At dinner last night with Pastor Dave and Linda, I was able to ask my question: several women have been telling me of receiving counsel that says they need to express themselves, to be themselves. And I wondered, whatever happened to ‘death to self’ which is Jesus’ way.
Pastor said: the human natural way is to repress and psychology says express. To repress hurts us and to express hurts (inflicts) others with our problems. But to release our feelings to Jesus is the healthy way, the only way that really works. Then Jesus can change me, change others, change circumstances, heal, build up, restore—whatever He deems appropriate.
Praise God for saving me from the wrong counsel. Please advise my friends.
another November day, no date noted
Thank You for teaching me about walking after the flesh vs walking after the Spirit. I am so convicted about my visit with FF yesterday and my accepting the conversation—even participating! I feel rotten. I hate gossip.
Matthew 12:36 …every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account of it on the day of judgment.
Psalm 92:15…the Lord is upright. He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.
This is something wonderful about God’s character.
At the prayer meeting I found myself thinking, “perhaps this is the night I will receive a prayer language from the Lord.”
My emphasis has always been–
ON JESUS GIVING IT –
but also …
ON ME GETTING IT –
ON ME HAVING IT –
ON ME USING IT –
THAT LOOKS LIKE A LOT OF ME!
I felt I experienced a real desire to love Jesus as He would desire me to love Him. Something selfless…..something not very familiar anymore because my life is so full that I don’t make as much time for being close to Him.
Because of my full life, I find myself looking for ways others can serve me, ways I can escape from the overwhelming fullness, rather than on presentingmyself for Jesus’ use. (Actually, I do ask to be used, but He seems to call me to such quiet, unspectacular service—exhorting my family, doing housework, diapers…)
Last night Dan had me go to the prayer meeting at church and he stayed home with the boys, so that I would catch the vision of Life Center and be with serious-minded Christians. When I hesitated, he said not to feel pressured to participate.
It was a glorious time with You, Jesus. In the pastor’s office, AS FOREWARNED BY YOU, Jeri came and sat right across from me! At an appropriate time I took her hand and led her out to the next room and asked her forgiveness regarding the situation with Dani. She said Dani’s name just as I did! and she forgave me. I did not wantanything to hinder God’s working in me because of carrying unforgiveness Praise You, Father.
One brother in the group was broken and I spoke: “it is no shame to be broken as Christ was broken for us.” In my thoughts as we had been praying for him—“he’s broken, oh! and he’s ashamed”—that’s when I spoke. I don’t know if the Lord spoke through me, or if my mind put that together. Perhaps, God, You would let me know. I ask in Jesus’ name.
It was so glorious being in God’s presence, seeing Him minister and use people. All I could say was “precious Jesus.”
Someone had used the phrase, “God wants to anoint You with ointment and minister to your wounds”– speaking to a brother. As I worshiped, I thought, “If I had ointment I would pour it on You, Jesus.”
I felt as if He said, “Speaking to Me in praise and in the Spirit is ointment for Me.”
Dearest Lord Jesus, I have been experiencing anger, manifesting in impatience and yelling, which has come up during this ‘squeeze’ of me trying to juggle my home life with a part-time job–I’ve gotten into a bad habit.
I have been grieved over this ugly sin of losing control of myself. Satan has made me feel condemned—and, in the twisted way we humans think, I find myself arguing with myself that I am justified in screaming in order to get control of the situation.
But last Sunday morning I missed church, two boys sick. Dan relayed the Pastor’s message to me, and he encouraged me, and we read scripture together.
Dan said he had taken a stand against anger. One day he realized he’d been enjoying anger and making clear choices to engage in it and decided that was not how he wanted to live—I had to agree with him, his story is my story.
Now, for 2 ½ days I have been experiencing victory in Your precious name, Jesus. I have many times made the conscious willful choice to be joyful, to be loving—and have not fallen into anger.
The boys have been inside the house and ill, so I stopped my life and ministered to them which cut the stress a lot by not trying to do too much housework. Thank You, Jesus. May it please You to continue to give me this resolve to stand against the temptations to fall into anger.
84- Reflections On My Month of Teaching at the Christian School
October 1, 1982
My last day of teaching at Sierra Christian School.
I am so relieved. The students and the staff are such a wonderful group. I pray they get a top-notch replacement for me. I learned so much about so much!
Go to God, not to friends, for decision making. I believe there is wisdom in counsel so I took Karen’s, John’s, and my mom’s, “Pro”-counsel. I did not hear any “Anti”-counsel. And I did NOT earnestly seek God. I let me, and Dan let me, flow into it. Glad my husband is open-handed with me and not controlling.
I gained self worth. Getting dressed up every day, being able to get out, feel important and needed, praying with the adult staff daily, being loved and accepted by them, fairly adequately teaching an unfamiliar subject, being accepted by the students, and learning that I like those age groups.
I appreciate being able to CHOOSE motherhood. I saw that I can expect more out of Timmy and Stephen as far as playing independently.
I saw me during that time being a witch often at home—ug! May I cope by the Spirit and not by the flesh, O Lord.
I choose to have devotional time—rather than to go out of my home and be distracted by a job. Devotions can happen during the boys’ nap time. O Lord, grant that I may use this time wisely and to Your glory. I long to pray and be in the Word and in fellowship with You. I would rather pray for the students than try to teach them about telescopes and stars.
Thank You, Lord, for the experience, the lessons, the new relationships. I LOVE YOU.
83- Relief Financially and With Birth Control Decision
Sept 10, 1982
With the money God provided through Darrell’s gift, we tithed a chunk. Amen. Payed $1,100 worth of bills! Bought linoleum for the dining room and hall for $60 (we had looked at the same brand earlier for $500).
Praise the Lord for the attitude in both of us that we would be very sensible—so that the Lord’s money could be used many places. We found two area rugs: living room $94 and boys’ room $64, and we found bamboo shades on sale. By Your grace, Lord, they’ll be perfect!
We told Sister Julianna [the lady who was coaching us with Natural Family Planning] we were going to trust the Lord for our birth control. Her reaction floored me, but was a great confirmation. She said, “that’s the ideal, the best you could do—walk by faith, totally trusting God.” We’re going to meet again in a month for dinner here, Lord willing, as friends without the mucous charting concerns. She said her program “is a crutch, as are all the other means of birth control. God is still the master planner.”
Dan is building a fence for our friends in exchange for a 20 cu ft fridge. Praise God.
Colossians 3:2-3 Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ with God.
AND YET, part of me argues:
because all the things on earth that I’m not supposed to be looking at are continually vying for my attention!
*bare cement floors
*only 2 doors (our bedroom and one bathroom)
*no window coverings in living room and guest room
*weedy yard (though not like our neighbors’ yards)
*no snow tires on vehicles, but decent regular tires
*Dan: working only part-time, sick with chest cold
*me: allergies, pooped, hair growing and growing, no money for haircut or blood panel or vitamins
I could go on, but it seems ridiculous to list the things I’m not supposed to be putting my mind on!
These last few days have been difficult. They remind me how much grace comes from reading the Word and humbly asking for it.
Two negative attitudes are having a great effect of me:
1– that God will not supply our needs for window coverings (there are 32 windows in this house), and floor coverings—therefore we will be cold this winter, get sick, maybe even die.
1 Timothy 6:6-8 But godliness with contentment is great gain; for we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. AND HAVING FOOD AND RAIMENT LET US BE THEREWITH CONTENT.
2– being inside day in and day out, at home, is making me nervous. Taking the three boys out to visit and shopping makes me nervous.
Colossians 3:12 Put on, therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering, forebearing, forgiving…
v 14 and above all put on love which is the bond of perfectness
v 15 and let the peace of God rule in your hearts to which also ye are called in one body; and be thankful.
v 16 Let the Word dwell richly in you.
Yesterday morning we prayed about money situation—bills due, vitamins needed, account overdrawn. In the mail came $50. And Dan has a job today that will bring money in.
September 6 Yesterday we received a check from Dan’s dad because he cashed in his life insurance policy –$5,140. PRAISE GOD. More than we expected! Humbled and grateful.
Psalm 37:1 Fret not yourself because of evildoers, be not envious toward wrong doers.
Proverbs 23:17 Do not let your heart envy sinners, but live in the fear of the Lord.
Psalm 37:3-5 Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight Yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it.
*I am focusing on imperfect people, rather than on God.
*I am focusing on myself, rather than God.
*I look at others’ prosperity (my parents, my sisters, even other Christians) and then feel unhappy with my own situation.
*I am looking inward, and listening to others say: “Georgann, How do you do it with three kids?” –makes me panic and say to myself: yes—how DO I do it? And also gives me an open door to self pity.
*I get very shakey and tottery looking at these things rather than at God.
Oswald Chambers says: It is impossible for a believer, no matter what his experience, to keep right with God if he will not take the trouble to spend time with God….spend plenty of time with God; let other things go, but don’t neglect Him.
Psalm 37:9 For evildoers will be cut off. But those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land.
Strong’s Concordance 6960: wait means to expect, to gather together, to look patiently, tarry.
Lord, help me to wait patiently for you, and to keep my eyes fixed on You through reading my Bible daily and building my faith in You.
80- The Holy Spirit Gives the Power to Live Obediently
August 10, 1982
The issue: much lessened income over the past few weeks necessitating cutting spending even more. No more gifts giving, only certain number of trips for Dan to Carson City, smaller food budget, possibly letting go of health insurance.
My need:attitude change regarding food. I take pride and pleasure in menu planning, cooking, and eating. It is very extremely difficult for me to die to this. Yet it is absolutely necessary. Today I spent too much at the grocery store and cannot have a physical, I guess, on Thursday.
God’s word: Psalm 78:17-20
Yet they still continued to sin against Him, to rebel against the Most High in the desert. And in their heart they put God to the test by asking for food according to their desire. Then they spoke against God. They said, “Can God prepare a table in the wilderness? Behold, He struck the rock, so that the waters gushed out, and streams were overflowing. Can He give bread also? Will He provide meat for His people?”
I do not desire to kindle Your anger by putting You to the test to provide nor do I want to be disobedient to my husband and be a poor steward of the money You provide.
So, CHANGE ME.
The Holy Spirit gives the power to live obediently. Thank You, Holy Spirit. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13