96- How God Met Us in Our Time of Need

96- How God Met Us in Our Time of Need

Dan with Tim, Steve, Mark–ages 4, 3, 1 1/2

 March 4, 1983  I also need to see more victory in my relationship with Dan. We are going through a hard time. I am having trouble accepting how busy he is for You. I am sorry. Let me not retaliate in any way, but in loving him more.

March 7, 1983  Saturday we left the boys with Lynn and Danny for 3 hours to have time together. What a blessing it was. We resolved to follow our interest in missions, after laying out our lives afresh and seeing a few areas we could begin moving in. We trust God’s continued leading. We decided to write several missionary groups (so as to “keep moving” in the direction of missions). Dan will contact the bank regarding re-financing so we can get some cash for our necessities. We prayed and relaxed and felt closer. We had needed the time for communication.

Thank you for Anointed for Burial and for the time to read it. This couple, young in the Lord, but totally available, greatly used by your Spirit, breathtakingly. Hallelujah. 

Sunday morning. I prayed about where to sit because I really wanted to worship. We put our things down, but someone took our seats, and the only seats available were even closer to the front! After tears and tears and tears during worship (I had also prayed against self consciousness in worshiping), there was mighty prophecy over Dan—“able to teach clearly” (which is his heart’s desire), “you will give bread to the hungry,” and “you will say God sustained you during this time.”

I wept and wept. We needed to hear from You so much Lord, almost more than we realized, but You knew.

Psalm 7:9…for the righteous God tests the hearts and minds.

Ps 37:3 …trust in the Lord…feed on His faithfulness

        v 19 …in days of famine they shall be satisfied

        v 25 …not begging bread

        v 39 …the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord

                …He is their strength in time of trouble

        v 40 …He shall help them and deliver them…and save them

              because they trust in Him.          

91 Death to Self vs Giving Vent to Self

91- Death to Self

vs

Giving Vent to Self

November 19, 1982

At dinner last night with Pastor Dave and Linda, I was able to ask my question: several women have been telling me of receiving counsel that says they need to express themselves, to be themselves. And I wondered, whatever happened to ‘death to self’ which is Jesus’ way.

Pastor said: the human natural way is to repress and psychology says express. To repress hurts us and to express hurts (inflicts) others with our problems. But to release our feelings to Jesus is the healthy way, the only way that really works. Then Jesus can change me, change others, change circumstances, heal, build up, restore—whatever He deems appropriate.

Praise God for saving me from the wrong counsel. Please advise my friends.

another November day, no date noted

Thank You for teaching me about walking after the flesh vs walking after the Spirit. I am so convicted about my visit with FF yesterday and my accepting the conversation—even participating! I feel rotten. I hate gossip.

Matthew 12:36 …every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account of it on the day of judgment.

November 26

Psalm 92:15…the Lord is upright. He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him.

This is something wonderful about God’s character.

84- Reflections on My Month of Teaching at the Christian School

84- Reflections On My Month of Teaching at the Christian School

October 1, 1982

My last day of teaching at Sierra Christian School.

I am so relieved. The students and the staff are such a wonderful group. I pray they get a top-notch replacement for me. I learned so much about so much!

  1. Go to God, not to friends, for decision making. I believe there is wisdom in counsel so I took Karen’s, John’s, and my mom’s, “Pro”-counsel. I did not hear any “Anti”-counsel. And I did NOT earnestly seek God. I let me, and Dan let me, flow into it. Glad my husband is open-handed with me and not controlling.
  2. I gained self worth. Getting dressed up every day, being able to get out, feel important and needed, praying with the adult staff daily, being loved and accepted by them, fairly adequately teaching an unfamiliar subject, being accepted by the students, and learning that I like those age groups.
  3. I appreciate being able to CHOOSE motherhood. I saw that I can expect more out of Timmy and Stephen as far as playing independently.
  4. I saw me during that time being a witch often at home—ug! May I cope by the Spirit and not by the flesh, O Lord.
  5. I choose to have devotional time—rather than to go out of my home and be distracted by a job. Devotions can happen during the boys’ nap time. O Lord, grant that I may use this time wisely and to Your glory. I long to pray and be in the Word and in fellowship with You. I would rather pray for the students than try to teach them about telescopes and stars.

Thank You, Lord, for the experience, the lessons, the new relationships. I LOVE YOU.

83- Relief Financially and with Birth Control Decision

83- Relief Financially and With Birth Control Decision

Sept 10, 1982

With the money God provided through Darrell’s gift, we tithed a chunk. Amen. Payed $1,100 worth of bills! Bought linoleum for the dining room and hall for $60 (we had looked at the same brand earlier for $500).

Praise the Lord for the attitude in both of us that we would be very sensible—so that the Lord’s money could be used many places. We found two area rugs: living room $94 and boys’ room $64, and we found bamboo shades on sale. By Your grace, Lord, they’ll be perfect!

We told Sister Julianna [the lady who was coaching us with Natural Family Planning] we were going to trust the Lord for our birth control. Her reaction floored me, but was a great confirmation. She said, “that’s the ideal, the best you could do—walk by faith, totally trusting God.” We’re going to meet again in a month for dinner here, Lord willing, as friends without the mucous charting concerns. She said her program “is a crutch, as are all the other means of birth control. God is still the master planner.”

Dan is building a fence for our friends in exchange for a 20 cu ft fridge. Praise God.

68- Where’s My Focus?

68- Where’s My Focus?

Dan had obtained a CofO (Certificate of Occupancy) from the city of Reno, but our new solar house was still pretty unfinished inside. Through all these trials (multiple pregnancies, two little rambunctious boys and a newborn, fatigue, low income, unfinished house, multiple moves) God was teaching me to trust Him and to be joyful. I was a s-l-o-w learner.

This paragraph from a magazine was scotch taped into my journal. It was titled ON FAITH, by Howard Hendricks: God never tells you He won’t put you in the fire. What He has said is He won’t put you in the fire alone. FAITH is not only the means of entrance into the Christian life; it is the means of growth in the Christian life. FAITH flourishes in the fire. I am convinced that God will not use you greatly until He tests you thoroughly. When He has tested you thoroughly, don’t be surprised if He picks you as His instrument to accomplish purposes that you didn’t dream would ever be accomplished through your life. My deep prayer for you is that God will give you FAITH, vision, and courage equal to your opportunity.

I believed those words, I believed that God was IN the fire with me and that I was safe and in His will, I trusted Him. And as I dodged the flames, I was pouring out my heart in my journal, needing His help to cope. I was fighting to keep my FOCUS on Jesus!!

May 26, 1982 I know I am focusing on the house, rather than on the Lord, BUT I am trying to be thankful in all things! So, here’s my list of what I am being thankful for: Thank You for no doors in this house, no living room curtains, no tile in the bathrooms or kitchen, no vanity or tub in the boys’ bathroom, no bought shower curtains, no rock walkway outside, dirty windows (33 of them), [most at ground level because the house is burmed into the side of the hill], no floor covering, no landscaping, no closet shelves, no garage, no fence. Father, I do love You—I’m just trying to follow the “being thankful in everything” rule by listing these things. It still seems like a bit much to ask of me.

Today I read:

Psalm 115:12 The Lord has been mindful of us; He will bless us; He will bless the house of Israel; HE WILL BLESS THE HOUSE OF (Aaron) DAN!!!

Yesterday Dan read: Psalm 113:7 He raises the poor from the dust, and lifts the needy from the ash heap.

During this time I began listening to the Nancy Missler tapes about Agape Love, over and over and over. And taking notes. Nancy helped me to FOCUS on leaning on Jesus for the love God needed me to give away every day in my life.

Me and my 3 sons (one is hiding)

The following entry is from a letter I wrote to my parents. Betty (who the boys called Tutu), Dan’s father’s wife who was my age and who was becoming a very good friend, was a direct answer to my prayers for help. 

November 10, 1981

Tomorrow is shopping day. Tutu has been going with us a couple of times a month, and she enjoys doing this with us. She takes Timmy or Stephen in her shopping cart and I take the other one [and once Mark was born, I carried him in a front pack]. We make our way through the store (usually laughing–she’s such an upbeat person and thinks everything the boys do and say is funny!).  Then after we go through the check out aisle, while I strap the boys into their car seats, she puts all of the groceries in the car. At our house she carries my bags inside while I get the boys out of the car seats and occupied. She transfers her groceries to her car and drives around the mountain to her house. Such a friend. Such a great help.

Thanking You today as I am writing this!–

Tutu, my dear friend

for Tutu who was a very special person. We are looking forward to our reunion with her in heaven.

64- You Subdue My Peoples

64- You Subdue My Peoples…

Call upon Me in the day of trouble. Psalm 50:15

This is a God story that is one of the most important of my life, because God met me so practically. He was so real to me as I cried out in desperation.

I was struggling one day when the boys were excessively fussy, the house was more than messy, and I felt very overwhelmed.

Sept 19, 1981 I cried out to the Lord with a loud voice, went to my Bible and prayed, Psalm 139:23a “Search me, O God.” My eyes fell on the opposite page:

Psalm 144:1-2 Blessed be the LORD, my strength, who teaches my hands to war, and my fingers to fight; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and He in whom I trust, WHO SUBDUES MY PEOPLES UNDER ME.

I felt God was saying to me: Keep praising and blessing Me. This is war. This is spiritual attack and I am teaching you how to fight: which means… how to keep Your eyes on Jesus in the midst of a trial. He is your goodness now, because you have none of your own, He is your fortress now—because You are defenseless. He is your high tower now—take refuge in Him. He is delivering you now, believe it and watch Him. He is your shield against the fiery darts of the devil—call on Him now. Trust Jesus. Besides all that…He is subduing the boys. LISTEN!

Thank You, Lord, for keeping me from anger, from screaming! It is You who impressed on me that frustration and yelling are rude and they are futile, they do not work. Thank You for sweet victory, for answered prayer, for the reality of my Living Lord and the Living Word! Thank You, Jesus, for proving Yourself to be my refuge. You are teaching me not wallow in disappointment when things don’t go my way or when people don’t call but that You are my ever-present and available help in time of trouble. I am learning to rely on You, not on friends.

Psalm 144:12 That our sons may be like plants grown up in their youth… I take this verse personally and ask that they be wise and stand tall and be grown up even in their youth, so that You may receive glory. Teach us that we may teach them. Keep us in right attitude and perspective.

Me with my boys, just before Mark was born~

59- A Major Change in Our Theology

59- A Major Change in Our Theology

I was steeped in evangelical theology and was being challenged in our new church with its Pentecostal theology.

August 8, 1981  I see clearly, Lord, I am surrendered– but too defeated or weak or lazy or just plain unbelieving to believe and trust You for victory in so many areas: canker sores, stuffed nose from hay fever, spotting, sleeplessness–all physical maladies. I believe You are breaking me, humbling me, by these miserable curses and so my prayers won’t change Your mind, so I try to surrender and suffer silently, passively. Yet, it seems like I am believing a lie, Lord!

A few days later I read: Hosea 4:6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge! Teach Me Lord, speak to me! Where am I missing it?

There was a huge conflict going on! This is not uncommon when the Spirit is leading someone into new spiritual territory.

jesus-saves-pentecostal-church

The evangelical belief questioned any focus on the Holy Spirit. Yes, He was God, third person of the Trinity, but Jesus was to be the focus. Evangelicals believed that Jesus healed when He was on earth, but that He only occasionally healed since the resurrection. They would pray but the prayers were rooted in a firm belief that if God chose not to heal someone, it was His will that Christians suffer and that He taught his followers big and important lessons in suffering. Whereas the Pentecostals believed firmly that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:8 and what He did when He was on earth, He will do today through those who believe in His power. Pentecostals pray and believe for healing.

Our theology has progressed to: It is God’s will to heal. God is good and God is love and He does not afflict with illness.

49- Still Agonizing Over Going…

49- Still Agonizing Over Going to Another Planet!

History: Although I had spent six months of my first pregnancy in a foreign country, I had been somewhat familiar with western Europe, having spent most of two summers there. Yet the looming challenge of the lengthy flight with an 11-month old baby, being five months pregnant, and going into a country completely alien to me seemed like we were heading for another planet.

In the meantime, we continued to be an adventuresome family, we were not strict homebodies: we had taken 4-month old Timmy camping for a weekend with friends, and had flown with him to Oxnard when he was 6-months old for my sister Connie’s wedding.

 

Another planet named Tokyo...
                Another planet named Tokyo, Japan…

Summarized from February 22 in journal: Even though we had purchased our tickets and were scheduled to leave for Japan in one month (on March 23), I was still praying for the basics which had not lined up: 1) for a place to live for six weeks that would have reasonable rent, be furnished, and be in a good location for what we wanted to accomplish; 2) for edible and healthy food; and 3) for fellowship with the Lord and with English-speaking people. I was reminding the Lord that we would need: 4) a stroller for Timmy, toys, a crib. And 5) I was asking for confirmation or denial of our ‘calling’ to Japan. My prayers were answered amazingly. But first, more of my thinking, more of my interaction with Jesus as a six-year old Christian who was Much-Afraid* and always taking my anxieties to Him.

February 26- I heard a spot on KNIS: I care for you. See the scars on My hands if you need proof.

I said, “BUT LORD, just tell me PRACTICALLY that this is a good idea—maybe from someone who has taken a toddler to Japan…”

Moments later I heard on KNIS: God required Abraham’s only son…Abraham believed, gave the sacrifice God asked. And God spared His son.

I made a transaction with God and gave Him our son in faith, like Abraham had given Isaac. I put him on the altar with trust that Timmy was beloved of God and in His capable hands. And I received PEACE from God.

March 6, 1980 Paraphrased scriptures from my journal: Hebrews 3:12 Unbelief is the only thing that can keep us from God’s love and from all He has for us. Hebrews 3:18-19 Disobedient people cannot enter into His rest. Unbelief is disobedience. Hebrews 4:11 Be diligent to enter that rest.

Lord, what do You mean by REST?

The next day….

March 7 – ANSWER TO MY QUESTION ABOUT REST!

Ps 112:1,6,7,8a  Praise the LORD! How blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in His commandments. For he will never be shaken; the righteous will be remembered forever. He will not fear evil tidings; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. His heart is upheld, he will not fear…. This verse helps me to this day, reminding me not to fear but to steadfastly trust the Lord. And trusting Him would bring my REST!!!

The E-Free missionaries were thrilled to hear that a prospective missionary candidate and his family were scheduled to come to visit. The families in Tokyo, one family in particular, prepared an apartment for us in the Christian Academy in Japan, CAJ, and we were humbled by kitchen hand towels, dish soap, an alarm clock, furniture, sheets & towels, scripture plaques on the walls, a crib and a stroller and many toys for Timmy, as well as food in the refrigerator!

*Reference to Hannah Hurnard’s character in Hinds’ Feet on High Places, which I had read as a new Christian. It’s a classic and gives perspective on the ways of God’s leading in the Christian life, with the central character being a girl named ‘Much Afraid.’ I highly recommend it.

27- When He Asked, I Said, YES!

27- When He Asked, I Said, YES!

Our relationship took on new meaning from that point. I knew without doubt I was in love with Dan, and Dan was very happy to finally have his love returned!

Dan’s journal:

June 10, Saturday evening (more perfect timing arranged by the Lord). I asked Georgann if she thought she could marry me. YES, and we committed our love (union) to the glory of God.

June 11, GLOWING SUNDAY- picnic at Bowers with church friends.

Dan & Georgann, 1978
       Dan & Georgann, 1978, picnic at Bowers

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