140- The Old Birth Control Issue Rises Again

140- The Old Birth Control Issue Rises Again

January 22, 1985

Dear Lord, Do You care if we do something permanent about birth control?  

Dan called to make a vasectomy appointment.

He called back to ask about paying on the installment plan. She told him that $350 was due at the time of the operation. He cancelled the appointment.

I’m not sure if this operation is Your will for us, but it seems to be people’s will for us: we have been given money by Dan’s dad, Danny and Lynn, the Theilmans, and my parents, just not quite enough.

February 17

Because of the nighttime ups and downs it seems sensible to say—no more!

March 7

This is the day that the vasectomy appointment was scheduled to be done. I have been praying in the Spirit about this issue. My old Catholic conscience interferes with my logic and my desire to not go back on our deal with the Lord that He would plan our family.

June 4

Yesterday I asked God to show me my hearts’ desire about our family. The thoughts came today that I would like a dozen children! But the reality is that I have not the years left, the money, the nervous system for it. The thought also came that God gives us CHOICES: I cannot do everything. I am one person with so much time, money and energy. I would like to teach the boys at home, because I feel so led by God. I love teaching, I am experienced and feel gifted. It would give me input into the boys’ lives now at the time I can really relate to them. Then when the time comes to let them go, I would be more ready for it. I feel like I’ve had so little personal one-on-one time with them. I KNOW I could make it up! Is this of You, Father? Please speak to me about it. The vasectomy is in 2 days. Bless You.

Thank You for working out praising in me. Let it be…let it continue. Such peace and contentment have come to me these last few days. I refuse to worry and fear, I look not at the messy house, I do not compare myself with Jenny. I praise You that I’m ME and that You are in my life and leading me. Living daily here—so who’s there to impress? I’m less uptight, more relaxed. Singing…

June 6 Our little platoon trooped into the waiting room, Dan had the operation… more on this in a few years.

133- Firmly Established Hope

133- Firmly Established Hope

December 18, 1984

The phone just rang—it was Michele with a compassionate heart. Yesterday when I asked Dan about counseling with someone he suggested Carla, but now I’m thinking Michele.

Received a letter from Bruce, in Florida.

Both Michele and Bruce said the same thing: stand on the Word.

Luke 21:33 Heaven and earth will pass away, but MY WORDS will not pass away.

I can depend on God’s word.

1 Corinthians 1:7 and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings you are also sharers of our comfort.

There is HOPE. It is firmly established hope. We have sufferings as Christians, but we also have much comfort: 

1-in Christ  2 Cor 9:8 And God is able to make all grace about to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed

2-in the Holy Spirit – John 14:16 I will pray the Father, and He shall give you another Comforter, that He may abide with you forever.

3in the Father of all mercies, the God of all comfort – Corinthians 1:3  Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort.

I still feel my burdens are far beyond my ability to cope right now.

2 Corinthians 1:8-9 For we…were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead.

There is a reason for these sufferings which are putting our own resources to death. It is so we will not trust in ourselves but in God.

2 Corinthians 1:10 who (God) delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, HE ON WHOM WE HAVE SET OUR HOPE. AND HE WILL YET DELIVER US.

I really was in despair. I was clinging to God the best I knew how, but I was very depressed. At some point during these months that we lived at the Grandview place, I loaded the boys into the car and drove up to the church property and told Dan that I felt completely hopeless and could only see blackness. He said, “It’s the devil. Don’t listen to his lies.” He prayed a quick prayer for me and something awful broke off of me. It had been sucking me into darkness and hopelessness. Jesus said: And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32    Praise God, I was free. 

127- Following God’s Trail – #9

127- Following God’s Trail – #9

June 12 –My new doctor, I found out, is controversial. Karen’s friend had a bad experience with him. He seemed so nice and cooperative. We made an appointment for Friday induction and delivery, 6:30am.

June 13 –Jackie S offered to take our three boys on Friday!

Heard from Life (missionary organization)—they don’t take a couple that has divorce in their history to Japan. Ps 44:3 is working for us—His FAVOR is moving on our behalf.

For they did not gain possession of the land by their own sword, nor did their own arm save them; but it was Your right hand, Your arm, and the light of Your countenance, because You favored them.

Heard from another Bible School, but we are already taken!

June 14 –FAITHFUL IS HE WHO CALLS YOU, AND HE ALSO WILL BRING IT TO PASS. 1 Thessalonians 5:24 Need I say more?

During this season I was reading: Andrew Murray, Basilea Schlink, Keith & Melodie Green’s Last Days’ Ministries newsletter, Don Bashama (Face Up with a Miracle), Dorrie Aldrich (Musings of a Mother),  Alan Redpath (Victorious Christian Living), Oswald Chambers, Bible.

June 15 –At the hospital: Dan and I had the leisure to pray for several hours, as a very kind Christian nurse supervised the induction procedure and increased the pitocin very very slowly. Daniel George [my father is George] was 9 pounds. The idea to deliver early was the right one! And God was gracious to give me ladies to stand with me so that it happened!

Timmy, Stevie, and Mark visited their new brother in the hospital.

Sweet baby Daniel was born with very bowed legs and two hours after he was born his legs were put in casts! [The casts remained on his legs for 6 weeks and his legs turned out perfectly. Praise God for the wonders of medical science and for competent doctors and nurses.]

Peggy took the 3 boys on Monday and brought a roast beef dinner when she brought them home! Karen came every day to do laundry and pick up and wash dishes, to make sure I kept my legs elevated. The doctor was concerned about the veins in my legs and prescribed compression nylons. Gramma and Auntie, who were our next door neighbors, also popped in to help. Susie took the kids on Tues morning, then Lynn came by and took them overnight! Jenny took them on Thursday and Dan was home on Friday. Michelle took the boys two separate days the next week.

We had a strong group of friends and faithful prayer warriors. We knew we were blessed. 

121- Following God’s Trail – #3

121- Following God’s Trail – #3

February 2, 1984 –  Carla had good things to say about Elim.

On KNIS, we were listening to an inspirational story about Duncan Campbell applying for missionary service at age 50. He had a family and the organization was very hesitant. They wanted single men who would serve as itinerant preachers. But it became clear to them that it was God’s will to take Duncan, and that God was expanding their minds. When Duncan was making a major decision that would affect the lives of his family members, God reminded him: He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me in not worthy of Me. Matthew 10:37-38

Boy did that hit me! I have been putting Dan down for doing just that! Thank You, Father, for Your perspective once again. Also, God wants me to assume my full share of this responsibility. He knows me, that I would easily slide and shirk.

February 4 – Connie called and is sad and upset that we are going so far away.

Dan saw a 1970 red Suburban in good shape on a car lot yesterday $3200. But someone else had already made a cash offer. The salesman almost laughed at us. He said our car was worth $100 if it were sold on a car lot. (true) We know God could hold it for us and also provide the money for it. We would LOVE to have one of those wonderful stories of His provision.

Mumbo is upset with our move and our life choice to preach the gospel.

The people who should be so happy that we are giving ourselves to such an eternally worthwhile endeavor, every one of them is worried, confused, and does not understand at all. Praise You God for the clarity and comfort of Your word.

Feb 5 – Dan went to look at the Suburban again. He called the library and Bluebook on it is only $2660. They are asking $3295.  Thank You, Jesus. The truth will set you free!

The appraisal on our house came out to be $100,000.

Feb 7  – John and Jackie had a couple over to dinner last night that was from NY. They said Lima (where Elim is located) is full of big trees and farm land and it is very green. Hallelujah!

God is using Duncan Campbell’s biography as an evangelist and a faith missionary to answer my long-time prayer for meeting a missionary that we could identify with in preparation for our mission. The people we live around are wonderful, but someone who has turned themselves over so completely and seen God work mightily through their full surrender is the inspiration and counsel we need.

Feb 12—Danny called. They qualified for $89,500 loan. That is $10,500 short of our asking price.  Dan said he still felt peace so I decided not to panic.

Feb 14—Dan called Elim. Admissions lady, Judy, sent Dan’s application to the Committee without the Bodenseehof transcripts. She said she should know this afternoon and would call us.

What if things move fast??

116- God’s Revealed Will For Us

116- God’s Revealed Will

For Us

November 22, 1983

Dan has been heavy and burdened. Today I felt such compassion for the frustrations he was feeling and I asked God to please speak to Dan about His will for us. My best friend’s husband, Paul, came over to get some teaching tapes from us, totally out-of-the-blue, spontaneous, and unusual.

He knew we were reviving our interest in Dan getting more training so that we could get to Japan and fulfill our calling.

He had come primarily because he felt he had a word from the Lord for us:

“there is a family and a house waiting to receive you or in the process of being prepared for you. They will appreciate your strong commitment to the Lord and His work. Love is waiting for your family. The Lord is saying: go north, far north, and do not put off applying the school there. People there are professional, stable, mature.”

Dan took this word to heart and set to work on his application to Elim Bible Institute in upstate New York. We sent it off a few weeks later. He also applied himself to completing the finishing touches to our solar house so we could put it on the market.

Besides our pastor’s sermons and the books we were reading, many visiting speakers to our church fueled our enthusiasm in trusting in Jesus and living our lives full of faith in Him.

Anthony Campolo spoke at our church and we also listened to his messages on the Christian radio station, KNIS. Campolo said:

*it’s okay to be poor if it’s because you’ve given everything away.

*we need to cry over the things God cries over.

*be yielded and surrendered so Jesus can use you.

*Jesus didn’t preach prosperity.

Paul arriving with a word for us on the day I had prayed was remarkable. We had been waiting and praying for a breakthrough and this was it.

115- Have You Heard Of….?

115- Have You Heard of ….

September 18, 1983

Have you heard of a condition called Erythema multiforme? Writing it brings up my emotions as I remember our son’s experience.

Erythema multiforme (EM) is an acute, self-limited, and sometimes recurring skin condition that is considered to be a type IV hypersensitivity reaction associated with certain infections, medications, and other various triggers. Erythema multiforme may be present within a wide spectrum of severity. (from emedicine.medscape.com)

During exceptional events, life is so disorganized that journaling does not happen. My journal skips from September 18 to September 24.

Such was the case when Mark (#3 son), age 18 months, woke up one morning with alarming signs of bruising on his torso. He had not fallen, it was not an injury. We were flummoxed. We took him to the pediatrician, and she put him in the hospital. She said it was a disease that she had heard of but never dealt with.

We immediately called the church prayer chain and friends responded heroically to help us out with babysitting, meals, and every support possible.

Because of Mark’s young age, his hospital crib, which was tall enough for him to stand up in, had strong bars and looked like a cage. The bruising increased and moved around on his body. It looked like he had been severely physically abused. We got many strange looks from people.

Elders from our church and friends came to the hospital to pray.

Mark did exceptionally well in his ordeal. Friends’ prayers brought tons of grace to his spirit and he was not afraid. All of the nurses loved him.

Our friends’ prayers sustained us also.

Life happens. There is no substitute for being in a Bible-teaching church and making good friends there. You can be there for them and they will be there for you in the good times and the stressful times. We have never been more than a few weeks between churches, and in 40 years and living in several US cities we have had many excellent church experiences and only a few bad ones.

113- Praying, Surrendering, Hearing from God

113- Praying, Surrendering, Hearing from God

August 16, 1983

Surrendering to You, Lord, I release our house, our living in Reno, our church and friends, our close-by relatives (Dan’s) and our far-away relatives (mine).

I open myself up— 

*to prosperity

*to deeper teaching of the Word

*to geographical move

*to a closer walk with You

*to being the wife of a student

*to embracing Dan’s furthering his education

 September 2

I am claiming this:

Isaiah 32:18 My people will dwell in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.

September 6

I MUST keep full of the Word – or else I am not secure about Jesus being all I need and worthy of worship and service.

September 8

I am realizing that I am very fearful and anxious about the unknown…the next step…

moving… where?… we sent letters to four Bible schools.

I need grace for this Jesus.

Philippians 3:8 I count all things loss …and count them as rubbish that I may gain Christ.

September 14

John 10:11 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.

Realizing that I am to shepherd my boys and give my life for them—really, lay down my life daily on their behalf, that THEY might be raised to fear God. I do choose that.

Having lately chosen intercession over friendships has been wonderful, and turning to praying over socializing. I hope I will be able to continue. On Saturday at the KNIS picnic such a work of the Spirit had happened in me that I SAW gossip, I SAW the “traps” and stayed clear.

96- How God Met Us in Our Time of Need

96- How God Met Us in Our Time of Need

Dan with Tim, Steve, Mark–ages 4, 3, 1 1/2

 March 4, 1983  I also need to see more victory in my relationship with Dan. We are going through a hard time. I am having trouble accepting how busy he is for You. I am sorry. Let me not retaliate in any way, but in loving him more.

March 7, 1983  Saturday we left the boys with Lynn and Danny for 3 hours to have time together. What a blessing it was. We resolved to follow our interest in missions, after laying out our lives afresh and seeing a few areas we could begin moving in. We trust God’s continued leading. We decided to write several missionary groups (so as to “keep moving” in the direction of missions). Dan will contact the bank regarding re-financing so we can get some cash for our necessities. We prayed and relaxed and felt closer. We had needed the time for communication.

Thank you for Anointed for Burial and for the time to read it. This couple, young in the Lord, but totally available, greatly used by your Spirit, breathtakingly. Hallelujah. 

Sunday morning. I prayed about where to sit because I really wanted to worship. We put our things down, but someone took our seats, and the only seats available were even closer to the front! After tears and tears and tears during worship (I had also prayed against self consciousness in worshiping), there was mighty prophecy over Dan—“able to teach clearly” (which is his heart’s desire), “you will give bread to the hungry,” and “you will say God sustained you during this time.”

I wept and wept. We needed to hear from You so much Lord, almost more than we realized, but You knew.

Psalm 7:9…for the righteous God tests the hearts and minds.

Ps 37:3 …trust in the Lord…feed on His faithfulness

        v 19 …in days of famine they shall be satisfied

        v 25 …not begging bread

        v 39 …the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord

                …He is their strength in time of trouble

        v 40 …He shall help them and deliver them…and save them

              because they trust in Him.          

91 Death to Self vs Giving Vent to Self

91- Death to Self

vs

Giving Vent to Self

November 19, 1982

At dinner last night with Pastor Dave and Linda, I was able to ask my question: several women have been telling me of receiving counsel that says they need to express themselves, to be themselves. And I wondered, whatever happened to ‘death to self’ which is Jesus’ way.

Pastor said: the human natural way is to repress and psychology says express. To repress hurts us and to express hurts (inflicts) others with our problems. But to release our feelings to Jesus is the healthy way, the only way that really works. Then Jesus can change me, change others, change circumstances, heal, build up, restore—whatever He deems appropriate.

Praise God for saving me from the wrong counsel. Please advise my friends.

another November day, no date noted

Thank You for teaching me about walking after the flesh vs walking after the Spirit. I am so convicted about my visit with FF yesterday and my accepting the conversation—even participating! I feel rotten. I hate gossip.

Matthew 12:36 …every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account of it on the day of judgment.

November 26

Psalm 92:15…the Lord is upright. He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.

This is something wonderful about God’s character.

84- Reflections on My Month of Teaching at the Christian School

84- Reflections On My Month of Teaching at the Christian School

October 1, 1982

My last day of teaching at Sierra Christian School.

I am so relieved. The students and the staff are such a wonderful group. I pray they get a top-notch replacement for me. I learned so much about so much!

  1. Go to God, not to friends, for decision making. I believe there is wisdom in counsel so I took Karen’s, John’s, and my mom’s, “Pro”-counsel. I did not hear any “Anti”-counsel. And I did NOT earnestly seek God. I let me, and Dan let me, flow into it. Glad my husband is open-handed with me and not controlling.
  2. I gained self worth. Getting dressed up every day, being able to get out, feel important and needed, praying with the adult staff daily, being loved and accepted by them, fairly adequately teaching an unfamiliar subject, being accepted by the students, and learning that I like those age groups.
  3. I appreciate being able to CHOOSE motherhood. I saw that I can expect more out of Timmy and Stephen as far as playing independently.
  4. I saw me during that time being a witch often at home—ug! May I cope by the Spirit and not by the flesh, O Lord.
  5. I choose to have devotional time—rather than to go out of my home and be distracted by a job. Devotions can happen during the boys’ nap time. O Lord, grant that I may use this time wisely and to Your glory. I long to pray and be in the Word and in fellowship with You. I would rather pray for the students than try to teach them about telescopes and stars.

Thank You, Lord, for the experience, the lessons, the new relationships. I LOVE YOU.