162- God Keeps Loving Me

162- God Keeps Loving Me

November 4, 1985

In an intercessory prayer letter a man testified that he had been at a point where he felt he did not have anybody on his side, even his wife. God had stripped away his entire support system, isolated him in the midst of a busy life. Yet during that season he made the most important decision of his life. He decided God was enough.

Lord, I feel like I’m in and out of that position. When we had to give up our dream of going to Bible school in NY the disappointment devastated me. My life was shaken up, friends left me, I left friends—they moved away or we just fell away from each other. I quit everything. But You were enough! You saw me through my sadness. After that I accepted that Dan was doing Your work at the church for hours and hours every day. And again. You blessed me with so much grace to get through it. You truly are enough!

And You just keep loving me no matter dips and snags happen in our relationship.

Jan came over on Saturday to watch my kids while I went to the store. She read my Streams in the Desert devotional and my Bible. She rested in You. She has had a great desire to do daily devotions but just hasn’t taken the leap. Being here today she has been in touch with You. She is radiant. Bless You! That she experienced You HERE is a gift that I will always cherish.

Later she said on the phone—“I’ve always said of Georgann, “how does she do it?” But now I know. You draw your strength from Jesus daily.

Later, I felt the Lord say of Streams—this is something you can read and understand in your mind without My Spirit’s anointing. Go back to reading the Word and My Spirit will anoint it for you, to teach you and to comfort you. Get back to reading the Bible.

November 5

Boys up in the night, sick with croup, etc.

Today, Steve and Mark are sick, Tim is recovering.

I got up at 6 to go on my walk– 30 minutes. Good prayer time.

It was a GOOD day. School went WELL for Tim – 1 hour.

Put Daniel in the play pen—new idea.

Mark feeling quite sick, so I called the doctor: humidifier, cough medicine, Tylenol.

I kept my cool. Jesus was glorified!

Your grace has been sufficient, Your love has been enough!!

161- Notice me!

161- Notice me!

November 3, 1985

Dan went to church taking Stevie and Mark.

I stayed home with Timmy and Daniel who had runny noses and sore throats.

I began to resent Dan being so well respected, enjoying another ‘feeding’ of the Word of God when for weeks I have been in the church nursery or been home with sick kids.

I’ve also been thinking about people who are oozing love and joy when their personal circumstances stink or their health is broken, or their hearts are broken.

Why not me oozing love and joy?

God spoke to me clearly—you still want glory for yourself. You’re jealous of your husband’s time away, his position of honor within the church. You don’t want to stand beside or behind him—you want to be in front. Also with ME (not verbatim remembering): You still want glory for yourself or at least lots of attention regarding your ‘difficult’ circumstances. You want everyone to know you are sacrificing. The flesh is alive and well, Georgann.

I repented and I was IMMEDIATELY release of bitterness and heaviness.  wow

YET, later with JoAnn, I made sure she knew something of my sacrifices! Groan!! 

Lord, I prayed later, release me to be a child whose life exemplifies Christ’s acceptance of Your will and His trust in Your leading.

160- Broken But Bound for Glorious Things

160-Broken But Bound for Glorious Things

October 15, 1985

Broken over Timmy’s insufficient home schooling materials.

Broken over baby’s middle of the night crying.

Broken over my prayerlessness.

Broken over finances.

I opened Streams in the Desert for today:

By reason of breakings they purify themselves. God uses most for His glory those people and things which are most perfectly broken. The sacrifices He accepts are broken and contrite hearts. (Psalm 51:17)

Those who are broken in wealth, broken in self-will, broken in their ambitions, broken in their beautiful ideals, broken in worldly reputation, broken in their affections, broken ofttimes in health, those who are despised and seem utterly forlorn and helpless, the Holy Ghost is seizing upon, and using for God’s glory.

I understand the concept of brokenness. He’s okay that I spend a lot of time there, as long as I turn to Him to receive LIFE and SPIRIT and do not languish there but move on. 

October 19

Dan has one small job to do for Marshall on Monday, then no work in sight. I basically feel encouraged that God will be faithful to us as He always has. I feel some excitement that He may move us out of Reno. We really identify with missionaries. A letter came from missionary friends in Okinawa. They are so broken and trying to figure out a new program to save the Japanese. Today a letter came from New Tribes Missions—OH NO! the jungles! I am waiting for Dan to open it.

October 28

Two nights ago, realizing I was entertaining bitterness because an old acquaintance has never taken any responsibility for a wrong done to me. Explaining it to God—I heard, “take your eyes off of him, I wounded you!” I thought of: Isaiah 53:1 But the Lord was pleased to crush Him, putting Him to grief.

Once again I am called on to die to myself and my rights and intercede for another. Not for my justification, nothing in it for me. And yet there will be release for me through prayer. I will do it now.

157- Bee Stings and Milking Barns

157- Bee Stings and

Milking Barns

September 25, 1985

A day only has so many hours in it. This day held a barrage of interruptions: 

*My goal was to go to Jenny’s house at 10.

*My goal also was getting some home schooling done for Tim, starting about 9:15.

*I slept in till 7am. First mistake!

*While on the phone with a strong personality, Daniel cut his lip with his teeth by falling in the bathroom. I hung up and called back two times to tend to him.

*Joyce called at 10 to check on answered prayer. I was supposed to be at Jenny’s so I told her I would call her another time.

*Immediately after I hung up Bev appeared at the door! I began fixing a snack for everyone and tea for us (I decided to just give in and enjoy this friend), and Jackie called!

*Then Dan came home! He encouraged me proceed with the schedule and to go to my friend’s, so we got to Jenny’s at 11:15.

*For some excitement the boys stirred up a bee’s nest and 3 of the seven boys got two stings each! It was a little rowdy and quite scary but we were so grateful for just a few stings, and that the babies did not get stung.

*We came home for a quick lunch, the boys rested, then it was time for the milking barns field trip!

*Dan kept Daniel. It was a wonderful trip.

*At 5:30 Dan called and had received tickets for the Silverwind concert from the airplane friend. [no grudge there!]

*Dan picked up a friend’s daughter to babysit.

*We praised God that His wonderful grace had met us at every step of this crazy day!

*The boys loved Kathy, the sitter, and she loved them.

*At the concert we got to praise our God loudly and wonderfully long-ly! I praised Him for LIFE! I got to release my thanks for sparing us catastrophe! Bless You, God!

To God belongs escapes from death. Psalm 68:20

156- An Amazing Testimony

156- An Amazing Testimony!

September 24, 1985

Last night our friend Lanny called at 7:00, inviting us to go on an airplane ride the next morning. He had his plane up for sale, and it had surprisingly sold earlier than expected, hence the short notice of taking us on a promised ride. My first reaction: what a wonderful experience. My second reaction: Keith Green’s disastrous experience popped into my brain with –a premonition? a warning? 

Also Lanny said, “It will be a tight squeeze but we can get everyone in.”

Dan’s first reaction when he got home and I told him: DANGER. He left us eating dinner and went into the other room and prayed for 15 minutes. He called Lanny and felt better. He agreed to 7:30 breakfast and plane trip.

I called Joyce for prayer. It was 8:30 pm. I wondered if I should disturb Jenny. I asked God to have her call me if He wanted me to ask for her prayers. Joe (her husband) called immediately! –to talk to Dan, and then I talked to Jenny. Oh what a wonderful Lord you are!!

The next morning God and the baby woke me up at 4:30am. I fumbled around till the thought of the plane ride came to my mind—I was immediately wide awake and praying in the living room. The dream I had two years ago—that Dan died and I was left with a baby boy named Dan, came to my mind. I thought and prayed—and I felt like God’s grace met me!! PEACE.

Debated as to weather or not to tell Dan the dream.

Crawled back into bed. Decided to tell Dan the dream at 7, when the alarm went off. We were due at their house at 7:30 for breakfast. Dan prayed and called and said “no” to the ride. We still went for breakfast.

Stevie cried—disappointed.

Lanny was hurt and upset, but trying to be a good sport. He’d already been to work and had had a terrible start to the day.

As soon as we sat down to eat our eggs—A KEITH GREEN SONG CAME ON THE RADIO!!  Keith Green was a wonderful and very famous Christian musician and singer who overloaded a private plane and crashed with two of his children and another family. All eleven passengers died.

When I got home I picked up an old devotional which I had found last week and one of the boys had carried into the kitchen. I opened to today’s dateActs 16:7 After they had come to Mysia, they tried to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit did not permit them.

This was one of those awesome confirmations of why walking close to Jesus is so important! I love how the entire experience flowed and how real the Holy Spirit was throughout.

Another confirmation for Dan was that later that day while visiting a friend he noticed a plaque on the wall which said, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life!”

This event only caused a slight disruption in our relationship with our friend.

155- The Peace of Acceptance

155-The Peace of Acceptance

Sept 21, 1985

This peace of acceptance is so precious. The grace of God has met me here. I have accepted Dan’s job hours, the stress, his preoccupation with the building even while at home. I have accepted my long hours with my sons and am enjoying them. I have accepted that we may not have a family vacation to the redwoods and the ocean, that I may not get to go to the Pastors’ Conference again this year. I have accepted caring for Dan’s grandmother, Dan’s lack of nice clothes, the boys’ high water pants. There is a ton of grace and joy on me. I love it. I love God. I have seen wonderful self control, by the Spirit of God, and answers to intercession. WONDERFUL GOD! PLEASE HELP ME NOT TO BOAST BUT TO BE QUIET AND CONFIDENT IN YOU!

1 Corinthians 15:10 (but I labored even more than all of them) yet not I but the grace of God with me.

That’s how I feel. Someone, something, is working in me, living through me. Who I am right now is so unlike who I really am. I am so joyful, so persevering , so at peace with God and my husband—it must be God in me! Bless You!

Daddy’s making goofy faces to get us to laugh. It worked. (Notice the thick gold shag carpet.)

153- Praying Loud and Long!

153- Praying Loud and Long!

July 8, 1985

Pastor Dave gave a great message yesterday on Preparing for Entering into our Promised Land:

         ~keep defining your purpose,

         ~keep it fresh,

         ~keep facing it in faith.

Today my purpose was to get Mark and Daniel their much overdue shots.

Everyone slept till 8 except Steve. He woke up early and had a 30 minute crying spell! I wavered–should I still try to go?

NO–I will not waver! My purpose was so firm, I was determined. 

EVERYTHING WORKED OUT BEAUTIFULLY. We found out once we got there that Steve needed a shot and a polio booster, too. Didn’t tell him. He was first and didn’t even flinch!

Steve and Mark stayed with Dan at the property. Did wonderfully!

Tim and Daniel went with me to SaknSave—did wonderfully!

Miraculous—everyone’s attitude was great!

What Steve’s mysterious fussing pushed me to was long and desperate prayer. Plus I prayed aloud all the way to the Health Dept and then all the way to the store.

Last night we met Dan at the property. We were late, rushed. I prayed loud, long, desperately. It went SO WELL. I even took 9 of the kids on a hike (that’s NOT me!) and organized them for frisbee and catch. JOYFULLY!

Later: I had read an article discussing following God with your whole heart. Which included:

Jeremiah 29:13 And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

So I prayed with my whole heart.

Also I’ve been thinking about: If you want to be great in God’s kingdom, learn to be the servant of all.

I prayed accordingly and got my opportunity tonight night with all 4 boys fussing at one point! Dan was at church at the elders’ meeting. He and I got to bed at 11:30, then Dan was up 1:30 and then at 3:00 with boys. I took over till 4:30. We all slept till 6:30 then I walked ½ hour.

Rather than getting mad, rather than trying to sneak away if they seemed settled, only to have to get up again, I prayed for Jesus’ servant heart. I became content, kind, ministered, prayed. I woke up relatively rested and in a good mood! Miracle.

151- God Gave Me His Perspective

151- God Gave Me His Perspective

July 2, 1985

Prayed today that I could cry tears [I don’t cry easily] over the up 6-8 times a night ordeal and really give it to God. I tried to pray tonight. What do I ask? What do I say? So I asked the Spirit to pray.

I was in the midst of getting the boys to bed on this hot summer’s night. Everyone was resisting. Daniel (age 1 ½) wanted to be walked then took his jammies off so he could cool off. Mark and Steve both said: “I’m scared.” Timmy wanted more water—“it’s too hot!”

By 9:20 I’m saying to myself: “they’re taking my life—my whole life!” And I hear –“no, it’s ME taking your whole life—won’t you die so I can have all of it? You are not resisting the boys only (and that makes you feel guilt enough)—you’re resisting ME, You’re Savior.”

I argue—“but what about my monthly letters home—I’m two behind– and thehomeschool library book due in 3 days—I’m only halfway through it (School Can Wait); and Redpath’s book, and the ironing. I could have done all of those tonight! They’re all good things—it’s not like I’m watching dumb tv shows or gabbing on the phone. I just don’t get it!! I’ve already let go of so much.”

Redpath, p 83 (Victorious Christian Living) “Fellow Christian, do not be afraid of the knife. It is in the hand of the lover of your soul, Jesus your Savior. Whatever be the cost…let today be the place of absolute renunciation of everything that the Spirit of God reveals to you is contrary to His will.” (crabbing and having a stinky attitude are not Your will, Lord, I repent!)

        page 84 As you submit, God becomes real. Obey Him.

       page 85 Five minutes in heaven will make all of the suffering and agony real—the suffering and the agony is about the conflict and the battle to do the will of God. Until we get to heaven, God’s purpose is that we should feast on our Lord Jesus. I must enjoy Jesus in my heart before I can tell others about Him.  (I’m not enjoying You, Lord, I’m not rejoicing in all things and having faith that they will settle down eventually.)

       page 86 How much time have you spent with God in quiet, opened Bible, waiting on Him? IN THE QUIET PLACE YOUR WEAKNESS COULD HAVE ABSORBED HIS STRENGTH, your restlessness could have been stilled by His power and peace, your impatience could have absorbed the grace and long-suffering of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Thank you, Alan Redpath, for perspective on my wonderful life and Jesus’ availability.

150- Living the ‘at home mom’ Life

150- Living the

‘at-home mom’ life

June 12, 1985

Walked early, unburdened myself, praised, prayed.

Had time with Tim (school), with Steve (hanging out with us), Mark (game), and Danny (snuggling and making him laugh).

Oh, it was so satisfying!                          [PICTURE OF THEM)

They water-colored, then played outside with our neighbor, Sandra.

By 1:00 I was exhausted, short-tempered. BUT I RECOVERED QUICKLY! Praise the Lord!!

Five or six nights of little sleep is getting to me.

I do believe the verses from yesterday and my agreement with God over them, my disgust with myself and repentance, helped this day to be clear and abundant. Bless God.

Here we go again—God is reminding me:

Prov 16:32 He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city.

June 18

I have sinusitis or strep infection. Doc gave me amoxicillan and a decongestant. I have still been up 6-8 times a night with hot weather (the weather is HOT!) or sick boys or bright-eyed baby. Tired! But my attitude has been pretty good.

‘Bless me’ prayers and petitions continue.

Dan is still really ‘carrying’ the building, bearing weight of it.

We went out to dinner Friday—we both feel we may be released in the fall to go to Bible School after the building is completed.

I see how God is helping me to be less dependent on Dan and have an easier time making decisions around the house. I am taking more responsibility and not putting it all on him, i.e., weeding, cleaning basement, arranging toys, allowances (spending, saving, tithing), homeschool decisions, etc. I’m complaining less and accepting Dan’s absence more, I’m happier because of the acceptance.

Psalm 57:2 I will cry to God Most High, to God who accomplishes all things for me.

149- Shouldn’t Be Under It, But I Am

149- Shouldn’t be Under It,  But I Am

June 11, 1985

Father, how do I get myself under you? I mean under your dominion!

I stay overwhelmed by the chores, children, clothes, errands, cleaning, etc.

Then I despise myself for being such a weak Christian and do nothing well.

Bless me, Father, bless me.

Why can’t I heed instruction (as in Proverbs 1) and be consistent?

Why have I become afraid of fellowship?

Because I feel like a failure as a Christian, I hate myself!

Bless me, bless me, Father.

Proverbs 8:34-36

~ listen to wisdom daily

~ excitedly

~ wait for wisdom with anticipation

~ you will find life

~ you will find Jesus

~ you will get his favor

~ if you hate wisdom you love death.

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 8:34 Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my gates waiting at my doorposts, for it is he who finds life and obtains favor from the Lord.

Day by day, Georgann. Recognize your condition for what it is, pour out your heart to the Lord, and go quickly to Jesus and to the Bible. Truth waits for you, truth transforms you.  You are okay. Just stay tight with Him.