164- Confessed, Repented, and Received!

164- Confessed, Repented, and Received!

November 11, 1985

I fasted, except for two cups of bouillon, coming to God several times today.

Dan was home last night and ½ of today. Nice to have him here, but he is antsy to be working.

In my prayer time I felt so superficial, so under condemnation, and convicted of selfishness and impatience.

Also—another person in our church has hepatitis. Dan is very concerned. Both of the men (and one’s wife) that are stricken have health insurance and solid jobs. Dan is without any health insurance and between jobs.

I surrendered and prayed for everyone’s health and asked God to speak to me, inspire and instruct me. Baby woke up several times at night, and I feel like God used that, too, to keep me praying.

It occurred to me clearly that I’m to be a praising person—because the Bible says to, because Jesus is worthy of my praises, because He inhabits the praises of His people.

And we need His presence.

If I could, by His wonderful grace, become a praising person, my mind would be filled up with Him instead of with both self-deprecating and self-exalting thoughts.

I confessed not liking myself, realizing clearly deep in my Spirit that He made me—He formed me in my mother’s womb; He fashioned me, He’s had His hand on my life. Psalm 139:13a, 16b

I confessed speaking ill of the boys. When Timmy over heard me saying: “I got to go shopping without them” he said, “don’t you like to take us shopping? Is it easier without us?” I was crushed that I had confused my dear son. What an insult to speak that negative thing as if they were not there. See my need, Lord? Help! I am so sorry.

I need an attitude overhaul. I need to be filled with Jesus, overflowing with His Spirit.

By giving it to God and spilling it all out before Him, I feel encouraged!

November 14

I feel that because I confessed and repented of not liking myself and speaking rashly –that I got filled up! Now it’s Thursday and I have been so full of the presence of God since Monday and Tuesday…

It’s wonderful. At times I’m free and joyful, but mostly I’m warm, near tears, aware of God’s presence. You meet the broken-hearted, sweet Jesus!

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 38:18 NIV

162- God Keeps Loving Me

162- God Keeps Loving Me

November 4, 1985

In an intercessory prayer letter a man testified that he had been at a point where he felt he did not have anybody on his side, even his wife. God had stripped away his entire support system, isolated him in the midst of a busy life. Yet during that season he made the most important decision of his life. He decided God was enough.

Lord, I feel like I’m in and out of that position. When we had to give up our dream of going to Bible school in NY the disappointment devastated me. My life was shaken up, friends left me, I left friends—they moved away or we just fell away from each other. I quit everything. But You were enough! You saw me through my sadness. After that I accepted that Dan was doing Your work at the church for hours and hours every day. And again. You blessed me with so much grace to get through it. You truly are enough!

And You just keep loving me no matter dips and snags happen in our relationship.

Jan came over on Saturday to watch my kids while I went to the store. She read my Streams in the Desert devotional and my Bible. She rested in You. She has had a great desire to do daily devotions but just hasn’t taken the leap. Being here today she has been in touch with You. She is radiant. Bless You! That she experienced You HERE is a gift that I will always cherish.

Later she said on the phone—“I’ve always said of Georgann, “how does she do it?” But now I know. You draw your strength from Jesus daily.

Later, I felt the Lord say of Streams—this is something you can read and understand in your mind without My Spirit’s anointing. Go back to reading the Word and My Spirit will anoint it for you, to teach you and to comfort you. Get back to reading the Bible.

November 5

Boys up in the night, sick with croup, etc.

Today, Steve and Mark are sick, Tim is recovering.

I got up at 6 to go on my walk– 30 minutes. Good prayer time.

It was a GOOD day. School went WELL for Tim – 1 hour.

Put Daniel in the play pen—new idea.

Mark feeling quite sick, so I called the doctor: humidifier, cough medicine, Tylenol.

I kept my cool. Jesus was glorified!

Your grace has been sufficient, Your love has been enough!!

157- Bee Stings and Milking Barns

157- Bee Stings and

Milking Barns

September 25, 1985

A day only has so many hours in it. This day held a barrage of interruptions: 

*My goal was to go to Jenny’s house at 10.

*My goal also was getting some home schooling done for Tim, starting about 9:15.

*I slept in till 7am. First mistake!

*While on the phone with a strong personality, Daniel cut his lip with his teeth by falling in the bathroom. I hung up and called back two times to tend to him.

*Joyce called at 10 to check on answered prayer. I was supposed to be at Jenny’s so I told her I would call her another time.

*Immediately after I hung up Bev appeared at the door! I began fixing a snack for everyone and tea for us (I decided to just give in and enjoy this friend), and Jackie called!

*Then Dan came home! He encouraged me proceed with the schedule and to go to my friend’s, so we got to Jenny’s at 11:15.

*For some excitement the boys stirred up a bee’s nest and 3 of the seven boys got two stings each! It was a little rowdy and quite scary but we were so grateful for just a few stings, and that the babies did not get stung.

*We came home for a quick lunch, the boys rested, then it was time for the milking barns field trip!

*Dan kept Daniel. It was a wonderful trip.

*At 5:30 Dan called and had received tickets for the Silverwind concert from the airplane friend. [no grudge there!]

*Dan picked up a friend’s daughter to babysit.

*We praised God that His wonderful grace had met us at every step of this crazy day!

*The boys loved Kathy, the sitter, and she loved them.

*At the concert we got to praise our God loudly and wonderfully long-ly! I praised Him for LIFE! I got to release my thanks for sparing us catastrophe! Bless You, God!

To God belongs escapes from death. Psalm 68:20

156- An Amazing Testimony

156- An Amazing Testimony!

September 24, 1985

Last night our friend Lanny called at 7:00, inviting us to go on an airplane ride the next morning. He had his plane up for sale, and it had surprisingly sold earlier than expected, hence the short notice of taking us on a promised ride. My first reaction: what a wonderful experience. My second reaction: Keith Green’s disastrous experience popped into my brain with –a premonition? a warning? 

Also Lanny said, “It will be a tight squeeze but we can get everyone in.”

Dan’s first reaction when he got home and I told him: DANGER. He left us eating dinner and went into the other room and prayed for 15 minutes. He called Lanny and felt better. He agreed to 7:30 breakfast and plane trip.

I called Joyce for prayer. It was 8:30 pm. I wondered if I should disturb Jenny. I asked God to have her call me if He wanted me to ask for her prayers. Joe (her husband) called immediately! –to talk to Dan, and then I talked to Jenny. Oh what a wonderful Lord you are!!

The next morning God and the baby woke me up at 4:30am. I fumbled around till the thought of the plane ride came to my mind—I was immediately wide awake and praying in the living room. The dream I had two years ago—that Dan died and I was left with a baby boy named Dan, came to my mind. I thought and prayed—and I felt like God’s grace met me!! PEACE.

Debated as to weather or not to tell Dan the dream.

Crawled back into bed. Decided to tell Dan the dream at 7, when the alarm went off. We were due at their house at 7:30 for breakfast. Dan prayed and called and said “no” to the ride. We still went for breakfast.

Stevie cried—disappointed.

Lanny was hurt and upset, but trying to be a good sport. He’d already been to work and had had a terrible start to the day.

As soon as we sat down to eat our eggs—A KEITH GREEN SONG CAME ON THE RADIO!!  Keith Green was a wonderful and very famous Christian musician and singer who overloaded a private plane and crashed with two of his children and another family. All eleven passengers died.

When I got home I picked up an old devotional which I had found last week and one of the boys had carried into the kitchen. I opened to today’s dateActs 16:7 After they had come to Mysia, they tried to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit did not permit them.

This was one of those awesome confirmations of why walking close to Jesus is so important! I love how the entire experience flowed and how real the Holy Spirit was throughout.

Another confirmation for Dan was that later that day while visiting a friend he noticed a plaque on the wall which said, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life!”

This event only caused a slight disruption in our relationship with our friend.

155- The Peace of Acceptance

155-The Peace of Acceptance

Sept 21, 1985

This peace of acceptance is so precious. The grace of God has met me here. I have accepted Dan’s job hours, the stress, his preoccupation with the building even while at home. I have accepted my long hours with my sons and am enjoying them. I have accepted that we may not have a family vacation to the redwoods and the ocean, that I may not get to go to the Pastors’ Conference again this year. I have accepted caring for Dan’s grandmother, Dan’s lack of nice clothes, the boys’ high water pants. There is a ton of grace and joy on me. I love it. I love God. I have seen wonderful self control, by the Spirit of God, and answers to intercession. WONDERFUL GOD! PLEASE HELP ME NOT TO BOAST BUT TO BE QUIET AND CONFIDENT IN YOU!

1 Corinthians 15:10 (but I labored even more than all of them) yet not I but the grace of God with me.

That’s how I feel. Someone, something, is working in me, living through me. Who I am right now is so unlike who I really am. I am so joyful, so persevering , so at peace with God and my husband—it must be God in me! Bless You!

Daddy’s making goofy faces to get us to laugh. It worked. (Notice the thick gold shag carpet.)

150- Living the ‘at home mom’ Life

150- Living the

‘at-home mom’ life

June 12, 1985

Walked early, unburdened myself, praised, prayed.

Had time with Tim (school), with Steve (hanging out with us), Mark (game), and Danny (snuggling and making him laugh).

Oh, it was so satisfying!                          [PICTURE OF THEM)

They water-colored, then played outside with our neighbor, Sandra.

By 1:00 I was exhausted, short-tempered. BUT I RECOVERED QUICKLY! Praise the Lord!!

Five or six nights of little sleep is getting to me.

I do believe the verses from yesterday and my agreement with God over them, my disgust with myself and repentance, helped this day to be clear and abundant. Bless God.

Here we go again—God is reminding me:

Prov 16:32 He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city.

June 18

I have sinusitis or strep infection. Doc gave me amoxicillan and a decongestant. I have still been up 6-8 times a night with hot weather (the weather is HOT!) or sick boys or bright-eyed baby. Tired! But my attitude has been pretty good.

‘Bless me’ prayers and petitions continue.

Dan is still really ‘carrying’ the building, bearing weight of it.

We went out to dinner Friday—we both feel we may be released in the fall to go to Bible School after the building is completed.

I see how God is helping me to be less dependent on Dan and have an easier time making decisions around the house. I am taking more responsibility and not putting it all on him, i.e., weeding, cleaning basement, arranging toys, allowances (spending, saving, tithing), homeschool decisions, etc. I’m complaining less and accepting Dan’s absence more, I’m happier because of the acceptance.

Psalm 57:2 I will cry to God Most High, to God who accomplishes all things for me.

146- My Stingy Heart Receives JOY

146- My Stingy Heart Receives JOY

March 9, 1985 Dan’s grandmother, Mumbo, had been ill for weeks and eventually was hospitalized. It was my job to ready her house for her return. Here is my report:

Very busy day yesterday. The boys and I went to Mumbo’s, after getting the key from Aug, to turn on the heat and change her bed sheets. Then we went to hear a homeschool pitch (1 ½ hours). Back to our house to pack up some lunch goodies, then off to the hospital. We nibbled at our snacks and the kids played on the sidewalk in the loading zone while Dan was inside for one hour getting her discharged. We took Mumbo to her house and got her settled. No naps today. No Dan. He will spend tonight with his grandmother, alternating with Aug for as long as it takes until she is well. The boys were asleep by 8. I was so angry. I pleaded to God to grant me repentance after many tears and why’s.

I had a hard heart toward Dan’s grandmother for a couple of reasons and had a difficult time interacting with her. I resented the time it took to take care of her. When I cried before the Lord, He changed my heart and —

I WAS FLOODED WITH GRATITUDE, GRATEFULNESS, JOY.

I received an insight that blessed me regarding loving Mumbo: if it were not for her (and some others) there would not be a Daniel Arthur Lemaire.

Mumbo, a few months before her hospitalization, greeting her great grandson Danny.

What a wonderful reason to love her unconditionally and to be kind and do good works for her without expecting appreciation and without getting hung up on being rejected by her. She is part of Dan’s heritage. She had much input into him and he is so wonderful and I am so appreciative.

Led to: Deuteronomy 32:3-4 Moses speaking: For I proclaim the name of the Lord; ascribe greatness to our God! The Rock! His work is perfect, for all His ways are just. A God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is He.

I had to cry and be sick of ME and plead. It was worth the entire episode for the peace and joy He gave me. Now if I can just pray earnestly after this without the anger. If I could only LIVE in that place of joy and peace and one-ness with God and man. OH! life would be glorious. 

Grant me, Lord, to GROW UP and not speak the first thought in my head.

139- Determined to Live Within Our Means

139- Determined to Live Within Our Means

January 3, 1985

My new values about materialism were tested at the Hart’s on New Year’s Eve and at Lynn and Danny’s on NY day. I found myself really admiring their homes and goods. But I confessed it to the Lord.

I felt the call so clearly yesterday to move to the area of town where our ministry would be more obvious and I will not have to feel that I have to compete with those who have more stuff than we do.  Other people don’t lord over me, that’s not the issue. It’s that we need to break from a standard of living that we cannot meet into a standard of living that is more suited to Dan’s paycheck. I feel prepared in the Spirit and ready. Moving from a house we cannot afford is mandatory.

Our prayer is for a house with: 1) adequate space for our family size and type–four active boys means we need space; 2) a big yard; 3) sidewalks; 4) laundry facilities;  5) ready to move into or very simply and cheaply converted to our needs.

February 17

We looked at mobile homes and I said I was willing, but they were tacky, cruddy, and in a bad neighborhood. I had to say I wasn’t! Besides: we cannot afford bad influences on the kids.

February 24

Agreed with Kelly G on the phone for a miracle place that was very acceptable. I FELT the Holy Spirit in her prayer.

March 2

Dan looked at Stead duplexes, there is always one available, somebody said. So that is where we’ll go unless God intervenes! Oh, Lord, not Stead—please!!!

I am laughing at my unavailability! I thought I was SO surrendered, but I really did have strong opinions about just what neighborhood we lived in!

March 27

God intervened! PRAISE HIS NAME In the newspaper Dan found: 128 La Rue. Newly painted, carpeted, large porch, full basement, 2 ½ bedrooms, utility room. $485!!

Lord, thank You. I asked for sidewalks and you gave us a sidewalk of cement on all four sides of the house so the boys can go round and round on their big wheels! The front porch is awesome and there are two very small patches of grass surrounded by a picket fence. You met us in our need. We are so relieved!

On my calendar I noted: Jan brought boxes and money! Dan met our new LaRue landlord and cinched the deal. JackieS invited us to dinner so we could pack up the kitchen and not have to cook. On moving day our friends showed up: Jim & Jeanette, Shaun, Paula, Glenn, Marty & Erin, John. We were blessed!

137- I Am Called to Mothering

137- I Am Called to Mothering

December 27, 1984

Father I know You have more of me now. Something really happened in my will and in my heart–since my encounter with You last week.

Christmas morning I took Mary Lynn to work at 6:30am—in fact, I just realized I have awakened at 5am each day since my revelation of materialism and covetousness. Thank You, Father. And thank You that we did not move to NY. The support of friends has been vital at this time.

It is in my heart to want to spend more time with the boys– listening, sharing, reading, playing. I want each one to feel special and loved.

December 28

1 Cor 1:26 For consider your calling, brethren…

              28 …God has chosen the things that are not, that He might nullify the things that are…

             29 so that no man may boast before God…

             30 But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption,

              31 so that just as it is written, “LET HIM WHO BOASTS, BOAST IN THE LORD.

This is such a wonderful revelation to me:

     I am called to mothering. This has baffled me. Before Dan and I were married we put the subject of having children in Your hands, completely relying on Your will to be done. 

    When I was released from public school teaching and then the Christian school teaching job did not work out that fall, I realized I was very relieved. The car hop and cashier jobs caused me to feel you were directing me away from kids’ work.

But God chose something that WAS NOT so that I could NOT BOAST before Him. I was not yearning to be a mom, I was yearning to do Your will. And You gave me the calling to raise children as Your gift.

This fills me with excitement in my Spirit from my head to my toes. Not only does this say to me that the results are Yours, but the responsibility is Yours, too. It is ‘by His doing.’

I was impure, foolish, unholy, lost. Jesus Christ became my wisdom, righteousness, my sanctification, my redemption. BY HIS DOING  I am in Christ Jesus. I am so grateful.