294 – Fasting for Answers–Got No Answers

294 – Fasting for Answers– Got No Answers

 

May, 1988

On Day 14 we ended the fast. I journaled our daily experience. We kept our life going normally, except I took shorter, slower walks. Our energy level roller coastered, so on day 8 we began taking one teaspoon of Barley Green in water. It took care of my leg cramps and I experienced increased stamina.

I noted on Day 11:  Very tired. Slept 9:15pm until 5:30am. No walk, prayed with Dan instead. Possibly will go on diluted juice 3x a day. Dan is. I will pray. At noon, diluted apple juice gave me strength for another busy day. We had Tim’s birthday party. I had no more weakness after the juice. My face looks thin and sort of old and haggard in the mirror. Dan almost blacked out in the afternoon. It scared him. His job at Southco is very strenuous and demanding. If he stops his fast, I will. It has been wonderful doing this together.

Dan recalls: Like a lot of fasts the fruit of that time of close communion with God was not quantifiable. It was a time to seek God without distraction. We had an extraordinarily open-line to God while we were in the fast and for some time after. We did not get a download of the blueprint of what to do next. We ended it with as many questions as we had when we began it, and we had done it in order to answer those questions. But I think it answered questions we didn’t ask. God assured us of His favor, and His partnership, and His covering. We do not go alone. Faith is substance. Jesus is alive, and making Him known is paramount. I had no qualms about ending it before the target of 21 days, no condemnation, no failure, no incomplete. We did what we did, and it was a great experience. I remember we ended it because I was looking at a piece of land with a client who wanted some plans drawn, and I had squatted down to look at something. When I stood up, I went blind for about 5 seconds, no vision. I figured I was pushing it far enough.

During those two weeks I increased my babysitting days (at Jodie’s request), Dan’s Aunt Yvonne came on Amtrak for a five day visit, I taught Sunday School, Dan began his Vacation Bible School project of building Noah’s ark, we had people over for dinner twice, I took the kids on a homeschool field trip to the science museum in Rochester–getting back in time to babysit the after-school bunch. I made friends with the local ‘notorious’ devil worshiper’s mom in the Laundromat. [The teen died last week in a tragic accident.] We had friendly fellowship and with my other Laundromat friend, Barbara, we agreed to meet next week.

Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15

293 – No Waffles Today

293 – No Waffles Today

April 24, 1988

I felt like I heard the word ‘fast’ as I was coming down the stairs to breakfast. I tried hurriedly to eat a waffle. Every bite got ‘stuck’ in my throat, and then it was hard to swallow! I gave in and hurried upstairs to lay on the bed to rest and to listen.

I spoke to Dan, sensing that I felt the Lord was saying to do an extended fasting and prayer season in order to hear what He had to say about the next few years in our preparation to go to Japan.  A friend had given me a book, Your Appointment With God, by Gwen Shaw. I began reading it and began to have a great desire to fast and to get closer to My Father, to be able to love the unlovely, and to be set free of the bands of wickedness, to be free of the burdensome yoke on me. I was not experiencing any anxiety about fasting, which was further confirmation that this was of the Spirit and not of the flesh.

Dan was VERY interested.

I wanted to stay home from church and continue reading the book and pray. But instead I asked God to speak more to me at church.

We were now attending a church in our village, Livonia Community, that was up the street and that we walked to on non-icy Sundays.

Pastor Davis spoke on spiritual warfare and took us to Daniel 10:11-12. Of course, the idea of a Daniel fast came to my mind which confirmed my desire to fast 21 days. Praise God.

Dan was in full agreement and we prayed. I whizzed up some vegetables and we had some soup and this became the first day of our fast.

Is this not the fast that I have chosen: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke? Is it no to share your bread with the hungry, and that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out…. Isaiah 58:6-7a

Then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then shall you call, and the Lord will answer; You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ Isaiah 58: 8-9

That was what we wanted: every yoke broken…and ANSWERS to our cries.

289 -I Will Live for Your Approval

289 – I Will Live for Your Approval

January 18, 1988

There is a sensation of Your presence as I move in praise and joy.

The victory for this wonderful day was purchased by my Savior’s blood 2000 years ago. I praise and thank You, Jesus, for a day full of JOY in spite of often-adverse circumstances and other people’s often adverse attitudes.

Today is the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr. Tim was home from school. Mark was sick. Late afternoon I was able to get them to Elim to the nurse. They both have strep.

The JOY lifted me, caressed me, filled me, encouraged me, strengthened me.  JOY joyJOY joyjoy

Dan is getting tracts from R. Libby. He has led 400 people to the Lord at Kodak (where Wayne works). His wife is an intercessor. Jesus is the power.

I keep thinking of another baby.

joy joyjoyjoy  joy joy   joy joy  joy JOY joy joyJOY JOY

I believe You, Jesus, for more of it ….. joy joyjoyjoy

January 20

John 12:  27-19 When the Father spoke from heaven to Jesus, some heard thunder, some confessed an angel had spoken.

Let me hear the words You speak, Father.

            42-43 Some did not confess Him because they loved the approval and praise of men rather than the approval of God.

Let me be one who confesses You before men, my Lord, and wins Your approval.

285 – Jesus is the Only Way to God

285 – Jesus is the

Only Way to God

December 22, 1987

Mom called. She said Uncle Phil was depressed by Connie’s and my notes to him. [Connie were both very concerned that he was near death and did not know Jesus.] Mom said that he is a very religious man and to challenge his faith was not right. “We all have our own beliefs and we are all sure we’re going to heaven.”

She said she and daddy were offended by all the times I say, God loves you. “We know God loves us!”

Well, I was greatly under attack, wavering, and was greatly shaken. I prayed and cried a little. Then the mail came. Eric and Susie had sent $100.

“We were at the Pastor’s Conference and an offering was taken for a missionary’s work in Japan. Eric said he wanted to give their offering TO US for OUR work in Japan!”

What a vote of confidence from our good friends! What a statement from the Lord! I was so BLESSED! I AM on target. JESUS IS THE WAY! JESUS IS THE ONLY WAY! I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN!! We also received $153 from our Reno church friends, and $20 from Eva. 

I was up at 2am and could not go back to sleep. Worried. Prayed. I feel their denying Christ as the ‘only way’ will come to a head for them. I pray Phil understands he needs to surrender his life to Jesus.

Aunt Ginger and Uncle Phil wrote a nice letter in which they told me they will not convert from their own beliefs.

Now Phil is in the hospital with a foot nearing amputation, the circulation is so bad. Will all of this come to a head? Only God knows.

Jesus said to him, “I am the , the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” John 14:6

284 – Two Dreams and a Prayer

284 – Two Dreams

and a Prayer

December 13, 1987

Very vivid dream of four newborns, all dressed in blue, brown-skinned, sleeping on funny shelves.

I nursed two of them.

I remember one had smooth straight hair, one very curly hair.

I felt they were MINE and I was VERY happy about it.

December 14, 1987

Dreamed of a newborn.

Wonderful positive feelings associated.

LORD, IS THIS YOU? Are You speaking to me about a plan You have for us to have more children? 

 

These dreams were the beginning of me getting excited about ‘following a vision.’ The dreams were so real and impactful to me. The feelings that came with them were so positive. I was surprised my heart was so open to having more children in my life. I sought the Lord seriously to see if He would reveal a plan of His that He wanted me to discover. 

282 – God said, I Will Help You

282 – God said,

I Will Help You

December 7, 1987

Father! I’m not organized! They don’t mind me! The clutter is overwhelming me!

How can you help me? 

For my part: I will wake up at 4:30 to pray, read, walk, and plan. Please help me to go to bed early—9 or 9:30—and help me get up!

I closed my eyes and opened my Bible randomly hoping to land on a special word from my Lord– and got the concordance!

I opened it again and got the introduction to Daniel, which I had not read.

It’s about 4 boys!!!

“Their refusal to be seduced by the pagan world in which they live and the dangers that threaten them because of their faithfulness are the essence of the drama. Their deliverances from the fiery furnace and the lion’s den demonstrate the power and love of God….”

I believe by faith God is telling me:

You have a very important task of setting the course of these boys’ lives. The training of Shadrach, Meshach, Abed-Nego, and Daniel was careful, so that they had such INTEGRITY.

Let this inspire you and motivate you to good works daily, even moment-by-moment, with your four sons.

I will help you.

I love those who love Me, and those who seek Me diligently will find Me. Proverbs 8:17

281 – A Death and a Near Death

281– A Death

and a Near Death

Our friend from Reno, a single man, Jim, had come for a weekend visit in August. We had introduced him to Eva, a single lady on staff at the school. They had seemed to ‘click’ and had stayed in touch.

November 29, 1987

Yesterday Pastor Dave called to say that Jim died in Brazil on his mining trip. We are slowly getting over the shock and trying to get in touch with Eva. I sought the Lord and He gave me:

Let not your heart be troubled…. In My Father’s house are many mansions….I go and prepare a place for you. John 14: 2-3

As unsettling as sudden death is, Jim is safe with Jesus and I am not to worry. But grieving is good. We weep with those who weep. This was so jarring and upsetting and we will miss our friend so much. It seemed so wrong. To add to our sorrow, we found out later that there may have been foul play against him.

December 4

Mom called and Dad is in intensive care with a bleeding ulcer. He is in ICU and is so weak that visits must be kept short.

“I want to go home!”

But I cannot. Marsha, Connie, and Aunt Virgi are with Mom. I called Joan, Barb, Donna, Karen, Diane, Eva—to pray! Later Virgi told us the doctor said daddy had lost half of his blood. Praise God for modern medicine and blood transfusions.

Our God is the God of salvation; and to God the Lord belong escapes from death. Psalm 68:20

Why did one dear person die and one dear person live?

I have learned to put questions like this in a Mystery box. God will reveal the answers at some point in this life or in eternal life. I do not have to understand everything. For my sanity, my part is to trust Him without wavering. Every thing will become clear.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

279 – God’s Encouragements Abound

 279- God’s Encouragements Abound

October 27, 1987

Yesterday on my walk I had cried out—Lord, I make consistent effort yet my life is so unhappy during these days. I realized I have just been sliding along with the current, day in and day out, being busy, pedaling fast to keep up–but not expending any effort to grab hold of the Lord through gratitude or praise.

I MUST ENCOURAGE MYSELF IN THE LORD!

Today I kept on top of my attitude! IT WAS WONDERFUL!

After Tim went to school, I loaded up the three boys and we went to Steve’s tutoring at Tom and Carley’s. Then to the post office, then directly home so I could type a 15 page paper for Dan.

I kept being kind, loving, helpful, by God’s grace, and kept on top of impatience and kept it OUT of my heart. I kept submitting myself to the Lord.

I finished the paper at 4:40 just in time load all the boys in the car and drive to Elim and pick Dan up. I felt rested and joyful. Then Vivian offered to babysit so I could go back to Elim and go to class (Signs and Wonders) with Dan. Praise God!

When I went to the post office we had received a package from Jan with coloring books, sticker books, science things, and the children’s Pilgrim’s Progress!

We also received a package from my mom with Halloween party good, cute ‘spooky’ cards for the kids, and a letter from her.

Connie called, but I missed the call.

Karen called and said that Paul said that “Breakthrough is coming. School is an unbelievable strain on a man and his family but you’ll make it! and it’s worth it and your Elim experience is invaluable for you.”  Very ENCOURAGING words from the Lord. Thank You, Paul.

Therefore ENCOURAGE one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

But ENCOURAGE one another day after day, as long as it is still called “Today,” so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13

277 – New Faith Territory

277 – New Faith Territory

August 31, 1987

Talked to mom, and she encouraged me to let Timmy go have the experiences that will be offered to him in the public school. She related how difficult it was for her to let us go to school, to college, to leave home!! THAT HELPED!!

And I finally got to talk to Donna’s friend, Diane. She called me four times and finally reached me at 9:30 pm! She pursued!! I was impressed.

She faced this same trauma of letting her children ‘go’ last January. They left the Christian school and went to the public school. She has nothing negative to say about it. She said the principal is a born again Christian! She and her husband have even prayed with him! He only hires teachers with high moral standards. He has strong convictions. PRAISE THE LORD! She even said to pray about Stevie going to school also because the first grade teacher is a Christian man who is excellent with the kids. So we are praying.

God, you are setting me free by loving me, leading me gently. You are explaining, comforting, encouraging me. You are wonderful. WONDERFUL…

So, Timmy was released by Dan and I to go to public school. He loved it every day. Steve stayed home with us and we hired a woman to tutor him in reading, and he excelled. The Lord provided a prayer partner who was an Elim friend, Barb. She and I prayed passionately for our sons almost every day on the phone. They both came through unscathed.

O you of little faith, why did you doubt? Matthew 14:31

I doubted because my Lord was taking me into brand new territory!

(v 32 – sort of) And when Georgann got into the boat AND TRUSTED JESUS, the wind stopped!

God always meets me when I come to Him. I just have to stay connected for the journey of faith.

275 – Jesus Died, I Must Die

275 – Jesus Died, I Must Die

August 26 and 27 1987

Gramma Fern must have sent us a good amount of money. How to spend it was the topic of several of Dan’s and my conversations in my journals and many days of seeking the Lord’s will. We went back to seriously thinking about Christian school for Timmy—at least I did.

This confuses me, Lord, and I need to hear from You. It feels we are getting ‘tossed about’ over this!

Lord, You know the whole issue, but now Dan feels very strongly that Timmy should go to public school. I sort of stormed out of the house and headed out to the country roads. I took an hour and a half brisk walk and confessed all my pride and rebellion, pouring out my heart’s confusion and sadness.

All I could say at the end of praying and praising and seeking You was, “Lord, carry me through this.” I definitely cannot cope.

I was wanting someone to pray with about submission who could be neutral and non-judgmental and give me wisdom. Donna brought a friend she had not seen in years to our Bible study after she ran into her at her son’s soccer game. I almost opened it up, but I didn’t want a big discussion with everyone’s advice and people hearing our problems without Dan there. But this Diane had moved her kids from the Christian School to the public school! I felt in my spirit that she would have encouragement and wisdom to share.

Matthew 27:43 …He trusts in God, let Him deliver Him now if He takes pleasure in Him…

People were saying of Jesus–HA! Let God deliver this man from the cross! I feel this is happening to me—I cannot come down from the cross. There are mockings and insults all around me. I feel I let my children down because they did not do well on the SAT test. I feel foolish and misunderstood by the neighbors AND the homeschoolers.

Then it occurred to me by the Spirit that Jesus did get off the cross. And so will I.

He got off when He died!I will get off —–when I die to this!

When I can really totally say, “Thy will be done.”

And when I do not get emotionally involved in what ANYONE thinks, but only in what YOU think, Lord.