137- I Am Called to Mothering

137- I Am Called to Mothering

December 27, 1984

Father I know You have more of me now. Something really happened in my will and in my heart–since my encounter with You last week.

Christmas morning I took Mary Lynn to work at 6:30am—in fact, I just realized I have awakened at 5am each day since my revelation of materialism and covetousness. Thank You, Father. And thank You that we did not move to NY. The support of friends has been vital at this time.

It is in my heart to want to spend more time with the boys– listening, sharing, reading, playing. I want each to feel special and loved.

December 28

1 Cor 1:26 For consider your calling, brethren…

              28 …God has chosen the things that are not, that He might nullify the things that are…

             29 so that no man may boast before God…

             30 But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption,

              31 so that just as it is written, “LET HIM WHO BOASTS, BOAST IN THE LORD.

This is such a wonderful revelation to me:

     I am called to mothering. This has baffled me. Before we were married we put the subject of children in Your hands, completely relying on Your will to be done. 

    When I was released from public school teaching and then the Christian school teaching job did not work out that fall, I realized I was very relieved. The car hop and cashier jobs caused me to feel you were directing me away from kids’ work.

But God chose something that WAS NOT so that I could NOT BOAST before Him. I was not yearning to be a mom, I was yearning to do Your will. So You could give the calling to raise children back to me as Your gift.

This fills me with excitement in my Spirit from my head to my toes. Not only does this say to me that the results are Yours, but the responsibility is Yours, too. It is ‘by His doing.’

I was impure, foolish, unholy, lost. Jesus Christ became my wisdom, righteousness, my sanctification, my redemption. BY HIS DOING  I am in Christ Jesus. I am so grateful.

136- A Humbling Christmastime Revelation, part 2

136- A Humbling Christmastime Revelation, part 2

December 22, 1984–continued

The realization came to me that Jesus is a King who stepped down from glory for a time and went back to glory. He spent a few short years on earth despised among men because He hung around with the street people and the bag ladies, the lepers and the sick and the maimed. BUT HE STILL WAS A KING. HE STILL OWNED EVERYTHING AND WAS RICH AND POWERFUL. He left robes and crowns and riches. And He went back to them. He likes power too.

And I AM SEATED WITH HIM IN THE HEAVENLIES. He became flesh and dwelt among us so we could go back to be with Him forever.

So can’t I accept His call for me in this life? It’s temporary, my place in heaven is certain. I’m serving a king who wore a disguise so that I and everyone could identify with Him. I did identify with Him at salvation and for a few years, but then I wanted my heritage back and not His.

He’s the King of all kings.

He’s Lord of all.

He’s the Prince of Peace.

And He will live in me as much as I will let Him.

My heart has been cleaned up, Lord Jesus. I see You more clearly. I love You. I have been a hypocrite and I am a hypocrite to change camps now because I see Your riches. But that’s okay.

THY WILL BE DONE TODAY AND THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON. My King.

Ephesians 1:7-19 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.

134- Back in Step, but Wrestling with Moods

134- Back in Step,

but Wrestling with Moods

December 18, 1984, continued

I was back into my almost-daily time with the Lord, pouring out my heart, talking to Him about everything, and going to the Bible for relevant verses to encourage myself in the truth.

Lord, looking back over the last two weeks:

DISTRESSED: feeling generally nervous and irritable–partly because Mark and the baby had bad colds and that kept us home bound for a solid week (and friends away!); I broke my tooth on a corn nut; I had canker sores plus an added virus on my tongue and in my throat; grieving over an angry outburst; Christmas pressures, including comparing ours with our friends’ plans; back to worrying about birth control.

BLESSED: because I received compassion and prayer from my support group: Jackie, Susie, Jan. And super blessed because Dan has been totally non-condemning, accepting, loving, kind, understanding of my moodiness.

ENCOURAGED: at the men’s prayer breakfast that Dan goes to at church every Wednesday morning there was a word from the Lord for the married men from the single guy about loving their wives.

Dan and I are becoming more real-life humans. I’ve backed off from complaining about him being gone so much, realizing we need money to live! The job he has at the church as foreman of the building project requires extremely long hours (50-70 hours a week).

 

REALIZATIONS:

*God will comfort, I need to come to Him.

*Got is cleansing me, refining me.

*There is HOPE in Christ ALWAYS.

*I am really loved– by God, my husband, and my friends.

Ephesians 5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us…

        8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of the light…trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.

        15 be careful how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,

        18 be filled with the Spirit,

        19 singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;

        20 always giving thanks for all things…

        22 wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord

Father, I see impurity in me from a greedy, competitive, covetous heart. CLEANSE ME. I accept Christ’s work on the cross. The better alternative is imitating God, being a reflection of Him.

Thank You that I can come to the Word and receive the truth from Your perspective–wiser than the world, full of power and direction.

133- Firmly Established Hope

133- Firmly Established Hope

December 18, 1984

The phone just rang—it was Michele with a compassionate heart. Yesterday when I asked Dan about counseling with someone he suggested Carla, but now I’m thinking Michele.

Received a letter from Bruce, in Florida.

Both Michele and Bruce said the same thing: stand on the Word.

Luke 21:33 Heaven and earth will pass away, but MY WORDS will not pass away.

I can depend on God’s word.

1 Corinthians 1:7 and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings you are also sharers of our comfort.

There is HOPE. It is firmly established hope. We have sufferings as Christians, but we also have much comfort: 

1-in Christ  2 Cor 9:8 And God is able to make all grace about to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed

2-in the Holy Spirit – John 14:16 I will pray the Father, and He shall give you another Comforter, that He may abide with you forever.

3in the Father of all mercies, the God of all comfort – Corinthians 1:3  Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort.

I still feel my burdens are far beyond my ability to cope right now.

2 Corinthians 1:8-9 For we…were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead.

There is a reason for these sufferings which are putting our own resources to death. It is so we will not trust in ourselves but in God.

2 Corinthians 1:10 who (God) delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, HE ON WHOM WE HAVE SET OUR HOPE. AND HE WILL YET DELIVER US.

I really was in despair. I was clinging to God the best I knew how, but I was very depressed. At some point during these months that we lived at the Grandview place, I loaded the boys into the car and drove up to the church property and told Dan that I felt completely hopeless and could only see blackness. He said, “It’s the devil. Don’t listen to his lies.” He prayed a quick prayer for me and something awful broke off of me. It had been sucking me into darkness and hopelessness. Jesus said: And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32    Praise God, I was free. 

131- Endure it? Or–Face It and Smash It!

131- Endure It?

Or – Face It and Smash It!

December 12, 1984

2 Corinthians 1:8 we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength…

This is how I feel. Barely able to go on. Everything has overwhelmed me. I am confused and of course guilty-feeling that as a ten year old Christian I cannot cope with my daily life. Bought vitamins today—they will take a few days to take effect. Exercise, very good nutrition, and an acceptance of my condition. I need discipline that I do not of myself possess to keep eating right and walking daily. I am putting my trust in You, Jesus.

*Awesome verse from Susie this morning: Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, and He knows those who trust Him.

December 14

1 Peter 4:6-7 Humble yourselves therefore, under the mighty hand of God that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all our anxiety on Him for He cares for you.

December 15

*from a fortune cookie at Pastor’s ministry dinner last night:

Psalm 37:11 The meek shall inherit the earth and shall delight …in the abundance of peace.

*from the calendar for Friday:

Isaiah 29:19 The meek also shall increase their joy in the Lord, and the poor among men shall rejoice in the Holy One of Israel.

*meek meaning humble

Several days ago I felt drawn to Exodus 34 regarding Moses before the Lord on behalf of the children of Israel. I put verses 5-16 up by the sink. As I was reading it, doing the dishes, it occurred to me that the troubles I’ve been having could be in order to drive out the ‘ites’ in me. He says make no covenants. I wonder if saying I have PMS is binding me to it, when I could smash it!

Also, my jaw was aching awfully; sang and prayed the boys’ prayers at bedtime. I was really relieved.

Jenny is troubled very similarly, hormonally. She said it’s spiritual, don’t look for an out. Face God with it. [Although a few months later she went to a PMS clinic in California and received vitamins and hormone therapy.]

126- Following God’s Trail – #8

126- Following God’s Trail – #8

June 1 –Although we sold our house for $8,000 less than the appraisal, bought a car we cannot afford, have not gotten the obstetrician I wanted, the peace of God is totally meeting me. It’s wonderful. We’re in a dimension of faith that is far beyond us. We have over-extended ourselves in faith. We are in His grace. Yet, I can’t think too hard about the new car. It’s done. Dan agrees. We have to rest and trust Him.

A few hours later, Reno Dodge called for us to return the car!! It had already been sold to another man who was irate when he came to pick it up and it wasn’t there. OH NO! But what a relief! Dan said when he prayed last night, wondering if we’d done the right thing, he’d felt God had said, “There’s a way out.”

This was amazing. We learned some valuable lessons without a tragic mistake. The air cleared and we could see that the car was not big enough and not gutsy enough. Praise Jesus—You saved us once again!

June 2 –packed boxes, called mom about selling the house and told her the car story.

June 3 –people in my Bible study are praying about my doctor’s stand-in ob/gyn and the house sale and the car!

The reason having baby number 4 early was so important to me is that my babies increased in size: #1 almost 8 lbs, #2 almost 9 lbs, #3 was 10 pounds. I wanted #4 to be more in the 8-9 pound range. My lady friends were taking up my cause and praying for the doctor to say okay to an early delivery!

Dan did a devotional at the church property, excellent! Praise God.

June 4 – worried about taking a newborn baby across the country in July. All the boys will have just had their birthdays: Tim 5, Steve 4, Mark 2.  Did not get into the Word today—it shows.

Dan did finances—bummed out. “God, if You want us to go to NY we will need to raise support here and I will have to work there.”

Met the on-call doctor since mine will be out of town at the time of the birth – professional, caring, compassionate. He will deliver ten days early.

HH at Elders’ meeting told Dan to “go home and ask God if you made a mistake on house sale.” (taking such a loss). He thinks God is able to deliver us from a bad decision, like He delivered us from the bad decision on the car! We do feel we were hasty, so we are before the Lord.

June 5 – I fell down out by rabbit cage two times! The second time it felt like I was PUSHED! Shaken and very worried about my baby. Called Karen to pray. Dan prayed. Worried. Called doctor. No spotting. Rested.

June 7 – Bob & Berta came by wanting advice—they are pursuing YWAM. They prayed about everything with us and we prayed for them!

June 9—signed escrow papers.

June 10 – Woke up before 5 and began thinking. BAD. Got uptight. Finally went to the Word. I felt very clearly led to psalms and felt that Ps 71:6 will be our baby’s testimony: By You I have been sustained from my birth; You are He who took me from my mother’s womb; my praise is continually of You.

June 11 –When I got up at 5:30am my Bible was opened to our guest speaker’s text yesterday at church: Isaiah 35:6b-7a For waters shall burst forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert. The parched ground shall become a pool, and the thirsty land springs of water. Speaker said revival is coming to this valley very soon.

What am I to do with this Lord? You know our lives are before You. We would change our plans if we thought You wanted us to stay here more than going to NY. Speak, Lord, Your servant is listening.

Dan and I prayed both morning and evening – long prayers.

123- Following God’s Trail – #5

123- Following God’s Trail – #5

March 1, 1984- More encouragements from my friends!

*Carla called. I was dumbfounded. After I spoke what I felt the Lord had given me for her I felt released in the Spirit– I felt the flow of God through me. The amazing thing was that I had something from the Lord to say to her and SHE called me! [I didn’t record what it was, but noted that: I was obedient and not a ‘people pleaser.’]

*Deb called and gave me: Luke 10:19 Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

She saw Dan looking up and the Holy Spirit looking down. While we were praying she saw a vision of Dan and I wearing crowns of thorns going through a time of hardship, yet ahead of us there was a road paved with gold.

Also, I felt this was from the Lord, and I was very encouraged:

A Christian music group came to church and the organist was a lady from Japan named Mitchiko. I was flooded with emotion for (Yoshimi’s wife) Mitchiko who we stayed with in Japan.

March 7 –Spent the boys’ nap time praying again about this whole thing. God will either have to work some miracles, fine—or get us on the road in April. I cannot see me traveling 3,000 miles in a car or even on an airplane after the baby is born. I was praying and seeking and weeping, KNOWING I WANT HIS WILL, KNOWING HE GENTLY LEADS THOSE WITH YOUNG. I have 3 young and will have 4. I said, “Where are You in this, Jesus?”

The scripture came to mind: John 15:16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.

I am going to go on this scripture and ask Him to be faithful to it and expect Him to be faithful to it and thank Him in advance for being faithful to it. No other hint of doing this has come to me from anywhere–so I think the Spirit breathed it to me. Dan’s heart will have to be changed again. Many things will have to fall into place. All I have to go on is this moment and this scripture.

March 8 –Relinquishment of the whole thing, everything. Great tears and then peace came. God met me.

Dan said Danny & Lynn have two parties interested in their house.

March 9 –I mentioned to Dan living in Cosart’s basement after we sell our house and until we are heading for NY. There would be no power or phone hook-up costs, for one thing. It’s been in my mind as a possibility for a couple of weeks, since we went there for dinner.

Jackie S reminded me how immediately good I felt after Mark was born. I’ve had much faster recuperation each time, and a much better attitude. Praise the Lord. I am sure this good attitude and physical energy was because of the increase of prayer and support from church friends that we had at this time in our lives. There is no substitute for the fellowship and support of the body of Christ.

March 13 – D&Lynn decided not to buy our house! It’s okay.

March 15 –Mark’s birthday. We were able to make our $1,131,26 interest payment. Praise God.

March 18 –Dan said he does feel anxious to find a buyer and get on with those things that are ahead, especially his trip to NY to visit the school and a trip for us all to visit my folks.

March 23 – We decided to tithe by faith; Dan paid two very important bills and we had no money for food till Wed or Thurs. Then Dan found $69 in the business account! Money for gas, stamps, oil for car, and food! We know Jesus knew when we’d need that money!

March 28 –I have not been faithful at writing at all!

March 30Catsup and cornmeal and flour—gone. Thinking not to replace them since moving is imminent. Carol agreed. Only God knows and He’s not telling!!

119- Following God’s Trail – #1

119- Following God’s Trail – #1

Many times in our walks with God, Dan and I have followed a vision that we have believed we have received from the Lord. One of the first ones was Dan hearing from the Lord that I could be his wife. I have chronicled our experience in blogs 24-31.

Dan’s goal was to get more Biblical training before we embarked on our missionary venture to Japan. That goal was formulated from our experiences when we visited Japan and Dan had the realization that we were not prepared to do the spiritual warfare that would be required to live there.

It also came from watching Peace Child, Don Richard’s missionary story. Dan was very impacted by ….

I have also mentioned the Lord’s word through our friend, Paul (blog 116), to send our application to Elim and begin the process of admission.

In my 1984 journaling, I was using a 3-ring binder. I kept a separate section which I called THE CHAIN OF EVENTS LEADING TO OUR DEPARTURE. The next ten blogs chronicle how God was speaking to us in our devotions, in the circumstances, through friends, through the prophetic word. We were sure that God was clearly directing our steps and that within a month or two we would be on our way to New York.

Spoiler: We suffered a huge disappointment in that we did not make the trip that winter, or spring, OR SUMMER as we had expected but God had us delay TWO MORE YEARS! Of course we saw the wisdom in the delay in hindsight.

Yet the 6-month faith journey became and adventure in following the Holy Spirit’s leading. His ways are mysterious. He wanted us to learn more about hearing His voice, trusting Him, and especially learning to work with the Body of believers. We were both very independent and self-sufficient, but those aren’t character traits He admires. He needed to humble us, because there is till the day we die, always pride that creeps in and needs to be acknowledged and repented of. Who knows what else He had in His mind. Obedience to Jesus is always worth it even if it does not bring what we had envisioned, and even if we seem to be taking a twisting country road rather than the freeway.

January 8, 1984 –Dan gave reference letter forms to two of the church elders.

Jan 9 –From Dan’s notes I typed his application to Elim Bible Institute, Lima, New York. And we sent it off.

Jan 12 — Believing the Bible School had missionaries in Japan, we sent a letter to Elim Fellowship, the missionary sending agency associated with the Bible school, requesting a missionary appointment from them and housing in Japan. (We learned later that it was a rather audacious request.)

Jan 13 – Our very good friends, Danny & Lynn, wanted to buy our solar house. We looked at the paperwork and discussed the sale.

Jan 15 – Dan gave Danny money to begin the loan process.

Jan 16 – In my devotions: John 4:5 The woman of Samaria could bring others to Christ because of her experience with Him firsthand.  Then, Pastor said yesterday, “We need to experience Jesus.” Yes! Jesus lifted all of my relocation cares off of me as I came to Him with crying during worship and received prayer and counsel from Dan.

2 Chronicles 16:9 For the eyes of the Lord roam to and fro throughout the earth, that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. Georgann, give God your heart again.

Bruce Mc told Dan my heart must be with missions and be in the vision, too, or it won’t work. Dan was asked by Pastor Dave to be an elder for the second time. He said there had been a unanimous vote by current elders. Dan prayed and later said yes.

Jan  17 – Dan went to the Pastoral Meeting at church and HH, one of the elders, counseled Dan NOT to sell everything and give the money away, as had been our plan. Surprisingly, we both had peace about that.

118- Mary Did Not Have a Nursery

118- Mary Did Not

Have a Nursery

December 7, 1983

Worried about traveling to Bible School to start the fall semester while I am pregnant–but then a revelation: Mary did not have a nursery to bring her Son home to. I can do this!

Mary and Joseph probably traveled from Nazareth to Bethlehem during her third trimester of pregnancy, walking or perhaps riding on a donkey. The road is 90 miles of uphill and downhill terrain.  Because of Mary’s condition she and Joseph would probably have only progressed about 10 miles a day. The temperature in that part of the country in winter might have been freezing at night, with rain. There would have been danger from bandits, lions, bears and wild boars.

(facts taken from an article in the LA Times, December 23, 1995)

This young woman knew something of hardship.

And when her Son came forth she did not have a nursery for Him. Or soft fuzzy blankets or gift cards or disposable diapers. I wonder how they managed.

December 30 Friday

May I have any encouragement or instruction pertinent to this baby I am carrying.

(Answered on Monday)

January 2, 1984 Monday

I had been spotting and was worried about my baby.

Three of my friends came by saying to me:

*take the spotting as a warning to not get caught up in the busyness of those around you

*your home is your ministry

*you are raising a mighty army for Me

*what you are doing does not look like much now, but every bit is counting toward the building up of these men of God

*you are not forsaken

*your work is very important

*rejoice and be glad…rejoice!

*be sensitive to Dan, learn to listen to his heart. He doesn’t always speak, so become sensitive to listening to his heart.

*this house is to be filled with praises

*do not meditate on your life, your mistakes, who you are, your brokenness, but on how I broke my Son for you! What is coming out of this family is what I am doing.

1 Peter 5:2-3 Shepherd the flock of God which is among you…not by compulsion but willingly…being examples to the flock.

Lord, I know in my spirit that Your will is perfect. I feel backed into a corner—pregnant, winter, no money, unreliable car. I know I will not regret Your will. You will have to help me immediately and constantly.

I’m wondering if I was rejoicing as I had been exhorted, or keeping my eyes on the circumstances and languishing in self pity, as I was prone to do.

117- Dan Loves Me and Jesus Loves Me

117- Dan Loves Me, and Jesus Loves Me

December 1, 1983

Dan loves me. I believe him.

December 8

The Homemaking Bible Study today ended up being a very painful experience. Dan prayed for me. Perhaps the Lord will give me feedback. I praise God for His continual unfailing love.

December 9

I need a revelation about my personality. There is something I think God is trying to get across. Dan says I am alright.

December 10

I am trying to justify being snarky, moody, and sour. The scripture gives me no support whatsoever.

Psalm 34:13 Keep your tongue from evil

                   14 Seek peace and pursue it

Proverbs 12:15 There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.

December 18

Dan confessed our relationship is not what it should be. That he has been working hard at other things and has been taking me for granted. Praise the Lord.

January 19, 1984

3am A dream woke me up. It was about a former relationship and was upsetting. I got up to tend the fire and make sure the boys were covered and I felt I should stay up and settle some things with God.

When I said to God: “Dan is just a man. How long can he love me?”

God said: “As long as I can love you!”

Dan belongs to God, the relationship is divinely ordained and divinely sustained. (we have always known that God brought us together) I got assurance that I need have NO FEAR of God’s or Dan’s love running out the more they get to know me. We both will keep putting wrongs at the foot of the cross. Jesus will give us ongoing love for Himself and one another.