wished they could live in that kind of faith and they admired us for doing it. As the years have passed, we have matured, and we still walk by faith, seeking Him, listening and waiting for His word.

113- Praying, Surrendering, Hearing from God

113- Praying, Surrendering, Hearing from God

August 16, 1983

Surrendering to You, Lord, I release our house, our living in Reno, our church and friends, our close-by relatives (Dan’s) and our far-away relatives (mine).

I open myself up— 

*to prosperity

*to deeper teaching of the Word

*to geographical move

*to a closer walk with You

*to being the wife of a student

*to embracing Dan’s furthering his education

 September 2

I am claiming this:

Isaiah 32:18 My people will dwell in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.

September 6

I MUST keep full of the Word – or else I am not secure about Jesus being all I need and worthy of worship and service.

September 8

I am realizing that I am very fearful and anxious about the unknown…the next step…

moving… where?… we sent letters to four Bible schools.

I need grace for this Jesus.

Philippians 3:8 I count all things loss …and count them as rubbish that I may gain Christ.

September 14

John 10:11 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.

Realizing that I am to shepherd my boys and give my life for them—really, lay down my life daily on their behalf, that THEY might be raised to fear God. I do choose that.

Having lately chosen intercession over friendships has been wonderful, and turning to praying over socializing. I hope I will be able to continue. On Saturday at the KNIS picnic such a work of the Spirit had happened in me that I SAW gossip, I SAW the “traps” and stayed clear.

104- A Foot Washing

104- A Foot Washing

For several weeks the boys and I had been attending a women’s Bible study with other ladies and their children in our church. The older women arranged it so that babysitting was provided and the moms could have a break to get together around the Bible.

June 24, 1983

We washed each other’s feet at Carla’s Homemaking Bible Study. I washed Lynn’s. Diane washed mine.

Diane loves me. This always surprises me. She really thinks I am wonderful. Possibly the admiration I feel toward Jenny. It is humbling.

Kathy S called today and said that one of the things Diane had prayed for me was for a beautiful crown. Kathy said she had wanted to tell me a couple of weeks ago that she felt that’s what God had for me. (That week, I’m remembering, I had been bellyaching about finances and He was thinking about me wearing a beautiful crown!)

In my reading this morning:

James 1:12 Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

You amaze me, Lord. Thank You—this is written to all who love You. This helps me to want to not complain even more. I am getting a CROWN for the test so why would I bellyache when I could be choosing to walk in the Spirit, which is pleasing to God, to my husband, and to my children.

Romans 8:6-8 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God…But if the spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, WHICH HE DOES, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His spirit who dwells in you.

I choose life in the Spirit.

103- Cling to Christ – Part III

103- Cling to Christ – Part III

On June 17, 1983 – last week I groaned over my actions and wrote in my journal:

Galatians 4:19 My little children, for whom I labor in birth again until Christ is formed in you—

WOW! that’s it—I want to do this for my own little children—care carefully for them so that Christ will be formed in them!

Proverbs 17:27 He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.

What are my two biggest problems?

*too many words

*a negative, depressive, cast down spirit.

All of this says to me, you’ve got a rotten heart – the flesh nature – I sense the Lord saying:

“Don’t turn to men or put your trust in men in order to build yourself up, to get feedback, or to vent your frustrations!

Look to Me. You can get knowledge and understanding and have the self-control and the joyful spirit you so greatly desire. TRUST WHOLLY IN THE LORD!

Your friend [Jenny] sought Me out for three weeks and received! Let’s go.”

What a great and glorious miracle I am asking for! You met Jenny in her seeking, You will meet me.

Lead, my dear Spirit

90- My Frame of Mind

90- My Frame of Mind

November 5, 1982  

Our awesome little family!                         1982

Something is occurring to me about my frame of mind:

*there will always be kids’ issues to tackle and battle, straightening and picking up in the house, unfinished projects, dishes to do.

*there will always be times when Dan’s away, spaces between my parent’s visits, days without friends.

*I’ll always be pre, post, or having periods, or having a cold, sore throat or canchor sores or detergent burn, needing a haircut; underweight, overweight, having a tooth problem, broken fingernails.

*there will always be people more organized, more stylish, with better kids, or worse, neater houses and cars, greater spiritual gifts and fantastic hobbies.

*our house will always be in stages of getting finished, we will always have free/used furniture, and I will always be dealing with mud.

*I’ll always have hand-me-downs, only a couple of shoes.

*etc., etc.

So why not realize the vanity of wishing things could be different and of being discouraged. My family pattern is not like when I was living at home. So what??? Where would I rather be? There is no contest: I am GLAD I am right here!

So BE JOYFUL IN CHRIST!

Savor the things of God.

Seek pleasing Him.

84- Reflections on My Month of Teaching at the Christian School

84- Reflections On My Month of Teaching at the Christian School

October 1, 1982

My last day of teaching at Sierra Christian School.

I am so relieved. The students and the staff are such a wonderful group. I pray they get a top-notch replacement for me. I learned so much about so much!

  1. Go to God, not to friends, for decision making. I believe there is wisdom in counsel so I took Karen’s, John’s, and my mom’s, “Pro”-counsel. I did not hear any “Anti”-counsel. And I did NOT earnestly seek God. I let me, and Dan let me, flow into it. Glad my husband is open-handed with me and not controlling.
  2. I gained self worth. Getting dressed up every day, being able to get out, feel important and needed, praying with the adult staff daily, being loved and accepted by them, fairly adequately teaching an unfamiliar subject, being accepted by the students, and learning that I like those age groups.
  3. I appreciate being able to CHOOSE motherhood. I saw that I can expect more out of Timmy and Stephen as far as playing independently.
  4. I saw me during that time being a witch often at home—ug! May I cope by the Spirit and not by the flesh, O Lord.
  5. I choose to have devotional time—rather than to go out of my home and be distracted by a job. Devotions can happen during the boys’ nap time. O Lord, grant that I may use this time wisely and to Your glory. I long to pray and be in the Word and in fellowship with You. I would rather pray for the students than try to teach them about telescopes and stars.

Thank You, Lord, for the experience, the lessons, the new relationships. I LOVE YOU.

82- Look Up!

82- Look Up!

August 18, 1982

Colossians 3:2-3 Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ with God.

On the road of life I am to be looking up to Jesus and keeping my faith in Him for all things!

AND YET, part of me argues:

because all the things on earth that I’m not supposed to be looking at are continually vying for my attention!

*bare cement floors

*only 2 doors (our bedroom and one bathroom)

*no window coverings in living room and guest room

*weedy yard (though not like our neighbors’ yards)

*no snow tires on vehicles, but decent regular tires

*Dan: working only part-time, sick with chest cold

*me: allergies, pooped, hair growing and growing, no money for haircut or blood panel or vitamins

I could go on, but it seems ridiculous to list the things I’m not supposed to be putting my mind on!

These last few days have been difficult. They remind me how much grace comes from reading the Word and humbly asking for it.

August 19

Two negative attitudes are having a great effect of me:

1– that God will not supply our needs for window coverings (there are 32 windows in this house), and floor coverings—therefore we will be cold this winter, get sick, maybe even die.

God speaks:

1 Timothy 6:6-8 But godliness with contentment is great gain; for we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. AND HAVING FOOD AND RAIMENT LET US BE THEREWITH CONTENT.

2being inside day in and day out, at home, is making me nervous. Taking the three boys out to visit and shopping makes me nervous.

God speaks:

Colossians 3:12 Put on, therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering, forebearing, forgiving…

v 14 and above all put on love which is the bond of perfectness

v 15 and let the peace of God rule in your hearts to which also ye are called in one body; and be thankful.

v 16 Let the Word dwell richly in you.

September 2

Yesterday morning we prayed about money situation—bills due, vitamins needed, account overdrawn. In the mail came $50. And Dan has a job today that will bring money in.

September 6 Yesterday we received a check from Dan’s dad because he cashed in his life insurance policy –$5,140. PRAISE GOD. More than we expected! Humbled and grateful.

38- Appealing to the Father

38- Appealing to the Father

January 2, 1979  Since I went to the doctor two weeks ago, I have been counting contractions daily because he said six means trouble. Oh how anxious and fearful I have become. Rejoice always, be anxious for nothing, pray with thanksgiving, AND HIS PEACE WILL KEEP YOU. Philippians 4:4-7 (paraphrased)

Later: I am overcome! Slipped into the pit. Where does responsibility get practical for our baby? Do we become parents now and go home to prepare a place? Or do we continue in our role as Bible students and trust God for preparing a place? Also I am frustrated and so bored with the food. And there is more…it all makes me double-minded and easily tossed about. Continue reading “38- Appealing to the Father”

32- Stay Home and Be Safe or Forge Ahead

32- Stay Home and Be Safe or Forge Ahead

After a short and sweet honeymoon in Santa Barbara, and time with my family, we returned to the little brick house in Reno. We continued attending our church, and Dottie organized a wonderful wedding reception for us in a park. Dan worked at his construction job, and we prepared for our adventure. After a few weeks, I began to feel symptoms of pregnancy! When I went to see my MD, he calculated that I had become pregnant on the third day of the honeymoon. We were ecstatic. We had given our family planning to the Lord, and His grace flowed to us to celebrate.

My mother, Grayce, felt we should change our plans and not go overseas. She was concerned that since I was 33, I might have a high-risk pregnancy and might not be able to find a doctor I could communicate with. Being a worrier myself, I took her seriously. Continue reading “32- Stay Home and Be Safe or Forge Ahead”