362 – Shook Up

362 – Shook Up

This earthquake was not the big one but it was coming

August 8, 1989 San Francisco

Earthquake! 1:15am, and aftershock. At 9am another earthquake. We went to Auntie Yvonne’s and Grandma Fern’s motel, just to be away from this building.

Dan says this building, Bridgemont, is like the buildings in the Armenian earthquake we saw videos of recently. It is made of reinforced concrete, poured in 1935 and not structurally sound. In a big quake the floors would collapse on top of each other. There are four stories and we are lodged on number two.

We want to move as soon as possible. Anywhere! The only hangup I see is that we need to be where we can home school without stress and trouble. California and Nevada would work.

August 9

We got a letter from the McNeals  that is so exciting because they are doing the STUFF of the gospel in Kenya!! Seeing Jesus work MIRACLES! 

Last spring, Elim wanted us to go to Hong Kong and pass Bibles and Dan would teach Bible studies. Sounding real good now!

August 10

There has been so much stress because of the earthquakes. At church, I worshiped and fervently sought the Lord, then went forward for prayer. I asked the Lord for a word of wisdom. During the pastor’s message, the Lord said to me:

            You can pray for the boys and gently teach them, but you cannot make their arms embrace Jesus or their heads bow to Him.

We read yesterday in Treasures of the Snow, Grandmother encouraged Annette: “you are going to look after little children…they won’t always be good with you. Often you will feel cross and impatient and bad tempered. But the love of Jesus is long suffering and kind; ask Him to meet those cross, bad-tempered thoughts with His love and you’ll find they will leave….If your heart is full of love, there won’t be room for discontent.” pages 236-237 

Love suffereth long and is kind; love envieth not;

                        love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. 1 Corinthians 13:4

361 – Moving Out of Conceit

361 Moving Out of Conceit

August 7, 1989, continued

Give me verses, Jesus, of what my attitude SHOULD BE:

Jeremiah 44:10 humble myself and show reverence to God

Romans 12:3 Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

         4-8 use the gifts He has given

         9 love must be sincere

         10 be devoted to one another in brotherly love; honor one another above yourselves

         14 bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse

         16 live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud but be willing to associate with people of low position.

         And… do not be conceited!

Galatians 5:26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying one another.

Philippians 2:3-5 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather in humility value others better than yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.

1 Peter 5:5b All of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

Ephesians 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

1 Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.

370 – Crusade Experiences

370 – Crusade Experiences

August 23, 1989 San Francisco

Sense a cleansing and a new beginning. In my mind’s eye I see everything in me and in my life as pure white as snow. Step by Step with my High Priest, My Intercessor, will I walk today, leaving behind the OLD, wrapped up in the new life and encouraged, hopeful, pressing on, filled with the Holy Ghost.

I fully relinquish a critical spirit as part of my personality. It is no longer! If it should come near I will by faith rebuke it—as with all lusts of the eye and flesh. I will be content with what I have knowing My God IS IN control. I will receive WISDOM as I cry out for it today regarding ways of honoring my husband and loving and dealing with our children. I expect God’s provision in all areas. Amen and Hallelujah!

August 25

Mario Murillo Crusade on Wed night, Dan received an infilling of the Spirit as powerful as the first laying on of hands in Reno. He received

            Do not grow weary … you will reap! Galatians 6:9

Danny Herd, who was in charge of equipment and organization, said thanks to Dan—that he wished he had ten men like Dan.

The pastor of the church was extremely grateful for Dan and the boys cleaning up each evening before the crusade.

When Dan passed out posters of the Cow Palace Crusade in Hunters Point District, he said he was well received.

Timmy and Markie went forward for the baptism of the Holy Spirit!! Markie said he almost got pushed down by the Spirit, he was swaying back and forth, but didn’t want to fall.

Tim and Markie were prayed for by Caleb Quaye and Tim also was prayed for by Pastor Stewart and Mario Murillo’s wife. Praise God. His jaw is still in place. We will see what the Lord will do.

The Holy Spirit came on me in intercession and in love.

357 Undivided Heart to Honor You

357 – Undivided Heart

   to Honor You

August 3, 1989 San Francisco

Psalm 86

        verse 1 hear me

        v 2 save me

        v 3 be merciful

        v 4 bring joy to me

            Psalm 4:7 You have filled my heart with greater joy –

                             this means You put joy in me

       v 11 teach me Your way

       v 11 GIVE ME AN UNDIVIDED HEART that I may fear your name.

           reference: Ezekiel 11:19  I will give them an UNDIVIDED HEART and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.

                   20 Then they will follow My decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people and I will be their God.

                  18 remove vile images and detestable gods

                        reference: 1 Chronicles 12:33 the men of Zebulun experienced soldiers prepared for battle with every type of weapon, to help David—with UNDIVIDED LOYALTY.

               reference: 1 Corinthians 7:34-35 But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in UNDIVIDED DEVOTION to the Lord.

Lord, remove pregnancy or every attitude about it that makes it a god in competition for my affections for You.

Lord, don’t take away my husband and children so I can be undivided in devotion to You, but bring us all into a place of unity of purpose—to please You in all things, and fulfill all of Your call for us.

356 – Into My Mind Popped…

356 Into My Mind Popped…

August 2, 1989 San Francisco

I woke up feeling unusual. Am I pregnant? Doubt pushed the thoughts away. I asked God to speak to me today about it—silently, in my heart. A very short time later, on my walk around Bridgemont campus, worshiping, fellowshipping with God, I asked God again to speak to me on this subject. Into my mind popped 1 Thessalonians 2:7 and 1 Thessalonians 5:1!

This is what they say:

1 Thessalonians 2:7 but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.

1 Thessalonians 5:1-3 Now brothers about times and dates we do not need to write you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.

August 3

Depressed—not pregnant. Why do I want to be?

            pure: my heart has been changed by God so that it is now the desire of my heart

            truth: yet, hope deferred makes the heart grow sick

            flesh: I would be able to justify sleeping more

            pride: it would show me and others God’s favor on us

            practical: I feel it would be good for the boys to have to become more helpful, independent in the kitchen, and good for Daniel not to be the baby.

I am always surprising myself that I am so real with God and myself.

 

355 – The Way of Escape

355 The Way of Escape

July 28, 1989 San Francisco

Poured out my heart to the Lord. I know He knows, but He says in psalms to cry out!

            *2 months behind in rent

            *Dan’s office, which was switched two months ago, is now needed to be used as a rental, so we are not sure what we will do.

            *friend suggested we begin Japanese language study

            *desire in our heart is to move to the Sunset District of SF

            *our prayer letters are folded, not addressed or notes added

            *home school materials are needed for fall

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man, and God is faithful and will provide the way of escape that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

            *Gramma and Auntie Yvonne will arrive Saturday and fly out Sunday

            *Need nursery coordinator to take my place

            *Life Center is in debt, appealing strongly for money

I opened my Bible to search out the Way of Escape:

            Nehemiah 12:24 praise and give thanksgiving

                                    27 celebrate joyfully , with songs of thanks

                                               giving and music

                                    31 give thanks

                                    40 give thanks

                                    43 rejoicing because God had given them great joy; the women and children rejoiced. The sound of rejoicing in Jerusalem could be heard far away.

Praise and thanksgiving is God’s way, all the time for all things.              

347 – The Word Refreshes the Weary

347 – The Word Refreshes

the Weary

March 24, 1989

Feeling tired.

Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Reaping sounds like a good promise. I’ll take it.

March 25

God is teaching me faithfulness in the long haul as I keep on track with Him. I am to bear with my sons and come to Him for inspiration, revelation, joy, strength, empowerment of the Holy Spirit.

My goals for the boys:

Philippians 1:9 that your love may bound in knowledge and depth of insight so you are able to discern good and evil and be pure and blameless!

and be filled with the fruit of righteousness!

v 12 my chains (my struggle to stay upbeat, loving, fair, patient & kind) will encourage others.

My exhortation to myself from Philippians: be set on rejoicing!

v 19 It’s all going to work out through the prayers of the saints and the help of the Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit will bring my deliverance (the ability to rise above the circumstances which would pull me down otherwise)

v 20 Paul expects he will not be ashamed through all of his trials and he expects he will have sufficient courage to continue so Christ will be exalted through him.

v 21 Christ is my reason for living. All my life takes on meaning and relevance and purpose because of Christ.

v 25 Paul chooses to keep on so they will progress in the faith

so they will be joyful in growing and advancing.  (I see this in my sons, a joy and a camaraderie)

NIV note: Paul puts the needs of those he ministers to ahead of his personal preference. Such an example.

 

344 – Conflict in the Home Soon Resolved

344 – Conflict in the Home

Soon Resolved

March 4, 1989 Sunday at church

Joyce came up to me: “Are you pregnant? I woke up thinking about you.” She prayed for me.

March 14, 1989  Tim, Steve, and Danny have had Chickenpox for a week. Mark was the first to come down with it and is now well.

Two days late. I opened up my Bible randomly, seeking the Lord.

Isaiah 66:7 Before she goes into labor, she gives birth, before the pains come upon her, she delivers a son.            

What are the odds that I would see a verse about birthing?

Dan laughed when I shared all of this: “This is the third month in a row you have thought you were pregnant. I’d rather laugh than take it seriously—of course you may have the last laugh.”

Sting!

This comforted me:

Isaiah 44: 25-26 who overthrows the learning of the wise and turns it into nonsense…who carries out the words of his servants and fulfills the predictions of His messengers.

I had great sorrow from my conversation with Dan. In order to focus on my glorious God, I put my Bible on the counter and kept going back to it, highlighting truth about God, keeping my focus on HIM.

I had a wonderful prayer time with Akiko and Reiko.

Reconciliation with Dan this evening and the next morning he said is excited about the possibility of a pregnancy.

Dan and I are of one mind, waiting on the Lord.

March 15

I had a good prayer time this afternoon. I laid the pregnancy possibility out again before the Lord along with all off the thoughts in my deceitful heart as well as my heart’s desires.

It occurred to me –what if people thought I had fooled around and gotten pregnant, since I have such a checkered past. A verse I memorized years ago jumped out at me:

Proverbs 16:7 When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies be at peace with him.

I believe Your word is alive, and that you just spoke to me!

Fear is gone!

343 – Baby Yearnings

343 – Baby Yearnings

February 16, 1989

New friend, Mary, down the hall from us. Mary’s mother-in-law is visiting: she said that in her family, four boys were born then her. 

Of course I thought of our four sons and then a girl being added!

February 17

Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father to who be glory forever and ever. Amen. Galatians 1:3-5

Realization and praise for what Christ has done. Determination in the Spirit to go forth in praises—and not be overcome by sickness or sin or insecurities.

For two hours I cared for Mary’s baby twin boys, Ambrose and Austin, while she counseled her brother on the phone. Prayed in support of her. Our boys were in and out, up and down the deserted hall, back and forth from her place to ours.

February 18

This morning Dan and I prayed. And later I realized how disappointed I am that I am not pregnant. I called out for God’s comfort. Disappointed that my womb is empty, but ALSO that I misinterpreted God again. But God began to minister to me.

I NOW KNOW what countless women experience who greatly desire children of their own, looking every month for signs of pregnancy. Praise the Lord.

Instantly I understood too that this is preparation for CARING FOR other’s babies.

Jan (back in Reno) took in three homeless children. Dan and I can take care of babies of women who are not aborting or provide temporary care. It would be a blessing for our whole family, Lord. You turned my mourning into JOY and DANCING! Also I realized: I never experienced this yearning before. Our sons came so fast that I never had time to yearn!

Unfortunately I did not hold fast to this position of this being about caring for other people’s babies, which would have been CORRECT!! Because that is what we eventually did. INSTEAD, for two more years I wondered every month if I was pregnant. My poor husband!

339 – Here’s My Heart, Lord

339 – Here’s My Heart, Lord

February 2, 1989 Bridgemont, SF

God led me to Proverbs 2 and I began to cry out for wisdom, insight, and understanding.

My son, if you accept my words
    and store up my commands within you,
turning your ear to wisdom
    and applying your heart to understanding—
indeed, if you call out for insight
    and cry aloud for understanding,
and if you look for it as for silver
    and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
    and find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom;
    from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He holds success in store for the upright,
    he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
for he guards the course of the just
    and protects the way of his faithful ones.

I laid out before the Lord all the pondering and the full awareness of my deceitful heart and my ability in the flesh to go on with this for 3 ½ years—but that MY TRUE DESIRES were to become pregnant. I remember well the Spirit’s prayer through me years ago: that He would use us to speak out against abortion in whatever way He chose. I felt it was very bold, very Spirit; but the Spirit was moving and it was easy to step into it—and I meant it with all my heart.

I am putting my trust in God for giving me wisdom and insight, reducing the stress in my life by speaking to me a yea or nay about this, for speaking my heart to Dan as soon as possible.

It was well and good to desire a pregnancy, even at my age, 43. The challenge was that Dan had had a vasectomy after our fourth son was born. I knew God could over-ride the surgeon’s handiwork. No doubts whatsoever. But I didn’t want my will to be done. If it truly was a God-thing, I wanted Dan to be on board and so determined to talk to him about it, again. Over the years I have learned, God doesn’t mock our wildest, craziest dreams. He is right there with us as we walk it out.