289 – I Will Live for Your Approval
January 18, 1988
There is a sensation of Your presence as I move in praise and joy.
The victory for this wonderful day was purchased by my Savior’s blood 2000 years ago. I praise and thank You, Jesus, for a day full of JOY in spite of often-adverse circumstances and other people’s often adverse attitudes.
Today is the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr. Tim was home from school. Mark was sick. Late afternoon I was able to get them to Elim to the nurse. They both have strep.
The JOY lifted me, caressed me, filled me, encouraged me, strengthened me. JOY joyJOY joyjoy
Dan is getting tracts from R. Libby. He has led 400 people to the Lord at Kodak (where Wayne works). His wife is an intercessor. Jesus is the power.
I keep thinking of another baby.
joy joyjoyjoy joy joy joy joy joy JOY joy joyJOY JOY
I believe You, Jesus, for more of it ….. joy joyjoyjoy
John 12: 27-19 When the Father spoke from heaven to Jesus, some heard thunder, some confessed an angel had spoken.
Let me hear the words You speak, Father.
42-43 Some did not confess Him because they loved the approval and praise of men rather than the approval of God.
Let me be one who confesses You before men, my Lord, and wins Your approval.
288 – Learning to Walk in Joy
January 17, 1988
God is teaching me to walk in JOY. During the week of prayer I went forward for prayer for heaviness of heart. But I am still continually defeated by it. I finally took Dan’s suggestion and called Janet last night. He said her testimony in the Lord is growing. She proclaims:
“THE DEVIL WILL NOT STEAL MY JOY! Jesus purchased that joy with His life, death, blood, and His glorious resurrection. If I have not the Lord’s JOY, I have no strength, because THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH. I must have energy and strength. I must have joy. By my will I speak it out, I pursue JOY, I confess His Lordship!” Nehemiah 8:10
It ministered to me. I am sending her the words to the song, I Will Survive—I had asked the Lord to tell me who could really sing it unto Him. That would be my strong-in-the-Lord friend, Janet.
Dan exhorted me to wake up each morning and immediately begin praying in tongues –not to begin calculating how many hours of sleep I got, or how many times I was up with the kids, or what happened yesterday, or what’s on the agenda today. It’s a good word.
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of JOY; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and JOY in the Holy Spirit. Romans 14:17
The fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, peace…. Galatians 5:22
286 – Pride Speaks
Out of My Mouth
January 7, 1988
INSIGHT: It just occurred to me that when I do NOT understand a story about Jesus or am offended by His words to someone in the Bible—that I am being a Pharisee! If I REALLY believed He was God—anything I did not understand I would merely set aside and ask Him for insight, respectfully—because He IS GOD!!
But to scoff or judge is saying: “because I don’t understand, You are wrong, God.”
It is putting me and my intellect ABOVE Almighty God!!!!!
And then I think, “Well, I don’t respect Him when He acts in rude ways—who does He think He is?—God?” YES!
Proverbs 8:8 (wisdom speaking) All of the utterances of my mouth are in righteousness, there is nothing crooked or perverted in them.
This is referring to all the utterances of God’s mouth are righteous, not ever crooked or perverted.
And what about this:
The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate. Proverbs 8:13
Well, I guess I feel like a fool. But, God does not push me away –ever!
YOU ARE GOD. You can do ANY thing You want in my life. I ask to be content with what You bring and to recognize what is not of You. I repent of the pride that has been so arrogant before You, and ask that You would make this a life-changing insight. Thank You in advance, Holy Spirit, for it.
285 – Jesus is the
Only Way to God
December 22, 1987
Mom called. She said Uncle Phil was depressed by Connie’s and my notes to him. [Connie were both very concerned that he was near death and did not know Jesus.] Mom said that he is a very religious man and to challenge his faith was not right. “We all have our own beliefs and we are all sure we’re going to heaven.”
She said she and daddy were offended by all the times I say, God loves you. “We know God loves us!”
Well, I was greatly under attack, wavering, and was greatly shaken. I prayed and cried a little. Then the mail came. Eric and Susie had sent $100.
“We were at the Pastor’s Conference and an offering was taken for a missionary’s work in Japan. Eric said he wanted to give their offering TO US for OUR work in Japan!”
What a vote of confidence from our good friends! What a statement from the Lord! I was so BLESSED! I AM on target. JESUS IS THE WAY! JESUS IS THE ONLY WAY! I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN!! We also received $153 from our Reno church friends, and $20 from Eva.
I was up at 2am and could not go back to sleep. Worried. Prayed. I feel their denying Christ as the ‘only way’ will come to a head for them. I pray Phil understands he needs to surrender his life to Jesus.
Aunt Ginger and Uncle Phil wrote a nice letter in which they told me they will not convert from their own beliefs.
Now Phil is in the hospital with a foot nearing amputation, the circulation is so bad. Will all of this come to a head? Only God knows.
Jesus said to him, “I am the , the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” John 14:6
277 – New Faith Territory
August 31, 1987
Talked to mom, and she encouraged me to let Timmy go have the experiences that will be offered to him in the public school. She related how difficult it was for her to let us go to school, to college, to leave home!! THAT HELPED!!
And I finally got to talk to Donna’s friend, Diane. She called me four times and finally reached me at 9:30 pm! She pursued!! I was impressed.
She faced this same trauma of letting her children ‘go’ last January. They left the Christian school and went to the public school. She has nothing negative to say about it. She said the principal is a born again Christian! She and her husband have even prayed with him! He only hires teachers with high moral standards. He has strong convictions. PRAISE THE LORD! She even said to pray about Stevie going to school also because the first grade teacher is a Christian man who is excellent with the kids. So we are praying.
God, you are setting me free by loving me, leading me gently. You are explaining, comforting, encouraging me. You are wonderful. WONDERFUL…
So, Timmy was released by Dan and I to go to public school. He loved it every day. Steve stayed home with us and we hired a woman to tutor him in reading, and he excelled. The Lord provided a prayer partner who was an Elim friend, Barb. She and I prayed passionately for our sons almost every day on the phone. They both came through unscathed.
O you of little faith, why did you doubt? Matthew 14:31
I doubted because my Lord was taking me into brand new territory!
(v 32 – sort of) And when Georgann got into the boat AND TRUSTED JESUS, the wind stopped!
God always meets me when I come to Him. I just have to stay connected for the journey of faith.
272 -God Always Meets Me
August 13, 1987
I was in a deep quandary about homeschooling. I cried out to my Lord:
Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to Thee I cry ALL DAY LONG. In the day of my trouble I shall call upon Thee’ for Thou wilt answer me. There is NO ONE like Thee among the gods, O Lord; nor are there any works like Thine. Psalm 86:3,7
Mike, dean of married students, made an appointment to meet with us and came to our house. He asked us to be home group leaders. He also wanted to discuss homeschooling. Last year a homeschool family had caused havoc and ended up in court! He loves our testimony of homeschooling and he said that Elim would back our decision to homeschool UNLESS it went against the school district’s recommendations (which is what the other family had done). Here’s the rub: because of their scores on the SAT test, the district wanted Tim and Steve enrolled. I told Mike and he and Dan agreed it would be a good idea to enroll the boys in September. I was horrified.
I went to the Lord, crying, pouring out my heart to the Lord, trying to wrap my head around sending my sons away to school. (The school was in reality just a short walk across the field behind our house).
Then I went to the Word. Nothing really made clear sense in Matthew 10 and 11 that I could relate to our situation. Then the Lord met me with His words:
Matthew 12:25 Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself cannot stand.
Matt 14:25 TAKE COURAGE, IT IS I, DO NOT BE AFRAID!
We can not afford to send the boys to Christian school. So it was important that I surrender and not cause havoc in our home by my stubbornness. I needed to give in, honor my husband, and trust God for our sons’ welfare. And I needed to not be fearful but trust Him.
This brought clarity and the peace of the Holy Spirit. Not that I did not waffle in the days ahead–I did, and so did Dan.
271 – Free Travel, Vending Machines, and Lawsuits
July 31, 1987
We just got back from two full weeks in Reno. Jan and Jim sold their vacation trailer and took up a collection at church to pay for our family’s plane tickets. WOW! We were humbled. Bob and Janet were on vacation and gave us their house to use! To top it off my parents came to town for a 3-day visit. We saw friends and family; we were loved and gave love.
We came back to Livonia to the reality of three lawsuits: Dan’s passenger, Brian; the owner of the Hostess Cupcake truck; and Elizabeth the driver of the truck.
I read in Matt 5:40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also.
It was God’s word, and amazing that I ‘just happened’ to read it today.
But it was not very comforting.
On a family outing we stopped in a gas station along the highway. Inside the bathroom some obscene materials were offered for sale from a vending machine. I felt conscience-bound to call the corporate head of the gas station company for making the materials available.
I wrote out what I was going to say and respectfully told the top-guy my concerns.
Once I cried spontaneously (for the children who have seen this type of machine in a public place). The man I was talking to said, “I understand, believe me!” I followed up with a letter and included the gospel message. I felt so free and relieved afterward.
264 – Keeping It All
in God’s Hands
April 8, 1987
On Monday Dan and I looked at our prayer list and prayed our prayer list. We could line all of these things up as pros and cons regarding going back to Reno or staying here (yes, we are still waffling), but we asked the Lord that we could just HEAR HIS VOICE CLEARLY AND KNOW HIS WILL.
WE WILL TRUST HIM WITH ALL OF THE DETAILS.
To me this is the walk of faith. Keeping everything in God’s hands. Keeping everything in prayer. Seeking His will until He reveals it to me.
Oswald Chambers*: Jesus Christ says: “I have chosen YOU!” It’s not that you have got God, but that He has got you!!…He will do with you what He is not doing with other people. Let Him have His way.
Through relationship with Jesus we find out His plan, and in the power of the Spirit we walk it out.
After chapel I stayed for communion which was heavy with Your Presence.
Jesus fervently desired to eat Passover with His disciples although He knew them so well and knew that they would fail Him and lose faith. (Luke 22:15…)
He fervently desires relationship with me, knowing my past, knowing my future.
Cheryl and Tracey and I prayed together for the power to do what He is calling us to do—and for discipline to spend time with Him so we can know His voice and so that we won’t run out in the flesh and ‘serve God’ and wipe out. We prayed also regarding our husbands. We agreed to meet back at communion next Tuesday to give account to each other of how we did with this.
* I did not reference in my journal where I got Oswald’s quote.
257 – More Time
with My Boys
February 4, 1987
I woke up at 2:30am concerned about Stevie, feeling I’m so busy I don’t just sit and listen and play with him and his brothers. I had a few ideas on how to help each of them: an old idea that each boy could get a turn to go alone with Dan , then with me the next time, to the diner down the street, for a milkshake or something. Walk, hold hands, chat.
also: I could ask Carleen if I could bring one boy at a time to spend the morning with her boys while I am at class at Elim.
also: skip a homeschool subject once in a while to play a game with one boy.
May God help me. Why do I know He will? He always does.
Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. Psalm 37:5
The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Psalm 37:23
255 – He Must Prune Me
January 24, 1987
By God’s wonderful and bountiful grace, I was 1 ½ hours in prayer from 5-6:30am.
This seems crystal clear:
John 15:2 Every branch that does not bear fruit He takes away – anger, selfishness, egocentricity – and every branch that bears fruit He prunes it that it may bear more fruit,
I see that my ministry with children (in public school) bore fruit—but all of these succeeding years have been a pruning process to get me out of me and into Him so that MORE fruit can come to His glory and honor and use.
Although today he prunes my twigs with pain,
Yet doth his blood nourish and warm my root:
Tomorrow I shall put forth buds again
and clothe myself with fruit. -Christina Rosetti