234 – Letting Go

234 – Letting Go

November 20, 1986

You are drawing me to Yourself through hardship, awareness of my inadequacies, and the ministry you have given me with the boys.

You really desire to live through me in such a way that sweetness and life come out of my mouth.

I believe You want me to be overflowing with the Holy Spirit.

I remember Gloria Copeland’s tapes on walking in the Spirit—pray 1 hour a day in the Spirit–why is is so crazily hard to do this!!

JoAnn (new friend) yesterday said, “To remove worldliness He comes with a scourge, in order to make us a house of prayer. Then the lame and the blind will come. He shows us how defiled we are. He shows us pride. He wants us completely dependent on Him.” Interesting viewpoint. 

Last night I let go, caved in, gave it to you—regarding the money we haven’t got for food. I’m going to stop pushing and by God’s grace accept His allotment. That means I’m going to buy what I can and expect Him to provide the rest. Yesterday we got government powdered milk, cornmeal, cheddar cheese, through Joan who has a foster son and gets government help. I was going to the store to get milk, cereal, eggs, and oven cleaner. But after Joan’s visit I decided to make cornmeal mush and trust God for the oven cleaner. I have the dough for baking crackers, but I cannot bake them till the chicken grease (from it popping when I roasted the chicken yesterday) is cleaned. It smokes badly. Maybe I can clean it without cleaner, just hot water and elbow grease.

Lord, You are our provider. As we have surrendered, You are moving. Also, Joan invited us to join their family for dinner after church on Sunday. I am excited to see You bringing a new friendship, yet I am a bit discouraged to have to surrender not being able to fix what I want for my family. Letting go and letting God be in charge of that area is long overdue.

I look for Your bountiful grace to come forth into my obedience. May You please show me any other area of obedience and surrender I need to make! And let me do it easily and quickly!

Soon after this we qualified for WIC (Women, Infants and Children) and picked up our own blocks of cheddar, approved cereals, peanut butter, milk, etc. We were able to stay on the program the rest of the time we were in NY, one and a half years longer.

236 – A Dramatic November

236 – A Dramatic November

November 26, 1986

Mark and Brian were Dan’s passengers in the car accident. Mark, a single guy living at home, went back to school the next day, sore and still shaken, but uninjured. His friendship with Dan stood strong. Brian, who had been in the front seat, had suffered a concussion and had endured the worst of the impact. He was married. He was not angry or blaming Dan.

Dan and I visited Brian and Mark in their homes last night. We had good fellowship with both of them.

We went to see the driver of the Hostess Cupcake truck, Elizabeth, who was still in the hospital. She was not interested in hearing ANYTHING we had to say. She was angry, rude, and defensive. It hurt Dan that he could not make amends with her. We are praying for her.

The month of November had been very dramatic and traumatic.

Jimmy, our neighbor, former home group leader, and Dan’s very good friend, was in the hospital. Dan went to see him so often that our next pay check was slim. Dan thought he could help Jimmy recover and regain his mental and physical health and get back into the school routine. God finally gave Dan a vision that warned him to stay away, that his involvement would in the long run do no good at all. Wow! It was a real vision with a picture of a vacuum and Dan being sucked down into it. Receiving a vision from God in itself was impactful and made it seem imperative that we heed it.

Dan had never been in a serious car accident. And to be the cause of it was mind-blowing. We got lots of support, we were not standing alone.

My journal indicates that we received $1800 from the insurance company for the totaled Suburban. We also received $600 from Penny, a missionary. That meant we could pay our bills and put money toward our next vehicle.

We may trust Him fully, all for us to do;
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true*.

*lyrics from the song Like a River Glorious, by Frances Havergal, 1876

229 – God is Real and Faithful

229 – God is Real and Faithful

November 12, 1986

God just showed me (as I am trying to do my devotions and Markie, age 4, keeps making noises in his room that I am afraid will wake up Daniel, age 2that I am getting angry in the middle of my devotions!

Dan said: “tell God you’re sorry and go on. You can’t praise God when you’re angry so you have to keep a right heart all the time. Purpose to praise and worship Him.”

This is FUNNY: I was trying to read:

So I will sing praise to Thy Name forever! Psalm 61:8

and then: Paul and Silas were in prison praising God at midnight! Acts 16:25

…they were singing when they should have HUMANLY been angry at God and been arguing with Him that they were HIS servants, doing HIS will, and needed a good night’s sleep.

Later same night: this was a day of accusations from the enemy, confusion and NOISE! I kept taking refuge in the Lord and I saw Him move, but then there I was again, being assailed constantly.

Tracey called at 1—Praise God—so I got to pray with someone.

Karen called from the west coast at 8:30 to say that GOD IS FAITHFUL. She said she was SO burdened for me today. Thank You, Lord, for being REAL. Thank you for sending good good friends who will stand with me and pray and who I can pray with in their distress.

216 – Praising Him Makes a Difference

216- Praising Him Makes a Difference

October 5, 1986

Last night Tim, 8, and Stevie, 7, and I went to Elim to watch a missionary movie about Rochunga Podaite, a Moora Indian in northern India. It was called Beyond the Next Mountain.* It was impactful to all of us. It was fun to have a movie night with my wonderful sons.

October 6

Dan left at 6:15 am and will not be home till 10:30 pm.

It has been quite an amazing day of walking with God, being lifted by Him. I’ve been mostly peaceful—flowing with our school day, even making it interesting and not being so hard nose.

PRAISE TO MY GOD!

It’s 9 pm and I still feel awake and interested in reading my Isaiah chapters and then Swindoll’s ‘Serve’ book. Praising lightens the load.

I do believe God’s grace has lifted me—and I do believe the continuing insistence on praising Him has lifted me. May I never stray from singing Your praises. May I live moment by moment with You, My Lord!

*In 1910 a missionary spent only 5 days with the Hmar people who were called the “worst headhunters” of northern India. A few people were saved and one man believed his son could be used by God to bring the Bible to their people. It’s a great story, 1 ½ hours, on YouTube.

* Chuck Swindoll, Improving Your Serve, 1981.

177- Be Like Jesus: Do Good and Heal the Sick

177- Be Like Jesus: Do Good and Heal the Sick

December 10, 1985 – 6am

Mark 2:23-3:5 Walk in the Spirit and do good.

            3:10 The people saw Him heal others before their eyes—“they all pressed about Him in order to touch Him and be healed.”

            3:12 Jesus must have been frustrated by the disobedience of the unclean spirits revealing His identity.

            3:13-14 He chose 12 to teach them how to preach and cast out demons

            3:25 He doesn’t not want us to be “a house divided against itself.”

            3:27 He wants the strong man bound.

            3:35 He didn’t so much deny his mother and brother, but took everyone else in who loved and Him and obeyed God.

            4:20 Be good ground for the Word, accept it, and let it bear fruit.

                   (verse 19) Don’t be distracted by affliction or by the worries of the world or the luring of deceitful riches.

            4:39 He wants us not to be intimidated by the elements. To trust Him.

Later: Mary, from next door, and I went to get the Christmas tree! They are not living in the apartment but are salvaging what they can from the ashes. She was happy to purchase our tree and the boys were ecstatic.

Sandra (young neighbor) (v.(came to make a Christmas craft. The boys like her a lot and they had fun sitting at our restaurant booth kitchen table coloring and cutting and gluing. Tomorrow we will go to Jackie’s and make popcorn balls. Next week we’ll go to my parent’s for the holidays.

175- Christmas Prayers

175- Christmas Prayers

December 7, 1985

Today I must CAST MY BURDENS ON YOU AGAIN, Savior!

*the boys’ clothes – that we would ALL have very decent clothing to take and wear on our Christmas trip to my parents. Thank You, Savior.

*the boys’ gifts – that we could give them a few NICE presents that we are not ashamed but thrilled to give. Also some items for their stockings.

*a Bible for Dan – that’s what he wants for Christmas. I rebuke doubt away from this request. YOU CAN DO THIS!

*that mailed items will arrive at their destinations before Christmas – Beth, JoAnn, Karen, Vanna

*getting our vehicle very cleaned up inside-and-out for our trip to my parents’ house

*hearing from You about Elim

*fitting in home school, Christmas errands, and sanity, plus exercise and outside play for the boys

*should I try to go to the Thursday Intercessory prayer meeting beginning today at church?

*what about the Spiritual Warfare class beginning in January?

*our Christmas letter – to be printed, have postage, be addressed, and have notes on them –and mailed before Christmas

*taking the boys Christmas shopping with their $6 each

*putting away or giving away all of the clothes that have been coming to me – from JoAnn, Connie, Mom, and Virgi

*small gifts for Jan and pastors

*a dog! Carol, after we had been praying nightly on the phone, said out of the blue—you need a dog! She’s right. I could then walk in the mornings, the boys would have a play pal. Hers is big and gentle, yet barks at strangers not friends. He’s hairy, but an outside dog.

*Dan said we could support more missionaries once the $179 no longer goes out monthly for our vehicle. 

*Put walking back in my day. It is very dark from 6-6:30am.

PRAISE GOD FOR ALL OF THESE NEEDS.

They are wonderful needs to have and I am excited about HOW GOD WILL HANDLE EACH ONE.

I soundly and confidently rebuke all doubt that God can and will take care of each one.

I open my spiritual eyes to SEE ways of provision that are totally unique.

I welcome Your hand moving, and I open my hands WIDE to receive from You.

Bless You, bless You, Father. Keep speaking to Dan and I about Your desire to provide. Keep building our faith. Keep moving into our lives. Keep Yourself overflowing from us to others who need You!

165- Fred Said to Plant a Church

165- Fred Said to Plant a Church

November 16 1985

Streams in the Desert, devotional, today shook me up:

Rev 12:11 They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and they loved not their lives unto death.

I had just been reading the mail with Dan, and we were especially impacted by a New Tribes Mission newsletter regarding some missionaries captured by natives in Columbia and how they were doing after their release.

To open my devotional to this verse about martyrdom gave me quite a shake. In all honesty and confidence, I have felt for a long time that we would be with New Tribes and that our boys would go to a mission school.

Correlated to that possibility: Dan was able to talk to Fred W our district supervisor. He said he is praying this verse for us:

Colossians 1:9-11

For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding—so that you may walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience, joyously giving thanks to the Father.

Fred did not suggest going to Bible School at all, but promoted  evangelism and church planting. He suggested we pray and see what the Lord might do. He spoke of going to a city to start a church, getting a job to support the family, and then meeting people and evangelizing them.

[This is an example of a person having a vision or a goal that he wants to fit you into. We could have taken it as confirmation of what our Pastor had said, because he said the same thing. But we had been praying diligently and walking with the Lord through this for years, and we knew it was not what God had put on our hearts. He had put Bible School on our hearts and we respectfully stuck with that.]

162- God Keeps Loving Me

162- God Keeps Loving Me

November 4, 1985

In an intercessory prayer letter a man testified that he had been at a point where he felt he did not have anybody on his side, even his wife. God had stripped away his entire support system, isolated him in the midst of a busy life. Yet during that season he made the most important decision of his life. He decided God was enough.

Lord, I feel like I’m in and out of that position. When we had to give up our dream of going to Bible school in NY the disappointment devastated me. My life was shaken up, friends left me, I left friends—they moved away or we just fell away from each other. I quit everything. But You were enough! You saw me through my sadness. After that I accepted that Dan was doing Your work at the church for hours and hours every day. And again. You blessed me with so much grace to get through it. You truly are enough!

And You just keep loving me no matter dips and snags happen in our relationship.

Jan came over on Saturday to watch my kids while I went to the store. She read my Streams in the Desert devotional and my Bible. She rested in You. She has had a great desire to do daily devotions but just hasn’t taken the leap. Being here today she has been in touch with You. She is radiant. Bless You! That she experienced You HERE is a gift that I will always cherish.

Later she said on the phone—“I’ve always said of Georgann, “how does she do it?” But now I know. You draw your strength from Jesus daily.

Later, I felt the Lord say of Streams—this is something you can read and understand in your mind without My Spirit’s anointing. Go back to reading the Word and My Spirit will anoint it for you, to teach you and to comfort you. Get back to reading the Bible.

November 5

Boys up in the night, sick with croup, etc.

Today, Steve and Mark are sick, Tim is recovering.

I got up at 6 to go on my walk– 30 minutes. Good prayer time.

It was a GOOD day. School went WELL for Tim – 1 hour.

Put Daniel in the play pen—new idea.

Mark feeling quite sick, so I called the doctor: humidifier, cough medicine, Tylenol.

I kept my cool. Jesus was glorified!

Your grace has been sufficient, Your love has been enough!!

150- Living the ‘at home mom’ Life

150- Living the

‘at-home mom’ life

June 12, 1985

Walked early, unburdened myself, praised, prayed.

Had time with Tim (school), with Steve (hanging out with us), Mark (game), and Danny (snuggling and making him laugh).

Oh, it was so satisfying!                          [PICTURE OF THEM)

They water-colored, then played outside with our neighbor, Sandra.

By 1:00 I was exhausted, short-tempered. BUT I RECOVERED QUICKLY! Praise the Lord!!

Five or six nights of little sleep is getting to me.

I do believe the verses from yesterday and my agreement with God over them, my disgust with myself and repentance, helped this day to be clear and abundant. Bless God.

Here we go again—God is reminding me:

Prov 16:32 He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city.

June 18

I have sinusitis or strep infection. Doc gave me amoxicillan and a decongestant. I have still been up 6-8 times a night with hot weather (the weather is HOT!) or sick boys or bright-eyed baby. Tired! But my attitude has been pretty good.

‘Bless me’ prayers and petitions continue.

Dan is still really ‘carrying’ the building, bearing weight of it.

We went out to dinner Friday—we both feel we may be released in the fall to go to Bible School after the building is completed.

I see how God is helping me to be less dependent on Dan and have an easier time making decisions around the house. I am taking more responsibility and not putting it all on him, i.e., weeding, cleaning basement, arranging toys, allowances (spending, saving, tithing), homeschool decisions, etc. I’m complaining less and accepting Dan’s absence more, I’m happier because of the acceptance.

Psalm 57:2 I will cry to God Most High, to God who accomplishes all things for me.

144- Our God is a Redeeming Father

144- Our God is a

Redeeming Father

February 27, 1985

During those midnight hours while walking baby Daniel, I was recalling Jamie Buckingham’s message on KNIS: Find your purpose in God’s eternal plan and go after it and walk in it. You will find it through your ‘cross’ experience! Through pain and trouble!

Jamie’s story: As a pastor he was caught in immorality twice and fired twice. Completely devastated and repentant and broken, he felt led to attend a Guideposts magazine Writers’ Conference. On his second day there he received a challenge to write Nicky Cruz’s story, and co-authored ‘Run Baby Run.’ Millions of copies were sold, and many many people came to the Lord and into the baptism of the Holy Spirit. He wrote 36 books in the next 12 years. That is a redeemed life. That is a Father’s unconditional love.

Remembering this story, dove-tailed with what God was showing me. He did not leave Jamie in a gutter, He directed him into years of active front-line ministry. God did not leave me shattered in a gutter from my own troubles. He already had His plan in motion: In my brokenness, His servant, Jackie (a different Jackie—see blog post #19), took me to her church. In talking to her and reading my Bible I understood His forgiveness and repented. Two years later He directed me to marriage to Dan and then immediately into building our family. My Lord loves me with an unconditional and everlasting love. My Lord is a Redeemer.

Jamie found His purpose. Could they—Dan and Timmy and Stevie and Mark and Daniel –be where I find God’s purpose for me?