97- Stressful Days

97- Stressful Days

March 17, 1983

The last several days have been extremely stressful, and I have not been coping very well. Busy with Mark’s birthday party and our kids’ friends’ birthday parties. Also babysitting our friends’ kids. Plus, Bebo came to visit from Chicago—just in time to coach Mark in learning to walk. I’m finding myself in and out of coping.

We are in a place of such dependence on the Lord. Dan didn’t have work yesterday or today.

*St. Mary’s Hospital wants money [for Mark’s birth]. Dan went to talk to someone there.

*Dan’s truck got a warning for mechanical defects from Highway Patrol. Dan is fixing the headlights, taillights, blinkers.

*my car needs a tune up badly Continue reading “97- Stressful Days”

96- How God Met Us in Our Time of Need

96- How God Met Us in Our Time of Need

Dan with Tim, Steve, Mark–ages 4, 3, 1 1/2

 March 4, 1983  I also need to see more victory in my relationship with Dan. We are going through a hard time. I am having trouble accepting how busy he is for You. I am sorry. Let me not retaliate in any way, but in loving him more.

March 7, 1983  Saturday we left the boys with Lynn and Danny for 3 hours to have time together. What a blessing it was. We resolved to follow our interest in missions, after laying out our lives afresh and seeing a few areas we could begin moving in. We trust God’s continued leading. We decided to write several missionary groups (so as to “keep moving” in the direction of missions). Dan will contact the bank regarding re-financing so we can get some cash for our necessities. We prayed and relaxed and felt closer. We had needed the time for communication.

Thank you for Anointed for Burial and for the time to read it. This couple, young in the Lord, but totally available, greatly used by your Spirit, breathtakingly. Hallelujah. 

Sunday morning. I prayed about where to sit because I really wanted to worship. We put our things down, but someone took our seats, and the only seats available were even closer to the front! After tears and tears and tears during worship (I had also prayed against self consciousness in worshiping), there was mighty prophecy over Dan—“able to teach clearly” (which is his heart’s desire), “you will give bread to the hungry,” and “you will say God sustained you during this time.”

I wept and wept. We needed to hear from You so much Lord, almost more than we realized, but You knew.

Psalm 7:9…for the righteous God tests the hearts and minds.

Ps 37:3 …trust in the Lord…feed on His faithfulness

        v 19 …in days of famine they shall be satisfied

        v 25 …not begging bread

        v 39 …the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord

                …He is their strength in time of trouble

        v 40 …He shall help them and deliver them…and save them

              because they trust in Him.          

95- Guilty of Faultfinding!

95- Guilty of Faultfinding!

A little article in Guideposts magazine by Catherine Marshall brought a big conviction!

Catherine Marshall was the wife of Peter Marshall a famous Presbyterian pastor who also served as Chaplain of the Senate in Washington DC. She is known for her writings of fiction, non-fiction, and books she edited of her husband’s sermons and prayers. Her best known books are: A Man Called Peter, which was on the NY Bestseller’s List for three years in the 1950’s, and Christy, the story of her mother’s years as a teacher of children in the Appalachians.

February 24, 1983

One day, Catherine asked the Lord if He had any special word for her that day. He told her she was to fast from faultfinding, to accept people as they were and to drop her judgment of them.

Catherine wrote that she was inclined to be a perfectionist, meaning critical of herself and others—“a habit that tends toward judgment.”

She proposed that the cessation of faultfinding leads to creativity, goodwill, mercy, better health, better relationships.

Father–I am the faultfinder of the age! It’s sickening! I judge everyone and everything. I always have an opinion. I feel I see things rightly and others quite often are misguided.

I remember: when I was about 12 my mom said, “You used to be so tactful.”

I need to be done with this very seriously detrimental traitMy God shall supply all my need to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19

You know, Lord, I wonder what Dan thinks I think of him, I find so much fault in others.  Let me try by Your divine enablement, to fast from faultfinding.

From a World MAP (missionary) magazine: do a sober self-evaluation to assess your personal resources for the Lord’s use in future fruitful endeavors.

Remembering: 2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in weakness. This means: sufficient for me to live victoriously despite the devil’s buffeting!

March 4  Lord, You are faithful. I am realizing that what I have NOT LIKED in several people–what has really separated us–has been faultfinding! And I see that I am a chief offender.

94- A Message That Became Prophetic

94- A Message That Became Prophetic

December 1982 Dan was asked by our pastor to speak one Sunday morning. These are my notes:

*self-centeredness is against God’s heart and God’s gospel

*Christ died for the church, for the kingdom, not just for me

*Romans 5 – Christ died for us

*Ephesians 5 – Christ gave Himself for the church

*Ephesians 1 – The church is the fullness of Him who fills all in all

*therefore we are not to love for ourselves

*be a servant, even if you work for a difficult taskmaster

*care not for ME

*do everything heartily as unto the Lord

Three months after this message we invited a family from our church to move into our home.

Continue reading “94- A Message That Became Prophetic”

90- My Frame of Mind

90- My Frame of Mind

November 5, 1982  

Our awesome little family!                         1982

Something is occurring to me about my frame of mind:

*there will always be kids’ issues to tackle and battle, straightening and picking up in the house, unfinished projects, dishes to do.

*there will always be times when Dan’s away, spaces between my parent’s visits, days without friends.

*I’ll always be pre, post, or having periods, or having a cold, sore throat or canchor sores or detergent burn, needing a haircut; underweight, overweight, having a tooth problem, broken fingernails.

*there will always be people more organized, more stylish, with better kids, or worse, neater houses and cars, greater spiritual gifts and fantastic hobbies.

*our house will always be in stages of getting finished, we will always have free/used furniture, and I will always be dealing with mud.

*I’ll always have hand-me-downs, only a couple of shoes.

*etc., etc.

So why not realize the vanity of wishing things could be different and of being discouraged. My family pattern is not like when I was living at home. So what??? Where would I rather be? There is no contest: I am GLAD I am right here!

So BE JOYFUL IN CHRIST!

Savor the things of God.

Seek pleasing Him.

89- Seeking Him, Hearing Him Speak

89- Seeking Him,

Hearing Him Speak

October 12, 1982

A miracle has happened. It’s 5:30am and I am showered and on my knees! May this early rising be my daily experience, Lord. O God, I need so much to begin my day in selflessness and in Christ.

1 Cor 3:8,11  each one will receive his own reward according to his own labor—but the foundation must be on Jesus Christ!

1 Cor 3:12-14 Each man’s work will become clear: it will be revealed by fire; if it endures he will receive a reward.

I want rewards! I have been thinking: I am hanging on by my thumbs, but at least I’m hanging in there.

But I see it could all be wood hay and stubble. My efforts may all be burned up.

I must get the Word in me, I do want something to show for this struggle. I want to grow up, Jesus.

October 13

I am in great discouragement and grief, having lost my temper with Timmy last night and feeling so broken. Oh such sadness that I would yell at a precious boy like my Tim. I do want to discipline him effectively but not from my anger. From Your great and glorious loving heart.

October 14

Luke 1:38-42 Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word.

But Martha was cumbered about with much serving.

MARY CHOSE PAYING ATTENTION TO JESUS’ WORDS.

October 16

Reading Home Grown Kids, by Raymond and Dorothy Moore. They emphasize warm, consistent, responsive parenting. Responding lovingly always, firmly when necessary and with some imagination.

I was always seeking You, Jesus! And You never failed to meet me.

88- Not a tumbleweed, NOT ME!

88- Not a tumbleweed,

NOT ME!

What a lonely image–a tumble weed in the desert…

All of these verses are paraphrased, so I did not put them in blue.

October 7, 1982

Jeremiah 17  If I trust in man, I will be like a tumbleweed in the desert and inhabit parched places.

I am to be one who trusts and hopes in the Lord and the consequence is that I will be like a tree with deep roots by the river which bears fruit even in drought! Continue reading “88- Not a tumbleweed, NOT ME!”

87- Me in the Way

87- Me in the Way

October 5, 1982

At the prayer meeting I found myself thinking, “perhaps this is the night I will receive a prayer language from the Lord.”

My emphasis has always been–

ON JESUS GIVING IT –

but also …

ON ME GETTING IT –

ON ME HAVING IT –

ON ME USING IT –

THAT LOOKS LIKE A LOT OF ME!

I felt I experienced a real desire to love Jesus as He would desire me to love Him. Something selfless…..something not very familiar anymore because my life is so full that I don’t make as much time for being close to Him. 

Because of my full life, I find myself looking for ways others can serve me, ways I can escape from the overwhelming fullness, rather than on presenting myself  for Jesus’ use. (Actually, I do ask to be used, but He seems to call me to such quiet, unspectacular service—exhorting my family, doing housework, diapers…)

My life is full of these wonderful people! Here, everyone is participating in Markie’s kitchen-sink bath on a sunny June afternoon.

86- Humbly Asking Forgiveness

86- Humbly Asking Forgiveness

October 5, 1982 Prayer Meeting at Church

Last night Dan had me go to the prayer meeting at church and he stayed home with the boys, so that I would catch the vision of Life Center and be with serious-minded Christians. When I hesitated, he said not to feel pressured to participate.

It was a glorious time with You, Jesus. In the pastor’s office, AS FOREWARNED BY YOU, Jeri came and sat right across from me! At an appropriate time I took her hand and led her out to the next room and asked her forgiveness regarding the situation with Dani. She said Dani’s name just as I did! and she forgave me. I did not want anything to hinder God’s working in me because of carrying unforgiveness  Praise You, Father.

One brother in the group was broken and I spoke: “it is no shame to be broken as Christ was broken for us.” In my thoughts as we had been praying for him—“he’s broken, oh! and he’s ashamed”—that’s when I spoke. I don’t know if the Lord spoke through me, or if my mind put that together. Perhaps, God, You would let me know. I ask in Jesus’ name.

It was so glorious being in God’s presence, seeing Him minister and use people. All I could say was “precious Jesus.”

Someone had used the phrase, “God wants to anoint You with ointment and minister to your wounds”– speaking to a brother. As I worshiped, I thought, “If I had ointment I would pour it on You, Jesus.”

I felt as if He said, “Speaking to Me in praise and in the Spirit is ointment for Me.”

85- Taking a Stand Against Anger

85- Taking a Stand Against Anger

October 5, 1982

Dearest Lord Jesus, I have been experiencing anger, manifesting in impatience and yelling, which has come up during this ‘squeeze’ of me trying to juggle my home life with a part-time job–I’ve gotten into a bad habit.

I have been grieved over this ugly sin of losing control of myself. Satan has made me feel condemned—and, in the twisted way we humans think, I find myself arguing with myself that I am justified in screaming in order to get control of the situation.

But last Sunday morning I missed church, two boys sick. Dan relayed the Pastor’s message to me, and he encouraged me, and we read scripture together.

Dan said he had taken a stand against anger. One day he realized  he’d been enjoying anger and making clear choices to engage in it and decided that was not how he wanted to live—I had to agree with him, his story is my story.

Now, for 2 ½ days I have been experiencing victory in Your precious name, Jesus. I have many times made the conscious willful choice to be joyful, to be loving—and have not fallen into anger.

Tim-Mark-Steve, our wonderful sons-

The boys have been inside the house and ill, so I stopped my life and ministered to them which cut the stress a lot by not trying to do too much housework. Thank You, Jesus. May it please You to continue to give me this resolve to stand against the temptations to fall into anger.