286 – Pride Speaks Out of My Mouth

286 – Pride Speaks

Out of My Mouth

January 7, 1988

INSIGHT: It just occurred to me that when I do NOT understand a story about Jesus or am offended by His words to someone in the Bible—that I am being a Pharisee! If I REALLY believed He was God—anything I did not understand I would merely set aside and ask Him for insight, respectfully—because He IS GOD!!

But to scoff or judge is saying: “because I don’t understand, You are wrong, God.”

It is putting me and my intellect ABOVE Almighty God!!!!!

And then I think, “Well, I don’t respect Him when He acts in rude ways—who does He think He is?—God?” YES!

Proverbs 8:8 (wisdom speaking) All of the utterances of my mouth are in righteousness, there is nothing crooked or perverted in them.

This is referring to all the utterances of God’s mouth are righteous, not ever crooked or perverted.

And what about this:

The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate. Proverbs 8:13

Well, I guess I feel like a fool. But, God does not push me away –ever!

YOU ARE GOD. You can do ANY thing You want in my life. I ask to be content with what You bring and to recognize what is not of You. I repent of the pride that has been so arrogant before You, and ask that You would make this a life-changing insight. Thank You in advance, Holy Spirit, for it.

283 – He is Wonderful!

283 -He is Wonderful!

December 8, 1987

We just received $500 from &&& in the mail! It came with two specifications:

*don’t tell anyone [30 years later I will still honor their request]

*it’s for Christmas only—so the boys will have lots of gifts under the tree

*it’s for food and your needs.

PRAISE THE LORD!

My first thoughts were for things that money can’t buy:

*I want a loving heart and control over my tongue

*the boys to be more manageable

*for Bema to be well

*for my dad to be well

*time to crochet all kinds of towels for Christmas gifts

I am remembering that Ben Dodzweit said, if you need money, GIVE. And we have. And it came back many-fold.

I got up really early. I had prayed for God to let me. I prayed and walked. And I was at the Laundromat by 6:45! You are wonderful! WONDERFUL!!

Blessed is that man who makes the Lord his trust….Many, O Lord my God, are Your wonderful works which You have done; and Your thoughts toward us cannot be recounted to You in order; if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.

Psalm 40:4a,5

282 – God said, I Will Help You

282 – God said,

I Will Help You

December 7, 1987

Father! I’m not organized! They don’t mind me! The clutter is overwhelming me!

How can you help me? 

For my part: I will wake up at 4:30 to pray, read, walk, and plan. Please help me to go to bed early—9 or 9:30—and help me get up!

I closed my eyes and opened my Bible randomly hoping to land on a special word from my Lord– and got the concordance!

I opened it again and got the introduction to Daniel, which I had not read.

It’s about 4 boys!!!

“Their refusal to be seduced by the pagan world in which they live and the dangers that threaten them because of their faithfulness are the essence of the drama. Their deliverances from the fiery furnace and the lion’s den demonstrate the power and love of God….”

I believe by faith God is telling me:

You have a very important task of setting the course of these boys’ lives. The training of Shadrach, Meshach, Abed-Nego, and Daniel was careful, so that they had such INTEGRITY.

Let this inspire you and motivate you to good works daily, even moment-by-moment, with your four sons.

I will help you.

I love those who love Me, and those who seek Me diligently will find Me. Proverbs 8:17

281 – A Death and a Near Death

281– A Death

and a Near Death

Our friend from Reno, a single man, Jim, had come for a weekend visit in August. We had introduced him to Eva, a single lady on staff at the school. They had seemed to ‘click’ and had stayed in touch.

November 29, 1987

Yesterday Pastor Dave called to say that Jim died in Brazil on his mining trip. We are slowly getting over the shock and trying to get in touch with Eva. I sought the Lord and He gave me:

Let not your heart be troubled…. In My Father’s house are many mansions….I go and prepare a place for you. John 14: 2-3

As unsettling as sudden death is, Jim is safe with Jesus and I am not to worry. But grieving is good. We weep with those who weep. This was so jarring and upsetting and we will miss our friend so much. It seemed so wrong. To add to our sorrow, we found out later that there may have been foul play against him.

December 4

Mom called and Dad is in intensive care with a bleeding ulcer. He is in ICU and is so weak that visits must be kept short.

“I want to go home!”

But I cannot. Marsha, Connie, and Aunt Virgi are with Mom. I called Joan, Barb, Donna, Karen, Diane, Eva—to pray! Later Virgi told us the doctor said daddy had lost half of his blood. Praise God for modern medicine and blood transfusions.

Our God is the God of salvation; and to God the Lord belong escapes from death. Psalm 68:20

Why did one dear person die and one dear person live?

I have learned to put questions like this in a Mystery box. God will reveal the answers at some point in this life or in eternal life. I do not have to understand everything. For my sanity, my part is to trust Him without wavering. Every thing will become clear.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

279 – God’s Encouragements Abound

 279- God’s Encouragements Abound

October 27, 1987

Yesterday on my walk I had cried out—Lord, I make consistent effort yet my life is so unhappy during these days. I realized I have just been sliding along with the current, day in and day out, being busy, pedaling fast to keep up–but not expending any effort to grab hold of the Lord through gratitude or praise.

I MUST ENCOURAGE MYSELF IN THE LORD!

Today I kept on top of my attitude! IT WAS WONDERFUL!

After Tim went to school, I loaded up the three boys and we went to Steve’s tutoring at Tom and Carley’s. Then to the post office, then directly home so I could type a 15 page paper for Dan.

I kept being kind, loving, helpful, by God’s grace, and kept on top of impatience and kept it OUT of my heart. I kept submitting myself to the Lord.

I finished the paper at 4:40 just in time load all the boys in the car and drive to Elim and pick Dan up. I felt rested and joyful. Then Vivian offered to babysit so I could go back to Elim and go to class (Signs and Wonders) with Dan. Praise God!

When I went to the post office we had received a package from Jan with coloring books, sticker books, science things, and the children’s Pilgrim’s Progress!

We also received a package from my mom with Halloween party good, cute ‘spooky’ cards for the kids, and a letter from her.

Connie called, but I missed the call.

Karen called and said that Paul said that “Breakthrough is coming. School is an unbelievable strain on a man and his family but you’ll make it! and it’s worth it and your Elim experience is invaluable for you.”  Very ENCOURAGING words from the Lord. Thank You, Paul.

Therefore ENCOURAGE one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

But ENCOURAGE one another day after day, as long as it is still called “Today,” so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13

276 -Still Working Something Out with Jesus

276 – Still Working Something Out with Jesus

August 28, 1987

The pain continues over whether Tim is going to Christian or public school. Dan and I prayed yesterday before he went to work, and talked, and I don’t feel QUITE so uptight.

And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit. Matthew 27:50

I know my God will save me, He is faithful. He can change any situation into a blessing as He pleases. The results of putting Tim in public school, as I give up my spirit and my will, could be absolutely wonderful. It could result in relationships and conversions that lead to salvations that absolutely could not happen otherwise.

August 29

Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who has been crucified. Matthew 28:5

The disciples were paralyzed with fear, but their fears were calmed by God.

Then Jesus said to them, Do not be afraid… Matthew 28:10

I have been praying and little by little I have received peace.

And You are saying this to me. I hear You, my Lord.

Make it real to me, Jesus. Love me in the way I need to be loved, and have it make sense to me. Encourage me by giving me unshakable faith and peace and joy. I really need You. This is a trial of my faith and I know You will be faithful.

275 – Jesus Died, I Must Die

275 – Jesus Died, I Must Die

August 26 and 27 1987

Gramma Fern must have sent us a good amount of money. How to spend it was the topic of several of Dan’s and my conversations in my journals and many days of seeking the Lord’s will. We went back to seriously thinking about Christian school for Timmy—at least I did.

This confuses me, Lord, and I need to hear from You. It feels we are getting ‘tossed about’ over this!

Lord, You know the whole issue, but now Dan feels very strongly that Timmy should go to public school. I sort of stormed out of the house and headed out to the country roads. I took an hour and a half brisk walk and confessed all my pride and rebellion, pouring out my heart’s confusion and sadness.

All I could say at the end of praying and praising and seeking You was, “Lord, carry me through this.” I definitely cannot cope.

I was wanting someone to pray with about submission who could be neutral and non-judgmental and give me wisdom. Donna brought a friend she had not seen in years to our Bible study after she ran into her at her son’s soccer game. I almost opened it up, but I didn’t want a big discussion with everyone’s advice and people hearing our problems without Dan there. But this Diane had moved her kids from the Christian School to the public school! I felt in my spirit that she would have encouragement and wisdom to share.

Matthew 27:43 …He trusts in God, let Him deliver Him now if He takes pleasure in Him…

People were saying of Jesus–HA! Let God deliver this man from the cross! I feel this is happening to me—I cannot come down from the cross. There are mockings and insults all around me. I feel I let my children down because they did not do well on the SAT test. I feel foolish and misunderstood by the neighbors AND the homeschoolers.

Then it occurred to me by the Spirit that Jesus did get off the cross. And so will I.

He got off when He died!I will get off —–when I die to this!

When I can really totally say, “Thy will be done.”

And when I do not get emotionally involved in what ANYONE thinks, but only in what YOU think, Lord.

272 – God Always Meets Me

272 -God Always Meets Me

August 13, 1987

I was in a deep quandary about homeschooling. I cried out to my Lord:

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to Thee I cry ALL DAY LONG. In the day of my trouble I shall call upon Thee’ for Thou wilt answer me. There is NO ONE like Thee among the gods, O Lord; nor are there any works like Thine. Psalm 86:3,7

Mike, dean of married students, made an appointment to meet with us and came to our house. He asked us to be home group leaders. He also wanted to discuss homeschooling. Last year a homeschool family had caused havoc and ended up in court! He loves our testimony of homeschooling and he said that Elim would back our decision to homeschool UNLESS it went against the school district’s recommendations (which is what the other family had done). Here’s the rub: because of their scores on the SAT test, the district wanted Tim and Steve enrolled. I told Mike and he and Dan agreed it would be a good idea to enroll the boys in September. I was horrified.

I went to the Lord, crying, pouring out my heart to the Lord, trying to wrap my head around sending my sons away to school. (The school was in reality just a short walk across the field behind our house).

Then I went to the Word. Nothing really made clear sense in Matthew 10 and 11 that I could relate to our situation. Then the Lord met me with His words:

Matthew 12:25 Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself cannot stand.

Matt 14:25 TAKE COURAGE, IT IS I, DO NOT BE AFRAID!

We can not afford to send the boys to Christian school. So it was important that I surrender and not cause havoc in our home by my stubbornness. I needed to give in, honor my husband, and trust God for our sons’ welfare. And I needed to not be fearful but trust Him.

This brought clarity and the peace of the Holy Spirit. Not that I did not waffle in the days ahead–I did, and so did Dan.

271 – Free Travel, Vending Machines and Law Suits

271 – Free Travel, Vending Machines, and Lawsuits

July 31, 1987

We just got back from two full weeks in Reno. Jan and Jim sold their vacation trailer and took up a collection at church to pay for our family’s plane tickets. WOW! We were humbled. Bob and Janet were on vacation and gave us their house to use! To top it off my parents came to town for a 3-day visit. We saw friends and family; we were loved and gave love.

August 10

We came back to Livonia to the reality of three lawsuits: Dan’s passenger, Brian; the owner of the Hostess Cupcake truck; and Elizabeth the driver of the truck.

I read in Matt 5:40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also.

It was God’s word, and amazing that I ‘just happened’ to read it today.

But it was not very comforting.

August 14

On a family outing we stopped in a gas station along the highway. Inside the bathroom some obscene materials were offered for sale from a vending machine. I felt conscience-bound to call the corporate head of the gas station company for making the materials available.

I wrote out what I was going to say and respectfully told the top-guy my concerns.

Once I cried spontaneously (for the children who have seen this type of machine in a public place). The man I was talking to said, “I understand, believe me!” I followed up with a letter and included the gospel message. I felt so free and relieved afterward.

268 – Loud Crying to the Lord

 268- Loud Crying

to the Lord

April 18, 1987

I was led to Psalm 107:27-32 with Bible subtitle:

“to those who are overwhelmed”–

They reeled and staggered like a drunken man,

and were at their wits’ end.

Then THEY CRIED TO THE LORD IN THEIR TROUBLE,

And He brought them out of their distresses.

He caused the storm to be still,

So that the waves of the sea were hushed.

Then they were glad because they were quiet;

So He guided them to their desired haven.

Let them give thanks to the Lord for His lovingkindness,

And for His wonders to the sons of men!

Let them extol Him also in the congregation of the people,

And praise Him at the seat of the elders.

Last week, God gave me this last week when Stevie was sick with a high fever and I was reading to him:

In the days of His flesh, He offered up both prayers and supplications WITH LOUD CRYING AND TEARS TO THE ONE ABLE TO SAVE HIM from death, and was heard because of His piety. Hebrews 5:7

I feel like God is telling me that our part, when overwhelming circumstances and trials come, is loud crying and tears to the Lord, and He will hear and answer and act.