207 ~ Be Selfish or Serve Others

207 – Be Selfish or Serve Others

September 6, 1986

I have become so disgusted with myself—and while repenting and broken I came upon the book by Charles Swindoll, Improving Your Serve-The Art of Unselfish Living.

I have been here before, and I am here again. Self-centered.

I’m too concerned with ME, my shower, my letters home, my Bible study, my nerves, my image, my mouth—and I have been becoming angry over so much waiting, my imperfection, kids’ imperfection, etc. Unwilling to make the real sacrifices in time (up early) and attitude with a cheerful heart.

But Lord help me to be more willing to die to myself and to be a servant. Like my husband. But especially like You. Dan is looking to You, looking to serve You. I want to, too.

Matthew 20: 25a, 28 But Jesus called them to Himself, and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them… just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

1 Peter 5:2a Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly…

Thank You that You give me attitude adjustments and do not leave me to myself. There is ALWAYS hope in Christ my Lord.

204 ~ A Continual Choice

204 – A Continual Choice

July 25, 1986

Leslie came over and talked some more. Her deceased husband was a troubled soul, she said. She and Chris (her son) are devastated. May You guard my mouth at all times by giving me wisdom and discernment, Lord!

I called the Superintendent’s office and got him! I explained yesterday’s last-minute cancellation. He sounded compassionate. But he also seemed stern and businesslike.

July 30

Depression and fear have been hovering around me because it feels like the Superintendent holds power over me!

I realized on my walk that I can embrace God and walk with Him or I can choose an anxious and negative attitude and darkness.

Today I will meet with the Superintendent at 9am.

I have been reading daily in Exodus. Then on Sunday at church I was convicted of not being in the Word enough, so I decided to read daily in the New Testament as well.

This morning I got:

1 Peter:13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority…

 15 for such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

Romans 13:1 Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.

These verses enabled me to be humble and submissive during the important meeting, not defensive and afraid. I will trust that You will use this man and his position for the best course we are to take.

Lord, that was amazing that I got those two verses on this exact day without having any other purpose but to hear Your voice. Amazing!

Thank You for reminding me of Your viewpoint about the world’s structure and my place in it! Thank You that I am able to hear you speak and by Your grace follow Your leading!

199- Asking God for Help

199 – Asking God for Help

July 15, 1986

Exodus 16:4 The Lord said to Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a day’s portion every day, that I may test them, whether or not they will walk in my instruction.

I was encouraged in reading about God providing for the Israelites…so I asked God for an invitation out to dinner because I needed one more meal in the week’s menu.

Janet came by unexpectedly with a bag of groceries that will carry us through this week and into next, saying, “the Lord told me– as I was walking through the store asking Him who could use this, and this, and this—that YOU could!”  Janet has been such a faithful friend to us!

July 16

Exodus 17:1-7  [The story of water coming from the rock—after Moses took the people’s complaints to God.]

This story led me to something in my life: the three younger boys would be satisfied to play here at home, I think. But Tim is restless and wants friends his age and more things to do.

So – I bring this complaint to You, Lord.

I have no ideas, no car, no money, no friends to call on. How can I help my son?

And I rebuke fear.

Exodus 17:8-16 [The story Moses interceding for the people during the battle with the Amalekites.]

I will intercede on Tim’s behalf. I will pray about this. 

Many times, just like this, the Bible is my guide. I write down a verse or many verses while I am reading. Often God ‘speaks’ to me and answers my questions and gives me advice. It’s pretty amazing… It’s a relationship that is built day by day.

Little did I know that within a few weeks, Tim would be a first grade student at the elementary school across the field. It wasn’t my choice, but it answered my prayers. Did the Lord lead me to intercede for Timmy so that I would be a bit more prepared for what was going to be happening. I wouldn’t be surprised.

187- Trust in the Lord

187- Trust in the Lord

May 3, 1986

Dan was reading Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart…

                …..and praying about Elim.

The phone rang. It was a student who was helping find homes for new families.

…do not lean on your own understanding….

There is an upstairs apartment in Livonia, a town 9 miles from the school: $185, 4 bedrooms, safe yard!!

Even though this was an amazing deal, I was really worried about taking an upstairs apartment–I could not imagine traipsing upstairs with bags of groceries, a toddler, big wheels, sleds…


We decided NOT to lean on our own understanding. We prayed God would caution us by 5 pm Sunday, if we were not to take it.

There was no caution….

The student called back….

He had made a mistake! It’s a HOUSE with an apartment inside it—not an outside stairway! Praise God – Praise God – Praise God!

Our friend Bill offered to do the garage sale for us. But as it worked out he and his wife, Carol, took all four boys to their house on the day of our garage sale and kept them overnight. They have two boys who are our boys good friends.

We found out our church probably cannot be our non-profit organization so that people wanting to support us would get receipts.

But Fred, District Supervisor told our pastor, “we’ll work something out!”

186- Bible Principles

186- Bible Principles

April 17, 1986

Genesis 12:1-2 Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go forth from your country, and from your relatives, and from your father’s house, to the land which I shall show you…and I will bless you…and so you shall be a blessing.

Holy Spirit, precious Comforter and Encourager and Teacher, You are going to have to help me believe that these verses are truly for us. I am so easily shaken. But I saw You build me up in my most holy faith on Sunday through taking me aside to read Smith Wigglesworth and on Monday through praying with Karen and Jackie. I beseech You today to greatly increase my faith and help me to be assured that this is our call and then give me the grace to accept Your details, Your pressures, Your timing. I praise You. I want no idols before me, but I so want You and Your will.

Genesis 14:17 God sent Melchizekek to bless Abram.

God send Your man to bless Dan. Bless him. Anoint him with oil. Prophecy over him. Move, I humbly ask, by Your precious Spirit, on Dan at the prayer meeting right now. His feet are in the Jordan but he does not SEE that the waters are parted for us. Please move through Your servants at that meeting. I ask that the wonderful hand of our God would verify to Dan and the group that the waters are parted, that we are on schedule. Give forth direction, Lord. I pray in Jesus’ name.

(it didn’t happen this day this way, but it did happen!)

185- When to Go?

185-When to Go?

April 14, 1986

Genesis 7:4 For after seven more days I will cause it to rain…

God tells His people what He will do…

Genesis 8:15 Then God spoke to Noah, saying, Go out of the ark…

God can make it clear when to go out—we listen and keep moving toward our destination.

April 15

Karen  and I prayed on the phone last night. Both of us were greatly encouraged in our spirits by God. She felt a major breakthrough regarding fear.

I was encouraged to focus on thankfulness of what God HAS DONE, not focus on the problem of how He still needs to provide. This is a great blessing to me. I know I must be quenching the Holy Spirit through my undisciplined negativism. In Jesus’ Name I ask POWER to change! His Spirit to change me!

We were greatly encouraged by these Bible verses about our pilgrimage to relocate to New York, our efforts to be built up in the Spirit, our goal to do God’s work in saving the lost.

Matthew18-21 And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.

184- Encouragements

184- Encouragements!

April 10, 1986

Genesis 7:16 So those that entered, male and female of all flesh, went in as God had commanded him; and the Lord shut him in.

Noah and his family obeyed God, did their part, and He did His part.

Us+Bible School –we are obeying–He will do His part and help us keep doing our part!

Genesis 8:1

Then God remembered Noah…

It was a long time of storm and rain and high water level—BUT GOD CAME THROUGH FOR THEM.

It has been years of seeking to go to Bible school, and God is coming through for us

Genesis 8:15 Then God spoke to Noah…

In His timing, God gave direction…

I am encouraged also that there was lots of unbelief surrounding Noah (the people watching him build the big boat did not ‘get it.’) That did not affect God’s perfect will and plan. And Noah just kept working and doing what God had told him to do.

Dan prayed this morning for encouragement for us through the Word or whatever way God would give it. I got VERY encouraged by the above insights. Dan was VERY encouraged when he went to the prayer meeting. Someone instigated the prayer for him. Jack B encouraged him to talk to Pastor about Life Center becoming our non-profit organization to handle our support money. Praise God for this revelation!

When I went to the Spiritual Warfare class, the leader talked to ME directly—almost as if I was the only one there! It was very uplifting. Jesus, thank You!

179- Have Faith in God

179- Have Faith in God

January 2, 1986

Papa and Tutu brought Dan’s and Aug’s childhood electric train over. Dan mounted it on a large piece of plywood and we put it in the basement. Great fun for all.

Nancy (my childhood friend) and husband and son came today to visit. Although I’d prayed lots and had some others pray, I had that awful self-centered demeanor; I was boastful, arrogant. I want out of my heart’s abundance to have Christ-centered conversation, no matter who I talk to.

January 3

Dan and I are reading The Willow in the Wind, about Ivan Spencer, who was led by God to begin Elim Bible Institute. Karen met a woman who had been to the school and liked it very much.

Still reading in Mark!

10:27 With men it is impossible, but not with God, for with God all things are possible!

10:29 Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time—houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions—and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.

I don’t thoroughly know what this means. But we are leaving family and land believing we are being led by You and I expect it will all be worth it. 

January 6

Mark 11:24 When you pray, believe…

Someone said: you will never need faith in comfortable surroundings.

Father, we don’t have the faith for all that is ahead—having people support us, moving across the US, setting up, getting Dan through two years of school, pastoring in the US two years, going to Japan and living there. But we do have faith for today.

What do we KNOW?

*the focus of the Bible is Missions.

*We have the desire to take our family and see the Lord save people through us.

*We know it is impossible with us.

*We know that nothing is impossible with God.

*We do believe that God has an opinion, a call, about this for us.


I can believe God for that.

167- Humble Recommitment

167- Humble Recommitment

November 19, 1985

Psalm 71:1a,3a,4a,5,14,22,23,24 KJV

            In Thee, O Lord, I have taken refuge…

            Be Thou a rock of habitation to which I may continually come.

            Rescue me…

            For Thou art my hope…

            O Lord, God, Thou art my confidence…

            But as for me I will hope continually and will praise Thee yet more and more.

            I will praise Thee…

            My tongue also will utter Thy righteousness all day long…


Father ~ for every time I have doubted You, cleanse me now. For every time I have accused You of forsaking or forgetting me, cleanse me now.

I desire to be a pure, holy, empty vessel filled with Your Holy Spirit. That is my ambition. Take my feet where You will. Let praises and testimonies of Your grace and righteousness come from my mouth because Your Spirit brings to remembrance the Word I have hidden abundantly in my heart.

Looking eye-to-eye with Jesus~

166- Accepted and Loved

166- Accepted and Loved

November 18, 1985

Up at 5:15 am, by the grace of Jesus, to read and to pray.

Streams in the Desert, p. 332: My environment is of His determining. He means it to intensify my faith, to draw me into nearer communion with Himself, to ripen my power. In the dungeon my soul should prosper. Luke 7:23 And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.

I asked for a repentant heart, waking up with a bad dream, accusations on my mind, and failures on my mind. The dream reminded me of my worldly days away from God.

The Luke scripture led me think about to what Dan shared in the meeting on Thursday night: the woman who was washing Jesus’ feet with her tears, drying them with her hair, and anointing them with perfume. I am hearing: that woman is me. It is me as I bring my past humbly and with repentance to Him. As I pour out my soul and love Him. 

Jesus accepted her; he loved and cherished and forgave her. He even defended her before those who questioned her sanctification. Luke 7:36-50

Woman washing Jesus’ feet with her tears and drying them with her hair.

Oh, God, that these experiences in my life would tenderize my heart and give me compassion for others who have a similar story.