380 – He is Adequate

September 15, 1989 San Francisco

Proverbs 16:21 The wise in heart are called discerning and pleasant words promote instruction.

23 A wise man’s heart guides his mouth and his lips promote instruction.

Tonight I went forward to counsel at the crusade, expecting God to direct me to the right person. I was looking, waiting, praying, and another worker directed me to Suzanne. She is a beautiful Christian Catholic overflowing with the Spirit of God. And she prayed for me! We exchanged phone numbers.

September 16

Our friends Paul and Karen arrived for a visit. Paul prayed against fear: anxiety and fear exalt themselves against the knowledge of God. Let your lips speak wisdom! He exhorted me that whenever the word inadequate pops up replace it with the word available. I am available—He is adequate. And joy should follow!

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but no abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry about the life of Jesus! 1 Corinthians 4:8-10

Paul and Karen babysat Stevie, Markie,and Danny, and Dan and Timmy and I went to the Crusade. God moved mightily. I held a lady’s 7 month old baby so she could go forward for prayer.

379 – Not Alone

September 10, 1989 San Francisco

We all went to the Crusade after church and did not get home and to sleep till after midnight.

We decided to skip a wedding in Reno and stay through the week to finish out the Mario Murillo Crusade.

September 14 – Thursday

I was awake early. Discouraged. Lonely. On my morning walk I prayed for Jesus’ agape love to come to me. As I went into the courtyard to read my Bible, I had a sensation someone was already there, waiting. Glanced quickly to my bench against the wall, and had the split second perception of Jesus sitting there waiting for me. Oh, I needed to have You be here, Jesus. Thank You, precious Lord.

I asked what would be good for me to read. John 18 came to my mind. Wow, perfect. Jesus was betrayed by Judas, Peter, and the Jews. He was separated from His disciples in His time of great need. (I have not been betrayed, praise God, but the rest applied.)

He said to Peter— v 11“Put your sword away!! Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?”

The cup came from the Father.

⁴³An angel from heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him.

⁴⁴and being in anguish He prayed more earnestly and His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.

I accept my cup, Lord.

I accept your strengthening.

I will pray more earnestly.

I will not use the sword, which for me stands for weapons of the flesh—reacting out of fear and anger. I will not be an angry person, I will not react in fear! I put them away!

Jesus, you are covering me, and will continue, but I need to change.

375 – He Rides to Help Me

September 1, 1989

Auntie Bev who has been such a good and faithful friend, and her new husband, Chuck, spent the afternoon and evening with us. Good time.

Dan and I prayed. He feels God will speak to us today. Yesterday Bill (property manager) said he was not sure boys could play outside during school hours. Administration is making some changes this school year.

The Lord gave me Habakkuk 3:17 Though the fig tree does not bud…and we have great indebtedness in back rent, though our supporters did not respond to our appeal, and our boys are being confined indoors, though we have no convenient access to washer and dryer, and…

¹⁸YET I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. ¹⁹The sovereign Lord is my strength. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to tread on the heights.

cross reference to Deuteronomy 33:26 “There is no one like the God of Jeshurun who rides on the heavens to help you, and on the clouds in His majesty. ²⁷The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. He says, you are held tightly in My arms, Georgann!

He will drive out your enemy before you, saying, “Destroy him!”

²⁸So Israel will live in safety alone; Jacob’s spring is secure in a land of grain and new wine, where the heavens drop dew.

²⁹Blessed are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword. Your enemies will cower before you, and you will trample down their high places.”

373 – Challenges and Benefits

August 30 and 31, 1989 San Francisco

Humiliation: no convenient laundry facilities, fridge works sporadically, our kitchen boxes are still in NY (as is 95% of our worldly goods); drippy faucet; soap smell; boys still sleep in their sleeping bags on the floor (one year); SMD have never been to the dentist; DGT need to go also; overdue rent; car blinker not working; hair is unmanageable; Dan needs work; small living quarters; few conveniences; no money for home school materials order; Steve needs eye appointment; my glasses are broken and I need a new prescription; we have no storage—our boxes and Dan’s drafting table are in the hall.

BUT GOD HAS GIVEN US JOY AND CONTENTMENT. We are SO grateful for this place of refuge in this city.

THE LORD’S BENEFITS, I FORGET NOT: (Psalm 103:1 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not His benefits.)

*the boys’ were witnesses of the men’s and women’s servant hearts at the crusade, and they were involved and needed in cleanup, passing leaflets. Tim showed leadership abilities. We are very proud of them. God is showing me that this is fruit from our parenting and His added grace.

*Dan and I can communicate to each other and are one flesh

*God’s mercy has given this place to live; it is perfect in so many ways

*everyone is in good health and has a sound mind

*boys are in agreement with our values and are content

*the Lord has given us a solid-ness that others see

*Dan is valued by Pastor Mike at our Foursquare church

369 – Spirit Evidences

August 21, 1989 San Francisco

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges the thoughts and intents of the heart.

In the morning we went to a prayer meeting for the Mario Murillo Crusade. We got prayer for Tim’s jaw to move again so he could eat! We met Kenny, brought him home for lunch. Then Dan and Stevie passed crusade posters, saw a fight in a restaurant. Big news for the brothers.

In the evening we got the same front seats at the crusade. The boys were attentive, clapped tonight for every song. Praise the Lord!

The Spirit fell. Came over me—for my tongue being a sword!

There was expectation for tomorrow night’s meeting being one of miracles for the lame and the sick. [I am sorry that I have no report about it in my journal!]

August 23

Read Hebrews chapters 6-9

I sense a cleansing, and a new beginning. In my mind’s eye I see everything in me and in my life as pure white as snow. Step by step with my High Priest, my Intercessor, will I walk today, leaving behind the OLD and wrapped up in new life, encouraged, hopeful, pressing on, filled with the Holy Ghost.

I fully relinquish critical spirit as part of my personality. It is no longer! If it should come near I will by faith rebuke it. I will be content with what I have knowing my God is in control. I will receive wisdom as I cry out for it today, regarding ways of honoring my husband and loving and dealing with our children. I expect God’s provision in all areas. Amen and Hallelujah!

368 – Fix My Eyes on Jesus

368 – Fix My Eyes on Faithful Jesus

August 20, 1989 San Francisco

God’s ways are HIGH above my ways. He has the right to do AS He pleases, WHEN He pleases in my life—and in all other’s lives.

Hebrews 1:3 Jesus is the exact representation of God and did only what the Father instructed Him to do.

Hebrews 3

v1 -Jesus is so superior to Moses

-we are to fix our eyes on Him

-we are to confess Jesus

-Jesus was faithful to God, the One who appointed Him

-God is the builder of everything

v6 -Christ is faithful as a son over God’s house

-and WE ARE HIS HOUSE IF WE HOLD ON TO OUR COURAGE AND HOPE OF WHICH WE BOAST. We must persevere.

-Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your heart

v 12 -an unbelieving heart is sinful and means you are turning away from the living God

-sin is deceitful, encourage each other daily

-we have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first

-unbelief keeps us from God’s rest

AWESOME LORD!

366 – Me Better Than Them?

365 Me Better than Them?

August 17,1989 San Francisco

If I think I am better than someone, I can justify being rude, bossy, naggy, impatient, angry; and I am condescending and have low expectations for them. I just want them to be good so I can be accommodated and do MY thing, because of course MY part is the important part.

It makes for superficial relationships because all I want really is to keep coming away looking good to support the ‘truth’ that I am better. I become very controlling and they (people under me) have to make it so I look good.

[This is so true and when the Spirit showed me truths like this I was always convicted. Just heard a variation of the same conviction recently (2019). He keeps going deeper and deeper to the very root of the issue.]

Later: I took Akiko and Duane, our down the hall neighbors (she does not drive) to the emergency room for Duane’s knee. I had done this a month ago, taking all of the boys with me. We were so late in returning that I missed the home school meeting. So I listened to a tape Karen sent: How to Encourage Yourself in the Lord. I must stay surrendered and on top of my emotions.

365 – He Brings It All Into the Light

365 – He Brings It All

Into the Light

August 15, 1989 San Francisco

1 Corinthians 4:5…He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart…

v 7 who makes you different from anyone else? what do you have that you did not receive? and if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?

I feel You are speaking to me, but I need the revelation of the Spirit to understand and to make this specific.

About 15 minutes later, He was specific. In the shower the Lord said through me: “I am not better than my children in God’s eyes.”

The Light dawned. With great joy I kept saying it over and over!

Because…if I think I am better than somebody, I do not mind being rude to him. I do not mind ruling over him or sinning by being uncharitable.

I am crying out for wisdom as to how to become a different person through Christ’s help.

Proverbs 16:21 The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.

23 A wise man’s heart guides his mouth

24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones

32 Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.

363 – Who Is This Jesus

363 Who is This Jesus?

August 13, 1989 San Francisco

Let the awareness of Your love enter my heart, Jesus. Let the reality of Your love for me, my family, the world, enter my heart.

Hebrews 1:1-9 my take:

Jesus is God’s heir; God made the universe through Him; He is the radiance of God’s glory; He is the exact representation of the Father; He sustains all things by His powerful Word—and isn’t that how He sustains me?!! He provided purification for sins; He sat down at God’s right hand; He became superior to the angels; the angels worship Him by God’s command; His throne will last forever and ever; righteousness is His scepter; He hates wickedness; He has been set up by God over His companions by being anointed by God with the oil of joy.

Through reading Treasures of the Snow the Lord has told me to read about Jesus and keep my heart full of His love. But I felt first God needed to remind me of who Jesus is before I read about what He has done in the gospels.

August 14, 1989

Friends from Reno came for three Giants-Dodgers games. We ate together and swam in their motel pool. They came to church with us in the morning and to part of the evening service. Such an encouragement to have faithful friends. Thank You, Jesus.

360 – Treasures of the Snow

360 Treasures of the Snow

August 7, 1989 San Francisco

We had two vacation days. We kept our home our base and slept there, but spent the days at the beach in Half Moon Bay and the evenings having a fire and cookout at the Cliff House beach. The boys found a boogie board. The string was gone so it had been discarded. Fun for four boys!

Psalm 8:2 From the lips of children and infants You have ordained praise because of Your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger.

How God Works: We have been reading Treasures of the Snow, loaned by Kathy Reed. Wonderful. Tonight my heart was pierced.

Grandmother says, “Annette, learn to forgive and be kind, and stop thinking yourself better than other people.” “I don’t.” “You do, or you would not find it so difficult to forgive them….When Jesus with His great love and forgiveness comes into our hearts there just isn’t room for unkindness and selfishness and unforgiving thoughts. They go like darkness when the sun shines in.”

“And there is something else besides unkindness that the love of Jesus casts out.

1 John 4:18-19 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear; because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.”

“Every day of your life ugly, angry, selfish thoughts will knock at the door and try to get in. Don’t try to push them back yourself; ask the Lord Jesus to meet them with His love. Think about the love of Jesus all you can. Read about the love of Jesus everyday in your Bible, and if you keep your heart full of it there just won’t be room for those thoughts to stay.”

“Read carefully all the story of the life of Jesus and think a great deal about the way that He loved, and remember that it’s that same love that came into your heart when you asked the Lord Jesus to come in.”

I’m already afraid I’ll fail at loving and being kind and unselfish. And I am afraid of letting go of pleasing myself. Giving this to Jesus.

Treasures of the Snow, Patricia M. St. John, pages 176-178, 189.