137- I Am Called to Mothering

137- I Am Called to Mothering

December 27, 1984

Father I know You have more of me now. Something really happened in my will and in my heart–since my encounter with You last week.

Christmas morning I took Mary Lynn to work at 6:30am—in fact, I just realized I have awakened at 5am each day since my revelation of materialism and covetousness. Thank You, Father. And thank You that we did not move to NY. The support of friends has been vital at this time.

It is in my heart to want to spend more time with the boys– listening, sharing, reading, playing. I want each to feel special and loved.

December 28

1 Cor 1:26 For consider your calling, brethren…

              28 …God has chosen the things that are not, that He might nullify the things that are…

             29 so that no man may boast before God…

             30 But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption,

              31 so that just as it is written, “LET HIM WHO BOASTS, BOAST IN THE LORD.

This is such a wonderful revelation to me:

     I am called to mothering. This has baffled me. Before we were married we put the subject of children in Your hands, completely relying on Your will to be done. 

    When I was released from public school teaching and then the Christian school teaching job did not work out that fall, I realized I was very relieved. The car hop and cashier jobs caused me to feel you were directing me away from kids’ work.

But God chose something that WAS NOT so that I could NOT BOAST before Him. I was not yearning to be a mom, I was yearning to do Your will. So You could give the calling to raise children back to me as Your gift.

This fills me with excitement in my Spirit from my head to my toes. Not only does this say to me that the results are Yours, but the responsibility is Yours, too. It is ‘by His doing.’

I was impure, foolish, unholy, lost. Jesus Christ became my wisdom, righteousness, my sanctification, my redemption. BY HIS DOING  I am in Christ Jesus. I am so grateful.

136- A Humbling Christmastime Revelation, part 2

136- A Humbling Christmastime Revelation, part 2

December 22, 1984–continued

The realization came to me that Jesus is a King who stepped down from glory for a time and went back to glory. He spent a few short years on earth despised among men because He hung around with the street people and the bag ladies, the lepers and the sick and the maimed. BUT HE STILL WAS A KING. HE STILL OWNED EVERYTHING AND WAS RICH AND POWERFUL. He left robes and crowns and riches. And He went back to them. He likes power too.

And I AM SEATED WITH HIM IN THE HEAVENLIES. He became flesh and dwelt among us so we could go back to be with Him forever.

So can’t I accept His call for me in this life? It’s temporary, my place in heaven is certain. I’m serving a king who wore a disguise so that I and everyone could identify with Him. I did identify with Him at salvation and for a few years, but then I wanted my heritage back and not His.

He’s the King of all kings.

He’s Lord of all.

He’s the Prince of Peace.

And He will live in me as much as I will let Him.

My heart has been cleaned up, Lord Jesus. I see You more clearly. I love You. I have been a hypocrite and I am a hypocrite to change camps now because I see Your riches. But that’s okay.

THY WILL BE DONE TODAY AND THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON. My King.

Ephesians 1:7-19 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.

135- A Humbling Christmastime Revelation

135- A Humbling Christmastime Revelation

Wrestling with myself when I read this entry, I decided to post it. The thoughts about Jesus were nothing I had ever thought of! I believe it was the devil trying to snare me into despising Him and into becoming anti-Christ. BUT, I went to the Word and I was saved from the world, my flesh, and the devil. I love God’s Word.

December 22, 1984

A most wonderful and humbling revelation has come to me as I have mused on this day and this season.

I have seen that the stubbornness I was holding onto to have MY way this Christmas resulted in an angry, bitter, ugly woman, dissatisfied with everything, and bitter over the lack of money needed to make Christmas be what I felt I deserved (based on the world’s glittering standards and my own family’s traditions). I have been at odds with my children, resentful of my husband (and yet amazed at his humility and servant attitude toward me in my confusion). Before my walk this am Dan told me to meditate on:

Psalm 127:3 NIV Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him, the fruit of the womb is a reward.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 NIV The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it.

James 1:17 NIV Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

I read the verses, talked to God, and worshiped by my will–despising the hardness of my heart, yet I was set on receiving a blessing from the Lord. 

I remembered the Christmas note paper I saw yesterday: 

LET EVERY HEART PREPARE HIM ROOM

As I prayed and walked and thought, I realized that materialism was so entrenched in my heart that there was NO room for Jesus. But I heard myself saying: that does not bother me because I never liked that humble man who moved among the sick and poor, in plain and probably dirty clothing, sitting with people I did not admire and who I do not sit among myself! I really didn’t want to let Him in, poor as He was. I want the ‘good life’ with a Chrysler van, an expensive home inside and out, many presents under the tree, a perfect hairdo, well-behaved kids, a successful husband.

But then I thought—the reason I’m thinking like that is because of the world and the flesh. The reason I am blinded by that and cannot see past it—the devil.

Then—if children are God’s heritage, I AM WRONG IN MY THINKING, because God’s Word is right and truth.

So I claimed His Word to be living and active, etc., and for it to work on my hard heart.

134- Back in Step, but Wrestling with Moods

134- Back in Step,

but Wrestling with Moods

December 18, 1984, continued

I was back into my almost-daily time with the Lord, pouring out my heart, talking to Him about everything, and going to the Bible for relevant verses to encourage myself in the truth.

Lord, looking back over the last two weeks:

DISTRESSED: feeling generally nervous and irritable–partly because Mark and the baby had bad colds and that kept us home bound for a solid week (and friends away!); I broke my tooth on a corn nut; I had canker sores plus an added virus on my tongue and in my throat; grieving over an angry outburst; Christmas pressures, including comparing ours with our friends’ plans; back to worrying about birth control.

BLESSED: because I received compassion and prayer from my support group: Jackie, Susie, Jan. And super blessed because Dan has been totally non-condemning, accepting, loving, kind, understanding of my moodiness.

ENCOURAGED: at the men’s prayer breakfast that Dan goes to at church every Wednesday morning there was a word from the Lord for the married men from the single guy about loving their wives.

Dan and I are becoming more real-life humans. I’ve backed off from complaining about him being gone so much, realizing we need money to live! The job he has at the church as foreman of the building project requires extremely long hours (50-70 hours a week).

 

REALIZATIONS:

*God will comfort, I need to come to Him.

*Got is cleansing me, refining me.

*There is HOPE in Christ ALWAYS.

*I am really loved– by God, my husband, and my friends.

Ephesians 5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us…

        8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of the light…trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.

        15 be careful how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,

        18 be filled with the Spirit,

        19 singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;

        20 always giving thanks for all things…

        22 wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord

Father, I see impurity in me from a greedy, competitive, covetous heart. CLEANSE ME. I accept Christ’s work on the cross. The better alternative is imitating God, being a reflection of Him.

Thank You that I can come to the Word and receive the truth from Your perspective–wiser than the world, full of power and direction.

130- I Accept Your Mercies

130- I Accept Your Mercies

December 11, 1984

2 Corinthians 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort-

*the Father of mercies – my Bible says: this is His job and His joy

*the God of all comfort – all means ALL – when I need it, He’s got it

v 4 who comforts us in all our affliction

*once again, all means all

*affliction refers to trouble and calamity

2 Timothy 3:16-17 All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.

The Bible is inspired by God for everything I need. 

 am God’s born again child.

The Bible is true.

Every word is Spirit-breathed – 2 Timothy 3:16

None of my trouble, then, is out of His interest.

ALL means ALL. I receive Your comfort, Father.

Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

I receive Your mercy—new every morning 

With great gratefulness. Humbly.

Because proudly I cannot receive.

When I am proud I do not see my need.

And if I do…I do not ask.

When my flesh and the devil say God has put up with me all He can and I’m on my own, help me remember this verse, Father. 

Self-diagnosis: PMS was the pop ailment of the day, and I had all of the symptoms. Dan said I could get whatever I needed in the way of food and vitamins. This was answered prayer.

A few days ago I wanted to comfort Mark. He held tightly to his blankie, which he calls his “wankily” and would not accept my love. I saw that You must be so crushed when we turn away from Your offered love.

 

128- Following God’s Trail – #10

128- Following God’s Trail – #10

July 1, 1984 Father, I am having a hard time believing YOU are asking us to stay in Reno. PLEASE SHOW ME.

I am having a hard time trusting You with our finances, and in finding very suitable housing here in Reno, and in finding a kindergarten acceptable for Tim. You promise to gently lead those who are with young. I am letting it all go and believing Your Word.

Here’s the story: Dan had been working for several months with the contractor on the new building for our church. It was full-time work and they worked well together.

Two of the elders went to him independently and both felt strongly from the Lord that the timing of our going off to Bible School was premature.

The pastor offered him the job of foreman.

We prayed and fasted seeking the Lord.

We handed over the keys of our solar house to Peter and Marilyn Clarke and instead of driving 3,000 miles east across the country, we drove 5 miles west to a house in a quiet subdivision on Grandview Avenue. The rent was more than we wanted to spend but we were under pressure to find a place quickly. It was within a few miles of the church and in the same area of town we had been living for 2 years.

There was an elementary school across the street which had a very good reputation. I had been prepping Timmy: “Your teacher will love you. You are such a smart and cooperative boy. She will be so happy to have you in her class. Teachers love children who will work with them, obey them, and who want to learn.”

As it happened, they did not have room for my precious first born, and I was actually relieved. I had been reading, School Can Wait, by Raymond and Dorothy Moore.

July 22, 1984—Our 6th anniversary.

On our 6th anniversary, our sons were 5, 4, 2, and one month old. We had moved 7 times, including living in two foreign countries for short periods. Dan was 36 and I was 39.

We were crushed. All of our plans had been put on hold. We had laid down our vision for Japan and for Bible School, and we were in some subsidiary plan. God knew.

We believed we had been led by God to this point of surrender. We learned later that we were experiencing “the death of a vision.”

I went to google to get an explanation of the death of a vision and found a good one at http://www.thegoodbook.com. Pastor Cecil Thompson writes:

We are all fired up when the vision is fresh and new, but almost without warning things explode. Instead of seeing our vision fulfilled, it is like death has destroyed the vision. “What do we do now?”

Reeling, floundering…what’s going on, God? We were hastily trying to pull ourselves together after the explosion! We knew we had heard from the Lord and walked with God to this point. All of the other “visions” and “God ideas” had come to pass, so what was this all about?

We believed by faith that God had specific purpose in letting us be deflated. We did not believe God was capricious, impulsive, and unpredictable. We decided to trust Him.

But we also had to regroup quickly!

Spoiler: We DID go to Elim Bible Institute two years later. And we could clearly see the wisdom in the delay.

127- Following God’s Trail – #9

127- Following God’s Trail – #9

June 12 –My new doctor, I found out, is controversial. Karen’s friend had a bad experience with him. He seemed so nice and cooperative. We made an appointment for Friday induction and delivery, 6:30am.

June 13 –Jackie S offered to take our three boys on Friday!

Heard from Life (missionary organization)—they don’t take a couple that has divorce in their history to Japan. Ps 44:3 is working for us—His FAVOR is moving on our behalf.

For they did not gain possession of the land by their own sword, nor did their own arm save them; but it was Your right hand, Your arm, and the light of Your countenance, because You favored them.

Heard from another Bible School, but we are already taken!

June 14 –FAITHFUL IS HE WHO CALLS YOU, AND HE ALSO WILL BRING IT TO PASS. 1 Thessalonians 5:24 Need I say more?

During this season I was reading: Andrew Murray, Basilea Schlink, Keith & Melodie Green’s Last Days’ Ministries newsletter, Don Bashama (Face Up with a Miracle), Dorrie Aldrich (Musings of a Mother),  Alan Redpath (Victorious Christian Living), Oswald Chambers, Bible.

June 15 –At the hospital: Dan and I had the leisure to pray for several hours, as a very kind Christian nurse supervised the induction procedure and increased the pitocin very very slowly. Daniel George [my father is George] was 9 pounds. The idea to deliver early was the right one! And God was gracious to give me ladies to stand with me so that it happened!

Timmy, Stevie, and Mark visited their new brother in the hospital.

Sweet baby Daniel was born with very bowed legs and two hours after he was born his legs were put in casts! [The casts remained on his legs for 6 weeks and his legs turned out perfectly. Praise God for the wonders of medical science and for competent doctors and nurses.]

Peggy took the 3 boys on Monday and brought a roast beef dinner when she brought them home! Karen came every day to do laundry and pick up and wash dishes, to make sure I kept my legs elevated. The doctor was concerned about the veins in my legs and prescribed compression nylons. Gramma and Auntie, who were our next door neighbors, also popped in to help. Susie took the kids on Tues morning, then Lynn came by and took them overnight! Jenny took them on Thursday and Dan was home on Friday. Michelle took the boys two separate days the next week.

We had a strong group of friends and faithful prayer warriors. We knew we were blessed. 

126- Following God’s Trail – #8

126- Following God’s Trail – #8

June 1 –Although we sold our house for $8,000 less than the appraisal, bought a car we cannot afford, have not gotten the obstetrician I wanted, the peace of God is totally meeting me. It’s wonderful. We’re in a dimension of faith that is far beyond us. We have over-extended ourselves in faith. We are in His grace. Yet, I can’t think too hard about the new car. It’s done. Dan agrees. We have to rest and trust Him.

A few hours later, Reno Dodge called for us to return the car!! It had already been sold to another man who was irate when he came to pick it up and it wasn’t there. OH NO! But what a relief! Dan said when he prayed last night, wondering if we’d done the right thing, he’d felt God had said, “There’s a way out.”

This was amazing. We learned some valuable lessons without a tragic mistake. The air cleared and we could see that the car was not big enough and not gutsy enough. Praise Jesus—You saved us once again!

June 2 –packed boxes, called mom about selling the house and told her the car story.

June 3 –people in my Bible study are praying about my doctor’s stand-in ob/gyn and the house sale and the car!

The reason having baby number 4 early was so important to me is that my babies increased in size: #1 almost 8 lbs, #2 almost 9 lbs, #3 was 10 pounds. I wanted #4 to be more in the 8-9 pound range. My lady friends were taking up my cause and praying for the doctor to say okay to an early delivery!

Dan did a devotional at the church property, excellent! Praise God.

June 4 – worried about taking a newborn baby across the country in July. All the boys will have just had their birthdays: Tim 5, Steve 4, Mark 2.  Did not get into the Word today—it shows.

Dan did finances—bummed out. “God, if You want us to go to NY we will need to raise support here and I will have to work there.”

Met the on-call doctor since mine will be out of town at the time of the birth – professional, caring, compassionate. He will deliver ten days early.

HH at Elders’ meeting told Dan to “go home and ask God if you made a mistake on house sale.” (taking such a loss). He thinks God is able to deliver us from a bad decision, like He delivered us from the bad decision on the car! We do feel we were hasty, so we are before the Lord.

June 5 – I fell down out by rabbit cage two times! The second time it felt like I was PUSHED! Shaken and very worried about my baby. Called Karen to pray. Dan prayed. Worried. Called doctor. No spotting. Rested.

June 7 – Bob & Berta came by wanting advice—they are pursuing YWAM. They prayed about everything with us and we prayed for them!

June 9—signed escrow papers.

June 10 – Woke up before 5 and began thinking. BAD. Got uptight. Finally went to the Word. I felt very clearly led to psalms and felt that Ps 71:6 will be our baby’s testimony: By You I have been sustained from my birth; You are He who took me from my mother’s womb; my praise is continually of You.

June 11 –When I got up at 5:30am my Bible was opened to our guest speaker’s text yesterday at church: Isaiah 35:6b-7a For waters shall burst forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert. The parched ground shall become a pool, and the thirsty land springs of water. Speaker said revival is coming to this valley very soon.

What am I to do with this Lord? You know our lives are before You. We would change our plans if we thought You wanted us to stay here more than going to NY. Speak, Lord, Your servant is listening.

Dan and I prayed both morning and evening – long prayers.

125- Following God’s Trail – #7

125- Following God’s Trail – #7

May 6 –at church, Sandy M prayed: “The Lord has touched your babies. He assured me that He will be there to supervise the delivery. He told me to tell you.”

May 8 –open house, a few came. I will not be discouraged because God is merciful and He is perfect in His timing. He has purposes to fulfill. I purpose to trust Him.

May 12 –car fire! Our Nova station wagon caught on fire in the grocery store parking lot. Very strange. No one was hurt.

May 20 –open house, two couples, both interested.

May 23 –to Lynn’s for Lamaze breathing practice.

May 25 –very tense day: Elim guy never called. I was under pressure to get this house ready for possible realtors’ visits before the boys and I left for Michele’s Bible study for the morning. Feeling overwhelmed. Karen called—the Lord told her it was urgent that she call me. Praise God. She prayed, I cried, and the tension broke and my perspective changed. After dinner, much baby activity. Continuous Braxton Hicks for 1 hour. Wore me out!

May 28 –recognized fear, uncertainty, lack of faith about baby’s birth. Cried out to the Lord. My resources won’t be sufficient—no confidence in the doctor, etc. I thought hard about God, but couldn’t really get ahold of Him. I thought—how can I have success? Joshua 1:8 came to mind. Decided to use my NAS Bible with the topical index. I had just bought a spiral notebook. Looking up verses on the favor of God and the faithfulness of God. Will meditate daily on them. Dan wants to read them with me. Together we will see our Lord work.

May 29 –I got up early for devotions and prayer. Meditated on my scriptures in my spiral notebook. My faith was built. Elim guy called and we have a house for $300 a month beginning in August in NY.

May 30 –A realtor, called saying the artist couple, the Clarke’s, are very interested in buying our house.

May 31 –Dan set himself to pray. He said: “God what if they offer us $92,000?” THEY DID! He felt God said, “Just sell.”

Signed the agreement to sell. They will call us back tomorrow if they agree with our date changes.

The car fire had sidelined our car. We went to a lot and bought a car. We were all out till 11:30pm.

We felt God’s grace and blessing. Dodge Colt Vista. Seven passenger. But it doesn’t FEEL like seven passenger and there is so little trunk area. Trying not to argue.

124- Following God’s Trail – #6

124- Following God’s Trail – #6

April 7, 1984 –On this sunny day, cleaned inside and outside the house. Looks great!

Lynn’s friends came by and are interested in our house. The situation seems impossible to us.

April 9 –told a lady at the gas station that I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

April 13 – We are ready to put an ad in the paper. (Dan is wanting to do this sale on our own and skip realtor fees.)

Lynn called and her friends are still interested and will look again on Monday, so we will wait on putting the ad in the paper.

Joshua 2 in devotions. Very interesting how God leads, how God rescues His own, and the people He uses to help His people.

April 16Confess I got my expectation up today that the house will sell, we will have money in our pockets, and another car in front of the house, and be on our way to Oxnard to visit my parents. I was irritable though and Carol fervently prayed with me against irritability, discontent, anger, worry. PEACE came immediately.

God is showing me I can live in the flesh or in the Spirit – it’s my choice. “What are you going to settle for, Georgann?”  It takes such determination to stand against the world, the flesh and the devil. But my prayer to love God without compromise is paying off.

April 17 – Might get to have baby early.

April 22 –I thought, why not use a realtor? It seemed like a God thought. It brought me release and peace. Dan thought about it and felt the same. This is a HUGE attitude reversal for him.

It’s Easter Sunday: Twenty-five people were saved at church today! The anointing came on the pastor about 2/3 of the way through his sermon.

April 23I cannot give away what I do not have. Give me MORE, Jesus: insights, compassion, faith with works. As I think of Your omnipotence, omnipresence, omniscience, peace floods over me. You DO know everything that we are going through, You DO have the power that we need, that we do not have, to accomplish what You have called us to do.

April 26 –The realtor came over. I am bowing out of this, I am too changeable. I will let Dan do it.

April 28 – Tim’s birthday. Jackie invited us all to dinner. She had a cake and a gift for Tim. Marsha sent McDonald’s coupons, Connie sent Sesame Street tickets.

Synopsis of last couple of weeks since I have not been writing daily: Beth was here in town for a week. Elim housing guy called and has 2 houses available. I wrote a story for Guideposts magazine and sent it off. We completed the pre-admit for Saint Mary’s hospital.