372 – Looking to Jesus

August 30, 1989 San Francisco

Dan prayed for a new heart for me that does not believe, get under condemnation. I pull it over me ALL the time, like I used to do depression—as though it were a monitor of if I am okay or not. And of course it always says, “no, you are separated from God, from your husband, from your children.”

Hebrews 12:1 …let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

² Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

³consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you do not grow weary and lose heart.

⁷Endure hardship as discipline.

¹²…strengthen your feeble arms…weak knees

¹⁴Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.

371 – Time Off, Job Prospect

August 24, 1989 San Francisco

We took the afternoon off and went to the Presidio Museum and the Fort Point Museum. We had a ½ hour tour led by an interesting guide, a history lesson for us all. We sat on the beach and watched the sailboats and windsurfers. After dinner we went swimming at the Bridgemont pool.

August 25

Dan went to the morning chapel at the school to hear Art Katz and in the evening I went to listen to listen to him.

August 27

We went to the Cow Palace to set up. We had car trouble so Howard could help us! A stranger who stepped forward.

Four hundred people came forward tonight.

August 28

Dan and Timmy went to the Crusade. Auntie Bev called and will be arriving this week.

August 29

Dan has an interview as a result of newspaper ad. It is for drafting job north of here in Petaluma. One hour and 10 minutes away. We would have to move. He would be a company man, full time, with benefits, 3 weeks vacation. This would mean no abacas class, no Japanese language lessons, no SF Foursquare church, no 19^th Avenue Japanese Baptist church. What is your will, Lord? And the boys would be restrained again, and not be able to go outside and play. This property is fenced and has play equipment. It has space and an inside swimming pool. Lord!!

August 30

Last night at the Cow Palace God healed cancer, arthritis, open heart surgery, crooked leg, diabetes and more. He is so good.

369 – Spirit Evidences

August 21, 1989 San Francisco

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges the thoughts and intents of the heart.

In the morning we went to a prayer meeting for the Mario Murillo Crusade. We got prayer for Tim’s jaw to move again so he could eat! We met Kenny, brought him home for lunch. Then Dan and Stevie passed crusade posters, saw a fight in a restaurant. Big news for the brothers.

In the evening we got the same front seats at the crusade. The boys were attentive, clapped tonight for every song. Praise the Lord!

The Spirit fell. Came over me—for my tongue being a sword!

There was expectation for tomorrow night’s meeting being one of miracles for the lame and the sick. [I am sorry that I have no report about it in my journal!]

August 23

Read Hebrews chapters 6-9

I sense a cleansing, and a new beginning. In my mind’s eye I see everything in me and in my life as pure white as snow. Step by step with my High Priest, my Intercessor, will I walk today, leaving behind the OLD and wrapped up in new life, encouraged, hopeful, pressing on, filled with the Holy Ghost.

I fully relinquish critical spirit as part of my personality. It is no longer! If it should come near I will by faith rebuke it. I will be content with what I have knowing my God is in control. I will receive wisdom as I cry out for it today, regarding ways of honoring my husband and loving and dealing with our children. I expect God’s provision in all areas. Amen and Hallelujah!

370 – Crusade Experiences

August 23, 1989 San Francisco

Sense a cleansing and a new beginning. In my mind’s eye I see everything in me and in my life as pure white as snow. Step by Step with my High Priest, My Intercessor, will I walk today, leaving behind the OLD, wrapped up in the new life and encouraged, hopeful, pressing on, filled with the Holy Ghost.

I fully relinquish a critical spirit as part of my personality. It is no longer! If it should come near I will by faith rebuke it—as with all lusts of the eye and flesh. I will be content with what I have knowing My God IS IN control. I will receive WISDOM as I cry out for it today regarding ways of honoring my husband and loving and dealing with our children. I expect God’s provision in all areas. Amen and Hallelujah!

August 25

Mario Murillo Crusade on Wed night, Dan received an infilling of the Spirit as powerful as the first laying on of hands in Reno. He received

Do not grow weary … you will reap! Galatians 6:9

Danny Herd, who was in charge of equipment and organization, said thanks to Dan—that he wished he had ten men like Dan.

The pastor of the church was extremely grateful for Dan and the boys cleaning up each evening before the crusade.

When Dan passed out posters of the Cow Palace Crusade in Hunters Point District, he said he was well received.

Timmy and Markie went forward for the baptism of the Holy Spirit!! Markie said he almost got pushed down by the Spirit, he was swaying back and forth, but didn’t want to fall.

Tim and Markie were prayed for by Caleb Quaye and Tim also was prayed for by Pastor Stewart and Mario Murillo’s wife. Praise God. His jaw is still in place. We will see what the Lord will do.

The Holy Spirit came on me in intercession and in love.

354 – Rejoice Instead

July 26, 1989 San Francisco

I am still obsessed with thoughts of pregnancy. I try to keep relinquishing it to the Lord. The trouble is that I know He is able to perform His will against all physical impediments. And I love miracles. And besides, every other day there is something to draw my attention to it. Today Mr. Rogers said—Oh, sometimes ladies feel wonderful when they’re pregnant, better than normal! So my mind turns that way. And I have friends who have the baby yearnings, also.

The boys had an autobiography of John Newton. Some of this is quoted, some is paraphrased.

Through ignorance and unbelief we often mistake the Lord’s dealings with us, and are ready to complain. If we knew all, we would rejoice instead! When our eye is fixed upon the Lord, we are more than conquerors over all that would withstand our progress.

Looking back, I see that mercy and goodness directed every step.

What our ignorance once called adversities and evils, were in reality blessings which we could not have done well without. Nothing befell us without a cause; no trouble came upon us sooner or pressed down more heavily or continued longer than our case required. Our many afflictions were, each in their place, among the means employed by divine grace and wisdom to bring us to the possession of that exceeding and eternal weight of glory which the Lord has prepared for His people.

Interesting. Be a rejoicing person. Be prayerful.

351- Prayer and Support

351 – Prayer and Support

April 3, 1989 Monday

Prayed believing prayers & verses. Still uptight. Everything is difficult!

In the afternoon I picked up Dennis Bennett’s book, 9:00 in the Morning, which Linda lent us. It is the story of his baptism in the Holy Spirit. Cried. Began praying in tongues.

Everything lifted. I became a changed person.

Till later… when I focused on the house mess. We have extra furniture from Deborah, clothes from Beth—aaaaaa! This place is too small for all of this!! Began praying in tongues again.

Yesterday I really looked at the boys’ Sunday schedule and marveled.

Sunday morning they have Sunday School – I teach Daniel, Dan teaches Mark and Stevie. There are no other students. Timmy goes with Helen’s class. Then the kids sit through the worship and teaching of the main service.

We go home for lunch and are back at the church at 4:30 for a meeting, then service at 6. There is no planned activity for them, yet they are amazingly content. Supernaturally content. God, you are supremely gracious as we go through these things.

April 5 – my 44^th birthday

God came through via Karen! She sent $50! We all went out to pizza!! Thank You so much, Jesus!

April 6

Victorious day!! Got prayer from Dan and good support from God!

349 – Lots of Encouragement

April 2, 1989 Sunday

I went forward for prayer for homeschool—that I could be Christ-like in it. We were instructed by Joyce to let God speak to us on the issue we had brought forth. I am not always trusting to do this, but took a risk and said, “okay, God—please speak!” In rapid succession, these verses popped into my mind:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me; My grace is sufficient for thee–for My strength is made perfect in weakness; whether you turn to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice behind you saying this is the way, walk in it.*

WOW He spoke completely by His Word!

I confided to Joyce that I had been up and down on this issue many times. She said very emphatically, “That sounds like doubt.” And it was.

Before the night meeting started, Joyce said she had prayed about our homeschooling (it was still something that few people did in 1989, and not everyone believed it was a good idea), and she felt the Lord had said: “The boys are at home because the constant change of friends and schools would end up being too traumatic over time. So He’s covering the bases.”

Dan prayed for a man who was a newcomer, and then the man prayed for Dan. He prayed that Dan would bring in the harvest, many souls, that we would go overseas, that our whole family would be involved in bringing people to the Lord. PRAISE GOD! The man himself was surprised at his own prayer! Dan wept.

Thank You for all of the encouragement, Lord.

*Philippians 4:13; 2 Corinthians 12:9; Isaiah 30:21.

347 – The Word Refreshes the Weary

347 – The Word Refreshes

the Weary

March 24, 1989

Feeling tired.

Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Reaping sounds like a good promise. I’ll take it.

March 25

God is teaching me faithfulness in the long haul as I keep on track with Him. I am to bear with my sons and come to Him for inspiration, revelation, joy, strength, empowerment of the Holy Spirit.

My goals for the boys:

Philippians 1:9 that your love may bound in knowledge and depth of insight so you are able to discern good and evil and be pure and blameless!

and be filled with the fruit of righteousness!

v 12 my chains (my struggle to stay upbeat, loving, fair, patient & kind) will encourage others.

My exhortation to myself from Philippians: be set on rejoicing!

v 19 It’s all going to work out through the prayers of the saints and the help of the Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit will bring my deliverance (the ability to rise above the circumstances which would pull me down otherwise)

v 20 Paul expects he will not be ashamed through all of his trials and he expects he will have sufficient courage to continue so Christ will be exalted through him.

v 21 Christ is my reason for living. All my life takes on meaning and relevance and purpose because of Christ.

v 25 Paul chooses to keep on so they will progress in the faith

so they will be joyful in growing and advancing. (I see this in my sons, a joy and a camaraderie)

NIV note: Paul puts the needs of those he ministers to ahead of his personal preference. Such an example.

346 – Identifying with Much-Afraid*

346 – Identifying with

Much-Afraid*

March 19, 1989 Sunday morning

I was led to read Psalm 128:3-4 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Yes, this will be the blessing for the man who fears the LORD.

Later reading Babar, a children’s book, to the kids: triplets were born! that causes my heart to skip.

March 20

Calling out to the Lord, as Much Afraid*, putting my hope in HIM.

March 21

Middle of the night, very nauseous.

Lay real still.

Cautious this a.m.

Rich food last night.

As I come to my Lord this morning I am NOT going to try to do this myself and be tough!

HELP SHEPHERD!

Let us get a pregnancy test. Let the truth, yea or nay, be known before we travel to Oxnard. I’m not going to try doing this on my own without YOU. I’m falling upon my precious Savior, BELIEVING You will SAVE ME and be a blessed Redeemer today for us all. I lay down my self will and accept your will, in abandonment, fully trusting You.

March 22 Up early to pray and humble myself before the Lord.

Humble yourselves–feeling very insignificant–in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.–He will lift you up and make your lives significant. James 4:10 Amplified

The squeeze of my family’s questionings and probing always concerns me before I go to visit them–and I see acutely the need I have for strength to stand in faith because I am so weak.

Habakkuk 3:17-18 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

NIV notes: Habakkuk has learned the lesson of faith—to trust God’s providence regardless of circumstances. He declares that even if God should send suffering and loss, he would still rejoice in His Savior God—one of the strongest affirmations of faith in all scripture.

v. 19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to tread on the heights.

NIV notes: He gives me sure-footed confidence.

You always meet me, Jesus, You always come to me in a way I can understand.

*Much-Afraid is the protagonist in Hannah Hurnard’s bestselling book Hinds’ Feet on High Places, an allegory published in 1955. Much-Afraid finds comfort and understanding and a new kind of accepting love from the Shepherd. She desires only to please Him and always turns to Him for advice. Her greatest joy is in serving Him. I identified with her and her relationship with Jesus on her spiritual journey.

345 – My Faith Gets Shaken

March 16, 1989

One night, ten years ago, when we were attending Bible school in Germany and I was anxious about the well being of my baby in the womb, and I was crying out to God, He gave me this verse. It is a precious promise that the children I bear are blessed by God.

Praise the Lord, O Jerusalem!
Praise your God, O Zion!
For He has strengthened the bars of your gates;
He has blessed your sons within you.
He makes peace in your borders;
He satisfies you with the finest of the wheat. Psalm 147:12-14

March 17, 1989

4am awakened with a distressing physical symptom.

Confused. If I cannot believe that all of the way we’ve come in this baby issue was Your leading –how can I believe You about Your leading to homeschool, Your leading that we are going to Japan….

Will I now have to question everything else that we are doing by faith?

Back to bed.

Felt waves of comfort and grace!

Dan was compassionate. He quoted:

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. Psalm 34:18-19

Dan came in later and said, “In some way that only God can do, this whole experience you are having is going to confirm our calling.”

I talked to God.

Dan said, rest and pray in the Spirit all day, not in words that could express doubt and fear.

So I began my day expecting Jesus to be very near to me and very real. Bless You, Savior.

The thought also came to me: to have another baby is not a selfish desire of mine—that is a lie. To have been home already for ten years and if I had another baby, it would add five more years to the tail end of that. I know myself well enough that I know I would not choose that. Yet, if a baby is God’s will for us, I would gladly do this for Him, for His will, for His plan.

This lifted me also, encouraged me. It is the will of the Lord I am seeking. Yes, my heart is pure about this.