116- God’s Revealed Will For Us

116- God’s Revealed Will

For Us

November 22, 1983

Dan has been heavy and burdened. Today I felt such compassion for the frustrations he was feeling and I asked God to please speak to Dan about His will for us. My best friend’s husband, Paul, came over to get some teaching tapes from us, totally out-of-the-blue, spontaneous, and unusual.

He knew we were reviving our interest in Dan getting more training so that we could get to Japan and fulfill our calling.

He had come primarily because he felt he had a word from the Lord for us:

“there is a family and a house waiting to receive you or in the process of being prepared for you. They will appreciate your strong commitment to the Lord and His work. Love is waiting for your family. The Lord is saying: go north, far north, and do not put off applying the school there. People there are professional, stable, mature.”

Dan took this word to heart and set to work on his application to Elim Bible Institute in upstate New York. We sent it off a few weeks later. He also applied himself to completing the finishing touches to our solar house so we could put it on the market.

Besides our pastor’s sermons and the books we were reading, many visiting speakers to our church fueled our enthusiasm in trusting in Jesus and living our lives full of faith in Him.

Anthony Campolo spoke at our church and we also listened to his messages on the Christian radio station, KNIS. Campolo said:

*it’s okay to be poor if it’s because you’ve given everything away.

*we need to cry over the things God cries over.

*be yielded and surrendered so Jesus can use you.

*Jesus didn’t preach prosperity.

Paul arriving with a word for us on the day I had prayed was remarkable. We had been waiting and praying for a breakthrough and this was it.

115- Have You Heard Of….?

115- Have You Heard of ….

September 18, 1983

Have you heard of a condition called Erythema multiforme? Writing it brings up my emotions as I remember our son’s experience.

Erythema multiforme (EM) is an acute, self-limited, and sometimes recurring skin condition that is considered to be a type IV hypersensitivity reaction associated with certain infections, medications, and other various triggers. Erythema multiforme may be present within a wide spectrum of severity. (from emedicine.medscape.com)

During exceptional events, life is so disorganized that journaling does not happen. My journal skips from September 18 to September 24.

Such was the case when Mark (#3 son), age 18 months, woke up one morning with alarming signs of bruising on his torso. He had not fallen, it was not an injury. We were flummoxed. We took him to the pediatrician, and she put him in the hospital. She said it was a disease that she had heard of but never dealt with.

We immediately called the church prayer chain and friends responded heroically to help us out with babysitting, meals, and every support possible.

Because of Mark’s young age, his hospital crib, which was tall enough for him to stand up in, had strong bars and looked like a cage. The bruising increased and moved around on his body. It looked like he had been severely physically abused. We got many strange looks from people.

Elders from our church and friends came to the hospital to pray.

Mark did exceptionally well in his ordeal. Friends’ prayers brought tons of grace to his spirit and he was not afraid. All of the nurses loved him.

Our friends’ prayers sustained us also.

Life happens. There is no substitute for being in a Bible-teaching church and making good friends there. You can be there for them and they will be there for you in the good times and the stressful times. We have never been more than a few weeks between churches, and in 40 years and living in several US cities we have had many excellent church experiences and only a few bad ones.

114- We Are Blessed!

114- We are blessed!

November 1, 1983

I went to Dr. Ruiz and had a positive urine test! I’m pregnant! Due in June.

God, You have definitely been preparing me and as I look at You I am at peace and in joy. In September I suspected, but with Mark being sick and in the hospital I was so distracted and stressed, I could not be sure.

When I consider facing my parents and 95% of my Christian friends my blood runs cold because they will see us as foolish. SPEAK, LORD. I NEED A RHEMA FROM YOU!

HEBREWS 10:38 Now the just shall live by faith; but if anyone draws back, My soul has no pleasure in him.

Habakkuk 2:4c But the just shall live by his faith.

Dan gave me: Psalm 23:3b He leads me in the paths of righteous for HIS NAMESAKE.

It is for Jesus’ namesake that I go this way—hallelujah!

Tynale Commentary on the Bible on Psalm 23:3: The righteous one (whether an individual or a group) who belongs to God and whose trust continues in God and His promises SHALL LIVE, i.e., shall survive the present trial and receive His eternal reward. If, however, he DRAWS BACK THROUGH fear, God shall have no pleasure in him.

Dan also gave me: Psalm 128:1-4 Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways….Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.

Our sons were 4, 3, and 1 when I had the positive pregnancy test! And, yes, people’s mouths fell open as the word got around that baby #4 was due in June.

As I re-read this post of my journal entries, I sound a little like a kook! But Dan and I have walked by faith our entire experience with Jesus. We have wanted to hear from Him and we have wanted to please Him by obeying Him. If others did not understand us, it was hard to bear sometimes, but it was okay. He always made sure we had at least one or two people who got it –because they lived that way also, or because they wished they could live in that kind of faith and they admired us for doing it. As the years have passed, we have matured, and we still walk by faith, seeking Him, listening and waiting for His word.

111- A Letter from Susan

111- A Letter from Susan

I received this letter within a few weeks of Jeanette’s letter (blog #110). I felt it was very sweet of Jesus to balance the first one out with the second one. He is always very gentle with me.

Susan was another special friend in our church. Praise God, I had not insulted her! She packs a lot into this letter: encouragement that I had strength and wisdom, and assurance that I would give no condemnation; that I was approachable and real and would not judge her. And even an offer to babysit! This is a cherished word, even as I read it today.

July 1983

Dear Georgann, You may think it’s a little strange to get a letter like this, but I really feel like you need some encouragement and I write a lot better than I talk.

For several months I’ve had a gut feeling about going to you with worries or confusion about several things because I feel instinctively that you have a lot of strength and no-nonsense wisdom to apply to areas where I am far too emotional to be objective. I also thought of you because I felt no matter how you saw the issue, even to the point of setting me straight if necessary, that I would not be subjected to any personal condemnation.

When Bobby and I realized we had to take some drastic action to make our marriage work, we had a lot of options and a wide range of people to choose from but both felt he should talk to Dan because you two are making it in the midst of the nitty-gritty of life, rather than making it because there are no problems. And of no less importance, you are approachable and real, and we felt we would suffer the least amount of embarrassment (Christians aren’t supposed to have marital problems).

The only reason I haven’t come to you before is that I haven’t seen an opportunity to talk privately. I probably should have made an opportunity.

At any rate, I don’t think you’re seeing yourself accurately (remember our hearts deceive even ourselves) and what I see is a calm strength and depth of character that is much to be envied.

Lastly, if you want to ditch the kids for an afternoon, I have a big yard and a little dog who just adores kids.

Sincerely,

Susan

110- A Letter from Jeanette

110- A Letter from Jeanette

I must have deeply insulted Jeanette. I admired then, and I do now, that she wrote me a heartfelt, loving letter as a way of initiating the healing process between us.

July 6, 1983

Dear Georgann, I have a burden in my heart for you and myself. I am praying for more discernment and the capability to perceive and communicate in a way the Lord would want me to.

I prayed the hurt I have would heal. God has answered my prayer.

He has given me a vision.  I pray you will be open to receive what the Lord has revealed to me.

I saw a beautiful stone with rough and ugly edges on it. The Lord wants this stone to be polished, to be a perfect and precious jewel.

I believe the Lord is using me as a tool to pray for you and tell you He wants you to rest and be at peace and not be defensive to yourself and others in your role as Mother.

I still love you as my friend even though I was deeply hurt. I praise God that he has shown me that the hurt doesn’t matter. I need only to step out in faith and continue to love my sister in Christ.

Philippians 1:3-10 I thank my God upon every remembrance of you… being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the thins that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God.

My dear sister, it hurts to be polished and shaped in the way the Lord wants us to be, but praise God what beautiful results and masterpieces He will have when He gets done with us.

Love, Jeanette

You can hear that she is past anger and in the process of healing from the pain I inflicted on her. You can hear her pure heart. You can hear the love. Our friendship survived. 

106- Love and Comfort

 106- Love and Comfort

I wanted to title this: Love and comfort coming from fasting, from the Word, from a friend, and from praising God.

But it would have been too long.

June 28, 1983 I’m fasting breakfast and lunch, but I will eat something after devotions-

In reading certain latter chapters in Isaiah, so much comfort comes out. I feel that God wants me to receive it. But how do I know that I can legitimately receive what is written to Israel?

Later after reading Wycliffe commentary and talking to Dan I found out: it’s okay to BELIEVE and RECEIVE what was written to Israel!

June 29

I had to STOP READING yesterday. So much love was pouring out I was not able to receive it.

Wycliffe says chapters 40-66 is called, The Volume of Comfort.

June 30

At Homemaking Bible Study we praised God and then prayed for Eva V. She kept looking at me saying she loved me. (Why am I always surprised when people express caring for me?) She is leaving her house—just moving away to follow what she feels is Jesus’ leading. She expects her husband to buy the house, but is not sure! We asked her about how she is always singing and praising so loudly. She said, “In Tulsa the churches praise like that and the Lord comes and people fall over as He sweeps over them. He loves it.”

When we praised the Lord with Eva’s loud singing filling the room, we were all encouraged and filled with joy. We will miss our friend!

105- Not Worthy? That’s a Lie.

105- Not Worthy?

That’s a Lie!

In the original entry this encompassed more thoughts and verses. I simplified it.

June 27, 1983

I think I just saw something!!

Psalm 51:6 Behold, You desire TRUTH in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

There is a lie in my innermost being that continually says I am not worthy.

YES, THERE IS A LIE. WHAT IS THE LIE, FATHER? EXPOSE IT PLEASE.

Is there an incident, a person,  or a sin my mother passed on to me?

I think—all I need to do is BELIEVE I am worthy—

The flesh says: you will be a traitor to me if you believe you are loved. You would not be as I have trained you to be—willful, selfish, spoiled, negative, impatient.

But I say: I am in the image of my heavenly Father. The fruit of His Spirit is to flow from me continually.

I am free to love my children as an imperfect person and I am free to not expect them to be perfect.

I am free to let Christ himself live through me.

The chains are broken to my flesh, my house, my past.

I am free to let go and enjoy my husband and my children.

I am free to trust Christ.

I am free TO TRUST CHRIST.

I am free to be near or leave my parents and sisters.

I am free to leave Reno, Life Center, the safety of the known for the unknown.

74- An Active Life

74- An Active Life

I remembered today (March 18, 2017) that I had a box of our old calendars in the garage. It appears I have all the years from 1977 to 2016!

Consulting the 1982  wall calendar, I noticed we had a very busy life: we scheduled lunches and dinners with friends 3 or 4 or 5 times a month and caught every special speaker at church. Dan was working part-time in the next town, Carson City, pre-recording his daily program at KNIS, the Christian radio station. We were sick quite a bit with colds and went to the pediatrician’s office for well-baby checks and sick visits a couple or a few times a month. Dan was attending the leadership class at church called the Servant’s Class one night a week, and the boys and I were in a Bible study/mothers’ support group a couple of mornings a month at my friend Michelle’s house.

Subtract the dog, add two speeding boys and another kitten, then color her hair brown!

We hosted a Bible study on Wednesday nights at our house and later attended one at the home of another family.

AND THEN, I was strongly encouraged by a good friend to take a position at the Christian school teaching science to the junior high kids. I was not qualified and not confident and I can’t fake anything. Yet, I succumbed to her enthusiasm that I could do it and that it would be great. It lasted a month and my journal reports that it was encouraging to be with the other solid Christian teachers and school staff and that I did okay with the students. The good that came out of it was that I knew I wanted to raise my kids myself, and not turn them over to a babysitter for a few hours every day and have her raise them. So that was that.

We tried the Natural Family Planning system of birth control through the Catholic Church. I had to do a daily charting which I will not describe, and a nun wearing a gray and white mid-length dress and a headscarf, Sister Julianna, came to see us once a month for consultation. After dinner one night, I remember her good-natured laugh as she watched Timmy and Stephen zipping gleefully around the living room: “They feed off each other, don’t they?”

Best friends, Timmy & Stephen. And their cute baby kittens.

And they did.

The new baby, now four months old, would be be joining their rambunctiousness soon. [And with another new little brother joining the ranks in a year-and-a-half, it was a bustling life we lived, especially as little boys are tireless!]

65- Pride is the Problem and Jesus is Calling

65- Pride is the Problem and Jesus is Calling

Nov 2, 1981 – We are still attending The Pursuit of Holiness (A.W. Tozier) Wednesday night classes at church under Gene’s teaching. Last night I felt I heard from the Lord: “Pride is the problem I am dealing with in you. PRIDE is the root of your discontent. I see your trials.” [Specifically: home alone day after day with the boys, pregnancy and its limitations, being a homemaker (not out in the workforce), bronchitis, anemia, having to quit babysitting, being of little use in ministry.]

This morning, weakness was overtaking me. All I could think is, “I cannot cope.” The boys’ whining put me in tears. I thought of all sorts of escapes—leaving them with a friend for the day, staying in bed all day, going for counseling. But a verse came to mind from class last night:

Romans 8:26-27 And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words. And He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

I prayed this, having not the gift of tongues, but desperately asking the Spirit to pray for my weakness.

And I was IMMEDIATELY strengthened in His might. Amen. I was immediately strengthened in my attitude and my emotions and even physically. Amen. Praise God!

My perspective changed. I was able to meet the boys’ needs, be kinder. I got my eyes off of me me me and experienced the love and joy of the Lord.

Jan 20, 1982  In praying, God revealed the great LOG of PRIDE toward most of humanity! He was pointing out that I have been gravitating toward the COOL people! I am shocked, but it is so true. I have been getting strokes from having friends of a certain status, thinking that associating with them makes me ‘okay.’  At the same time I have been distancing myself from certain other people. WRONG!

I was thinking of a really pious note I could write to Jim and Lissa about being glad I could identify with the drunk, the whore, the drug taker, the liar –since I was once there. And yet here I am now relating to a proud group of people and enjoying it. JUST AS BAD!

So I timidly say, “Lord, change me.”

I no longer say, as I did when I was single: “change me whatever the cost.” Then, it was only me that would suffer. Now I could lose so much—Dan and the boys.

Pull me back, Lord. I hear you calling me!

Jesus is calling!